What about CDing makes you happy?

[virginia522]

I am dating a crossdresser. We have been together for a year now and I found out about it about 3 months ago. I found out from seeing this website on his computer, so I joined and am trying to learn everything I can about crossdressing.

One of the things I would like to know is why people enjoy crossdressing? What about it makes them happy? What do you get out of it that you cannot get when dressed as a man?

My boyfriend cannot answer these questions yet. He is very confused and embarrassed about crossdressing and doesn't know what it means to him yet. He can't think of what about it makes him happy. He says he comes here to this forum to try to fit in, and even admits that he edits his posts several times before posting them to try to make them read like the style that most of you write in, in order to fit in. Do any of you do this as well

Thanks in advance for your help. I appreciate any comments/ advice.

[Maria Ann]

Welcome to the forums Virginia. For quite a few of us it is a way for us to relax,and some do it for sexual reasons. For me it is for relaxation. There are a lot of very helpful posts in all of the different forums on here, here is a link to a very recent one that might be of help to you: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?160900-Found-Out-Yesterday-Please-Help-Me-Understand.&highlight=just+found+out+yesterday

[virginia522]

Thanks Anna! .

[Kaz]

Hi Virginia,

Welcome to the forum. This is a tough question to answer because I am still trying to figure it out myself after a lifetime of realising this aspect of me.

It works on so many different levels and you will get loads of different answers from people with different views.

My starter for ten is that the feeling of skirts, stockings/tights/pantyhose, high heels, even having false boobs strapped to your chest is just amazing! It is very hard to explain to someone who has the right to wear whatever they want, whenever they want, almost wherever they want... that there are some men who would die to be able to experience the feeling of a skirt blowing in the wind, the feeling as it catches some sheer hose, and the trip on the stilletos... there is a world to experience out there and being able to walk proud in clothes that feel good is an amazing experience. My usual Levi 501s and checky shirt... and boring mail undergarb... would a girl really want to wear this shit? OK the answer is yes... and that asks another question... it is okay for women to wear jeans and checky shirts and even mail underwear...(I know loads of young women who do for fun!)... but for me to wear stockings, skirt and high heels?...

So what am I saying... there is an issue about the feeling you get when wearing the clothes... I also associate with women more than men. They are more significant people. Men are generally neanderthals.. capable but stupid... when it comes to some politicians, I would question capable. But some of us are a little different. And it is amazing how many people here are extremely creative people.

Your boyfriend should just go for his style rather than trying to fit in... the best posts here are those that cause us to think about things. At the end of the day... we are here to both earn and also to teach/coach/advise... just pass on knowledge... I could talk about certain people I engage with frequently, but that wouldn't be right, or fair... your SO needs to find his own space...

What I would like to emphasise is that I am not gay (though some of us are and I have loads of gay friends so feel totally comfortable around this issue), I love my wife without question, I will always protect my family above all else, I am just a CD... It has taken me a lifetime to accept it and try to deal with it.. I just hope that others can do this less painfully... xx

[NathalieX66]

Everyone is different.
For me, it's about expressing this side of me.......not all the time, just sometimes.
When you think about how many things women do collectively: grow hair long, get pierced ears, shaved legs, the myriad of jewlery and accessories, dresses, skirts, pants, flats, heels, makeup, this, that, and we see women exploring various fashion choices each day while guys dress almost the same way every day......well some of us guys to experience what women do too!. BTW, did you ever enjoy a pedicure ore manicure?.....just asking.

And you factor in the fact that it's socially acceptable for women to wear pants, become CEO's, drive race cars, climb telephone poles to fix wires, fly helicopters on combat missions, etc.

Yeah, I have a pretty normal guy side: I restore old cars ( my 1957 Ford), I do carpentry, plumbing & electrical, and I like sports as much as the next guy, and my favorite thing is playing guitar. i'm just tired of social barriers.

And yes, I also have a strong femme identity, which I like to go out as the other gender once in a while. I don't do this to make a statement, I do this to be me.

I think there's always the perception that there's a sexual component, which is true for some, and that's fine, and not a bad thing. Testosterone does what it does.....The human imagination is what it is.

However some of us feel the need to part from the sexual , and embody a true femme self without the male libido involved for a short while.......and maybe for a few people, forever. It doesn't make us any less men (unless a guy want to transition into a woman), it just makes us more interesting.

[sissystephanie]

Virginia, welcome to our family. Yes, we are like a family! I have been a crossdresser for 70 years. I dress simply because I like to! I have no desire to become a woman, I just like to dress like one. I had a dear wife, who fully accepted my crossdressing, for almost 50 years before cancer took her. Males who crossdress do so for many different reasons, and many of them, like your boyfriend, really don't know why they do! I started at age 6 wearing my sisters panties, and it grew from there. But I still don't know why I like to!! I just do!! That doesn't really answer your question, but maybe it cannot be answered!!

[virginia522]

Kaz, Thanks. I agree men should be able to experience those things (skirts blowing, panty hose etc.) if they so choose. What scared me about my boyfriend was that it seemed as though his entire personality changed when reading the posts and he really became someone else.

Thanks Nathalie, Yes I have gotten manicures and pedicures and they are great, and I think men should definitely experience them too if they want to, whether they are crossdressers or not! :) My boyfriend has assured me that it's not sexual for him either, which is a relief to me.

Thanks Stephanie. I've been wondering whether or not there is an answer to the question. Therapists have told my boyfriend and I that there may not be a reason why he does this, so I think maybe you are right. There may not be a reason for it.

[cdtraveler]

Dear Virginia,

Thanks for the post. Hope your boy friend understands how fortunate he is that you care enough to try and understand his dressing desires. I've been dressing since I was 8 or 9 years old and for as long as I can remember the experience of connecting with the fem side of my personhood connects me to a calmness and centerness I can't find elsewhere. While I don't need to or care to dress full time, the experience of wearing women's clothing and fashion items and the act of trying to act enfem is both fun, interesting and meaningful in a way I'm not sure I'd be able fully explain. It just is the way it is and at one time I too felt ashamed by it.

Today, I'm happily married yet my SO doesn't know and I haven't come out to her because I'm not sure she'd be able to reconcile it in her mind and I don't want to lose her or my kids. The interesting thing about that though is that if she were to ever find out, what's really changed? I'm still me. Now granted her perception of me and what she considers normal or acceptable from a gender role perspective would be rocked to it's core but in reality I'd still be me- the person she fell in love with, and who is doing a great job raising our kids with her in the best possible way we know how.

Bottom line, figuring out why may take a lifetime and you may never definately know for sure but hey you at least get to see things for what they truely are and as long as you retain your boundries and can express your needs relative to your guy's male role, I suspect you'll be able to make the right calls for yourself.

Hope this helps you in some way.

Amanda

[Karren H]

Nothing really. I don't do this to make me happy. I do this because I have to do this... Plain and simple. What would make me happy is if I didn't have to do it....

[Diana Bain]

One of the things I would like to know is why people enjoy crossdressing? What about it makes them happy? What do you get out of it that you cannot get when dressed as a man?

My boyfriend cannot answer these questions yet.

Welcome Virginia. Many of us here wish we knew the answers. It varries from person to person. I'm compelled to explore this part of me...I find that "Diana" is a real person...with her own tastes and style...she has no real wish to dress in mens clothes. I think you'll find most of us here enjoy the "tactical feel" of womens wear. Now "why"...I wish I knew...but at 58 I have accepted "that I am who I am" and I love and embrace both parts of me and my wife does too!

[VanessaJCD]

For me it's the feel of the clothing on my skin, the look of my hands with nails on, the process of putting makeup on and making myself a little prettier, the struggle to walk in heels and having long blonde hair again. It softens me and helps me see another side of life.

[rebecca.cross2]

What about it makes me happy. Doing it does make me happy. I am not sure if I can point it out as one thing. It is more being able to express my female self as a hole. It builds up like a calling from inside and being able to dress up just makes me feel at ease and comfortable. I see myself as a man most of the time, but every once in a while there is a part of me that begs to dress as a woman and present as a woman. It is and has always been more than "just putting on clothes".

[LeaP]

Nothing really. I don't do this to make me happy. I do this because I have to do this... Plain and simple. What would make me happy is if I didn't have to do it....

Exactly.

Since coming completely out with my wife, I don't even feel the urgency about it that I once did. But it's there - all the time. I just feel more integrated than I once did. If there's a change, it's that I've allowed my inner personality to drift full-time into the TG zone where it naturally seems to center. Hopefully that makes sense. It describes how I feel more than how I think.

Lea

[Sophie86]

My boyfriend has assured me that it's not sexual for him either, which is a relief to me.

That's interesting. When I first told my wife, she thought that it was just sexual, and she was okay with that. When she discovered that it went deeper than that, the idea made her far more uncomfortable with it. She was worried at first that I was eventually going to want to transition.

I find it very hard, though, to answer the question of what makes me happy about crossdressing. I think it pushes a lot of different buttons for me, sexual, sensual, and psychological. I've been doing it for about 35 yrs--with a few long breaks mixed in--and I really don't have it sorted out.

When I was a teenager and in my twenties, it seemed primarily sexual. With so many ways to get off, though, why choose that one? Why would that do it for me more than anything else? I couldn't say at the time. Any other reasons for it were washed out by the intense sexual excitement. Now that the sexual thrill has waned a bit (not completely), I find that I still enjoy it, and those other reasons are easier to discern.

One is that I like to feel pretty. I don't have a clue what women find attractive in a guy. I mean, I can see it in male models, but I'm never going to look like that, so what would be their second choice? I just don't know, so I have never been able to consciously dress or act in a way that I thought women would find attractive. Dressing as a woman, I don't have that problem. I know exactly what I find attractive, so I can just dress like that, et voila, I'm sexy! It's just a really good feeling to look in the mirror, and say "Wow! I look good (http://youtu.be/CfpF-h-iWVk)."

Another thing is that I've never liked the stereotypical macho attitudes and behaviors that men are supposed to exhibit. I've had to play the game in order to blend in, and keep myself from being a target of ridicule, but I've never liked it. Crossdressing helps pull me out of that state of mind. It makes me feel softer, more gentle, more patient.

In my late twenties, I started to notice how it could serve as a refuge. I would spend the day working with a bunch of construction workers, trying not to let anybody be more alpha than me, and I could feel all that testosterone just pushing my blood pressure through the roof. Then I would come home, put on something girly and all the tension would slowly ebb out of me.

From there we could talk about my dad, and what an asshole he could be, and how I idolized my mom, who is a saint, etc, etc.

It's all tied together in my brain in a sort of Gordian Knot (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordian_knot). :)

[JulieK1980]

Welcome to the forum!

I've wondered my entire life and searched my entire life for an answer as to why. I never did find one. The only thing I know for sure is that it is in fact a part of me, and does in fact make me happy. Eventually I gave up searching, and just accepted that part of me.

A lot of us, do have separate personalities when it comes to crossdressing too. I'm not 100% sure why. Maybe it's a defense mechanism for doing something that is often considered taboo, or maybe it's just an extension of the crossdressing, and taking on a role that is more "feminine" in the mind of the crossdresser.

[Cynthia Anne]

On Karrens comment I have to agree with her! This is who I am! BORN WITH? I think so! Just to be me helps me from going the rest of the way insane! So it's not a sexual thing with me neither! It's just me! Hugs to the both of you!

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I have no idea.
I do it because it is part of me, a necessity to make me feel complete. I am contented when I am dressed because I am me and true to be me. I will be happy when I no longer fear others per-conceived ideas on who I should be just because I do not fit their idea of who I should be. I do get excited though when I am shopping :)

[litlejohn]

The more I get to do it the happier I become. I like most started out as a sexual fantasy but it has grown into more of just who I think I am. I almost hate my everyday work clothes, comes from being in them for 16 hrs a day but that is life, and to clean up and turn into this beautiful lady is so relaxing and fullilling at the same time. Best wishes on your journey together. P.S. I proof read my messages to but mostly for spelling.lol

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Virginia, great to have you on the forum asking questions :)

CDing makes me happy because I feel relaxed, natural and just plain old at ease. I still don't know why i do this, but I do know that if I don't I'll go crazy. I just love the way a skirt / dress feels on me, and the amazing transformation make up and a wig can make.

Reading posts here and asking questions has taught me a lot about myself, hopefully you'll find out a lot about your boyfriend as well (my wife still scratching her head though, even after several visits here lol).

Tash :)

[Tina B.]

I'm another, that does not do it because it makes me happy, I do it because I'm driven to it, and become another person that I don't like if I don't. There are many here that will tell you that they just do it for the fun, but for most of us, we can't say why, I'm 67, and have been doing it for 60 years, and still can't say why, But I know, I can't stop doing it.
Tina B.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

As you can see from all the previous posts, this is a tough one to answer. Even the shrinks with their 8 years of college can't explain it, and just try to deal with it instead.

People love to think in black and white. In this case its Male and Female. Males are this way, and Females are that way. It's nice and simple, but it's not reality. As in most things black and white, there are innumerable shades of gray in between. I would venture a guess that crossdressers fall somewhere in that gray area.

So maybe I can help you understand by answering your questions with some other questions that you may find a little more easy to relate to.

Q: Have you ever known a "Tomboy". Some like doing some boy things, others like doing a lot of boy things, and then some others you would swear are boys. They obviously fall into that gray area.
A: I think that we are the male equivalent of the tomboy - it's just that a male version of a tomboy (a tomgirl?) has never been socially accepted. Being "tomgirls" and falling in that gray area makes a part of us lean to the female side to some degree.


Q: Have you ever gone clothes shopping, tried something on and you just couldn't wait to rip it off because it actually felt alien? Then on the other hand, you try something on and it just "clicks" because it's "you". It makes you feel pretty and special. The aesthetics of it just make you feel that you are in complete harmony with the world and it makes you smile on the inside as well as the outside.
A: Since we are to some extent female, we get the same thrill. Can you imagine having to go to work in an employer supplied uniform that yo absolutely hate? That's what it's like for many of us every single day when we have to wear "drab" guy clothes.

Q: If you are getting ready for some special function, when you look in the mirror and see a pretty woman looking back at you, how do you feel? Don't you feel good about yourself, and maybe a little warm and dreamy inside?
A: You have no idea how that appeals to our female side just as it does to you.

Q: How would you feel in you woke up on morning and you were hairy all over your body and were completely flat chested. No boobs whatsoever! Would you feel awkward and incomplete, and would you do anything to compensate for your loss?
A: That's how many of us feel as well!

I hope this helps a little bit. I could think of more, but I'd rather not rattle on and on......

[SamanthaS]

Hmmmmmmmmm ;) I love the feeling of silk against my skin, the tightness and feel of nylon wrapped against my legs and butt. I enjoy starting out looking at a male in the mirror when I apply my makeup, then seeing a somewhat attractive woman when I finish. I love to look at Samantha in the full length mirror and turning to see my outfit from every angle. Oh, and lets not forget to mention the drive to a destination and feeling the breeze around your legs as your skirt flows in the soft breeze and the sound your high heels makes on the concrete. Ok, turned myself on ;) gotta go. Hope that helped?

[audreyinalbany]

Virginia,
Well you know the old story: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." That's pretty much the way I fell about my cross dressing. I genuinely like and respect women. I admire them. Not just the clothes they wear, but their whole way of being in the world. I have no desire to become one, but I sure like pretending sometimes.

[Ellyn]

I cannot explain it, but if you were to ask why, I think the answer is found in early childhood. I can remember as a very young child hearing women say, "Oh, he is too pretty to be a boy". Maybe it was my blond hair and angelic face. While still pre-school, my sister would conscript me too play house, which involved dressing me up and directing the family tea party with her as the Mom, my brother as the Dad, and me as her little girl. So maybe it was an acceptance of some kind which was fixed into my brain forever. I have tried various items on, and always felt some sort of comfort. Probably there are many motr who can think back to thins which happened in early childhood.

[Stephanie47]

Welcome Virginia. I believe the desire to cross dress is something I was born with or developed a mind set for early on. My first adventure into wearing my mother's clothing had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Mom just hung her slips to dry in the bathroom and I decided to try them on. Fast forward to the teen years and cross dressing was a sexual expression and gratification of a horny teenage male. Once I learned there was some gratification to cross dressing, I became hooked. It would have been a lot easier if I became hooked on fishing. Fast forward several decades and I am now a mature cross dresser, who gets no sexual satisfaction from cross dressing. It bring me peace and tranquility from some of the male crap I had to endure and survive. When en femme Steve becomes Stephanie and does "womanly" things. There are some on this site, including I, who find relief from warfare induced PTSD by cross dressing. Frankly, if I (we) could understand why I (we) cross dress, then I (we) could decide to NOT be a cross dresser. Until then, I (we) can only develop self acceptance and toss off the yoke of self loathing. It took me a long time to accept myself, but, ultimately it should come to your BF.

[RenneB]

Well welcome Virginia glad to see you here. I found that I had a girl side back when I was five. I figured in time, I would just wish it and then I'd be a girl. Well wishing didn't work and so for the next four decades, I've been on again / off again in full fem mode. Oh there was a time when I would enjoy it sexually but that fadded and now it's what I do to get comfortable. Today for example, all alone in the house and en fem so I laid down on the bed to rest my eyes (it was a tough maskara day in the mirror) and I had a little nap. Felt great. Got up went outside and took the car for gas and did a little window shopping. I'm so much more relaxed in what I consider my real identity. I just wish the rest of the world would get over their phobias of whatever and let life happen.

Renne..... (like the singer says - I was born this way)

[britney_me]

Hmmm...crossdressing does bring some sexual arousal but beside that I love girls clothes, bras, panties, sequin,silk, lace, tights...lips stick, belly rings, accessories, Victorias Secret and PINK. I love Women's clothing and designs way too much especially the funky wild clothes.

[LeaP]

I'll add this to my previous response: When I'm engaged in dressing activities it feels peaceful in a very particular way. The closest I can come to describing it is how a child appears when playing alone, humming or singing, happily occupied and at one with their world. That conveys some things that don't apply, too. I don't feel alone, for example, nor do I feel childlike. The in-the-zone mindset, innocence, and lack of self-conscious happiness and peace are the analogous impressions. No conflicts, no posing, no mask.

Lea

[suchacutie]

Welcome! One thing you'll certainly find here is a wide variety of opinions and ideas!

For me, the question doesn't really apply. It's not an issue of "happy" or "sad". I'm 61 and we only found Tina 6 years ago. I can agree that feminine attire is sensual, but the process for me is also not sexual. Talking about Tina with my wife, learning about the varieties of transgenderism, and actually transforming to spend time as Tina brings satisfaction! Tina has always been a part of me, but had not seen the light of day until this last decade. Letting her have a physical and mental life lets us explore who she is and how she has influenced my life (and continues to do so). This satisfaction cannot be theoretical but must be lived, and transforming to Tina does just that!

So, it comes down to allowing myself to be the complete person I wasn't before!

[Angie G]

For me It's part relaxation and part that I do have a vary strong girly side. I'm just happier when I dress pretty.:hugs:
Angie

[Kittyagain]

I read every reply and just can't add much more than my wife says it must be like chocolate to women. I like chocolate. It is very tasty but not more than that. To a lot of women though, it makes them feel really good.

Kitty

[virginia522]

Thanks everyone. This has been really helpful!

[Toni Citara]

Everything from shopping for something to wear, trying on shoes, racing home to try on my new outfit, it all seems so enjoyable.

[Kelsey D]

For me, it is just the enjoyment of that girl look. I have so much respect for women, and I really like the way things look on them. I guess I just really like to experience that kind of look. Mostly clothes wise. I don't have too much experience, but every time I look in the mirror with a nice top and that feminine figure, it makes me happy to be able to just have that look. The funny thing is, I don't look at shopping as a hobby, but I guess I understand why girls are into it so much. Different clothes, different styles, just being able to look a certain way. It's so cool. I also get a slight sexual arousal out of it too, but I do like being male. Although I guess if I were offered to be genetically a woman for the rest of my life, I would take it. Now I just confused myself. Okay, I'm just going to stop talking now.

[April Sunday]

Virginia,
Well you know the old story: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." That's pretty much the way I fell about my cross dressing. I genuinely like and respect women. I admire them. Not just the clothes they wear, but their whole way of being in the world. I have no desire to become one, but I sure like pretending sometimes.

I'm with Audrey. I love women so much that I like to pretend that I am one. I know I can never really be one of them, but it's rewarding to try. At least all the research I'm doing to pass better gives me lots of topics to discuss with my women friends!

[Joanne Curl]

the best answer I can give is I like to be pretty.

[Ann Thomas]

For me, the answer to your question, "What about CDing makes me happy" has been changing as I get older. For me it's very complex.

It started out before I reached puberty as a desire to feel silky clothing, and I loved the bright jewelry. It may have also been the attention I got, or maybe my desire for acceptance - I'm not sure because it was so long ago and I was very young.

As I progressed through my youth, it grew into a more sexual fulfillment, and at that age, it's no wonder. At the time, I did not connect my early years feelings with the ones during my high school years.

As I fought the feelings and desires as I aged, I tried everything I could to suppress it, and was in deep denial about what it truly was to me.

Finally in my late 30's I figured it was not something that would go away. I gradually came to accept, then to embrace the feelings I had.

Now, I'm in a place where I realize that I like the feelings of the swishy skirts, the makeup, the hair, I got my ears pierced and love the feeling of dangley ones touching the side of my neck. Yes, there's still a bit of sexual feelings going on, but far, far less than ever before. That's because I found that the more I dressed en femme, the less I have sexual urges related to it. If I suppress the urges to dress en femme, then it all comes out in a big explosion later.

I also find that when not dressed, I get really irritable. If feel much more at peace when dressed female, overall. that does not mean I have ups and downs regardless of what I'm wearing at the time.

For me it all comes down to accepting myself. I think once I crossed that bridge, things became much better for me. I still have strong desires to be accepted as a complete person by others, and that's my next major bridge, which I am crossing now. I still find I struggle with being in denial about things, thinking that having that one additional thing (whatever it might be) out in the open will mean I am not accepted or acceptable.

Hope that helps a bit. I wasn't able to read all the other posts in depth so it might be a bit redundant.

Regarding your other question about time spent on posts:

I don't tend to work deeply on my posts any more for this board. I used to when I first started. I've been an admin or moderator on several boards prior to joining as a regular member on this one. Like any board, there's certain ways you can and can't say things. To avoid flame wars, it's always best to know your audience. There's certain ways to express things so you avoid conflict. There's even topics I entirely avoid on here for that reason. I also will avoid posting if it seems like there's already been a bunch of posts saying exactly the same thing in the thread. So I would say your friend is doing the right thing by being careful. It's always best to be careful and thick skinned when posting on any forum, regardless of the topic.

Hugs,
Ann

[mustangsally1965]

Virginia. For it has always been about the feel and look of womens cloths. I'm attracted like a moth to a flame. I feel relaxed and at total peace with the world when I'm dressed in womens cloths. I don't wear makeup or a wig or womens shoes or do my nails but for those that do I say 'go for it'. I have no desire to be or pretend to be a woman. I love being a man and I love womens cloths. I wear panties 24/7 and half slips,full slips,nightgowns,skirts,nylons with garters,pantyhose,tights of all kinds,and the stay-up thigh-hi's and whatever strikes me. So there is no easy answer to the questions you have. I don't know why I like to dress in womens cloths. I do know that I don't need any help from a shrink. I don't consider dressing the way I want a problem. I consider it 'My Business' and freedom is about being 'Free' and not being P.C. and towing the line to someone else's vision of how I'm supposed to be or act.With that said I will also say that men dressing up in womens cloths will sometime's put their female partners in a state of confusion and sometimes they will feel threatened by the wearing of womens cloths even if its only panties.I don't what else to say except I know I will be dressing up until the day I die. Good luck.

[silkeze]

I have often ponderd the reaon why? I started at the of five. No sexual onnection there, just felt pretty. I have purged and tied to stop all my life, just like everyone else. Why are we this way. I love my wife dearly.Would not hurt her by crossressing just cant stop. went to shrinks at first I was told not to beat myself up next week she ha my wife and I divorcing, LOT''S OF HELP THERE! If it wasnt for my wife I would probably change my gender though. Are we all crazy?, or sane and others just can't accept us.I will never purge again,this is who I am. I am glad I finally went online I have learned there are others out there like myself. Thanks guy's. Tammy