So I was told I looked like an ugly girl.

[SarahStar7]

Hello all,

I'm still a bit new to posting here and experienced a situation that I wanted to share with you gals and wanted to know if anyone has experienced something similar or perhaps give some encouraging advice since its really bummed me out.

Recently I came out to my best friends, who I live with, and they've been the most supportive people I can ever ask for. I've been able to be comfortable enough to dress more and more in front of them and they dont mind a bit.

So yesterday my roommate had his girlfriend over and she came downstairs to the living room and saw me dressed up and called me an ugly girl. It was pretty hurtful and it felt quite discouraging to me. I've gotten a lot of kudos from friends of how well I can pull off dressed up, but this one comment from her just stuck with me.

How do you all deal with negative comments like this?

[SusanCACD]

I really do not know. My wife, said I was bow legged, and maybe I am, but you kinda have to except some are threatened by a guy looking like a girl. BTW, I don't live with her anymore...
Susan

[Shelly Preston]

Look on the good side Sarah


You were seen as a GIRL :)

[Sandra]

You were seen as a GIRL :)

I was thinking that :)

Sarah as hard as it is you just have to learn to ignore comments like that.....on the other hand :D I would have turned round to her and smiled and said thank you for your comment and walked off, I bet she wouldn't have known where to put herself because she wouldn't be expecting any reply.

[ReineD]

Maybe you're quite attractive, but she knows you as a guy so when she saw you she only saw your guy self dressed as a girl? Some people are against anyone who crosses gender barriers, so they allow their bias to inform what they actually see. In other words, she may think it odd to see a guy who presents as a girl, and she just can't get past that. Or, maybe she didn't like your clothes, or your wig.

I don't know how long you've been CDing, or how well you've developed your presentation and makeup skills, but you could post a picture in the Gallery and ask for honest feedback from members? There are also many good youtube videos about makeup application, not so much to make you look more or less beautiful (I believe this quality doesn't change in either mode), but to help you look more like a feminine version of yourself, if this makes sense.

That said, I do have a creative solution ... next time you see her, remind her of what she said and ask if she will help you achieve a prettier look. It might just work! :)

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Sarah!

When I was growing up I was teased by the other boys because I had a very hard time fitting in with them. Even though I never told her how I felt inside she would say they are jealous and scared of you because they want to be more like you. I did what I liked and always spoke the truth, I did a lot of girl things. When I graduated most were my friends because I defended them or helped them in there time of need. Maybe this woman is threatened by you because you live in the house with her boyfriend? Put her at easy by becoming her friend and it could take time. If she does not want to be friends her loss I am glad to know you!

Hugs

[Melody Moore]

Hun, I don't mean to sound cruel, but in that person's eyes you probably are an ugly girl,
but then who are they judge you? And as others have said they at least acknowledged
you as a girl. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. And real beauty isn't something
superficial, real beauty actually radiates from within. And I always believe that if you are
going to be a beautiful woman, then you have to learn to rise above this type of crap and
not let it get you down and upset, because then you won't have a pretty face. So I just
think that you have to put everything into proper perspective here. So do yourself a favour...

166489
And I really do mean that in the best way :hugs:

[Stephanie47]

I agree with Reine as to posting a picture. I think presentation is a consideration when trying to assess whether a guy is passable. I've watched some short video clips on YouTube of cross dressers prancing/walking around their bedrooms. Some are so stiff or unladylike. No young woman would ever walk like they do. If presentation is an issue, there are some really well done tutorials showing the correct womanly walk and sitting. As to makeup skills, practice makes perfect. However, there is nothing that can erase a manly structured face. I try to obscure my rough features with carefully place curls of a longer wig, and, a scarf to hide the Adam's Apple.

To say a girl is ugly is not a kind comment to made to any woman. I love watching the Ambush Makeover on the Friday editions of the Today Show. Many of the chosen women were in dire need of some attention, but, I've never seen one that hasn't been successful in bringing out their femininity. Also, if you watch some of the shows with a heavy presence of women in the audience, you can watch to see how a woman presents herself in public. For a woman to tell your presentation was ugly suggests she was one of those snobs in school who thought she was one of the chosen popular girls.

And, men can be just as 'ugly' as some women. As a male, it is unbelievable to me that an overweight beer belly, balding slob wearing pants that show the crack of his ass and belly button can rate a woman like their on the Dick Clark show rating songs.

[t-girlxsophie]

I just brush it off as most times ill prob agree with them lol,apart from the time i was described as "meatloaf in a dress" didnt hurt me,just made me mad as hell at the cheeky B***h, These ppl mean nothing at all to me why should I worry what they think

Sophie

[AllieSF]

Like others have already said, developing a tougher skin always helps. I always try to use humor as an intro and as an exit if warranted. She said your were an ugly girl. You live there, she knows one of your room mates and will probably be there a lot. I like what ReineD recommended. Next time you see her, say hi and then mention the comment that she made the other day. Say, "If you don't mind, I am just trying to deal with what someone up above dealt to me, so maybe you can help me cope with this and maybe give me some tips to help me blend in better?". Now, she may totally reject that idea. But, in addressing what she said directly and asking for her help, you have now put yourself in a stronger position around her. One that says your words do not hurt me and I am ready to talk with you when you are ready. It might also show her pettiness and lack of understanding to others. I know it may not be easy, but you have already taken that big step just to come out to your room mates, which is awesome. You never know, but you may be able to convince or convert her to the tolerating, or even better the acceptance camp. Good luck and thanks for sharing. Also welcome to the forum.

[ClaudiaDawn]

You are ahead of me, I am still seen as a guy in a dress (and an ugly one), I will take the girl comment, ugly or not, in a heart beat.

Cheer up, she was probably just a little bit shocked to realize that you do look like a girl.

Hugs,

Claudia Dawn

[SarahStar7]

Thank you all very much for your advice and helpfulness :) I really appreciate it.

I try to never let anyone's comments get to me. Its just been a pretty unique experience this week with revealing myself to my friends and gaining their support, so it somewhat still feels like a sensitive subject for me to discuss in the open and hearing that comment didnt really help.

Though my friend even said he was willing to dump her due to her saying something hurtful, but I didn't want him to go that far just for a comment she said.

As photo posting in the gallery, I did start a thread in there a few days ago. Heres the link for those interested.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?161562-My-first-picture-post-)

[Jennifer H]

I think nearly everyone who has ever cross dressed has experienced this problem at least once. I remember getting out of my car in a public car park and a car with 2 women and 2 men pulled up along side me and started to shout- Look there's a man dressed as a woman, The car park was full at the time and to be quite honest I could have curled up and died but I carried on walking and they did not follow me. It has only happend once in nearly 60 years so I must have learnt to dress and put makeup on better. Good comes out of bad!! xxx Jenny.

[Kate Simmons]

I turn it around and make it work for me as input and a learning experience. Only one person's opinion anyway, no?:)

[Sophie86]

That's one of those comments that says so much more about the person making it than the person they're talking about.

[ReineD]

As photo posting in the gallery, I did start a thread in there a few days ago. Heres the link for those interested.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?161562-My-first-picture-post-)

OMG, you're cute! From your description, I was picturing someone with a lot of acne or a big nose or something (although I didn't want to say this). lol.

Now that I see your picture, I'm thinking she just didn't like your style or your clothing choices. Younger people (girls and boys) can sometimes be awfully picky about what they think looks cool or not. You know ... like some kids hate the emo or goth look, while others hate the preppie look.


she would say they are jealous and scared of you because they want to be more like you. ... Maybe this woman is threatened by you because you live in the house with her boyfriend?

Hardly. It's amazing to me how many CDers think that GGs are jealous of them. :eek:

Anyway, have a look at this thread. It is only the latest in a long line of similar threads:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?161557-Crossdressing-intimidates-women

[StephanieH]

Tell that young lady to go to Wal-Mart and look around for a little while - if she wants to see truly ugly girls, she'll see more than she wants to there! Not everybody looks like Jessica Rabbit, wish it were so, but, we play with the cards we are dealt. As others have said, at least she said you looked like a girl - a lot of guys on here don't look like girls of any kind.

Truth is, you just probably weren't her type. Lesbianism is really trendy these days, she might be more attracted to a gal with smaller feet or longer hair - who knows? Don't let it get to you, and if you have an accepting room mate, consider yourself blessed! Take care!

[RachelOKC]

Sarah, you're very pretty. People's thoughtless comments hurt, but try not to let them get you too down. What's truly ugly is someone denegrating another person just for being themself. If people would think more before they speak (myself inculded) the world would be a much kinder place.

A few years ago I'd told a close friend (also named Sarah) that I'd been Snow White for Halloween once. I was trying to break the ice a bit so I could come out to her. She told me, "I bet you'd make a really ugly woman." Naturally, I was hurt by that, and even though I knew she'd be accepting it still helped throw a bucket of cold water on coming out to her then. Despite that, I did recognize that she she was probably just attempting (poorly) to be funny.

I finally came out to her earlier this year and showed her pictures. She was impressed with my pics, very supportive of me, and immediately offered an apology, remembering her comment from before. As I'd thought, she didn't really mean it and she knew she'd been thoughtless. She's one of my best friends, and I think our friendship is all the stronger now for having one less secret.

I'm glad you're open about who you are to the people who you care about and vice versa. Just being open and free and having the occassional bad experience that goes with that is so much better than living in constant fear, shame, and secrecy.

[suchacutie]

Heavens, there are any number of reasons that she would say such a thing, and one of them is that she does not agree with transgenderism as a normal part of society and wanted to let you know that! What better way than to say you are ugly! In fact, of course, you are NOT ugly. I would point out that we all get better at evolving our feminine selves the more we let them sample life. From what you've said I expect that your femme self has not had a lot of freedom to get used to life and just "being a girl". The more comfortable you are, the more you will become transparent as to your gender!

But don't forget to smile and have fun!

tina

[Lorileah]

You know the story of the three blind men and the elephant? Her perspective is just that her perspective. She needs to learn to put a muffler on what she thinks.

I have been called ugly by my MIL. I just laughed because, hey she ain't no Miss Revlon. You look fine. You fit the generation you are in. You are not ugly. I know the bad sticks longer than the good but don't take one comment as gospel. :)

[Jill Devine]

Look on the good side Sarah


You were seen as a GIRL :)
LOL. My thoughts exactly.

[Kate T]

I think any of the MTF TG's on this forum would be ecstatic at being able to look as good as you do in your piccie sarah.

It also sounds like you have some really great flatmates as friends too!

[sara.s]

Wow.. you are such a cutie!! I think she may have become insecure about herself since you look so good and her boyfriend is your roommate. Your roommate is in deep trouble now.. He'll just have to constantly assure her that she doesn't look any closer to fat and looks like a prom princess. Just kidding. ;)
Next time, if she calls you ugly, tell her that you idolize her while doing your makeup.:devil:

[Kaz]

This will sound dead patronising, but it isn't meant to be... I have a 23 year old daughter and she feels threatened by every other girl... it seems to be so competitive... don't know why... she hit you with the sort of comment my daughter gets daily from her peers... as has been said...'girl'... ugly girl is good! xx

[Cynthia Anne]

Hi beautiful!
The only ugly girls in the world are those who throw insults and try to hurt others! One is only ugly if they choose to be! Your beauty is much deeper then your skin! We both know that! Hugs!:hugs:::love:

:)it looks good on you!

[Melody Moore]

Yes some natal girls are very competitive and often get really jealous easy and if your house-mate
has been saying good things about you lately, well that too can make her feel jealous and insecure
which usually will spell the end of most relationships. So I think she is on the way out now actually
and you might end up with a very special friend in your life - it's not first time this has happened.

My ex-girlfriend got really jealous one day when one of her girlfriends complimented me on how good
I looked and how soft and beautiful my facial skin was. Needless to say that this is why she is now
my ex-girlfriend. I could not handle her jealousy and bitchiness if someone else paid me a compliment.

I have seen comments from other natal girls about really beautiful trans-women who say crap like
"They are not a real woman because you don't even have ovaries" or "They are just a gay men who
is out to fool other men into believing they are a woman and turn them gay". Some of the comments
are beyond ridiculous sometimes, but it is easy to see that envy often plays a big role in why people
can be so nasty. The quote in my signature about why people really hate you says it all hun...

"Haters don't really hate you, they hate themselves, because you are a reflection of what they want to be" ;)

[TGMarla]

I've been told that before, too, but by people who have never seen me crossdressed and in full makeup.

I may be wrong, but I think they're wrong. Hey, opinions are like 4ssh01e5.

(Didja catch that?)

[GG Kathy]

Sara I think you are adorable. Being on the out side growing up I will tell you girls can be mean, and those that are are not worth the dustpan to put them in the trash.

[ReineD]

Yes some natal girls are very competitive and often get really jealous easy ...

I have seen comments from other natal girls about really beautiful trans-women who say crap like "They are not a real woman because you don't even have ovaries" or "They are just a gay men who is out to fool other men into believing they are a woman and turn them gay". Some of the comments
are beyond ridiculous sometimes, but it is easy to see that envy often plays a big role in why people can be so nasty.

Melody, don't mistake the distaste that some cisgenders have for TGs, for jealousy. You are describing bigotry. Believe me, such GGs do not believe that transwomen are a threat. They do seriously believe that transwomen are gay men. These GGs are unable to comprehend the reality of transsexuals. If they are in relationships with hetero men, they also believe their men would not be able to stomach having sex with a person whom they believe to be another man. So there would be no cause for jealousy.

When a GG is jealous, it is because she feels that another GG could steal her man. As I said, she knows her man is hetero and so there is a chance he could be interested in this other GG.

[JaytoJillian]

Well, you can try taking that negative energy and converting it into something useful. My SO tells me quite regularly that I make a very ugly woman--little does she know that her comments only make me want to improve my look. They don't discourage me from dressing, which I am pretty sure is her intent. If she was not so mean about it, I probably wouldn't put so much into it---After all I am just as competitive as the next guy---so when I am told that I suck at something, I get motivated to do it better. Just my two pennies.

[kristinacd55]

Pretend your a teflon cooking pan and let it slide right away........:banana:

[noeleena]

Hi,

Your getting in to my teritory . if being a woman came's down to my looks well i failed 54 years ago. & belive me i did not like how i looked then or now'

at 64 i'v learnt those who throw stones & say things that are not really nice most have thier own problems . when we who have issues to face & get through are the ones who have an inner strength that surpass's those that dont have the self confidence in them selfs , or even self worth .

As a woman i'v learnt to grow be strong & rise above what i'v had to go through, to be where i am now , hey its hurtfull a put down yet dont let that get to you. ..

as to your looks no comment needs to be made your pic say's it all.... enjoy what you have, lovely.

...noeleena...

[Amy Hepker]

If that is you in your avitar, I would say you can pass for a pretty good looking Lady. Maybe the Gal was jelious of how good you do look. Just remember Nobody looks Great all the time and that includes GGs.

[Annie D]

"But I have a great personality and am alot of fun on a date!"

[Sophie86]

Melody, don't mistake the distaste that some cisgenders have for TGs, for jealousy. You are describing bigotry. Believe me, such GGs do not believe that transwomen are a threat. They do seriously believe that transwomen are gay men. These GGs are unable to comprehend the reality of transsexuals. If they are in relationships with hetero men, they also believe their men would not be able to stomach having sex with a person whom they believe to be another man. So there would be no cause for jealousy.

When a GG is jealous, it is because she feels that another GG could steal her man. As I said, she knows her man is hetero and so there is a chance he could be interested in this other GG.

Being heterosexual has nothing to do with it. I'm sure you've heard the term "tranny chaser." It describes otherwise heterosexual men who are fascinated by transsexuals and/or convincing CDs. A GG who suspects that her man is infatuated with a TG could most certainly be jealous. That's not the only explanation for why that girl was being catty towards Sarah, but it is a possibility.

[Julogden]

Hi Sarah,

Keep in mind that the girl who insulted you may have felt threatened by you presenting as a girl, as some girls/women are, and they often respond by insulting one's appearance.

You just have to try to keep the positive responses in mind. I know how it feels, as I've had that happen too, but in my case, the insult was at my first support meeting from someone in the community who was viewed (at the time) as a mover and shaker. She was on the tall side, maybe 6'1 or so, but I'm 6'5" and when we met, she made a big deal over telling everyone very loudly that she's always going to stand next to me so that she would appear less tall, and then looked me over and told me and everyone that I reminded her of Sylvester Stallone in drag. With "friends" like that, who needs enemies? Fortunately, she was just visiting and wasn't a local, and I never saw her again.

But I didn't quit dressing, although it took me a while to get up the nerve to go to support meetings again. Eventually I got to the point where I was going out to friendly places a lot, and in the long run, got lots of compliments on my appearance and even met a few people who told me that I was beautiful, so don't let one a**hole shut you down.

Just keep on keeping on and don't retreat because of one ugly person.

Carol :hugs:

[*Vanessa*]

Maybe she meant it like "Damn your ugly" as is PRETTY you know "Coyote Ugly", which you are IMHO

http://i470.photobucket.com/albums/rr70/SyphonVII/1611c6e2-2.jpg[/QUOTE]

[dawnmarrie1961]

Beauty is not necessarily in the eye of the beholder. Beholders are such a fickle lot and can not see things as they truly are. True beauty is beyond the ability of most people to see. They don't know where to look or what to look for. That is a sad.
Don't worry so much about what other people see. What do you see? What do you feel?

[Chari]

I too believe she was jealous and insecure with her comment. You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself! Always be confident and comfortable in who you are - no matter what attire you are wearing. P.S. You do look more femme than some GG's I've seen.

[SarahStar7]

Thank you all very much for your wonderful comments! I have enjoyed reading everyones post and I feel much better. :)

Regardless of how we look when dressed, no one should be called ugly. As you all have said, we are always beautiful no matter who we are and that is what is important.

In all honesty, I think I could have handled her comment more better if I literally didn't come out to my best, and oldest, friend an hour before hand. It was kind of a big day for me then and that comment just ruined it almost.

Thank you all again! You all are wonderful people and I'm excited that I can be apart of the community here! :D

[Melody Moore]

Melody, don't mistake the distaste that some cisgenders have for TGs, for jealousy.
Reine, with all due respect I have seen and experienced the envy of jealous natal females and it has nothing to do with
anyone wanting to run off with anyone's man. Let me explain one of my worst experiences with my ex-girlfriend, who I was
living with up until 3 months prior to starting my transition but got back together with 3 months after I started my transition
after a 6 month break.

In my relationship with this woman prior to transition, I use to get in trouble all the time if an attractive looking woman just
walked through my field of vision or was in the general direction of where I was looking. My ex-girlfriend would accuse me
of perving on the woman when a lot of the time I didn't really pay much attention. It even happened while I was driving
the car and I had to stop and give way to another car that was driven my an attractive looking woman. I would be accused
of perving on the driver while I was simply watching the vehicle itself. My ex-gfs jealousy drove me crazy and that is why I
left her the first time.

After a 6 month break apart I contacted her and told her that I started to transition. It was a shock to her at first but she
came around very quickly and was very accepting of me. She also had deep feelings for me and wanted to get back together.

After explaining to her that things were going to be different and our relationship would be a lesbian relationship she was
still wanting me aback in her life. It appeared at first that she wasn't as jealous of other women anymore, but I soon found
out that assumption was very wrong. We started to see old friends that new me prior to transition as a male and every single
person weseen kept giving me compliments about how good I looked and this pissed my ex-girlfriend off no end.

There was no threat of anyone stealing anyone away from the other, she also knew I was never a 'gay man'. This was
all about an insecurity she had because I was getting more attention than she was. My ex-girlfriend has always been
very insecure because she felt that she didn't come up to the standards in other women and this was despite the fact
she is a very attractive looking blonde haired & blue eyed woman with a perfect figure. My ex told me that she felt as
though she was a competition with other women. She simply got really pissed off because people were paying me all the
compliments about how I looked and not her. I asked her "Is that my fault they compliment me and not her?" and she said
"No, it is my insecurity", so she is fully aware of what the problem is. The trouble was though she couldn't control her moods
with it. When she got jealous she turned really nasty & violent towards me, but she realised quickly that was a bad idea, so
then she started smashing things because she had bipolar affective mood disorder, but she isn't the only person in the world
with this condition. I believe that some of the other jealous women I encountered might suffer similar mental health issues.

I know for a fact that other women can just like my ex get very insecure and insulting especially when they see a trans-woman
getting lots of attention. I have also encountered this same thing from one woman in my lesbian group because nearly every
single time I have turned up at an LGBTIQ event over the past 6 months or so I get lots of friends coming up to greet me usually
with a very warm hug and sometimes a kiss. And if looks could kill then I would have been killed a thousand times all over from the
stares I have got in recent times. I am learning that some women really don't like it if they get some notion that you are becoming
more socially popular.

The reason I am saying this is because I had an incident a few weeks ago where a lesbian came up to me about 15 minutes after I
arrived at a regular LGBTIQ event I am involved with and work at each month, and she decided to get right in my face to spit out
her bile. I just let it wash over me without saying a single word, then it came - she instantly was pounced on by about 15-20 women
who pretty much seen and heard the whole thing because they noticed her staring at me before she came up to me. She was told
to leave or they were going to drag her out. All the other girls are really great, they were giving me lots reassurances that I handled
it perfectly and that she has real serious issues. What got them all really angry was when she started with the jibes about me not
being a real woman. Needless to say it finished as fast as it began - the woman had no choice but to leave immediately or they would
have literally killed her. So her own insecurities & jealousy when someone else like me gets more attention was the real issue here.

[Shelly Preston]

You were seen as a GIRL :)

I think I may have been way wrong here what I should have said was

You are a Very Pretty Girl and should have been seen that way :hugs:

[MissMarcie]

You know the story of the three blind men and the elephant? Her perspective is just that her perspective. She needs to learn to put a muffler on what she thinks.

Why should she put a muffler on what she thinks? You don't have to agree with her opinion, but that doesn't mean she isn't allowed to speak her opinion. This sounds like the "Thought Police" at work.

[Rachel Morley]

... next time you see her, remind her of what she said and ask if she will help you achieve a prettier look. It might just work! :)

I think this is an excellent idea! :)

[Sophie86]

Why should she put a muffler on what she thinks? You don't have to agree with her opinion, but that doesn't mean she isn't allowed to speak her opinion. This sounds like the "Thought Police" at work.

Sounds more like Miss Manners to me, and I agree with the sentiment. People don't need to say everything they think, especially when it's going to hurt someone's feelings for no good purpose.

[MissMarcie]

Sounds more like Miss Manners to me, and I agree with the sentiment. People don't need to say everything they think, especially when it's going to hurt someone's feelings for no good purpose.
You're right. People don't need to say "everything" they think. But sometimes they still do. And while we may not agree, they're not much we can do to keep them from saying it. So, what's the best option?
A.If you don't like what they have to say, just let it go in one ear and out the other.
B.Maybe it was meant as constructive criticism, no matter how it was delivered, and maybe we can learn from it.

[Misti]

Instead of posting here, please see my post for you, Sarah, on your: "My first picture post :)"

Hugs

[Sophie86]

You're right. People don't need to say "everything" they think. But sometimes they still do. And while we may not agree, they're not much we can do to keep them from saying it. So, what's the best option?
A.If you don't like what they have to say, just let it go in one ear and out the other.
B.Maybe it was meant as constructive criticism, no matter how it was delivered, and maybe we can learn from it.

Some comments might be viewed as constructive, but this one wasn't. I agree that one should ignore it in the long term, but in the short term, Miss Manners would countenance this much of a response: Give the person a blank look, and say, "Really?" Then change the subject.

It's not much of a response, I grant, but it should be enough to let her know that you think she's a, um, not-nice person, and that you could care less what she links.

[Nicole Erin]

You don't look bad. The fashion sense needs some work yes but you have a lot of potential, and yeah the best thing would be to ask her how to improve if she things you are ugly. She probably just thought your outfits needed upgrading is all.
You have a size that you could wear some really stylish things and look great.

[Kathy4ever]

I remember my wife telling me one time that i would make an ugly gorl. This was years before she found out that I like to dress. You know I think it is there way of keeping things normal. She probable one of those girls that does not like this type of behavior. Just keep being yourself and just ignore her ignorance.

[jazmine]

I'm so sorry. I don't understand what this person is talking about. You look like nothing BUT a very cute girl. I do understand the hurt you must feel though. I was once called an ugly human. How do I deal with crappy remarks like this? I've learned to laugh at them. It's not easy to do, but becomes easier over time.

[Chickhe]

Oh that one can really hurt... my wife said that exact same thing to me once. She later said, she liked me better as a male...that I can accept, so I added 1+1 and figured she just used the wrong words the first time...'to her, she is not attracted to my female version'. Its not that I really look ugly... I know I'm not a 10, and a female with too many male characteristics is not considered attractive to most everyone so... I guess the 'truth hurts'...but its reality, you just work around it and figure that someone who doesn't know your male self is probably making you out to be a 6.

[TxKimberly]

Well, first off, judging by your avatar, she's wrong. Second, she said you look like a girl, so I figure that was a compliment.

[Shananigans]

If I had a dollar for every time a woman has said something b*tchy to me about my looks!!!

Welcome to the world of women. I hope that you looked unphased by her comment...I hope you smiled and said, "Takes one to know one!"

[MonicaTC]

Look at the girl's age too. Likely she was young 20's as well. She probably has yet to learn how to deal with others socially, she's still a teen socially. She does sound like someone who's opinions are not worth a damn.

[Eryn]

There is a range of beauty and we are all somewhere in the middle. I'm not the most beautiful person on the planet, nor am I the ugliest. You're also somewhere in the middle, a bit toward the beautiful side from me. Don't let one unthinking comment spoil your fun. Consider the source and strive to be nicer than her.

[Shananigans]

Look at the girl's age too. Likely she was young 20's as well. She probably has yet to learn how to deal with others socially, she's still a teen socially. She does sound like someone who's opinions are not worth a damn.

Just because someone is in their 20s does not make a person socially inept. I have met socially inept 15 year olds, and I have met socially inept 50 year olds.

And, it's almost ALWAYS true that the views of a person's peers are exceptionally important to him/her. Saying that the view of the OP's peer did not matter because of her age is like back-handedly saying that the OP's opinion on the matter does not account for anything either (due to age).

It's completely valid the OP is worried about the views of her peers.

[Eryn]

Just because someone is in their 20s does not make a person socially inept. I have met socially inept 15 year olds, and I have met socially inept 50 year olds.

It's not the age, it's the fact that she made a completely inappropriate comment that pegs her as being socially inept. Whether you're 5 or 95 it isn't right to call anyone ugly. It's just cruel. The statements of cruel people don't warrant consideration.

[Shananigans]

It's not the age, it's the fact that she made a completely inappropriate comment that pegs her as being socially inept. Whether you're 5 or 95 it isn't right to call anyone ugly. It's just cruel. The statements of cruel people don't warrant consideration.

And, I completely agree with you. However, I was commenting on ageist (??) remarks.

But, seriously though...not everyone has something nice to say to you and it's just a fact of life. People miss that old lesson of "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." I've been called ugly, stupid, a nerd, a woman (yes, even that can be a put-down), overweight, too skinny, a wh*re, a prude, flat-chested, fake boobed, fake butt, bony-assed, and everything in between in what feels like a span of a week. People just don't make sense. One woman will say you're too skinny and you never eat...the next woman will say you're fat. WOMEN DON'T MAKE SENSE!

It's when people don't say anything at all that you need to be worried.

If you're going to look like a woman, you've got to inherit the thick skin.

[SarahLynn]

At one time (iirc it was at a dinner party) Sir Winston Churchall was commented on as being FAT. His response to the lady was to say (paraphrase here) Yes madam I am, but you are ugly and I can diet.

With my head on straight (meaning my feelings were not hurt) I'd have responded to this young lady (word used with tougne in cheek) with, "Indeed I am, however I can always improve. You, on the other hand, have reached the pinnicle of your perfection."**

She would have never known I was refering to her mannors. Yes, I can be a vindictive person sometimes.

SarahLynn

**
PS: As i think on this for a time i realize she may already know this statement to be true.

[KellyJameson]

Hi Sarah, You are not ugly in my opinon but if you asked enough people some would say you are and others would say you are not. They would also say your smart/stupid, to tall / to short, have a great sense of humor/ have no sense of humor ect.... Do you see a pattern here? Only the dead give the same answers to every question. Many people are ugly on the inside and that is the type of ugly you want to avoid because it is based on ignorance and where there is ignorance the beauty of empathy, gentleness, compassion,, humilty is absent and that makes for an ugly world indeed.

[Missy]

I blow them off and try to understand most people say hurtful thing because they are jealous of you maybe you looked better then her or you can pull it off so easy and she might have to work hard to make herself look good anyway what do it matter what she thinks as long as you feel good about the way you look

[Eryn]

At one time (iirc it was at a dinner party) Sir Winston Churchall was commented on as being FAT. His response to the lady was to say (paraphrase here) Yes madam I am, but you are ugly and I can diet.

I doubt that, considering the privations of WWII and postwar England, Churchill would ever have considered dieting!
The comment directed at Churchill was “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill's response was “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Now, whether this actually happened is a matter of debate. Churchill was a curmudgeon and known to like his drink, but he was also a gentleman.

In the case of the OP, a witty response would probably not have been a good idea. Ignore and forget.

[ReineD]

In the case of the OP, a witty response would probably not have been a good idea. Ignore and forget.

I agree. Telling a GG she can't possibly improve doesn't make sense. She has just as many options to change her makeup and clothing as Sarah.

[Imeni]

i only read up to the first page, but, my take on this happen to be three things.

1. If she knows you as a guy, and seen you doin your girl thing, it could just be hard for her to see you as a girl. She'll adjust. No big deal.
2. If she knows you as a guy, and has no problem with what you do, maybe she was just having a rough day and assumed that a guy can take an open insult much better than a girl would. Girls are overly sensitive about how they look. I'm a larger guy. I can easily pull off the Santa/Mario sized look. I got the goatee, bushy leg hair and enormous man hands that bother me when I get girly. It's one of the things that bug me about when i get girl'ed out. And this is just how I feel. So maybe she was just treating you like how others would treat a guy with an outfit that might not match.
3. She has no problem with what you do or your outfit. Maybe she was just being Catty. Women are mean to each other. Alot. I have alot of girl-friends who are mean as sin to each other, and I get taken back to just the raw amounts of rip snarrling they do to each other. Take it as a compliment. She was treating you like one girl would to another. ;)

[Farrah]

I know its hard and a real downer. I remember the my first outing and the looks that I got from others. Just keep your head up and know who you are and be confident of it. Its easy to say don't worry about it, but I know its hard not to worry or think about it. I know we work so hard to be beautiful women. Im here to tell you, you are beautiful....Keep going and keep your head up high!!

[Angelofsomekind]

Perhaps she was jealous of you. Also, I've been told many times I look way better as a guy than as a girl, but it doesn't matter, because I feel a hell of a lot better as a girl than I do a guy.

[MonicaTC]

Just because someone is in their 20s does not make a person socially inept. I have met socially inept 15 year olds, and I have met socially inept 50 year olds.

And, it's almost ALWAYS true that the views of a person's peers are exceptionally important to him/her. Saying that the view of the OP's peer did not matter because of her age is like back-handedly saying that the OP's opinion on the matter does not account for anything either (due to age).

It's completely valid the OP is worried about the views of her peers.

Point taken Shananigans. :) I spoke from my own experience where I have seen the younger set be very inept socially. It is true as you say that all are prone to such.