You've Lost That Girly Feeling

[Marla GG]

Angel and I have been out to dinner a couple of times now with other girls from our area, but last night was our first official Tri-Ess social. It was held in a nice Mexican restaurant in a GLBT-friendly part of town, and we had actually been there once already with Angel en femme and had a good experience, so nerves were not really a problem for either of us. Progress!

However, I wonder if anyone has experienced this before? We had both been looking forward to the dinner for several weeks. We had picked out Angel’s outfit in advance, announced to the group that we were coming, and talked excitedly about how much fun it was going be. Then, on Saturday morning, Angel woke up feeling….not girly! Her—or should I say his—feminine mindset was just not there. As the day progressed I began to worry. In the afternoon I watched out of the corner of my eye as Angel, unshaven and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, slouched on the sofa watching TV. Uh-oh, I thought. Where’s my girl? And can we find her before we have to leave the house?

About two hours before we had to go, we started the long, drawn-out process of getting ready. I thought that maybe a close shave would help Angel start to get in the mood. But it didn’t seem to. Nor did a skillful makeup application by yours truly. Angel just blinked at me through his mascara-coated lashes and said “I still feel like a man.” We’re doomed, I thought. “Darling,” I said, “just wait until we put this lovely outfit on you. I know it will make you feel nice and girly.”

On went the underwear. Angel wore two pairs of tight panties to flatten everything and keep it in place. Now I ask you…..who wouldn’t feel feminine in not one, but TWO pairs of panties? But oh no. After the panties came Angel’s bra and forms, waist cincher, pantyhose, and nylon slip. Surely these things could not fail to work their magic? “How do you feel, sweetie,” I murmured as I buttoned him into his new cardigan. “Like a guy in dress,” he said glumly.

“Don’t worry,” I reassured him. “You know how much of difference your hair makes!” And so Angel put the wig on, stepped back, looked in the mirror, and….uh-uh. “Maybe some jewellery?” I suggested.

Well, you get the idea. The clothes weren’t working. Angel looked to me like a pretty lady, but we had to accept the fact that, at least for Angel, femininity is all in the mind. And on this particular day, her mind was not in the right place. Had it not been for the dinner, we might never have realized this; Angel simply would not have dressed that night and neither of us would have wondered why not. But since we couldn’t change the date of the social to suit ourselves, we had to deal with the situation.

Well, as it turned out, Angel was able to muster some femininity after all. While I was in another room printing out directions to the restaurant, Angel stayed in the bedroom and had a little talk with herself. She looked at herself in the mirror and the conversation in her head went something like this:

Do you know how lucky you are to be able to do this?
--Yes I do.
Do you know how lucky you are to have a wife who enjoys dressing you up and taking you out?
--Oh god yes.
Do you enjoy doing this?
--Yes.
Then just do it!

She put on some lipgloss and strutted in front of the mirror in her skirt and heels. Miraculously, it all started to kick in. We got into the car and I could feel a gradual change in Angel as we got closer to the restaurant. She became more bubbly and I could tell by her mannerisms that her girl self was back. I was so happy I just wanted to hug her. By the time we arrived, everything was fine.

We ended up having a lovely dinner with about sixteen other people, including 13 CDs and three SOs. Angel and I both chatted with most of them as we sipped our wine and enjoyed a nice meal. The waiter addressed us all as “miss,” which no doubt delighted most of the group but felt a bit odd for me as a 36 year old woman! But he was very courteous and attentive. I was surprised when a couple of the members actually recognized us from this forum and had read some of my posts. It made me feel that I knew them already, which was nice. The chapter president was especially welcoming and took the time to explain the Tri-Ess membership guidelines to us. As we all know, the quality of any organization is due to its individual members, and last night we came away with the feeling that this was a group we wanted to be a part of.

Thank goodness Angel was able to overcome the “man in a dress” feeling and have a fun girls’ night out.

Here's a picture of us with some of our new friends, Jessica and her SO Annie (posted with permission):

http://img305.imageshack.us/img305/7776/oct1527mm.jpg

[Wendy me]

angel is a veary lucky girl to have a gg like you giveing that little push when needed ...as i was reading this i thought it would end up with her not going dressed ...and was happy to hear the story had a happy ending .... glade things worked out ....

[Andrea's Lynne]

I'm so glad to hear that it all worked out in the end. Angel is very blessed to have a wonderful woman like you to support her!:thumbsup: My wife and I are still working our way through dealing with my desire/need to wear women's clothes and express the feminine side of who I am. She's absolutely wonderful and I hope that she'll visit here..........as of right now, she doesn't feel the need for a "support" group, but she knows it's here!

Lynne

[MonaSmith]

Hiya,

I'm glad that everything went okay for the both of you.

I can understand to a degree what Angel was going through. I suppose, as you said, when we don't feel especially girly we don't dress and it doesn't seem odd. Having to get dolled up can be a chore, it can sometimes take some of the fun out of it all. It would be easier if the transformation was quicker/less involved, but what can you do, it takes a lot to turn this bloke into a babe :D.

I pretty much always feel girly these days, but I am lazy, so the full dressing up thing can be a drag (:D), but I think that if I had an SO like you, helping me along, it would make it a lot easier.

xx

[DanaJ]

Angel, you are very lucky - but I understand what you were feeling completely. Sometimes the interior does not match the exterior. I give you kudos for going through with it, thata girl! :thumbsup: Great pix too ;)

And Marla? You are just something special :worship:

[Jan W]

"However, I wonder if anyone has experienced this before?"

Dear Marla,

Loved your post - beautifully written as always - and echo the sentiments of the other girls re how fortunate Angel is to have a wonderful wife that supports her so fully.

However you did propose a question. There has been times I have planned a girly activity either in private or socially and have lost the enthusiasm leading up to it. I find that pushing myself to go through with it is always a positive thing. Afterwards I am very glad I went through with it.

Very nearly didn't bother to dress last Saturday night but once I started I had a lovely time.
I suppose the old cliche that we only get out what we put in applies!

The opportunity to dress not taken is gone forever - don't miss a chance.

Love,

Jan

[Kierci]

:hugs: Marla, I got to be honest there are many days I don't have any thoughts of putting on nylonns,skirt and a blouse, especially when I am sick or really hot, there are even nights I'd rather have my skivies and socks a my jeans I guess its the natural born male part of me taking control (which I can tend to be controling in male mode). I feel for your SO 'he' probably just wanted to be your husband the man you married for a day unfortunetly it happened on a very important day.:hugs:

[Lauren_T]

...if that inexplicable loss of interest can happen to Angel, then it would appear that it can happen to anyone...

And still there's nary the slightest clue to it's genesis...:confused:

But that's academic; since you nonetheless got back on track and went on to another lovely time, all's as it should be, and that merits yet another of these: :thumbsup:

[Sherlyn]

When I lose it ..I just let it go ...for me personally...forcing it out coz's me too much thinkin of ""why am I doing this ?""...when my Miss side comes naturally too me I let it out....when Mr just wants too naturally be around ....so be it .....I know that guy in a dress feeling and its not fun ..so why create it....feel grrly be grrly ...

[Stephanie Brooks]

However, I wonder if anyone has experienced this before?
Hi Marla!

I enjoyed your story! It sounds as though you and Angel had a fun night once things turned around. Congratulations to the both of you!!!!!!!

I've had inklings of similar feelings in the past where I don't feel particularly feminine and am not motivated to get dressed and go out. What complicates it for me is that I usually have a hotel reservation because I can't leave or return home en femme. Also, I normally work on Saturdays until 6:30PM, and must adjust my schedule in order to be at the hotel around 4PM. Accordingly, a night of dressup means considerable preparation time (packing et al) and some expense (hotel and meals).

I've postponed and canceled some nights because I just couldn't do it. It's never just that I don't feel feminine, but that's a factor. Added to that is frustration with Tracy over her intolerance of Stephanie, and that I'm too tired to work some of my Saturday hours in advance. (I could use vacation time, but have chosen to save it for cash "buyout" at the end of the year. It's my choice, not influenced by Tracy who would be comfortable with me using the time.)

As much of a factor for me is that I'm my only advocate on the street. When I leave the hotel, there's no one telling me I look good or I look bad, no one encouraging me, no one helping to tell me if I can pass and therefore be safe. When I go out, I must blend into the crowd. There's no choice. The stress can be overwhelming sometimes. When that happens, it's just not worth going out.

I recall having conversations similar to Angel's in the past, sans supportive wife. I know I'm lucky to be able to afford pretty clothes, that I can wear them fairly well, that I can pass to some degree, that I can go out in public. Sometimes that's not enough.

[TGMarla]

Hi again, Marla. I know just how Angel felt. There are days that I cannot wait to be a girl. But there are other days that I don't feel feminine. I don't know.....bio-rhythms? It absolutely goes in cycles. Man! Angel is soooooooooo lucky to have you. Like many others, I'd kill to have a wife with your acceptance and attitudes. But like I said, there are days when I'm just not very frilly. I'm sure there are days when you don't want to get all made up and just feel like slouching it, too. I'm glad you ended up having a nice evening, though. That's great!

[Missy Anne's GG]

Hi Marla,

I always look forward to and enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for sharing your adventure and your feelings with us. Judging by all the happy faces in the picture, it looks like things went well, and you and Angel had an enjoyable evening.

Missy Anne's GG

[Rachel Morley]

...if that inexplicable loss of interest can happen to Angel, then it would appear that it can happen to anyone.

Yes, I'm just the same as everyone else. Luckily for me this happens very rarely. I told this story to the long blonde haired woman, Annie, who is in the photo and she said that's it just the same for many women. Getting dressed up can sometimes be a chore. This made me feel much better about it. It's normal.

To all those people who remind me that I'm so lucky, thank you. I know just how extremely fortunate I am to have Marla as my wife and I get PMs about it all the time. You can be assured I love her dearly and I'll never take her for granted. All that she wrote is true without exaggeration. She did say all those things to me. It used to be hard for me to accept because I thought she was just saying it to make me feel nice, but no, it's true, she really does love her husband to be as feminine as possible :)

[Stephanie Kay]

Thanks for the very nice story Marla and Angel. I really enjoyed reading it. I've said this before at various places on the Forum but since I am genuinely transgendered I enjoy being Stephanie at times and enjoy being Steve at others. I liken it to the wind blowing. Sometimes it blows a gale and I absolutely, positively without any doubt must, and I mean MUST, be Stephanie in all her sweet, frilly finery! Then sometimes the CDing is a light zephyr and I like staying home and cozy in a T-shirt and panties. And then there are times when the breeze is totally becalmed and Steve goes to a movie, ballgame, or to dinner with my wife Suzanne and enjoy being the guy with my woman. So maybe if I had a wife like Marla the winds would be like a steady trade wind and I'd be in a dress more often, but I love who I am and how I am. Like you, Angel, I am loved and that makes my life fine as wine in the summertime!! Take care!

[melissacd]

As I sit here wondering how in heavens name I will ever get my wife to accept something she has already very clearly and unequivocally rejected, I read this. I am continually amazed by the acceptance, support, encouragement, understanding, love, care, whatever you want to call it, that Marla provides to Angel.

This is the most extraordinary thing that I have ever seen. How wonderful would this world be if everyone has this type of unconditional love to count on, someone who truelly is the soulmate that we all want to have.

All I can say is that you clearly have one of the best relationships that I have ever heard about and I congratulate you both on your depth of love and understanding.

Huggs
Melissa

[Holly]

Angel and Marla, thanks again for opening yourselves up to the rest of us. Your encouraging, positive posts are the basis of many coming to a more positive understanding of themselves and realization that hope does really exist for those of us in ANY stage of the transgendered world.

For the record, I, too, have had periods of not wanting anything to do with femininity. For me they are horrible and terrifying, like I'm half dead inside. Fortunately for me these time are infrequent and usually fairly short lived. Also fortunately for me I have a more than understanding wife who takes an active interest in ALL of me. When Holly is away, it's almost as hard for HTGurl as it is for me.

[emmicd]

Marla and Angel,

It's nice to see how well you both are doing and I'm glad things worked out in the end. You are very supportive and encouraging of Angel and I think that is a very special trait of yours.

For me I am losing considerable interest in cd'ing and will probabaly selectively start purging some of my femme clothes to goodwill. Obviously I will keep some of my things but I am ready to start slowly purging hoping eventually to purge all the things I can't wear in public such as dresses. I will maybe keep a half a dozen but the rest are just excess. My wife and sister in law think I'm very wasteful and selfish buying all these clothes when I can't even wear them. I should be buying them for my wife. I didn't want this to be a selfish thing. I also need to save more for my son's education.

I have run through the gamut of emotions lately and am really trying to curtail the crossdressing. For me the isolation and secrecy is just not worth the momentary bit of pleasure of putting on the femme garb any more.

I know I recently started a thread about purging and the girls responded overwhelmingly that I should just keep them in storage. At the time I agreed because they all gave sound advice but I can't deal with all this clothing anymore and lack of space. I can't even wear most of the clothes except maybe for the pants even if they are women's.

I guess I am really trying hard to make some changes. All these many years I have crossdressed but it really hasn't improved my life or made me a better person. What it has done is made me very confused at times.

I am happy for you two because you are sucessfully integrating it into your life.

Emmi

[Adrianne]

Angel you are a very lucky lady to have a gg like Marla, i am so glad it worked out so well for you that evening, great picture.

Adrianne.

[Kimberly]

Marla, you pushy girl, you!! :p

... Yeah, I felt like Angel a couple of days ago, and had one of those "omg, this is wrong" epiphanies. But the girl inside just said, "you are NOT backing out on me now... not again!" So, I'm still here. :)

[Katie Ashe]

Glad you had a good time. I also feel that sometimes. Hey everyone is entitled to a lazy day here and there, right. It is normal to feel like a guy in dress, heck it is a choire to get dressed up. But GG's make it so fun too.

Loves from Katie

[Julie York]

That's the trouble with social events. Not that I go to any dressed up....but I suppose it is like trying to switch on an emotion that comes from within. Like going to a party when you just don't feel sociable, or being a standup comedian when you just don't feel funny tonight.

It's difficult to motivate yourself when you are not in the mood. I have sometimes dressed up when I wasn't really in the mood and thought, "What the hell am I doing? I feel stupid." And I just take it all off and feel stupid anyway.

But then....it doesn't take too much encouragement to swing things the other way!!

:D

[Lauren_T]

In the course of mulling over my personal experience with this phenomenon, I was able to extract a strong correlation between those periods when my girliness is at low tide and my testosterone levels; those periods coïncide with my normally hyperactive immune function (which curbs testosterone production) being itself temporarily suppressed and therefore permitting my t-levels to significantly exceed their baselines... But there's no evidence to suggest that anyone but another fibromyalgia/CFS sufferer would be likely to share this scenario...:strugglin

[Stormgirl]

Angel Darling is such a lucky person to have somebody as special like you Marla.You are a blessing to everyone that is transgendered.

[sportschick]

Marla and Angel,

You hit on my favorite subject of non-girliness, amazing to hear that someone who has embraced it as much as Angel couldn't get in touch with it. The girl mode has left me since last spring, and although a perfect opportunity is coming up(wife going away for a week), I couldn't care less and have no plans to dress, which in my case is a good thing. But thanks for sharing this episode, you guys are lucky to have each other.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Definitely been there. Could be a couple reasons why.

Sometimes I just find I hit my saturation point if I've been dressing a lot and consequently don't feel the need as much.

Sometimes it just seemed like a bit too much effort after a long day. (I assume this probably isn't that different than a GG who doesn't feel like getting glammed up for a night on the town after a long week.)

Sometimes other feelings take precedence. After dislocating my knee I pretty much lost any interest for the next two weeks. (I guess it's a sign I'm feeling better that I kind of felt the urge to do so this past weekend.)

Sometimes, who knows? Hormones? Phases of the moon?

Anyway, glad to hear things worked out in the end. Incidently, I've noticed this sort of thing isn't exclusive to dressing -- I've sometimes had to force myself to go out to a movie, event, etc. where I ended up having a good time, even though initially I didn't want to go.

[Sarahgurl371]

I know exactly what we are talking about here. I had looked forward to Sunday all week. Gonna be alone, new skirts and shoes, I can't wait. Sunday morning rolls around, I'm tired. But one look at my new stuff and I figure...Yeeeeeeesssssssss. So worried about the time, only 6 hours till wife will be home, want to try on several outfits, of course some pictures, maybe different hair style, paint nails, jewelry. My plan also included cleaning the house, maybe some laundry, start dinner, and change back to HIM before she gets home.

Well I had too much to do and not enough time to do it. I basically feel rushed all the time that I get to dress, my ME TIME. By the time she gets home, I'm sitting around, kinda Blaaahhh. She asks what swrong and I say, " I just had kindof a crappy day" why she asks, " I got so involved in making my plans and tryinng to get stuff done, that I didn't even have time to enjoy my day", she just grins.

Ironically today I check the forum and what is the talk about! Guess we all feel that way sometimes!

[MonaSmith]

Can I just say something to redress the balance a bit.

Angel, you are very lucky to have Marla, as a lot of us have said, but Marla you are equally lucky to have Angel.

Relationships take two people, and even though I know that Marla is as damn near perfect a person as you will find :D, Angel is quite obviously giving Marla as much as Marla gives Angel.

So I say, Marla you are lucky to have a partner as cool as Angel, you are a really lucky girl.

Mona xx

[Tamara Croft]

Gosh... I thought it was all going to end in tears, but luckily on this occasion it didn't. Being a girl is hard work, putting all the glam stuff on, getting ready to go out, it all takes its toll eventually and you get that 'oh I just can't be bothered' feeling. I get like this quite a lot, but I can't explain it. It's just one of those unexplainable feelings that you eventually snap out of :hugs: Happens to us all sweetie ;)

[Raychel]

I must say that you two sure do make a faboulus couple. When one needs picking up the other is right there to lend a hand. How commendable is that!!!

It was a tough night that you already had planned then the girly thing dissapeared. If it had beem another night you could have done what everyone else does and just wait another day. You now that it will be back sooner or later. It never does really go away for ever.

But thumbs up on a fun evening anyway.:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[jessica_v]

My first post on this most facinating forum!

I enjoyed dinner with Marla, Angel and my SO, Ann (that's me to the far left in the picture). So I heard the story that started this post first hand. So far, I haven't had trouble making my temporary transformation when the need and the opportunity arises. But I listened with rapt attention as Angel and Marla relayed the tale. You should all know that Angel looked great, as usual!

My addendum started when we got home, after dinner. As Ann opened the door she exclaimed "There's that black cat running into the back room!" We've had trouble with a ferral tom cat in the neighborhood. Harassing our cats and even sneaking through the cat flap from time to time. Now he was trapped in a back bedroom. Ann took our cats into another part of the house and I walked carefully into the room. Two green eyes gleemed underneath my desk and a low, menacing growl greeted me. What to do? I suddenly felt very vulnerable in a skirt, heels and a sheer blouse! And I didn't want to run my new hose if an angry cat decided to climb my leg!! So I did what any CD would do, I summoned some testasterone. I stripped down to my underwear and put on a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans (some boy clothes over my foundations...) I grabbed a pair of leather gloves and a broom and went to work on the savage beast. And a trapped tom cat can make you think of a badger with a tooth ache! He was pissed and he wanted a piece of me. I could feel the silky underwear rustling against my skin to remind me that Jessica was still close-by. And I still had that broom! Ages ago, I would have gone into the dark with a spear to keep the wolves at bay... On this night I just got behind that cat and swatted him toward the back door. He seemed happy to leave, but he never stopped hissing and growling!!

I stood there for a moment, halfway between jessica and my boy self. Glad that I could take care of the messy situation, but realizing that I'd broken the spell. I took off my glove and looked at my fingers. Long, beautiful red fingernails looked back at me. I kicked off the jeans and the flannel shirt and went back to find Ann, and jessica...

jessica vanraalte

[Phoebe Reece]

Great story! Marla, you and Angel are indeed very lucky to have each other.

To just not feel in the mood for doing makeup, dressing, etc. is fairly normal (at least for me) and I think it demonstrates that I am just a part time crossdresser. I couldn't do all of the things neccessary for a transformation every day and I have great admiration for those people that do.

Sometimes just before a scheduled Tri-Ess chapter meeting, I think to myself, "Is it really that time of the month again?", with a feeling that it is more a chore than an exciting event. If I didn't have responsibilities as a board member of our chapter, I might not actually go when feeling like that. But, after shaving, doing makeup, getting in my finery, and am actually on my way to the meeting place, those feelings completely disappear and I end up having a great time - glad for every second of it. I think it really has more to do with it being a scheduled event than anything else. When you have a committment to participating, sometimes it's almost like going to work.

[Rachel Morley]

I enjoyed dinner with Marla, Angel and my SO, Ann (that's me to the far left in the picture). So I heard the story that started this post first hand.Hi there Jessica:) it's great to hear from you and I am so glad you decided to become a member. This forum is the best place on the web! :D I loved hearing about your near "cat"astophic incident!


What to do? I suddenly felt very vulnerable in a skirt, heels and a sheer blouse! I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes, depending on what I'm doing, wearing girly clothing can make you feel a little bit vulnerable:)
I could feel the silky underwear rustling against my skin to remind me that Jessica was still close-by. hee hee...very distracting no doubt...but nice all the same.


I stood there for a moment, halfway between jessica and my boy self. Glad that I could take care of the messy situation, but realizing that I'd broken the spell. I took off my glove and looked at my fingers. Long, beautiful red fingernails looked back at me. I kicked off the jeans and the flannel shirt and went back to find Ann, and jessica.I love happy endings:D

Take care