Its all about me

[Nigella]

This is a support forum, offering the support asked for, we hope, to all, no matter where we are on the spectrum and that includes the SOs who have come here for support in either understanding with a view to accepting, or those who just want to understand.

What does come across, IMHO, is that a majority of posts still come across as "It's all about me". What do I mean, well just look at some of the responses to OPs, how many post about an experience they have had in relation to the OP, sometimes I wonder could the OP have been answered without the need for a personal experience being included.

I know that sometimes a personal experience may be the best way to respond, but maybe it is "all about me" as often as I can.

[Tasha McIntyre]

We all have a story to tell, and sometimes we like to tell it.
Reading about different experiences also offers a bit of perspective.

[Karren H]

Change the minimum required posting letters from 20 back to 2 and I'll stop expounding. "No". "Yes". "Maybe".

[xristy]

Also, when you tell somebody about an experience you had, it helps you relate to them. It also shows that you may have a unique perspective on that a particular situation.

If you don't want to read someones story, just skip over it....

[Sandra]

I agree that peoples experiences can help others and we all like to hear about them...but the person responding needs to remember to also reply to the OPs question and not just post about themselves.

[AllieSF]

Yes, you could be right. I tend to include a lot of my own personal experiences with some of my posts, because I think that it adds some credibility to what I am saying (I do not expect everyone oldies and newbies to remember my history and background), reinforces what the OP was stating and, probably, I like so many others also just like to hear myself talk (write in this case). I do try to refrain from including a similar personal experience when I do not think that it is needed or appropriate. Personally, I do not think that I do it too much. But then again as we always seem to say here, beauty, as well as the other, is in the eyes of the beholder. I also do not see that in most cases it detracts from the OP's post nor always looks like an ego trip by the poster. I see just the opposite. The OP better understands and relates to other's experiences.

Getting off track, which is so easy to do, seems to be a much bigger problem and one that I think could use increased attention. If I get an off track post deleted, it doesn't bother me, if I was truly off track. Deleting off topic, contentious, discourteous posts keeps the original post focusing on the original topic and can greatly reduce some of the unending side arguments that go on here, when the original topic was more than enough to discuss.

[LeaP]

Support and anecdote are not antithetical.

I'd offer an illustration, but ...!

Lea

[Kate T]

I agree with Nigella

As a species we can be a tad narcissistic. As TG's I think many of us if we are truthful with ourselves want attention / validation. Theres nothing necessarily wrong with that but I do think that it can become all about me. Personal experience is fine but I think everyone knows the person who it is tedious to talk too because everything get's dragged around to "well when I did X ..."

[Cynthia Anne]

When the thread finnishes as many do, asking 'any one else had this problem'! YES
NO!
SOMETIMES!
NEVER!
Now that was some good readin' there! Hugs!

[NicoleScott]

Sometimes the OP is not a question, like this one. It promotes discussion instead of requiring short answers.

Personal experiences help to give perspective. Sometimes we need more perspective. A little about myself helps others to understand my post, my position, my way of thinking.

I try to identify something about myself when it is relevant. We have had threads, for example, about CD's coming out of the closet for the common good. Many of those advocating coming out are TS, but don't readily provide that info - I often find out by researching previous posts. Well, doggone it, coming out for a part-time CD is an entirely different matter than for a full-time transitioned TS. As this section is about M to F crossdressing, others should so identify themselves.

I like to read about others' experiences, which I am free to ignore or take interest. I give my experiences, which others are free to ignore or take interest.
Yes, sometimes it's all about me. My experiences are the only experiences I have.

[sara.s]

Earlier today, I had a good time walking in the park... blah blah blah.. I then lost my ring in the blah blah blah... During the time i was searching, I found this girl smiling blah blah.. My makeup was running and my lipstick was smudged ... more blah.... I know i am not helpful, but i just want to express myself and be myself and make friends and next time you lose a ring, you will know where to find it:OT::spammer::Pfft::troll:




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Next time, when :sh:, you know what to do.

[Rianna Humble]

Next time, when :sh:, you know what to do.

Yes, post a personal anecdote :p

[Ann Thomas]

Nigella, I think it's also healthy to let people tell a story. It can be quite therapeutic for the story teller as well. Sometimes I can learn from my own story, as I sit there and write it something will dawn on me that's very helpful for myself. (I guess that's the ultimate in it being 'all about me'?)

I don't tend to read long posts very often, or I speed read them to see the general direction of the writer and the thread.

I appreciate the time people spend writing their more deep thoughts. I mean if these are just too long, well, there's always Twitter.

Ann

[eluuzion]

"But, enough about me. Let's talk about you! What do you think about me?"

:heehee:


:love:

[jillleanne]

lmao, yep, for sure, ahah, umhum, yepper, yesiree, you betcha,
You, know, this really is much easier than all that typing nonsense. Who wanted a discussion forum anyway?
:love:[/QUOTE]

[linda allen]

For many of us, we are the only crossdresser we know personally. I helps to hear other CDer's experiences sometimes. Of course, some are repeated over and over again, but it's easy to just skim over or ignore stories we don't want to read. As long as they are related to the original post or responses, I am all for them being posted.

What I don't like, and won't read or respond to, are the posts with no capitalization or punctuation and all run together with no paragraph breaks. It's just too hard to make sense of them.

And if you can't go to the trouble of spelling out the word "two" or "too", or "you", I'm not going to go to the trouble of reading or responding to your post. :tongueout

[JulieK1980]

I always thought the purpose of discussion was to hear all the points of view, and yes sometimes a personal experience can show a point more clearly, or express an idea better. This place would be a tad dull if every reply was a, No, yes, or maybe.

Granted, a person sharing a personal story to make a point sometimes fails at making the point, but we are not all literary geniuses that score every time we post.

[Rianna Humble]

Nigella, I think it's also healthy to let people tell a story.

No-one is trying to stop you posting about your personal experiences. The way I read Nigella's post is that she is making a plea for people to stop and consider whether the stories of personal achievement actually contribute to helping the original poster in any given thread. Nigella already recognised that a personal anecdote n the right context can be helpful when she wrote
I know that sometimes a personal experience may be the best way to respond,



I always thought the purpose of discussion was to hear all the points of view, and yes sometimes a personal experience can show a point more clearly, or express an idea better.

Given that you have repeated Nigella's recognition that sometimes a personal experience can help, would that be all points of view apart from those which simply suggest asking yourself whether posting your story is actually going to help?

[Momarie]

It's good advice and a welcome reminder....not just here but in our conversations in real life as well.

When I do this it's a way to offer solidarity, to say it happened to me too, you are not alone.

But I can also see that it's a way to put the focus on me instead of offering support in a way that the focus remains on the one seeking comfort.

[JulieK1980]

Given that you have repeated Nigella's recognition that sometimes a personal experience can help, would that be all points of view apart from those which simply suggest asking yourself whether posting your story is actually going to help?

I'm not 100% sure I follow this sentence correctly.

But, I'll attempt to clarify what I'm saying. Sometimes, we don't see the connection between the story and the OP however, just because we can't connect it, doesn't necessarily mean the person that wrote it didn't intend to relate the two. It doesn't necessarily mean it's "all about them." It could just be a miscommunication, (which very often happens in writing online as we lose body language, and tone of voice in our writing, and even the best literary minds out there can fail at conveying proper emotion in their writing.)

Perhaps the OP here is relating more to the thread derailments here, and the often occurring side conversations that occur particularly the bickering on some of the more contested topics here? In that circumstance I agree wholeheartedly that those are "all about me" type of posts.

The way the OP here reads to me though, is that relating personal experience to a thread is somehow a selfish act and I don't think it to be. (At least in most circumstances.) I think ineffective communication is more likely the culprit in *most* circumstances. (Not all of course) Many times I read a post, and I'm lost as to its connection to the topic, but I don't immediately write it off, generally I assume I'm just missing the point.

[sara.s]

Sometimes, we don't see the connection between the story and the OP however, just because we can't connect it, doesn't necessarily mean the person that wrote it didn't intend to relate the two. It doesn't necessarily mean it's "all about them."
If we "dont see" a connection between OP and the personal story, then there is DEFINITELY no connection. Why introduce ambiguity there? It couldn't be attributed to miscommunication all the time. it could also be misunderstanding/misinterpretation of OP or just the need to be "all about me" of the poster.


Perhaps the OP here is relating more to the thread derailments here, and the often occurring side conversations that occur particularly the bickering on some of the more contested topics here? In that circumstance I agree wholeheartedly that those are "all about me" type of posts. I don't think OP is referring to the thread derailments. If threads don't derail, what is the fun. nobody wants Question-Answer threads all the time.

[jazmine]

I think I get what you are trying to lay down but....Yeah,,, My life is all about me, and I am at the center of my life.(it's the Sun/Planet correlation). I'm ok with this and don't feel bad about it. Maybe this is just the "id" coming out in a carbon based life form. I don't know..... Don't get me wrong, I will always help people out, listen to them, sacrifice for them....but in the end, I have to make sure number one is happy, before I can be of use to somebody else. I will always listen to somebody elses story, try to be of some help to that person,,,,but somewhere along the way I will tell my story too as an example. I don't know what I just said, it probably had nothing to do with your post...and I am thoroughly confused at why I am sitting behind a keyboard right now.....

[Kittyagain]

If we were a shrinks and the OP was laying on a leather couch I would agree.

I come to the forum mostly for the sharing of the experience. If some of that supports me or someone then all the better. I would like to think the forum is 75% sharing and 25% support.

Life experiences are very valuable.

Kitty

[Lucy_Bella]

I support the fact that this is a support forum.. Nothing else is needed to be said..
Thanks

[JulieK1980]

If we "dont see" a connection between OP and the personal story, then there is DEFINITELY no connection. Why introduce ambiguity there? It couldn't be attributed to miscommunication all the time. it could also be misunderstanding/misinterpretation of OP or just the need to be "all about me" of the poster.

I'm almost positive you just said exactly what I was trying to say. ;)

[sara.s]

Life experiences are very valuable.
Valuable to whom?
if the OP doesn't even want to hear it (if there is no connection), why impose it?

[Kittyagain]

Valuable to whom?
if the OP doesn't even want to hear it (if there is no connection), why impose it?

Sara, I would think the OP would have to state in the post, "Please do not share any story about yourself or others." How else would we know.

I know this reads like a SA answer but it is really not meant to be that.

The forum would be very dull and probably die a slow death.

Kitty

[sara.s]

Sara, I would think the OP would have to state in the post, "Please do not share any story about yourself or others." How else would we know.
I know this reads like a SA answer but it is really not meant to be that.
The forum would be very dull and probably die a slow death.

Kitty
we probably would be on the same page if we had an example of the post. Say the OP asks a question "I am going to Florida on 3 day business conference and looking to go places dressed" and if a poster replies with the fun she had in Seattle.. would you agree this is an "all about me" post? What use would that be to the OP?

[Dawn cd]

I believe personal stories can often be more illuminating than impersonal, factual responses. It takes a particular kind of vision to penetrate a story and see its point. It helps to have a humanistic, rather than scientific, mindset. That being said, I also believe Nigella is onto something when she complains that too many stories are "all about me." It seems that a lot of folks are eager to unload their personal history even when it doesn't cast any light on the point being discussed. We need to continually ask ourselves, does this story really advance the discussion?

[t-girlxsophie]

If your little experience may either give a different perspective or a support for a post,why shouldnt we offer it up,if it has a connection with the OP its not a selfish me,me,me thing IMO

Sophie

[Kittyagain]

we probably would be on the same page if we had an example of the post. Say the OP asks a question "I am going to Florida on 3 day business conference and looking to go places dressed" and if a poster replies with the fun she had in Seattle.. would you agree this is an "all about me" post? What use would that be to the OP?

Sara, yes, I would agree.

Kitty

[Nigella]

We all have our own experiences which could enhance the topic under discussion, as I already indicated these can be a healthy way of responding to the OP. Heck even I do it, this thread is not about those types of input to threads, this thread is about some members who post time and time again about their own lives, not always to the betterment of the thread, but more as a means of saying well look at me.

Taking a thread off topic is a natural progression, as posts are responded to the thread slowly moves away from the original topic, at this point it is usually brought back to the original topic.

In everyday life we use personal experience to get a point across, but do we do it on a continuous basis, no we know where to draw the line, why not take that knowledge and experience and utilise it when responding to threads on the fourm?

[SmileS12]

If I don't like to read someone's life story, I have no problem using my mouse or keyboard the way they were intended. I can skim here just like I do a newspaper. I'm not a journalist, nor do I want to be. What I do know is that all people are different (Thank God! Life would be boring if they weren't). Some people use their hands to express themselves, not possible here in forum. Some people in their efforts want to be graphic so what they are saying is not taken out of context. I was told when I was young by my Dad that watching someone can tell you more about them than actually talking to them, because people only tell you what they want you to hear, or tell you what they think you want to hear. I've read a lot of posts here, and have never found anyone with the so called, "It's all about me" attitude. Personal and somewhat graphic posts are sometimes easier to understand the true meaning of the words being typed (sort of expressive). When you type something here, you never know how it will be taken. You only know how you intended it. It's text, not a live chat line. I don't think it has anything to do with us being male, female, TG,CD,TS or anything of the like. It has to do with us being people, and the way we learn to write, type, talk, and act as we are growing up. I never take anything personal, and personally do not care how one types here or any other forum as long as what is being said is in positive light, and not negative light.