CALLING ANOTHER XDRESSER "HON" or "sweetie" or "you look hot" - explain please

[CINDYO]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is
complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance

[Karren H]

Do not have a clue why but I so hate being called those and a few others.. Really hate it.. Big time.

[Jeanna]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is
complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance

Oh take it easy sweety;)

[MissMarcie]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is
complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance
They're doing it because they think and they think others think that it makes them more femme. Yeah, I also think it's dumb, but that's the way it is.

[NathalieX66]

I get that too.
I don't mind the hot legs comments, but sweetie and hon stuff, I'm not big on. I will say that being objectified is a cool and unique experience, that much I'll stick up for.

I have been out at some CD events where the crowd is very mixed, and I'm all for that. But things can, and do get confusing for me when I start getting the attention that exceeds the compliments and goes into something else.
I justfy myself as a woman when I'm dressed up, and I want all the trappings. I'm too "lipstick lesbian" to consider strolling home with a guy.

[VioletJourney]

It's a little over the top. I've never met a GG who said hon or sweetie.

[Toni Citara]

If I think a guy has a smoking outfit and pulls off an amazing look, I will compliment him. I see nothing wrong with a compliment. I don't call another guy "sweetie" or "honey" or "girl". If they prefer to be referred to as a woman/she/her when dressed en femme, I will honor that wish. Otherwise it is ... Dayum Dude, Love the Heels!! LOL

[Debglam]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is
complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance

Hi Cindy,

I don't think this has anything to do with the speaker's sexual preference. It has more to do with "getting into the role" for some individuals. If it makes the speaker feel a little more femme, so be it. No big deal but if you really take offense, PM the speaker and let them know.

Oh yeah, I frequent a couple of diners where all of the customers are "hon," "sweetie," etc. to the GF waitresses.

[Eryn]

I've met several who use those terms. I don't think that I would use them myself as I'm not in a situation where that would be proper.

When I comment on a photo on the forum I am commenting as one female would comment to another. If someone is obviously going for an edgy club look a comment of "you look hot" would be appropriate. I doubt that I'd ever be able to have that said of my normal looks!

[r0adstar]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is
complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance

they're just adopting somewhat femme mannerisms, bro. Would you like to be called that instead of "hon" or "sweetie"?

[Kathryn Philips]

I'm not to keen on being addressed as hon or sweetie. Also, I think calling me "hot" would be inappropriate as I consider myself as an ordinary middle aged woman. One thing I do is sign most of my posts and PMs with kisses because as a woman it is the natural thing to do.

xxx
Kathryn

[Nesreen]

When I compliment another male crossdresser or transvestite I don't think of them as men, but as women. So, I don't see any confusion when a heterosexual compliments a girl. The term Sweetie and Hon.. I know why some CD/TG/TVs use it.. because it makes them sound feminine. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, CDs complimenting each other would never tell you their sexual orientation. Because I am sure homo, bi and hetero sexual do it all the time. Basically, we're just giving you the benefit of doubt... :D

[audreyinalbany]

the 'hon' and 'sweetie' appellation always reminds me a late-middle aged waitress. "Want some more coffee, hon?"

[Kittyagain]

It's a little over the top. I've never met a GG who said hon or sweetie.

It used to be quite common in the GG world and still is when dealing with children here in the South. I have been called sweetie just the other day a cashier at a grocery store. Well accepted and meant to be friendly.

That being said, I am not a fan of it here between us.

[Sophie86]

Here in the South, GGs will call complete strangers of either sex 'hon' and 'sweety' all the time. They will also compliment another girl on her appearance. It don't mean nothin', hon, bless your heart. It's just somethin' we say.

[Barbra P]

I’ve known several women over the years that call other women “Hon” or “sweetie”, it’s just their nature and was pretty sure they met nothing by it. I’ve worked with women who have also called the males in the workplace “Hon” or “sweetie” and none of the males thought anything of it either.

While I don’t particularly like being called by names, I don’t take offense either. Nor do I take offense from huggers and I’ve met women who when I was introduced hugged me and hugged me every time we met after that. I don’t come from a family that was big on hugging people outside of the immediate family, but I realize that doesn’t hold true for a lot of people. My Wife and I used to have a couple that we saw frequently and whenever we got together he would hug my Wife and kiss her on the cheek and his Wife would do the same to me and then his wife would then turn and give my Wife a hug. He had the good sense not to hug me thankfully.

I see a number of things that are frequently written here on the forum and as others have already stated I think it is just manifestation that people have adopted that they think makes them seem more feminine. I wouldn’t read too much into how many express themselves here and I certainly wouldn’t try and attach any sexual orientation to it.

[Kate Simmons]

Just terms of endearment my friend (Notice I didn't call you Hon?).:battingeyelashes::)

[LilSissyStevie]

It's pretty common in the South to use hon, honey, sweetie, sugar, etc as terms of endearment for either sex. I have an aunt that calls me "sugar" and I don't think I've ever heard her use my given name.

[Duana]

It used to bother me, but not any more. I know why they do it and while I don't use hon or sweetie, I'm sure I've used some other terms of endearment, though usually just names. I will definitely say a CD looks hot if she does, what's wrong with that? I like it when I'm told that so I assume they will like it too.

I quickly learned, going out in the world, that if you've going to present as a woman, you have to act like one. The first time a guy kissed my hand or cheek, was really weird but now its no big deal. Now I'm comfortable hugging guys, posing in pics, whatever. It doesn't make me gay. Its part of being a woman.

Some of you really need to take a chill pill and forget the homophobia.

[Jamie001]

When I am in my normal fem-guy mode of presentation, I would much rather be called hon or sweetie by sales associates. It sure beats being called "sir". I hate being called "sir".

[Kaz]

Here in the South, GGs will call complete strangers of either sex 'hon' and 'sweety' all the time. They will also compliment another girl on her appearance. It don't mean nothin', hon, bless your heart. It's just somethin' we say.

In the North of England, the term 'luv' was and is often used... as in "hello luv", "Aah, did she really, luv?"... it is just a term used to establish a link. Maybe the fact that more women use this phraseology than men is about establishing these bonds... a naturally feminine thing to do - unlike the male approach... handshakes are all about disclosing that you do not have a weapon... as in I am not going to kill you (wll at least not right now!)...

There are some affectations I hate and yeah... hon, sweetie are not very UK... but I accept them as intended... no harm done!

[Sophie86]

Maybe the fact that more women use this phraseology than men is about establishing these bonds... a naturally feminine thing to do - unlike the male approach... handshakes are all about disclosing that you do not have a weapon... as in I am not going to kill you (wll at least not right now!)...

Southern men used to use terms like "honey" and "sweetheart" towards women, but I think that's gone out now. I consider it mostly harmless, but a salesman once called my wife "honey" and she let him have it with both barrels. It wasn't the word so much as the context, but he was absolutely being patronizing towards her.

[Kaz]

Southern men used to use terms like "honey" and "sweetheart" towards women, but I think that's gone out now. I consider it mostly harmless, but a salesman once called my wife "honey" and she let him have it with both barrels. It wasn't the word so much as the context, but he was absolutely being patronizing towards her.

Arrogant male salesmen and sensitive female customers... a marriage made in heaven!

I spent a large part of my life negotiating on behalf of my wife! I just love all the issues about terminology and phrases... it fits in my professional area sadly, so I am 'into it'...

It is amazing how terms have changed and will always change. Honey becam 'hon' and sweetheart became 'sweetie', although sweetie has other conotations over here.. a sweetie is someone who does things for others... the worst is to be a male and be a'sweetie' in the eyes of the women.. it somehow feels good but it is also very demeaning... "Oh Bob, he is such a sweetie!"... kinda makes you feel used and abused... but they sure as hell love you to bits!

The only people who call me 'sir' in the UK are some foreign students (I teach) or policemen... think about that!

[ReineD]

To get the thread back on track ... :)

This isn't a regional question so much as Cindy is asking about a wife whose husband leaves comments that are in the same spirit of : "Oh, what a hottie", or "You're so cute, babe", or even, "Humma, humma, you've got great legs!"

What does this mean?

I'm just trying to help Cindy get some answers from what I think is the intent of her question.

[Duana]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
...
Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie?

Following Reine's guidance, the answer is, yes; obviously, empirically, however you want to look at it. You seem to be puzzled at how a straight CD could do that. My answer is, I'm secure in my sexual orientation and my manhood. Its no different than walking, talking and dancing like a woman. The better question, IMHO, is why would a CD act like a man while presenting as a woman. That's just weird, again, IMHO.

[Sophie86]

To get the thread back on track ... :)

This isn't a regional question so much as Cindy is asking about a wife whose husband leaves comments that are in the same spirit of: "Oh, what a hottie", or "You're so cute, babe", or even, "Humma, humma, you've got great legs!"

What does this mean?

I'm just trying to help Cindy get some answers from what I think is the intent of her question.

So what she really wants to know is whether the husband is gay or not. Well, I don't know who the husband is, so I can't give my opinion on that. I just know what it means when I do these things. It means I'm mimicking what I take to be feminine behavior, and I'm just not heterosexual enough (I guess) to see a problem with it.

I really wish I could help, but that's all I've got.

[Kaz]

Sorry if I appeared to be off thread... the point I was making was that if someone feels that for whatever reason they have to use this terminology... it could be that they are trying to identify with a cultural norm... and that they may have a particular view of what women are 'supposed' to say. When I first joined this site there was a Yorkshire GG who called everyone 'hun' or 'hon'... because she felt that it helped her communicate with the US fraternity... her perception was that this would facilitate her on-line acceptance by adopting a common 'language'...

OK, am I still off-thread? It could be that I have totally missed the point?

Why would a hetero-guy use this language? Because he is trying to use a language that connects with people... I have heard women call each other 'sweeties'... I have heard them call men 'sweeties' and have been on the receiving end, as I tried to ennunciate. I have heard men call women 'sweeties'...

Is it appropriate for a hetero CD to call another CD a 'sweetie'...?

Cindy... I appreciate that there may some 'other intent' implied here, but I take this as positive. If someone says I am 'hot', I just think... the pic must have worked.. I look good. I think a lot of us 'big up' our posts to others... because we want to be supportive..

Put it this way... I have posted some pics of me with very exposed legs in hosiery that presented them better than if they were nude. I want comment because I am 'proud' to have been able to achieve this look given the crap I have to work with... someone says .. "you look hot"... I take it as... I got away with it.. I can't look that bad?

So it is a compliment.

But I do appreciate that some comments can offend people... so far I haven't been offended by anyone... and have only offended others through my written posts (as far as I know)...

I am hoping this helps... but I appreciate from Reine's intervention that I may have totally got the wrong end of the stick here....

[NicoleScott]

Many straight women say of other women "Wow, she's very pretty." I've never heard a straight guy say "Wow, that guy sure is handsome." If you did, eyebrows would be raised. It's just the culture we're in, I guess.

[miga]

Speaking for myself (though I personally don't lean toward bestowing endearment on any but my SO and daughter), just visiting the forum has the effect of causing me to "think" in a feminine mode; as such - I wouldn't bat a brow at any terminology, or interaction, consistent between women.

[rebecca.cross2]

Okay, I have to chime in on this one. I have been married for 18 years and think that I may be able to provide some value to this. Everyone is talking about "it is part of the role" or "it is just part of being a woman". Put on the brakes!
I have never heard my wife or any other woman tell a friend "you look hot". Sounds like Paris Hilton to me--kind of childish. If my wife ever posted to some guys page that he looked so hot, I would be offended on a personal level.
A nice compliment like "that dress is so cute", or "I love those shoes" are not any concern, but when comments go to a personal level I think it crosses the line. If someone told me I look hot, I would take it as a come on--and a bad one at that. I am not sure about a woman, but I am sure they would as well.
I like to look nice, and I am sure all CD's do as well. It is nice to get a compliment from time to time "so pretty" "very cute" "so fabulous" would be what I would call a normal comment. Calling anyone "hon" or "sweetie", it really depends on the context of what is being said. Using these terms can be harmless, and just trying to sound femenine. But used in certain ways can be inappropriate.
I am not sure what the whole story is CindyO, but I would say it is time to have a sit down and tell him how you feel. Honestly, it does not matter what my opinion is, and it does not matter what anyone elses opinion is. your opinion is the one that counts. If it bothers you, say something and let him know it is not alright. The only person he should be saying "you look hot" to is you.

[Rachel Morley]

Ok, I didn't read all the replies to your thread ... but for me I hate being called "Hon" or "Sweetie" or whatever ... it's so condescending! :Angry3:

[Sophie86]

I have never heard my wife or any other woman tell a friend "you look hot".

I guess they just don't do that sort of thing in the Central USA. Must be the cold climate.


I am not sure what the whole story is CindyO, but I would say it is time to have a sit down and tell him how you feel. Honestly, it does not matter what my opinion is, and it does not matter what anyone elses opinion is. your opinion is the one that counts.

I agree.


The only person he should be saying "you look hot" to is you.

I don't necessarily agree with this. Or rather, I don't agree that this needs to be the rule for all married couples. If Cindy is having a problem with it, though, then it would be very considerate of her husband to stop doing it so as to save her feelings.

[docrobbysherry]

Since I'm straight, I used to be VERY creeped out by those terms when I first arrived here 4 years ago, Cindy. I guess because I joined another CD site where I got hit on A LOT! By guys and CDs. And, EVERYONE knows how perverted CDs r! Rite?:eek:
However, after years of chatting and meeting some wonderful contacts and friends here, I actually use those terms of endearment myself! When I FEEL kind of close to someone! And, I find I rather enjoy someone I know using them on me. I don't and wouldn't use them in person, only here!:battingeyelashes:

Blame it on the Pink Fog? That, and I feel MOST of members here would prefer those terms to, "Hey Bud"! Or, "Dude"!:brolleyes:

[Tina B.]

Thank you Sherry, that's what I wanted to say!
Tina B.

[Julogden]

Around where I live, it's common for women of my age to use "Hon" and "Dear" in conversation with even strangers, sort of a term of friendliness, and I've picked it up without trying, not something I do intentionally. Perhaps it's the older generation's version of "dude"? I'd much rather be addressed as "hon" than "dude".

The "dude" term is very annoying to me, getting old, I guess. ;) Sort of like my generation using the term "man" back in the 60's and 70's, but I thought that too was annoying back then.

Carol

[Crissy Kay]

I really don"t think there is any harm it it myself. My cd friend will call me Hun, every once in a while. I just do not think its anything to get worked up about.

[KellieCD]

Wow. I had no idea so many opposed those sweet little names. I actually enjoy it! maybe for the reasons many of you stated: to feel more femme, or just to be over the top. I know many GG's who use these terms regularly.

[CarlaWestin]

Do not have a clue why but I so hate being called those and a few others.. Really hate it.. Big time.

Yea, it's like being included in any group called "you guys". This guy (dressed or otherwise) tends to get Irish on people that use that comment. Call me Hon or Sweetie any day.

[CheyenneNicky]

I think its rediculous to worry about this, I used honey sweetheart love before I thought about crossdressing, I use hun when I am trying to be close when explaining something to a girl when she is upset, like listen hun... how I grew up living in nc and fl, also I am straight.... when I compliment a girl its cause she is a girl thats that, when I see a cder to me she i a girl but I am not going to try and get with her....

[DanaR]

Do not have a clue why but I so hate being called those and a few others.. Really hate it.. Big time.

I'm with Karren on this as well.

[Leslie Langford]

It's a little over the top. I've never met a GG who said hon or sweetie.

Say what, Molly???

Clearly, you've never gone through a check out at either a big box or a department store - or for that matter, any other store that employs middle-aged (and beyond) ladies. That's a standard form of greeting/term of endearment for them, along with "dear". Usually, "ma'am" seems to be way down their list in terms of more common usage.

I used to be a bit freaked out by that, thinking that they were somehow trying to mock me when using those terms. Then I realized that they addressed everyone like that - it's just what they do in their motherly, nurturing kind of way to try to be friendly. It's really quite harmless and I've gotten used to being addressed that way. There are a lot worse ways in which we could be referred to - especially among the redneck crowd.

[Shananigans]

Maybe they are emulating Southern ladies? I still call people "hon" and "sweetie"...I told my mom she looked hot the other day after I picked out a dress for her. And, obviously I don't want to do my mom.

Now, if I called my mom "hon" or "sweetie," she would smack my mouth. (We still say "yes, ma'am" and "no ma'am" to folks that we respect/are higher up than ourselves). But, we do it a lot down here in Alabama to people we know/people on our same level...so much so that in my nursing class, part of our lecture for the day was to never call our patients "hon" or "sweetie" because they "might not be from 'round these parts and they'll take it the wrong way." But, we can't call them "ma'am" or "sir" either...I have to conscientiously call people Mr. Smith or John Smith. It's a little weird.

Some people take it the wrong way though...

So, I learned to only do it (the hon and sweetie thing) with my good friends and people of my family from the same age. But, some guys down here that are emulating us probably don't get all of the mechanics of it and do it when it's a bit inappropriate.

EDIT: I was reading a previous post, and it is true that some Southern gentlemen will still say "honey," "lovely," etc. But, it's kind of a new day and age, so most of them only do that to family and close friends. I know my boyfriend's family (from the Midwest) and my extended family from Boston always get a tickle at coming down here and listening to us. There ARE still things down here that are a bit "backwards," to some but we consider it "ladylike." So, I could see a CD visiting my family and seeing how the women act towards each other and their close friends and trying to adopt it. But, there's a bit of a finesse to it all. Even the men down here that still will hold the doors open for you, pull out your chair, and say, "Honey, can I get you something to drink?" I don't see that as getting hit on by a guy, but how a man SHOULD be treating me. Elsewhere, that man might get a firm talking to...

[Staci G]

Duana has the right idea, North South East or West doesn't matter. If I present as a woman I adapt the feminine speech based on what I have heard all my life. I am straight and I call some of you "hon, or sweetie" and I do say when someone is "hot" when I think they are. I am basing the hot on what I like to see in a woman as a man. So does that mean I want to sleep with them? No I don't, however if I met a woman that presented themselves as some of the girls go on here I would in a skinny minute. So sweetie I don't mean any harm by it but I try to do as I was taught by the women in my life. Thanks hun have a great day.

[PaulaAnn]

Doesn't bother me in the least;it's a term of endearment,a form of greeting, something to break the ice when chatting with each other......I rather like them;makes us girls a little bit closer I think.Perhaps the fact I'm gay may have a bearing on this ;I don't know.........
Paula.

[Chickhe]

I had that happen to me recently...sales person said 'sweetie'. It really makes me grit my teeth. In the end, I figured it meant she read me (which I know she did because she said all types of people are welcome in her store) and wasn't comfortable using 'miss' ... but I could just be a cultural thing I'm just not accustomed too also. She was really nice to me so I don't think she meant anything negative.

[Stephanie47]

If you called my wife "sweetie" or "honey" she'd knock you dead on your ass-literally. To me to say a woman looks "hot" is to convey an opinion that she may want to _ _ _ _ . Get a guys juices flowing! Sexual! Maybe it's a generational thing, but, I'd rather be complimented on my choice of clothing and accessories, makeup and hair. I think the lady receiving a compliment would rather be told she looks great, lovely, attractive, radiant, etc. My son once told a group of relatives when he saw his mother's picture at age twenty that she "really looked great." How does a gentlemen say his mother looked "hot?"

PS: When I was a kid I hated it when some older woman would call me "dearie."

[Shayla99]

When I compliment another male crossdresser or transvestite I don't think of them as men, but as women. So, I don't see any confusion when a heterosexual compliments a girl. The term Sweetie and Hon.. I know why some CD/TG/TVs use it.. because it makes them sound feminine. Nothing more and nothing less.

So, CDs complimenting each other would never tell you their sexual orientation. Because I am sure homo, bi and hetero sexual do it all the time. Basically, we're just giving you the benefit of doubt... :D

Thanx..well said exactly......

I LOVE being called hon, or sweetie....I do not want to ever hear," DUDE, I just loved your tights man." , or "hey man, what kind of lip gloss is that" Just me...obviously.

Some people should relax a little, and bend there vocabulary with their gender?!

[Shananigans]

Is this why people will say something complimentary and then say "no homo?"

Maybe I should tell my girlfriends, "Thanks, sweetie...NO HOMO!" But, then that wouldn't exactly be true. This is a conundrum!

[jillleanne]

So what are you saying? You wish to be addressed/recognized as a guy in a skirt?.... " great looking skirt you are wearing Butch!" " That's a very sexy dress you are wearing today Ralph!!!"

[KarenS]

Many women call other women by things such as "hon" or "sweetie". Personally, as I try to present, I consider these general terms that are more feminine than what I might otherwise use. So, Yes, I use them also. I don't see them as a put down but as a feminine means of expression.

Judging from other opinions within the thread, I suppose I am wrong far more often than I think for using the terms. If it bothers you, politely saying you prefer not to be referred to in that manner would be enough for me to stop when talking to someone. But, I don't think it would stop me from using it all together.

I don't see it as a put-down - more as a term of acceptance of the presentation of another and expression of my femininity.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think some people would complain even if they were hung by a rope made of diamonds! When in 'fem' I talk, dress, act, feel, and think as such! Just because I say I love you, you are beautiful, you are sooo sexy! Does not mean I want to take you to bed! Hugs!

[Lori B]

I think some people would complain even if they were hung by a rope made of diamonds! When in 'fem' I talk, dress, act, feel, and think as such! Just because I say I love you, you are beautiful, you are sooo sexy! Does not mean I want to take you to bed! Hugs!
lol,,,your sooo right doll......:heehee::battingeyelashes:


So what are you saying? You wish to be addressed/recognized as a guy in a skirt?.... " great looking skirt you are wearing Butch!" " That's a very sexy dress you are wearing today Ralph!!!" got that right Jillleanne

[*Vanessa*]

I think some people would complain even if they were hung by a rope made of diamonds! When in 'fem' I talk, dress, act, feel, and think as such! Just because I say I love you, you are beautiful, you are sooo sexy! Does not mean I want to take you to bed! Hugs!


got that right Jillleanne......YO,wasssup DUDE,,nice forms and cleavage...lol...:heehee:

Diddo - just silliness sweetie <3

[juno]

The terms sweetheart, etc., are a bit overkill, but some GGs still do it. Women sometimes address each other that way, and it has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Males would never do that because most of them are homophobic and insecure.

The OPs real question is why a heterosexual genetic male would compliment another genetic male with endearing terms that would seem gay if they were both presenting as males. The simple answer is that they are conversing with their female persona, which means that they can act female even if it does not match their true feeling.

My opinion s that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the presentation of a sexy woman even if you know there is a male underneath. In fact, I don't know why it would be a big deal to anyone to have girlfriend with a penis. Genitalia is only a small part of a person's total sex/gender.

[MackenzieMarigold]

I love being called sweetie! I think it's adorable.

[Loni]

i was not dressed. but smiled inside when a water called me hon. (yes he is gay. i am not. and first time we ever saw each other and have not since), this was in a little greasy spoon, in a very small town, in very red-neck-cow-boy country.
my friend gives me ribbing about it...but i get back at him cause the waiter sat down next to him. ;-)

as for getting called "hon", i guess it is ok...pending the what, when, and were. would rather be called loni. but not all know my name.

[J'lyn GG]

The terms sweetheart, etc., are a bit overkill, but some GGs still do it. Women sometimes address each other that way, and it has nothing to do with sexual attraction. Males would never do that because most of them are homophobic and insecure.

The OPs real question is why a heterosexual genetic male would compliment another genetic male with endearing terms that would seem gay if they were both presenting as males. The simple answer is that they are conversing with their female persona, which means that they can act female even if it does not match their true feeling.

My opinion s that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to the presentation of a sexy woman even if you know there is a male underneath. In fact, I don't know why it would be a big deal to anyone to have girlfriend with a penis. Genitalia is only a small part of a person's total sex/gender.

Actually, if you see post #24, the OP concern is that her husband is the cder using those terms of endearment and saying 'you're so hot' on other cder's pics. I am assuming it makes her uncomfortable since he is HER HUSBAND. Cindy, I have told you what I think. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he should respect that.

[marny]

I've called lots of people on this site hon. Never derogatory. Just meant to be supportive. And have always appreciated when it came back to me. it's not easy being green! :battingeyelashes:

[CheyenneNicky]

Actually, if you see post #24, the OP concern is that her husband is the cder using those terms of endearment and saying 'you're so hot' on other cder's pics. I am assuming it makes her uncomfortable since he is HER HUSBAND. I have told you what I think. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he should respect that.

Your right.... talk to him about it.... everyone hetre is giving there oppinion of hearing it... not saying it.

[Maria 60]

I myself don't think much of it, and it's not much of a big deal. I myself when talking on this site i do speak as Maria and not as my male side. It's not uncommon to hear girls calling each other hot or you look good and i hear my wife always calling her friends hun or hey girlfriend. If it bothers anyone they should say something. If i see a pic of someone looking good i will tell them they look hot almost like a girlfriend to girlfriend talk. Iam sorry if i offended anyone in the past.

[Presh GG]

I read those posts and just laugh.

Years ago I saw a post my husband signed off with " kisses or huggs " or something like that. Now she's out and about and she knows it would out her in a flash.
She would be the only one in the group to use such phrases.
I think it shows more the closeted verses those who go out.

Just my observation or opinion
Presh

[ReineD]

The better question, IMHO, is why would a CD act like a man while presenting as a woman. That's just weird, again, IMHO.

Thanks for your response. I'm not singling you out, but rather using your quote because it represents the majority of answers in this thread. Many others have also said they use the terms "hun" and "sweetie" in order to get into femme character. In fact, the topic went back to being a discussion about using these terms as a form of address, which is understandable.

But, this is not about just using "hun" or "sweetie" as a benign form of address, unless, Cindy, I completely misconstrued your intent.

The issue is, when a husband tells another CD she looks "hot", or he is paying particular attention to her legs and not her outfit, or he particularly notices how sexy a CD looks in lingerie as opposed to a dress (whether he uses "hun" or not), he is behaving exactly like a man would when he is attracted to a woman. He's not behaving the way a woman would when looking at the same pics.

And this is why newbie wives have such a hard time understanding where their husbands are coming from. I did too, in the beginning. I took it that my SO was coming on to other CDs and they were coming on to her. It was enough for me to stop looking at her myspace profile. It drove me crazy just as it would have, had he been spending his time looking up sexy GGs on myspace and telling them how hot they were. I didn't get it, and this is why:

There would be no other reason for me, as a GG, to post a sexy pic of myself showing off some leg or cleavage, while posing in a vulnerable pose and pursing my lips, than to put myself out there up for grabs. And if a guy told me how hot I was, I wouldn't get the impression he was telling me this as his sister! :D

I've been around the forum for awhile and now I do understand that although my motives might be to hook someone (OK or maybe keep my bf on his toes), a hetero CDer does this for validation (although it is still my impression that CDs who are into men do this to hook someone too). Anyway, it took me a long time to understand that my SO (and the other thousands of hetero CDs) want to be validated and I was hoping that most members here would be able to discern Cindy's real concern and address it, rather than engage in a conversation about wanting to behave in character when dressed. A GG/wife will perceive a difference between, "I love your dress, hun", and "OMG, I'm drooling, you're so hot!", whereas a hetero CD might not?

Does this make sense?

Oh ... and Cindy, it's perfectly OK for you to jump in here and give your two cents worth, or ask anyone a specific question. They won't bite! :)


EDIT ... well, hopefully they won't bite. Some of our members don't take kindly to GGs who have issues but I hope this won't happen here.

[Barbara Dugan]

I've been called HON or Sweetie by other CD's, sometimes I do the same. I don't really mind that and if they find me hot or atractive still is ok with me. I am into men but not into CD's or men that CD. I understand that if I project some sexuality even if its subtle some people wil react to it. I dress mostly for me but if someone else like it , makes me happy too

[AllieSF]

Well Reine, as usual, you more than answered the question. I agree with you, that in getting into the femme mode a lot of us Cders over emphasize some aspects of what we see GG's do. I occasionally see GG's say Hon, Dearie, etc. to other women, most of whom are good friends or at least very good acquaintances. We do take it to another level when we see a MtF CD who really looks good and even "hot" in the male vernacular. She is dressed well, has the hair, face and figure to match. That in my opinion is hot, as a woman. I am not into that person, it is the look. That being said, this CDing can also bring out another side of us that we may not have ever known about. That is an attraction to a MtF CD who made the grade and has the "look". That does not mean a person is Gay nor Bi, but it could mean that the CD may fantasize and could even be a bit Bi-curious. Who knows? Maybe "The Shadow Knows"?

[ReineD]

That is an attraction to a MtF CD who made the grade and has the "look". That does not mean a person is Gay nor Bi, but it could mean that the CD may fantasize and could even be a bit Bi-curious. Who knows? Maybe "The Shadow Knows"?

I don't think I answered the question ... I was trying to elaborate on Cindy's post, based on my understanding of what she meant. :p

But, oh dear ... you're confirming every GG's fear. It can mean their SOs are bi-curious then, when they say more than "nice dress, hun", or if they strike a sexy pose when putting up their own pics? They're not just saying and doing this for validation?

There must be an awful lot of bi-curious CDs here, judging by the comments in the Gallery, which in my world is not that different than being bi ... I mean, either the attraction is there or it is not. Whether or not someone acts on it surely must just be a matter of time? Or, if they are married and will not act on it, then they are desiring something they are denying themselves just because they are married?


Edit ... *sigh* maybe I still don't get it.

[sanderlay]

I have a question that i can not figure out. Maybe someone here can send along alittle insite.
Xdressers is married and says he is hetero. I notice in some of his posts that he is complimenting anothers posted pics. Now it is more than a comment, or constructive crit as far as i am concerned when they tell this person that they "look hot" or call them sweetie or hon etc. Now remember this is suppost to be a 100% hetero guy who know full well that he is also looking a x dresser. Not trying to offend anyone but would a straight x dresser call another x dresser sweetie? I can see a compliment but this seems alittle much from a guy that is hetero just likes to xdress occ- or so he says. thanks in advance

First... if this offends you let the other person know.

I can certainly understand why this seems strange. But when a person is presenting as female it changes the dynamic a lot. Some do this full time and others are not. When I see the avatar or picture I see you in that gender role... at that moment... so I think of you as such.

I present as both so I can understand how that in itself can be confusing. So when I say call me Debbie it sounds female and I'm fine with gender terms that are feminine. If you call me Steve which sounds masculine I'm fine with gender terms that sound masculine.


..."look hot" or call them sweetie or hon...

These are not terms I use in my speech. Like another person said... it could be considered a pass or come on... and this is not something I want to commonly do. I might say it to a trusted friend who I know won't mind... like a pet name... or a wild complement.

This may show my age but I have heard the older generation (like myself) use these terms to each other. BUT... and this is a big BUT... it was with someone they knew well... not just someone on the street they did not know. On occasion I have heard this said to a stranger... but it was not common and very rare.

For myself... I don't mind. I don't mind a friendly pass. I'm not married so I have no SO to offend or become jealous. But since my name here is Debbie I prefer that. If you use sanderlay... my account name... or Steve... that's fine. I am presenting as both male and female.

For you... Please let me know if I'm offending you. I will look for your name and try to use that. And for now... I will drop saying sister. I can see that it might offend some here even though you have a female avatar or picture.

PS: In public... not a forum... (because I know your name here or your account name) I've said Ma'am, Miss, or Ms to women before and had bad reactions. So I have stopped the practice. I now try to say genderless terms like... Hello... excuse me... Hi... etc... It is possible to use genderless terms that express no gender to the person you are communicating with. Using a gender term in conversation can be offensive to some.

[AllieSF]

ReineD I am not saying that a lot of MtF CD's are attracted to the person who they have labeled "hot' in a post. I feel from my own experience that if I think a CD's pic is hot, and I may or may not have written that in a post, I mean the she really looks hot because of her physical look when presenting as a woman. I may also sometimes write "hot" when someone almost makes that level as a GG can, but more in support of the OP. That does not mean that I would like to "do" her. In the part of my post that you quoted I meant that some people may learn something about themselves that they did not know before, fantasy or possibility. That does not mean that they act on it. It probably fits more into the type of fantasy that some MtF CD's have about being with men. I also do not think that I am confirming every GG's fear. But then I am not the SO to a CD, so I have no experience there. I am saying that it could be possible and that may be more than she may read and understand here from someone else's post. Also in the use of words, I have heard women say that another woman is hot. I have also heard much more frequently that they like someone dress or outfit or hair. Few men that I know get into a lot of details when discussing a woman's look with another man, like complimenting them on their outfit. They do say that she looks good, hot or sexy. The people I always associate with do not get into any more detail than that. This is only my opinion and I cannot speak for others here.

This is where I thought you gave a good answer to the OP's question" "I've been around the forum for awhile and now I do understand that although my motives might be to hook someone (OK or maybe keep my bf on his toes), a hetero CDer does this for validation (although it is still my impression that CDs who are into men do this to hook someone too). Anyway, it took me a long time to understand that my SO (and the other thousands of hetero CDs) want to be validated" Now maybe I misunderstood what you were saying, but to me validation of reaching a certain level of, for lack of a better word, "hotness", is a great validation for the time, effort and abilities of the CD to show their talents and to look great in someone else's opinion.

[Sophie86]

Anyway, it took me a long time to understand that my SO (and the other thousands of hetero CDs) want to be validated and I was hoping that most members here would be able to discern Cindy's real concern and address it, rather than engage in a conversation about wanting to behave in character when dressed.

The two aren't unrelated. If you posted a picture of yourself for your girlfriends to see--one that you thought made you look pretty--wouldn't you be posting it because you wanted positive feedback? Wouldn't you expect your girlfriends to respond in that manner? That's what girlfriends do, right? They support each other, and encourage each other? So we want to look pretty, we want our effort to be validated, we turn to other girls for that validation, and we participate in a kind of mutual admiration sorority.

If you read through the Picture and Video Gallery, the vast majority of the comments will use the words 'pretty', 'beautiful', or 'gorgeous'. Occasionally one will see 'hot' or 'sexy', but that's usually when the girl was going for that particular look, and it's just a way of telling her that she nailed it.

At least, that's true in the majority of cases. There are a certain number of CDs who desire or fantasize about sex with other CDs. I've never been hit on on this forum, though, and from what I've seen, it's not used as a dating site. I always feel safe in treating the occasional compliments I get as just friendly support. I've never gotten the kind of responses from girls here that are typical of guys trying to hit on a girl.

Therefore, the fact that Cindy's husband is complimenting other girls here on the forum is not, in my opinion, sufficient to prove that he wants to have sex with them.


A GG/wife will perceive a difference between, "I love your dress, hun", and "OMG, I'm drooling, you're so hot!", whereas a hetero CD might not?

The OP didn't say anything about drooling, and we weren't given specific comments to pass judgment on. If someone commented on one of my pics by describing the effect it was having on her, I'd probably read that as being a bit more than just supportive. "Oh, girl! You look so hot!" can be heard as a casual, throwaway comment. "Damn, girl. You're makin' me horny." is something else altogether, right?

[ReineD]

Thanks Allie. Honestly most of the time I think I understand but then sometimes I wonder if I'm not just filtering out a significant segment of the CD population who are into men, because of my own relationship with my SO. Ultimately I can only speak with authority about my own experience and no one else's.

I spend a lot of time trying to answer questions from newer GGs here and this is hard to do, not knowing their SOs or their real life circumstances. So I have a tendency to approach it with very general statements based on what I've gleaned from the membership over the years and also my own experience. A loose and unscientific average of sorts, based on my perception of what I've read. But, do I filter what I read? I know that all CDers are different, yet despite their differences they will either fit in one of three categories of sexual attraction: hetero, gay, or bi (with a small percentage asexual). We have no way of measuring if the majority of CDs are hetero, or if they are divided equally into thirds, which would then lessen the likelihood that any given GG's husband is purely hetero (which translates into being purely into their wives).

This is why your comment caused me to doubt my "unconstructed law of averages". Because it made sense. As much as I'd like to understand, my understanding can only be conceptual. I've really no idea how a gender flexible male deals with his sexuality especially when, despite what everyone says, sexual expression is such a deep rooted part of all of us. So, how can gender change and not sexuality along with it, especially when reading all the posts from CDs who do fantasize about being with men ... and whom, everyone says, are the hetero majority. Is it really just a fantasy that serves to emphasize feeling femme, or is there a real attraction that would be acted on (and enjoyed if the CD could let go of his socialization enough) if circumstances allowed it?

I hope you can all understand why GGs have such a hard time wrapping their minds around all of this and it can be particularly difficult as CDs age and experience a lessening of libido. Or if the libido was never all that high compared to the wife's.

Anyway Allie, I appreciate your response. :hugs:


EDIT And you to, Sophie! :)

Two points you made - first about GGs posting their pics. I was talking about GGs who would post a pic more in the style of a boudoir pose in attitude and style, than a pic of herself having fun with her friends or in a prom dress. I was comparing the CDs who most definitely go for the sex factor more than the girl next door look. Second, I know the OP didn't say anything about drooling ... but I also know for a fact that she was talking about more than the use of "hun" or "sweetie" as just a form of affectionate address. She is new here and I know when I was new it was hard for me to find ways to accurately describe what I meant. The term "drooling" was mine, because I wanted to find a way to emphasize her intent and get the conversation away from using benign forms of address, since it was not answering her question.

[Sophie86]

I know that all CDers are different, yet despite their differences they will either fit in one of three categories of sexual attraction: hetero, gay, or bi (with a small percentage asexual).

That's a poor schema for classifying people. It doesn't account for people who are heteroflexible/situationally bi/bi-curious. It also doesn't account for the difference between fantasy and reality--i.e., that people may have fantasies that they might be willing to play around with in an artificial or controlled way, but would not want to try out for real. For example, a guy might be willing to explore his bi-curious fantasies with his wife, but not with an actual guy. He might also explore those fantasies solo, or through online encounters. There's a whole world of sexual fantasy going on inside the heads of some men (CDs or not) that their wives will never be aware of, because the husband is afraid of her reaction. It makes genuine communication difficult.


We have no way of measuring if the majority of CDs are hetero, or if they are divided equally into thirds, which would then lessen the likelihood that any given GG's husband is purely hetero (which translates into being purely into their wives).

Far more important than whether he is strictly hetero is whether he is strictly faithful. That's the real issue, right? Even if a guy were 50-50 bisexual, he could still be 100% faithful. Having a larger pool of people with whom to cheat doesn't mean that he's necessarily going to cheat.


The term "drooling" was mine, because I wanted to find a way to emphasize her intent and get the conversation away from using benign forms of address, since it was not answering her question.

I thought part of her intent was to assess what her husband is actually saying. That's why I'm concerned about straying into the realm of the hypothetical. Differences in wording can be important, and she shouldn't take what we're saying as proof of anything. What she really needs to do is talk to him.

[Vieja]

I am often called hon by sales assistants, mostly older ones, while I am in guy mode and don't look the least bit feminine.


Vieja

[NicoleScott]

... if this offends you let the other person know.

That's a simple and effective response to being called anything you don't want to be called.
My first name, the one my parents gave me, has a very common nickname. I don't go by that nickname, but by my given name. Some people assume that I go by the nickname and call me that. I correct them politely - the first and second and maybe even the third time. After that, I ignore them.
Also, some people call EVERYONE "hon" or "sweetie". It may not be about you, but them. Still, if you don't like it, correct them.

[Shelly67]

I was corrected once a few years ago ...called an engineer at my last place of work Twinkle as he'd called me Wurzel when asking for me to pass the monkey wrench .
They don't half fly well those monkey wrenches .
Seriously ..... I know its only a term , perhaps trying to emulate the femanine character with an innocent pleasantry , but I just find "Hun" ( not very appropriate due to historical reasons ) , a little strange but I have to admit I simply detest the term hugs . I find it rather sickening like when you see two ladies pretend to greet each other , kissing on either cheek but not making contact at the same time loudly announcing the word " darling"
I mean Hugs .... hug what ?? Bear hug ???
Still , its all horses for courses , everyones taste is different .
I suppose to end a message with the word "hugs" is more lady like than "much groping and grappling ............. get yer coat you've pulled " Or really offend with the moniker - mate .
Perhaps we have all started to speak a fashionable language of Gobbledegook taking things way too seriously ?

So just in case -

Warmest regards .

Wurzel ....... sorry -
Shelly .

[ReineD]

Sophie, this isn't a essay on all the intricacies of human sexuality. It's a general statement that reflects the major groups of sexual attraction. Cindy wants to know if men who tell CDs how hot they look are attracted to them, which is a question that comes up frequently among GGs. The question of whether a husband acts on it or not isn't a part of the discussion.

Some respondents to this thread got it, but many did not. I am clarifying the questions that I know Cindy wants answered, as opposed to whether people use "hun" or "sweetie" as a customary form of address. I also spoke about how difficult it is for newbie wives to understand these types of picture comments. Please contact me privately if you have an issue with my words or want to get into an discussion on the intricacies of human sexuality or marital fidelity.

You've already answered in your post #26 that you can't give an opinion about someone you don't know, so just leave it at that.

[Aprilrain]

It's a little over the top. I've never met a GG who said hon or sweetie.

apparently you have never been to a dinner! sweetie!

[CINDYO]

LET ME EXPLAIN

yes i am new to xdressing. I want to find out if possible a few things for myself in order to be more informed on the topic and what implications there may be for my personal life. I do realize the best source of info is from my SO, keep in mind my skeptacism. He did not tell me of his personal situation prior to marriage over 20 odd years ago. So i wonder to myself if i ask him direct question now, he may tell me the answers that i want to hear. There is alot at steak that could be lost here. I love him and hope to keep the marriage, we will both try. I however do not intend to lead a comprimised life. I have always be honest and open and loving. I have been one excelllent partner and he will tell you that. We will seek council seperately and hopefull together also
thus i have come to the forum in hopes of obtaining a few unbiased answers
I really do not care if a xdressers referred to another xdresser as "hon" or "love" etc. I personally have never referred to my friends and family this way. Terms of endearment, no not to me.
What i don't understand is
if you are hetero why respond to a xdressers who has posted a pic of themselves in lingerie not sure why they would do this anyway (my girlfriends do not post pics of themselves in lingerie,) and if they did i would question the motive and certainly not respond by calling them sweetie. I am not talking
the context of everyday converstation. Now if my GG friend is wearing a nice outfit i will say " oh i really like the outfit" NOT " oh you look hot or sexy"
most inapropriate. if you are hetero, or claim to be so and married, than i do not think under any circumstances is it appropriate to pass comment on someone wearing lingerie or make anytype of sexual comment. I am just wondering if this is what another hetero xdresser would also think, remember i am new to all of this, and i gotta tell ya is really turns me off when i see other xdressers passing sexual comments re a picture, especially when married.
i gotta wonder what would motivate this type of behaviour.
From some of the comment i can tell i have ruffled a few feathers. please do not take offense, that is far from my intention. thank you to all those responses that have given me helpful insite. cindy

[J'lyn GG]

LET ME EXPLAIN

What i don't understand is
if you are hetero why respond to a xdressers who has posted a pic of themselves in lingerie not sure why they would do this anyway (my girlfriends do not post pics of themselves in lingerie,) and if they did i would question the motive and certainly not respond by calling them sweetie. I am not talking
the context of everyday converstation. Now if my GG friend is wearing a nice outfit i will say " oh i really like the outfit" NOT " oh you look hot or sexy"
most inapropriate. if you are hetero, or claim to be so and married, than i do not think under any circumstances is it appropriate to pass comment on someone wearing lingerie or make anytype of sexual comment. I am just wondering if this is what another hetero xdresser would also think, remember i am new to all of this, and i gotta tell ya is really turns me off when i see other xdressers passing sexual comments re a picture, especially when married.
i gotta wonder what would motivate this type of behaviour.


That's it in a nutshell, Cindy. It is inappropriate and unnecessary, IMO. Sure I say, You look great, amazing, fantabulous! That outfit makes you look great. Stuff like that. But I have NEVER told one of my friends 'You look hot'. There is a difference. Regardless, if I was looking at some guy's half naked pic and was telling him he looked hot, I'm sure it would hurt my husband. Just as it would hurt me if he was telling someone, whether it is 'a guy in a dress' or a GG, he or she looked hot.

I guess I would say something to him. I hope that if you give him the chance to be honest with you, that he will. Tell him it bothers you. If you don't really know why, that's okay. If he refuses to discontinue doing it, well...I can't fathom a reason he could give would make him think its okay.:hugs:

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the clarification Cindy. Speaking from my own experience with a wife, daughter, girl friends and other women, I have heard them refer to an attractive guy as hot. It was said lightly in the moment and no one took that to mean that they wanted to sexually be with that man. Maybe it is your upbringing, religious beliefs, conservatism in these types of things that has not given you the opportunity to hear that being said by other women. To clarify, I am a professional and always try to act as a gentleman and a lady at all times. I know a lot of different type of people and tend to hang and get along with those similar to myself. I.e. I am not that often-described macho, beer drinking dufous male who does not care what others think, the brute who only has sex on his mind. Times and attitudes are changing and that skirt that was once way too short and scandalous is now hardly ever commented on, and they are being worn by older women too. I respect what you are saying and believe. I am also saying that because someone says that here on this forum and other places, does not mean anything sexual or in decent, to me and many others. Sometimes it might, but I believe that is in the minority. Going back to your question as to why CD's compliment other CD's on this, I again believe that most are saying that the person really does look hot as presented, or they are supporting a fellow CD member here by complimenting them that way. Another reason that I think that I might have mentioned in my first post to this thread is that it could well be the "guy - male" side of us coming out to say that when someone looks hot, they actually do look hot with no other meaning nor dirty thought involved. I hope this helps you better understand how some of us think.

[ReineD]

I really do not care if a xdressers referred to another xdresser as "hon" or "love" etc. I personally have never referred to my friends and family this way. Terms of endearment, no not to me.
What i don't understand is if you are hetero why respond to a xdressers who has posted a pic of themselves in lingerie not sure why they would do this anyway (my girlfriends do not post pics of themselves in lingerie,) and if they did i would question the motive and certainly not respond by calling them sweetie. I am not talking the context of everyday converstation. Now if my GG friend is wearing a nice outfit i will say " oh i really like the outfit" NOT " oh you look hot or sexy" most inapropriate. if you are hetero, or claim to be so and married, than i do not think under any circumstances is it appropriate to pass comment on someone wearing lingerie or make anytype of sexual comment.

Thanks for coming in to clarify, Cindy. Hopefully now you'll get some answers. :)

I understand the CDs who say things like "nice dress, hon", or "wow, I love your hair, sweetie", because they want to sound like women, and this is something a woman would say. But when CDers leave comments like "You're so hot", or "what great legs", they don't sound like women, they sound like men even if they add a "hun" at the end. lol

BUT ... CDs also admire the other CDs who can pull off the look and leaving compliments is a form of validation, even if they sound like men when they do this. :p

But ultimately it is the CDer who can tell you whether he experiences feelings of attraction for another CD. Like I said in a previous post, as much as I'd like to come up with an average, or say that the majority of CDs are hetero and not gay or bi, your husband is the only one who can answer this question. And if you have a good marriage (it sounds as if you do), then you should believe him if he says he is not attracted to other CDs. :hugs:

[Aprilrain]

"what great legs", they don't sound like women, they sound like men even if they add a "hun" at the end.

I have had lots of woman tell me I have great legs??????????????
I guess like Allie said I must be a generational thing

[virginia522]

I have wondered about this myself. I think a lot of the MTF crossdressers that post on here create a character that they write in which is sort of a caricature of what they think women are, and how they think they speak and act. It's almost like how very young teenagers or sort of over the top vivacious women speak, but most women do not speak that way to eachother. It's very confusing and strange to me. I think it's normal for people (male or female) to compliment each other, but I don't think straight men call each other sweetie or hun, or tell another man (whether or not they are dressed as a woman) that they are sexy. If they are doing that, then it probably means they are not totally straight.

[ReineD]

I have had lots of woman tell me I have great legs??????????????
I guess like Allie said I must be a generational thing

Saying something in person to a friend or an acquaintance (or someone you meet at a club) is entirely different than going on a profile of someone you don't know and commenting on their sexiness. There's nothing wrong with doing this, but it's not something that hetero women are in the habit of doing. lol

As to the generational thing, maybe Shannon or other under 25s can check in and let us know what they do. Would they ever go to another GG's profile pics on Flickr and tell her they think she's hot? Do GGs even spend time looking at profile pics? :D I'm not referring to women who are bi or otherwise are into women, just the garden variety hetero GG.

That said, my SO teaches at a university and, well, reads a lot. She told me some years ago there is a fairly new phenomena that is generational. Apparently it's become fashionable for young women to play around with lesbianism, even if they aren't outright lesbian. They dance together, kiss each other in public, etc, which honestly I suspect might be done to excite the guys. I don't think I've met a man who didn't enjoy watching lesbian porn. lol So, maybe it is these women who tell other women they are hot?

[Presh GG]

I think that was a Madonna phase , Reine. [ The kissing thing ]

I saw it on T.V but never in RL.

Presh

[Shananigans]

Okay, so right as y'all were talking about this...I did a little study. I went on my FB and selected random quotes that only my female friends had left me and then I grabbed quotes from the pic pages on this site (I tried to go fast and not read...was aiming for the 4th post in the threads).

Comments on different photos of me (facebook) from GGs:

1. “beautiful!!! shannon you look stunning!!!!”
2. “I'm digging this random picture of you and Tabitha. And look at you miss skinny-mini... You are looking so great!!!”
3. “you look so good in this pic!!!

but, please go eat something.”
4. "“ON>FIRE>>>>>>!!!!!!”

Comments on CD photos from other CDs:
1. "You certainly are a lady in red as the song goes. Anne you look fantastic and your makeup is flawless."
2. "I think a little naughty."
3. "Very pretty and gorgeous legs, you look fantastic !!"
4. "You're a very sexy girl!"

Take it as what you will. I'm not really going to interpret it.

I do agree with Reine that I don't normally comment on my friends' body parts/say they are so hot. I have complemented people on their legs sometimes (especially on this site)...usually most people have really good legs and it's a safe, honest compliment.

EDIT: Damn...my friends have really bad grammar. :(

[KayleeDahl]

This is actually a very interesting discussion, i imagine from the outside, all of this looks pretty strange to most people.

In my opinion, most of us use these terms of endearment, and compliments to create a community, and to complement people who we think are doing a good job at emulating the female form. At the same time, on the receiving end of these complements, it feels validating in a world that rarely validates me as a trans person. and certainly at the start of my internet exposure as a TG person, I hyper sexualized myself in order to receive these complements. Things have since changed, but still, that was an important time for me. the first time that i wasn't rejected for being me. and instead encouraged.

Does this mean i would consider sexual relations with the people making the compliments? or those that i complemented? no. I think that its also important to remember that gender identity is completely separate from sexual identity.

I'm probably not expressing myself very well, but i'd be happy to field any questions u have. even in pm's if you are more comfortable.

Kaylee

[ReineD]

Comments on different photos of me (facebook) from GGs:

1. “beautiful!!! shannon you look stunning!!!!”
2. “I'm digging this random picture of you and Tabitha. And look at you miss skinny-mini... You are looking so great!!!”
3. “you look so good in this pic!!!

but, please go eat something.”
4. "“ON>FIRE>>>>>>!!!!!!”

Comments on CD photos from other CDs:
1. "You certainly are a lady in red as the song goes. Anne you look fantastic and your makeup is flawless."
2. "I think a little naughty."
3. "Very pretty and gorgeous legs, you look fantastic !!"
4. "You're a very sexy girl!"

Take it as what you will. I'm not really going to interpret it.



Shannon, we need a bigger sample! :D

[Shananigans]

Haha ok...here's some more. I chose from all over the place...I just grabbed and pasted.


GGs to me:

1. Wow! Great pic!! You look beautiful!!
2. Model shoot.
3. You are getting more and more beatiful, in every new pic.....
4. Very pretty!!
5. This photo definitely popped up on my Facebook side bar--I can't believe i haven't commented on it yet, so here goes: are you ladies parking tickets? Because you have FINE written all over you ;)))
6. shannon....grow a little taller...GIANT
7. You look like an old movie star. I mean not old…but like vintage! Stop being pretty!


CDs to CDs:
1. WoW EM you look gorgeousgreat body and killer legs.
2. No place to hide in that bikini, is there Kristin? But you've really got the figure to carry it off beautifully. Congratulations!
3. WOW looking good Jayla love the earrings hun.
4. love the eyes you are looking fab
5. cleavage looks great but those lips are to die for.
6. You have fantastic legs and figure, as well. You look awesome
7. cute outfit girlfriend!! which goodwill did you find those treasures in?

EDIT: This seems pretty random. But, it does seem like CDs are a bit more specific towards clothes and body parts. GGs seem to leave other GGs just broad compliments. However, I'm the only GG providing info...so, this could just be my friends. We would need other GGs to do the same sort of thing to really say anything about any of this. But, still kind of fun to play around with...

[ReineD]

Hmmm. Definitely more references to the body and sexiness from the CDs. No huns or sweeties on the GG side and just one 'hun', one 'fab' and one 'girlfriend', and one "girl" on the CD side.

If you feel energetic, see if you can come up with another bunch of quotes. This should give us a better idea :) There's nothing better than concrete examples that will help us arrive at some sort of consensus.

We still need to resolve the question of whether GGs post such comments on GG profiles they don't know. The CDs here all know each other and in a way it's like facebook. So I guess Flickr would be a good example of a community where members don't know each other. Anyone ever see GGs posting comments on each other's pics there, or how many GGs compared to CDs have sites specifically to post pics? Probably not a lot. Although it does make perfect sense why a CD would want to post pics and receive validation.

[Shananigans]

GGs to Me:
1. Oh my goodness! You look AMAZING!!!! You go girl!!!
2. skinny!!!!!
3. sweet do son
4. Love the pic... you look extreamly Beautiful girly..
5. You look like a spaz, but I could almost see this on a magazine. Why you got me so conflicted!!!

CDs to CDs:
1. Jessica, you are blessed with a great bone structure to pull off the transformation and a wonderful SO! You are off and running on a great look, don't be afraid to let her see
2. cute and sexy skirt
3. You look really cute. That' what I am doing right now- vacuuming and laundry in three inch black heels and a new black and white knee length dress by Merona.
4. looks good love the leggings
5. Ya got great legs there, Girl!! And love the smile!!


lol there REALLY aren't all that many "hons" and "sweeties" and "babies" as I had thought!!!

EDIT: I barely use Flickr. I got it because some of my friends on here said I should. I don't know anyone that uses Flickr that isn't a CD and that's the God-Honest Truth.

[ReineD]

You know what we need to do now? Take comparative photos of sexiness such as your avatar pic (... BTW you look HOT! :D)**, and a CD your age who also has cleavage and perhaps shows off legs, and THEN compare the comments. I think you'd see a lot more "humma, humma" type comments from the CD side. Right now, we're comparing your pics of a young, gorgeous woman, to random comments in the Gallery, perhaps some are from middle aged CDs to others their age, and whose presentation may be more an outfit they wore to Church or shopping.

It might be awkward doing this without the CD's permission.

** So now I'll analyze my comment. lol. When I say to another girl she looks hot, I am thinking that she is achieving her purpose (assuming she's hetero), which is to look hot for her bf or for guys if she's single. Although I think you're very attractive, no offence but I don't personally find you hot in the same way I'd think a guy is hot. I typed it without thinking and I did say, "you look hot", not "you are hot" because, well, I'm not attracted to you. (even though I like you very much :hugs:)

So the question is, when CDs tell each other they are hot, do they mean the same as when we say to each other that we look hot? Is there a certain kind of attraction there, or is it a way a guy would express himself as opposed to a girl? Or, does it vary from one CD to another, depending on whether he is hetero or bi?

Way too much analysis, I know. Sorry. But this is fascinating. Thanks for bringing it up, Cindy!

EDIT Do any CDs have comments about the comments that have turned up in Shannon's random picks?

[Shananigans]

Oh, Lord, Reine...I don't put such scandalous pics for my friends to see! My Facebook is PG13!! :o I'm friends with my momma on FB

The pictures my friends were commenting on were pics of me just out and about...there was also a comment from the pic that I have as my profile pic on here. (That pic is currently on my FB, since my mom took it). Momma didn't take my avatar though AHEM! (Took that one for Ryan...it also ended up here...)

I guarantee you if I put my sexy pics on FB, my friends would say, "Uhm...what is wrong with you?? Attention wh*re much?"

And, I would completely agree!!! That's why I don't post them there haha

It's kind of fun on this site because everyone just gives no f*cks and posts pictures that are a bit hypersexed that would be a little scandalous elsewhere.

I mean, I expect that 90% of the pics that CDs post here, they would not find appropriate for most social networking sites. Even if they were "out of the closet" or whatever.

And, I completely understand what you or any girl would be meaning when she said, "You look hot!" It's weird to think that people might think that I think that they want to do me for saying that.

PHWEW THAT WAS A CRAZY SENTENCE!

So, do I think there are fetishists on here...stalking the pictures section on here and getting all hot and bothered...saying things like, "You are so hot." Sure...I mean, I think that's very likely.

But, I also think that the majority of people saying stuff like "oh you are so hot" or "honey" are just trying to be friendly and playful.

NOW, I must say that on the internet things can be taken SUCH THE WRONG WAY!!! The people that I quotted KNOW me and see me every day. I don't think they're creeping on me when they say I am hot because I generally know they aren't creepers.

A CD on this forum? I don't know you from Adam. So, I do think it's a little strained/fake/could be interpreted as creepy for one CD who completely does not know the other to say "oh you are so hot." It could be that this person is just playful and fun...or the person could be creepin'. And, then, it opens up another can of worms...did the person who posted the pic want to be creeped on? Sometimes a creeper here and a creeper there is a bit nice when your self-esteem is low, I guess.

If they are both single, who really gives a f*ck. They could both be stomping around claiming to be 100% hetero while getting hot watching Deliverance. I really could care less. However, if you have an SO...you might just need to be mindful of what you say. I trust my SO...but, when people I don't know on here call him sweetie and stuff...I sometimes am like, "Ahhhh hell nah!" Why? Because, I don't know you from Adam. I don't know your intentions. You could be just being fun...acting like a girl...etc...but, it could also be interpreted different ways. My initial interpretation would be that you are actively trying to disrespect me. Why is that my initial instinct? I don't really know. But, I've noticed my SO is pretty similar because when men blatantly or subtly hit on me on the phone/text/internet/in person...he notices and get a bit miffed. So, I think people that have SOs have a little bit of a negative bias towards this behavior. Idk if that is applicable to the OP or not...but, I felt like it was.

So, really, I see both sides of the issue on this one. Mainly, I see it all as really harmless imitation of "what GGs do." But,I can also see how a GG looking in on this could be really confusing...because, it is.

I could also see how looking at each other's photos would be good for comparison and seeing what everyone else is doing. This is kind of a niche behavior. GGs see what other GGs are doing all over the place. We just grab some magazines.

But, a lot of CDs don't really look, dress, or act like GGs...they act like CDs and so it makes sense that they get on photo threads of CDs and see what they are doing/how they are dressing. They don't really see what all the other girls are doing like we do, so they kind of fall into this niche of seeing what they should be doing on here. Or, at least that's my little theory...

EDIT: And, THANK YOU, btw! I got so lost in typing a big ol' response that I lost all of my manners. :(

[RachelF]

For the original poster:

I will focus only in hetero men situation, as I see the point, being myself a hetero CD.

Those expression do not seem anything but:

1) A way to be part of the community, just blending.
2) Most probably an over-acting while trying to be more femenine, like when we over make up ourselves. (the hun, sweetie, kisses part).
3) A way to be nice with another member, I liked when I received compliments (It won´t bother me: "you look hot", I just do not care here in the forum). Many of us do not have any other place/person to receive a compliment. So I agree this is just a comfortable validation zone.
4) There are some members who really do a good work transforming, with things like: making up, cleavage or using certain outfits (even lingerie or too short skirts). I would die for looking so good (I am not too passable myself). So maybe you just express your admiration for the member that looks as good (or hot) as you would like too. When we compliment the CDer fellow here, I think we do it to the female the member is trying to represent (as most surely the member would like to be seen).
5) Although many GGs do not like it, most men (married or not) many times comment about females (not necessarily their SOs) in terms of "how hot she is" and even worst expressions (a wide range depending on cultures, familiarity with the guys around, or just the number of wine cups ...). Although it can sounds a contradiction, calling other MtF CDer "hot" could be just a conduct of who we ultimately are: men.

I do not feel a woman inside, I do not like absolutely anything about the male body, I do not feel any urge to dress 24x7. I just like to dress in female clothes from time to time and have found this forum an extraordinary community to share about this "pleasure" as somebody call it in a recent post.

By the way, my SO knows about my CDing, I have dressed in front of her, I have never dressed outside our bedroom. Beside some pictures I shared here (and my mom when I was still a child) nobody else has seen me in female clothes. And my SO has said me "you look sexy with those fishnets", I think more because she knows I like that rather than she thinking I am really sexy on them (who knows?, only my SO).

So, I will not put to much brain cycles into this point of compliments (even the hotter ones), although I can understand if this still keep being a point to you. I think you should focus on trying to uderstand his motives, what´s the CDing stage he is at (some of us even need help dealing with CDing), etc. I hope you both find the way to keep together and happy.

"Kisses"

Rachel

[ReineD]

Shannon, if you don't mind I'll parse your post simply because you said so much I'd like to comment on. :hugs: Cindy, I'm hoping that you will find this discussion helpful and it will clarify a few things.



I guarantee you if I put my sexy pics on FB, my friends would say, "Uhm...what is wrong with you?? Attention wh*re much?" And, I would completely agree!!! That's why I don't post them there haha

There you go! That's the biggest difference. You don't need validation for your femininity, whereas CDs who've been closeted all their lives and who make an art form out of appearing as feminine as possible, do. Still to be fair, most of the pics I see in the Gallery are of CDs who look very nice. They don't try to post the boudoir pics. Well, actually, we have strict picture posting rules, so many get deleted, but people do get around it by keeping covered up pretty well.



I mean, I expect that 90% of the pics that CDs post here, they would not find appropriate for most social networking sites. Even if they were "out of the closet" or whatever.

I agree with facebook because everyone's connected there with friends, and friends of friends, etc, and I don't know how strict they are. I haven't spent any time looking at CD pics on FB. My SO and I haven't friended each other. She only just has a profile of her femme self and I've got my kids and family on mine. But in the old days of myspace you wouldn't believe the volume of outrageous pics there were! :p



And, I completely understand what you or any girl would be meaning when she said, "You look hot!" It's weird to think that people might think that I think that they want to do me for saying that.

I know you understand what I meant. :) I was 'splaining it for others, for the sake of the discussion and also a bit of analysis into the difference between saying that a person looks hot vs. saying they are hot. Still, if you got a "you're so hot" comment from a guy, wouldn't you think he might want to do you, as opposed to receiving a similar comment from a girl? This might be a generational thing though. There was no internet when I was your age, therefore no opportunity to have so many comments from people. Maybe if I posted sexy pics of myself and a guy told me I was hot, I wouldn't think he was coming on to me. Not on the internet. But in real life, if someone came up to me and said I was hot, I'd definitely take it he was hitting on me.

We had a "how old are you" thread a while back and there were many responses. The bulk of the CDers here are in their late 40s, 50s, and 60s. So it stands to reason the wives who join for support are also in this generation. So maybe the wives who are creeped out by the comments are comparing online behavior to real life behavior, which are two completely different things.



So, do I think there are fetishists on here...stalking the pictures section on here and getting all hot and bothered...saying things like, "You are so hot." Sure...I mean, I think that's very likely.

It's hard to tell how many CDs come here to just post in the Gallery and don't participate in the other forums. There could very well be many members for whom this is a kick, more than anything else.



NOW, I must say that on the internet things can be taken SUCH THE WRONG WAY!!!

Very, very true!!!!



So, I do think it's a little strained/fake/could be interpreted as creepy for one CD who completely does not know the other to say "oh you are so hot." It could be that this person is just playful and fun...or the person could be creepin'. And, then, it opens up another can of worms...did the person who posted the pic want to be creeped on? Sometimes a creeper here and a creeper there is a bit nice when your self-esteem is low, I guess.

(I"ll translate for the older crowd, lol. Creepin = hitting on). But you're right. There's no way to tell.



However, if you have an SO...you might just need to be mindful of what you say. I trust my SO...but, when people I don't know on here call him sweetie and stuff...I sometimes am like, "Ahhhh hell nah!" Why? Because, I don't know you from Adam. I don't know your intentions. You could be just being fun...acting like a girl...etc...but, it could also be interpreted different ways. My initial interpretation would be that you are actively trying to disrespect me. Why is that my initial instinct? I don't really know. But, I've noticed my SO is pretty similar because when men blatantly or subtly hit on me on the phone/text/internet/in person...he notices and get a bit miffed. So, I think people that have SOs have a little bit of a negative bias towards this behavior. Idk if that is applicable to the OP or not...but, I felt like it was.

Again, very true. But, I don't think the CDs whose wives are members leave such comments. The comments are more benign and reference approval of the style. I'm guessing the GGs who are bothered by particular comments have stumbled onto them and so their husbands posted them without ever imagining their wives would see them. Which makes it even worse for the GG, because then the natural reaction would be to wonder if their husbands are hiding the fact they are attracted to CDs. This happened to me once. I came across a comment my SO had left on someone's myspace pic and I was shattered! It didn't appear to me that it was a benign comment at all. And my SO was devastated when she knew that I was shattered. Then she explained to me her reason for posting what she posted and I understood. Still, for a few years .... I did feel queasy about the comments. Not any more though, but it was a process for me.



But, a lot of CDs don't really look, dress, or act like GGs...they act like CDs and so it makes sense that they get on photo threads of CDs and see what they are doing/how they are dressing. They don't really see what all the other girls are doing like we do, so they kind of fall into this niche of seeing what they should be doing on here. Or, at least that's my little theory...

I agree. I do see a difference between many CD's behaviors and GGs. But, I also see not much difference once the CDs are free to express themselves, especially if they go out regularly. I guess the mystery dissipates for many people and dressing just becomes commonplace, as it has for my SO.

[minalost]

As far as being call “hon.” or “sweetie,” so long as it is not intended to be insulting or presented in a condescending manor: who cares! This is not something I do when enfemme, but then I didn’t grow up in an environment where this type of speech pattern is common (yep, I’m a Yankee…). When I travel in the south or talk on the phone with someone in the south I’m always tickled at being called sweetie. As far as using it while enfemme in an attempt to have a more feminine speech pattern? It seams to me that so long as it doesn’t go so far as to seam like a parody, go for it. Some of us need all the help we can get!

I’m not even sure why anyone would be bothered by this. I just seams so massively trivial.

As far as being called “hon.” or “sweetie” on this forum, see the sentence above regarding trivia. I actually enjoy being called hon. – It gives me a feeling of connectedness with other members here.

[kimdl93]

It used to be quite common in the GG world and still is when dealing with children here in the South. I have been called sweetie just the other day a cashier at a grocery store. Well accepted and meant to be friendly.

That being said, I am not a fan of it here between us.

I've been called sweetie and hon more times than I can count, and honestly, itreally doesn't bother me. It may be more common in the South, and maybe its just some people's way of acknowledging us.

[LeaP]

The use of terms of endearment as a routine part of speech comes off to me as one of two things: it's either culturally dependent (e.g., some Southern speech) or it comes off as forced. Having lived all over the US, I can hear it without overloading its interpretation ... as long as it's coming from one whose native speech patterns include the usage. I don't respond with the same usage. All that said, I don't hear women use the terms "hun" or "sweetie" often when addressing another adult in anything like a peer context - anywhere. In the end it rings false to me when used in the forum (it's not meant that way, of course).

Comments on attractiveness and so on are potential pitfalls. I would not be inclined to comment on something like sexiness unless the question were specifically asked, but would probably take a pass on the thread anyway. Minimally, I go about commenting dispassionately rather than in a way that could be seen as a flirt, which I dislike anyway. Comments on passability, general attractiveness, dress and make-up quality and so on are appropriate to at least this married person, in this forum when the subject is CDing. I would certainly not comment on any of those areas to a GG.

Lea

[Badtranny]

Hmmm, I don't know if this thread applies to crazy people like me, but I use various terms of endearment all of the time. Sweetie, sweetie pie, sweet pea, honey, hun, doll, darling, gorgeous, hot stuff, etc etc. Most of my friends are women and that's just how we talk to each other I guess. As far as compliments go, I can't seem to help myself. I compliment women ALL the time. Just yesterday I was at lunch with some people from work and I told the waitress "Girl you are rockin' that awful uniform" She stopped, smiled huge and said "oh thank you so much" I said, "I just had to let you know because I know you hate wearing it" She said, "I know, it's the worst." I said, "well you look great baby" She said, "thank you sweetie" and walked off. This girl was mid 20's and definitely not offended. There's almost not a day that goes by where I don't compliment at least one woman on her hair, or outfit, or boots. I'm just chatty like that I guess, and I still seem to find a friend everywhere I go.

I think some people are just a little too uptight, and maybe need to get over themselves a tiny bit. ;-)

[Blaire]

I think the terms of endearment are as much geographic as they are chronological. In my time in the middle east, it was always "sir" and "ma'am", exclusively. The UK was pretty "dear". Here, at restaurants, it's "hon" and "sweetie" from 35+ servers to nothing at all from the under 30 group. I personally think the key is to not care quite so much about what someone calls you. If you're really bothered by it, just say so. Getting upset does absolutely nothing except raise your blood pressure. Since I think that many of us are in the 35+ range, the mimicking of the nicknames, terms of endearment, of what ever comes from that. For CD's, it can tend to be overdone.

From the SO standpoint, what your spouse is calling someone else is different altogether, and again, if it bothers you talk about it.

There's a huge difference in the meanings of "you look hot," versus "you are hot," at least in my mind. IF you stick strictly with the use of "attraction," the first says you're attracted to her look, the second would indicate that you're attracted to her. It's a one word SO landmine. Especially in inflection-less forums, there are many times the intended meaning be misconstrued. Even considering that we all type English; UK English, CA English, and US English aren't necessarily all the same, and even the English I grew up with is different from what my kids are using. It's unavoidable to type anything and have someone out there read it in the wrong light.

I think that a good number of the "you're sexy", "that's hot, babe" type of posts come from our mix. We've lived, eaten, breathed, worked, played at being men, all the time, for many years. We act, play, emulate being a woman here and there. On here, when one poster responds to another, we read it as from one woman to another, but that's just not the case, as much as we try to present the illusion that it is. That might present some internal confusion, particularly to an SO or a newcomer. If you think about the comment in the context of a man looking at a picture of a woman, I think it makes a little more sense for the choice of words.

Does it mean that the commenter is attracted to the picture? I would say yes - since the comment wouldn't have appeared otherwise. It's what and how it was attractive that counts. Anyone that's had that "Ohhh, shiny!" moment was attracted to something that caught your eye. It's what make you turn the catalogue page back, or take that second look at the display, or check out the shoes of the gal that walked past. It doesn't necessarily mean you want to go proposition it.

[AllieSF]

I do not think that the distinction between "you look hot" and "you are hot" is really that much. It really boils down to the intent of the user. I have probably used both here on this site when complimenting someone on their pics. I always mean the "look", but probably interchange the words without knowing it. While I am not sensitive to these words, an insecure SO very well maybe, and maybe in a few instances have justifiable reason to be so. However, I do not believe that as a general consensus most, the majority, and definitely not all, CD's have hidden illicit meanings behind those words. I personally will probably not change my speech pattern because of this thread. I think that the SO's needs to toughen up their skin so that these meaningless type of words when spoken by a CD do not upset them. There are more than enough reasons given here to answer the OP's question, including Shannon's and Reine's enlightening and, in a way, self-answering communications last night. So, back to the OP. If it bothers you that much, then definitely talk to your SO and voice your discomfort with the use of these words that bother you so much. In the end we have our opinions and your SO has his reasons, which obviously we do not know. Good luck.

[Sophie86]

I wonder if this will help at all. Shanan provided us with examples of GGs complimenting her, so I thought I would go back and look at examples of me complimenting other CDs here on the forum. I did a search in the Picture and Video Gallery using my name. There were several pages of these, but I just collected the ones from the first page. Keep in mind the following as you read these:

1) I do not view these pics for sexual excitement.
2) I do not look for friends to add based on how great they look in their pics.
3) I do not cruise the boards looking for CDs to chat with on yahoo or whatever.
4) I do not do cyber sex.
5) I'm completely faithful to my wife.
6) I consider myself primarily heterosexual, meaning that I may have some bi-curious fantasies floating around in my head, but nothing I've ever felt compelled to act on.
7) I believe that in the CD world, complimenting just the clothes is often interpreted as a way of avoiding comment on the person. I try not to ever leave a compliment that's directed solely at the person's clothes.
8) I take the compliments that I get from TG friends as sisterly support. My reaction to the compliments I've occasionally gotten from non-TG guys on Facebook is completely opposite. I always assume they have an agenda. As a consequence, I only have two non-TG male friends on FB, both of whom have proven that they can be there without "creepin".
9) Apparently, I overuse the smilely face icon. I had to delete a bunch of them, because the program limits us to 12 per post.

Here are the comments I collected:


You look beautiful, Anne. I love the dress!


Oh, you look so cute! I think my favorite is the pink top with the black skirt! I love the fuzzy sleeves.


That first outfit will look great for Halloween! Hope you get to wear it!


That was my thought too. Gilding the lily... coals to Newcastle... pick your favorite metaphor. You look beautiful.


I love the style! You look gorgeous!


You look very pretty, Renne! Love the dress!


Very pretty, Shelly! Love the dress, and the sexy poses.


I love that gown! You look so beautiful in it!!


You look fantastic, girl!! :thumbsup: :)

I can barely even see the scar on your leg. ;) :roflmao:


I have two thumbs... and they're both UP! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Love the band, and you looked fantastic!!

Note: I want the drum playing chick! If I could get her to follow me home, I'm sure my wife would let me keep her! :D

Oops! There's an expression of sexual interest. It was directed at a GG who appeared in the video, and it was just me being playful.


You look great! I love the outfit, particularly the leather trench coat! :thumbsup:


Great outfits! I particularly like the boots and the PVC skirt!


Lovely as always JoAnn! Thanks for sharing the pics.


Great pics, Anne! I think the fourth one is my favorite!


Very hot! You have fantastic legs!

See how cleverly I hit that ambiguous area between "you are hot" and "you look hot?" :p For the record, she is hot, but that doesn't mean I want to do her.


You look gorgeous, Johnna! Glad you had a good time at SCC.


You look beautiful, Skye, and very happy.


You look great! Very nice shape! I would love to get my hips to look like that.


Enjoyed the story! You look great! I'm not surprised you were able to pass.

[Shananigans]

Badtranny, I figured you would be from Georgia or something from that convo. Maybe it's not as geographical as we think. But, I agree those kinds of interactions happen a lot.

There must be an intenral radar in people where we just know if someone is hitting on us or just being friendly.

This does get a little convoluted on the internet though.

I thought about this thread today though...my friend was giving me back a shirt she had borrowed. I had gotten something on the shirt that I was currently wearing and so I changed out of it. I was looking in the mirror and I asked, "Buttoned? Unbuttoned?" My friend shrugged and said, "Unbuttoned..it makes the girls look good."

Second thing that happened today was that I was wearing old jeans that were a 3 sizes too big for me. I tried making up with it by putting on a belt and pulling them up. When I sat down and stood up they had this bulge of loose fabric in the front and my other friend was like, "Girl, either we have something to talk about, or you need to buy some new pants." I said, "Ugh...I know...I'm just broke and I'm still losing weight..what's the point?" And, she said, "Not looking like you have farmer butt?"

I thought about it when I came home from school and it was all just so casual. I mean, we were talking about our girl parts...even said "girl" once that I know of...probably more than that...we like that word.

But, it never seemed weird and the people around us knew that we weren't about to shove our tongues down each other's throat.

Maybe it's just the internet and misunderstanding that is bringing all this up...


9) Apparently, I overuse the smilely face icon. I had to delete a bunch of them, because the program limits us to 12 per post.

I just lol'd

[jillleanne]

Your right.... talk to him about it.... everyone hetre is giving there oppinion of hearing it... not saying it.

I have no issues with hearing it and I say it all the time. In my case, it is not being spoken as a come on line, but rather as part of a fem vocabulary. I definitely have no interest in hitting on anyone here or anywhere else. My s/o knows that also and has no issues with it either. Kathy calls me hon, sweety, baby, all the time. While in the south during winter months, I get called one of these words daily, usually more than once. Seems reasonable to me. I suppose if a s/o has trust issues with their gender enhanced partner, then that needs to be sorted out behind their doors privately.

[Josie Rose]

It's a little over the top. I've never met a GG who said hon or sweetie.
Hmmm? Depends, I think. I have a few GG fiends and I'm very close to some of them as friends. I am not a fan of the ubiquitous "hun" as used in many TG forums but my natal girl friends often use terms of endearment between each other and me e.g. princess, sister, honey bun, sweetness, sweet and many other. Natal girls are simply more demonstrative in this respect and as I mix with them I am becoming more so. I even get called these things by some more demonstrative customers when working as a volunteer in a charity shop. I'm pleased to say, girls are girls and come in many levels of girliness. :)

At first, I was thrown by phrase such as "love you" or, even, "love you lots". Some girls do and some girls never would say that to another girl. Those that do, use it in a totally non-sexual context, almost familial as sisters, simply to reaffirm their friendship and trust to signify they are caring for you. I derive much strength from it and the use of terms of endearment is part of my development. I am increasingly using them when speaking to male, female and TGs alike, but, in may case, it does depend on the strength of the relationship.

It is decidedly, NOT a masculine trait except with their sexual partners.

[divamissz]

I use "sweetie" all the time; it's just something that Zelda says. I know it's from too much time watching Absolutely Fabulous; be happy I don't call people "sweetie darling!"

Actually, I use "sweetie" more in writing than in speaking. And I never call anyone "hottie." I will tell people "You look great!" or "That's a hot outfit," because I think if you look good you deserve a compliment!

[jillleanne]

I use "sweetie" all the time; it's just something that Zelda says. I know it's from too much time watching Absolutely Fabulous; be happy I don't call people "sweetie darling!"

Actually, I use "sweetie" more in writing than in speaking. And I never call anyone "hottie." I will tell people "You look great!" or "That's a hot outfit," because I think if you look good you deserve a compliment!

lol, I too loveeeeeee 'Absolutely Fabulous'. Have for years. Interestingly, Joanna Lumley( think behive) is currently doing a 4 part series on National Geographic on the Nile River in Africa; part 3 this upcoming week. What a beautiful lady she is in real life.

[Badtranny]

Badtranny, I figured you would be from Georgia or something from that convo. Maybe it's not as geographical as we think. But, I agree those kinds of interactions happen a lot.

Well, I did grow up in New Iberia Louisiana so it's possible that a little southern hospitality seeped in. ;-)

Maybe it's the number of CD's responding in this thread but I think there is just a lot of craziness on this issue. I'm baffled that anyone would be sensitive to any of these terms, especially the one that would "knock me on my ass" ?
I think it just gets down to people just looking for something to be offended about.

I have an open hand mentality. An open hand, can be many things but a closed hand can only be a fist. We should all keep our hands and minds open.

[xristy]

I live in South MS and have sorta been following this thread. I guess it has made me a little hyper-sensitive to the terms in question. I have noticed that being called "hun" or "sweetie" is a pretty common thing to hear down here. It really doesn't bother me and I do think it is a term pretty much used by women in the south. Doesn't seem to bother me.

However, I don't use those particular terms when dressed or not.

Xristy

[J'lyn GG]

I suppose if a s/o has trust issues with their gender enhanced partner, then that needs to be sorted out behind their doors privately.

Which takes time. A lot of time. And during that time, an SO may not trust the answers she gets from her husband. Which, again, is what this post was all about.

[joannemarie barker]

I am guilty of using these terms.I didn't realise or even consider I might be causing offence.if I call some one Hun or sweetie Its just me being friendly.if I say hot or sexy when looking at another CDs pic it's pretty much because I find the pic sexy or hot or whatever.I'll try and tone myself down from now on.sorry if I have ever offended anyone

[Prissy Linda]

Something i've noticed since this thread began is that while reading other threads and while visiting the photos section is that the people responding have pretty much stopped using any of the terms such as "sweetie" or "hun". Personally I am not offended by these terms but I can understand why some are. I think the members here sometimes develop friendships with others or have an admiration for people they respect so they feel comfortable using these terms because they feel comfortable expressing their fem feelings without repercussions. JMO.

[GingerLeigh]

I won't look at a man in a dress (if he looks convincing) and say "hey nice triceps!" or "great six pack!". Nor will I say something like "you look nice". How weak is that? If the person is not convincing at all or looks bad I say nothing at all. Hot may be a little over the top, but I never thought anyone would interpret that as a pass in this crowd.

Calling me sweetie or hon is appropriate if you are either my wife or my grandmother. Anyone else saying it sounds kind of odd. To me it just sounds too matronly. I guess it is just part of the feeling feminine for some CDers, so I don't bother criticizing them for it.

[Sophie86]

Which takes time. A lot of time. And during that time, an SO may not trust the answers she gets from her husband. Which, again, is what this post was all about.

If the real question was: "How can I trust what my husband says about his sexuality?" Then not one word has been said which answers that question. A theory was offered which could explain the posting behavior of the CD in question, but doesn't necessarily explain it. That is all. In my opinion, framing the question that way makes it an inappropriate question for the forum, since she would have been asking us to speculate on the sexuality and trustworthiness of another member.


Something i've noticed since this thread began is that while reading other threads and while visiting the photos section is that the people responding have pretty much stopped using any of the terms such as "sweetie" or "hun". Personally I am not offended by these terms but I can understand why some are. I think the members here sometimes develop friendships with others or have an admiration for people they respect so they feel comfortable using these terms because they feel comfortable expressing their fem feelings without repercussions. JMO.

I always felt free to post pics, and compliment the other girls here. I thought the good intent was understood. I don't feel that way now. I've taken down all the pics I had up in the photo gallery--the ones I could still access--and I won't be participating in it anymore.

[Marcia Polari]

Something i've noticed since this thread began is that while reading other threads and while visiting the photos section is that the people responding have pretty much stopped using any of the terms such as "sweetie" or "hun". Personally I am not offended by these terms but I can understand why some are. I think the members here sometimes develop friendships with others or have an admiration for people they respect so they feel comfortable using these terms because they feel comfortable expressing their fem feelings without repercussions. JMO.

Prissy
Count me in stopping doing that. Living and learning!

[ReineD]

^ I posted extensively in this thread and if my comments are contributing to people stopping to say, "hun" or "sweetie", then I apologize. This was not my intent.

Instead, I was trying to describe the difference between comments that are innocuous, and those that are more forward that do sound to GGs as if the person posting them is into other CDs. I also tried to explain how difficult it is for GGs who read some of the more forward comments to understand what is going on in their husbands' heads, especially if they find out about the CDing years into the marriage, or even if they find out in the beginning and their partners feel uncomfortable discussing all aspects of the CDing.

I think this is where a trust issue comes in.

Anyway, I'm all talked out when it comes to the topic of comments. I've talked enough here. The bottom line is, the only way for a wife to know what is her husband's intent or desires is to ask him since there are CDs who are into other CDs and there are some who are not. If there is no reason to suspect he is lying, it is a good marriage and there is otherwise trust in the marriage, then she should believe him. On the other hand, if he knows that his wife feels uncomfortable with the comments, he should take care to consider his wife's feelings before posting. This is just common sense.

I don't think that Cindy's husband is a prolific "Wow, you've got hot legs, babe" poster. She was just asking a question from a newbie perspective who is beginning to understand all of this.

[Jessica Who]

I call other cders sweetie and will say that they look pretty but never "you look hot", that's just a line I won't cross

[jillleanne]

[QUOTE=ReineD;2626723]To get the thread back on track ... :)

This isn't a regional question so much as Cindy is asking about a wife whose husband leaves comments that are in the same spirit of : "Oh, what a hottie", or "You're so cute, babe", or even, "Humma, humma, you've got great legs!"

What does this mean?

For the most part Cindy, harmless words meant to sound femme by the user. Often gender enhanced people will use expressions that in their minds, help to validate them as femme, to increase their feminine expressions of themselves if you will. I would like to believe a simple discussion on the topic with your s/o in a civil manner would resolve the issue. Think of it as a part of the gender enhanced persons' desire to be truly femme at that moment and to be acknowledged as being femme by the other person.
I recall a similar instance in my life where my s/o played online bingo for fun; sort of a woman's club where chatting was more important than the game itself. Men also frequently joined in the chat, I supose for lack of having a life to live, lol, and the flirting would begin. Often many of the women loved the attention, albeit harmless, but nonetheless it was rampant at some tables. Typed words change screens and the same type of comments as you discuss are tossed around like leaflets. My s/o fell into the trap also, so I mentioned it to her; I told her if she wants to call anyone sweetie or hon, why not try it on me? "You can call someone on a computer that but not me?" Long story short, she came to understand that how she presents herself to others online in the virtual world also paints a picture to others in the real world how she represents her relationships which in all fairness, may be very misleading. Just talk to him about it telling him you do not appreciate the use of the words and all should be fine. Oh by the way, since spending many winters in the deep south we have come to adapt the 'local' twang in vocabulary and the words 'hon', 'sweety', etc. are used frequently now in our lives more as a habit than anything else. Not intended as a come on line in any way. Yes, I use them here as well as nothing more than a polite female gesture. If anyone does not like me saying them to them, just drop me a note and I'll be more than happy to comply.

[jillleanne]

Which takes time. A lot of time. And during that time, an SO may not trust the answers she gets from her husband. Which, again, is what this post was all about.

Yes, indeed. Irregardless what the cause, when trust becomes the primary issue as is this case, alot of conversation between the two parties is necessary, and that alone may not be enough. It may also be, the 'words' used are just a part of a bigger picture involving trust. I do hope they can work this out with a positive end result.