I didn't really know where to go with this.

[Melissa Jill]

I don't have a problem with my body or being male at all. Its everyone else that has the problem. I try to disascoiate myself from being male but for some reason women still treat me different to how they would treat other women.
Lately Ive felt a lot of anger and jealousy towards women because of it. And Im so confused. You would think with the internet being available it would help to clear up my confusion, but Ive never been more confused about anything in my life.
Im pretty sure Im a man, because I am a man, I always have been it just makes sense, you know?
But...why do I feel the way I do? What am I?

[Steph.TS]

I've thought about similar things, you asked the question 'what am I', and it's that simple but demanding question that I consider to be something we've been gifted with the task of asking, but it's one that cannot be answered without hardships. as for why you feel the way you do, I cannot answer that, I ask myself that question many many times and and have no answer. part of me wishes I could find the root cause of this feeling and correct it so I can go back to just being happy as a man... but the question that comes from that point is if I can correct it, would I be truly happy or simply content with being a man?

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Hi Melissa!

Speaking for myself I have had confusion for 43 years, even though I knew deep down who I truly was a woman in a male body. Society and religious leaders have told us it is wrong to have these feelings and desires to dress and change how we look to be the other sex. The violence and treatment have kept many of us in hiding so when we do come out finally it can be very difficult. We do not want to be treated like we are different, we want to fit in but that is not always the case. I have seen women treat each other badly and isolate one another over silly things. So don't worry about being treated different they have grown up as women we have to learn what they have already learned. I am much happier since coming out as a women, there is some confusion still but that will change as I grow as the woman I was meant to be.

Hugs

[Rianna Humble]

I don't have a problem with my body or being male at all. Its everyone else that has the problem. I try to disassociate myself from being male but for some reason women still treat me different to how they would treat other women.

Hi Melissa, it's good that you don't have a problem with being male - saves a lot of complications in your life. If my experience is anything to go by, other women do react differently to a cross-dresser even when they are supportive of you. I don't believe that they are deliberately trying to snub you, I think from what you say that maybe they see you as a sympathetic man (and there's the rub).

You say you are confused because you are pretty sure you are a man. Could you be two-spirit or dual gender? Whatever the answer, you are a valuable member of this community. I honestly believe that if you can come to accept yourself where you are now, it will make life easier for the future. :hugs:

[Melissa Jill]

Sorry, I should have given more detail in the original post. I was having all these thoughts and I had to put them on here as they were keeping me up.
When I mean other women treating me differently, I mean women don't get as close to me friend wise like they would other women. Not all of them know about my crossdressing, but even those who do still treat me different from other women. I doubt they realise they are doing it, but women are a lot closer to other women then they are males. And that causes me A LOT of pain.
Ive been clinically depressed since about march and whilst it was my lack of job that was the straw to break the camels back, I originally thought it was my social anxiety that was the cause, but even though that has been getting a lot better lately and I realise I do have a few very good friends Im still in a lot of pain due to how Im treated by women due to being a man.
I really can't make sense of this at all.

Edit: I put off posting all of this for months just because it all seems so trivial in my head. Why should be being a man mean women treat me different?
Maybe I am dual-gender, but how would I go about fixing my problem? I mean, how others perceive me. I can't ever see myself being happy as I am at the moment.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

steph what a great observation
simple, but demanding!

The mental health pros will tell you anger is about the inability to change the situation..you have be realistic and consider there is no reason for anyone to treat you like a woman if you are not a woman.

You say you have no problem being a man...
You say it angers you that you are not being treated like a woman

these are conflicted thoughts..they both can't be true...you have to work that out in your mind

many gender variant people are very good at compartmentalizing their behavior and thinking...what this means to you is that you can easily be saying things that you don't really mean...your inner dialogue is saying things you dont really believe!
this can be very stressful and confusing...
as steph said, its simple but difficult ..

[Beth-Lock]

In my case it took a long time for my desire to be a woman to break through from the unconscious, as I kept repressing it every time it would. I also had an anger problem with women at one point, in essence when treated as a man and scornfully so, by one woman who was not nice. It may be that the idea of wanting to be a woman is getting ready to break though from your unconscious or for the concept to form in your mind. Only time will tell.

[Starling]

Melissa, you say you have no trouble with being male, yet you yearn to be treated by women as they would relate to a female. This could be gender dysphoria expressing itself indirectly.

Do you present as a woman with some of your female friends, or do they just know that you dress? When I have socialized with women while presenting female, I've quickly felt accepted as one of them, or at least as no-one out of the ordinary. Women, in general, are much freer, more openly affectionate and much less likely to be embarrassed being seen with us, than men are. In general.

Could it just be that you are hoping for something that men presenting as male rarely get from young women, which is a kind of ease that comes from a lack of sexual tension?

:) Lallie

PS: I think your feelings on this are a bit disorganized, Melissa, so I could be completely misunderstanding what you are hoping for.

[Melissa Jill]

Melissa, you say you have no trouble with being male, yet you yearn to be treated by women as they would relate to a female. This could be gender dysphoria expressing itself indirectly.

Do you present as a woman with some of your female friends, or do they just know that you dress? When I have socialized with women while presenting female, I've quickly felt accepted as one of them, or at least as no-one out of the ordinary. Women, in general, are much freer, more openly affectionate and much less likely to be embarrassed being seen with us, than men are. In general.

Could it just be that you are hoping for something that men presenting as male rarely get from young women, which is a kind of ease that comes from a lack of sexual tension?

:) Lallie

PS: I think your feelings on this are a bit disorganized, Melissa, so I could be completely misunderstanding what you are hoping for.

A few of my female friends know I dress, but most of them still treat me as just a man which causes me endless pain. And that bit you said that I bolded is exactly what I yearn for. Around all my female friends Im always careful of what I say because of that ever present sexual tension and I just want that to not be there around them.

Edit:
One of my female friends won't hug me because she and I used to date a long long time ago and now she has a boyfriend and she is worried he will get jealous

[Kaitlyn Michele]

are you getting help from anyone experienced with gender issues..help for your depression

your series of thoughts is putting you in a box... to be perceived as a woman REQUIRES you to present and express yourself as a woman
being ok with being male does not preclude you from presenting as a woman... do you see this... your inner dialogue is a trap..

depression is serious...there is no shame in it.. when i suffered clinical depression i found my thinking was confused..i could always quickly find a way to come up with a thought to maximize how bad i felt..

[Melissa Jill]

are you getting help from anyone experienced with gender issues..help for your depression

your series of thoughts is putting you in a box... to be perceived as a woman REQUIRES you to present and express yourself as a woman
being ok with being male does not preclude you from presenting as a woman... do you see this... your inner dialogue is a trap..

depression is serious...there is no shame in it.. when i suffered clinical depression i found my thinking was confused..i could always quickly find a way to come up with a thought to maximize how bad i felt..

Im not seeing any gender specialist for my depression. At first I thought it might be my depression confusing me about my gender issues, so Im just on anti-depressants. Ive been on Escitalopram (a standard dose for 2.5 months, then the last 2 weeks a larger dose each day as it got worse) but I still find the source of my pain being this stuff.
Ill look into it.

[Stephenie S]

Women are not going to treat you as if you were a woman because you AREN'T a woman. It's pretty simple really. If you are happy being a guy, why the angst?

S

[Katesback]

If there ever was a case of suggesting to someone to see a therapist, this one stands at the top. Heck ya got me confused reading your post. How could you possibly like being a man but assume people are going to see you as a woman??????????????

[Kaitlyn Michele]

melissa..you MUST look into it..

you need to get yourself a good education in this stuff as well.

read the WPATH website.. talk to your doctor about gender..in detail. with totaly honesty...

do you see yourself how the idea that you want women to treat you as a woman is NEVER possible unless you present that way...btw...what about men? they are people too..do you want men to see you as a woman too? ask these questions of yourself and forget all your own preconceived notions...

[david]

mellisa jill how can you say that you have no trouble being male but still want to be treated as female by other females? either your mind is confused as to whether you shoud in fact be female in mind if not in body this you shoud get sorted within your selfand try to examine is this where i realy want to be for the rest of my life.gender dysphoria takes many shapes try to get helpas soon as possible. davinax

[Inna]

Denial, Denial, Denial........................countless stories, same theme! Baby, you are not alone!

Confusion, doubt, dissatisfaction, feeling of inadequacy,

"I am a man so why I want to be a woman, but I really don't want to be a woman I just feel like ......................" Sounds familiar

Internet with billions of bits of information is just that, bits of information, just as your mind is throwing up millions of emotions confusing the heck out of ya!!!!!!

Seek professional, gender psychology, therapist, preferably one with lots of experience and expertise!

Yes Therapy, it isn't as though someone will tell you of who you are but knowledgeable professional who will guide you through you own subconscious landscape of you mind and YOU shall become clear as to whom YOU ARE!!!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

"I am a man so why I want to be a woman, but I really don't want to be a woman I just feel like ......................" Sounds familiar

whom YOU ARE!!!

yep...that's a really good way to describe it. for many years my entire thought process could be summed up this way...

another common thought i had around all this was......."WTF???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

[Melissa Jill]

Ive emailed a member of my local support group as I literally have no idea where to go from here.
The more I think about it though the more me being a woman makes sense. But as has been shown here Im pretty confused, so I guess time will only tell.

[giuseppina]

Hello Melissa

Antidepressants elevate your mood, but they don't help with the negative thought patterns that go with depression. That requires a will to change.

If you've been on your present medication for more than four months and haven't noticed a positive change in your mood, either the dosage or the medication may require an adjustment. If the medication negatively affects your mood, tell the prescribing doctor immediately, as it doesn't work for you. Unfortuneately, the only way to determine if a medication works for you is to try it, and not all medications work for everyone. The trick is to find a medication and dosage that is effective with tolerable side effects.

One book sometimes recommended is "Ten Days to Self-Esteem" by Dr. David Burns, a psychiatrist who is or was on the faculty at Stanford. The title is a bit of a misnomer, but the same methods work for anger, self-esteem, and depression. You should be able to find it at a big box bookstore or order it from a smaller one.

[Traci Elizabeth]

You keep referring to yourself as a "male." That in and of itself will cause you problems with women. You seem to be longing for the closeness that "girlfriends" have for each other as you stated it is deep with women. But you yourself know you are not a woman and women are not looking for that kind of "friend" relationship with a man or a man who is openly a cross-dresser. I don't think you should set yourself up for rejection as you seen to be doing.

I know it is sad but you are in "limbo" status and as such alienate yourself from both women and men. You are in a hard place, a lonely place. Perhaps you need to spent more time with a therapist or better yet a Psychiatrist to help you work out your identity issues so that you can move forward positively.

[HottyHeather]

Going through the same dam issues and ive decide to try and be a male from now on . But also very confused how come I can't just switch off my urges to dress up as a woman and Y do I feel like this anyway . Life is very confusing at times but i feel like im doing the right thing at times staying male , but at times i think why can't i go out and just do what i want to do . Sorry i hope i didn't complicate matters worst for you , just have an idea what your going through .

[Sejd]

Well, how do you feel? You don't give us any idea of that. Besides that, no you are not a woman and women may feel different about you, than other women. You cannot produce a baby or have menses. So, yes - you are not a woman, but maybe you are a Trans Woman. It could very possible be that you are what some call a "Two spirit" person or as in Western medicine: a Trans Gender person. I would recommend that you seek a TG therapist to help you out. Good luck.
Sejd

[Rianna Humble]

You cannot produce a baby or have menses. So, yes - you are not a woman

If we accept your very prejudicial definition of what a woman is, then every infertile or post-menopausal woman is "not a woman" according to you. According to your definition any woman who has needed a hysterectomy also becomes a non-woman.

[Jeanna]

I don't have a problem with my body or being male at all. Its everyone else that has the problem.

Melissa,
Your first sentence stands out at me very much. Examine this thought carefully. Its seems to me that you are in the same middle ground in which I live. I'm OK with being a man but only if I could be a woman. To scared to move in that direction completely so I only play with it mentally. But I remain a man in my work/life duties because it seems easier, but is it? Some soul searching, time away for you to think is probably the best medicine. It's a hard enough life without the confusion that you face on top of it. When I get down, I just think about how lucky I am to be in good health and able to experience being both genders in one life time.:)

[Aprilrain]

. You cannot produce a baby

I "produced" 2 beautiful children AND I am a TS woman THANK YOU!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I "produced" 2 beautiful children AND I am a TS woman THANK YOU!


yep!! me too..

sejd wtf?

[Melissa Jill]

I had a bit of an epiphanny last night. I realised that when Im my male self I act a lot of the time and put up a false front in order to appear like a normal guy. Im not comfortable expressing myself properly as I currently am and realised that Ill probably never have the really deep fulfilling friendships with women that I seek as I currently am. My feelings towards 3 female friends were particularly confusing, I thought I was developing feelings for them. When actually I was just jealous of the male attention they got.

[Allsteamedup]

Melisa Jill, If you had some understanding how women make friendships you might understand more.

We have friends from schooldays, from college, from work, people that we shared a lot of our development with. People who supported us when we needed it. If older we have friends from ante-natal days, our childrens' nursery and schools.
It would be difficult for anyone outside these kinds of circles to make lasting friendships with women. You are not being excluded.

Or put the other way around, what would you have to offer a female friendship as a cder? Relationships tend to be interdependent.

You may see women laughing and joking and having coffee etc but most of what we do has a serious side. Also physical contact witha cder might not be as usual as you are expecting.

Women are great joiners of groups. If there is something specific that would interest you, join a group.

[Fractured]

Melissa, I feel close to the same way. When my therapist asked if I was feeling like mutilating my body I responded by comparing my body to a car model. I look at my body and it isn't absolutely essential to trade it in for the other model at this time (since it works and it has been paid off so I don't have monthly payments on it :)) but I would rather be driving the other model. There are benefits to my current model - restroom ease, higher paycheck on average based on the model, not worrying too much about walking down the street alone, etc. But I think I would still prefer the other model.

As for friendships, I recall a guys mag from a few years ago geared for the 18-35 demographic. It cited that if you had three close friends as a guy, count yourself lucky.

I want the close friendships my SO has with her girlfriends. She only has a few close friends; she has more than I do but they are still small in number. Yet I am still jealous that she has as many as she does.

I am a very private person. I have a hard time sharing my private thoughts and fears with my SO, so rationally I know I would struggle to support deep friendships with anyone else. But it doesn't stop the longing.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

your therapist actually said "mutilating?" yikes....are you ok with that??

anyway....if you don't want to trade in the old model...if you are kinda ok with living as a male.. stop the madness and start thinking about how to have a quality of life as a male..deal with your shyness issues (i know i had to do that)
decide how to cope with the crossdressing...if you are wishing to escape a male life, this is not possible by leaping into a female life..even tho it may seem appealing, it doesnt work that way..

[Melissa Jill]

Melisa Jill, If you had some understanding how women make friendships you might understand more.

We have friends from schooldays, from college, from work, people that we shared a lot of our development with. People who supported us when we needed it. If older we have friends from ante-natal days, our childrens' nursery and schools.
It would be difficult for anyone outside these kinds of circles to make lasting friendships with women. You are not being excluded.

Or put the other way around, what would you have to offer a female friendship as a cder? Relationships tend to be interdependent.

You may see women laughing and joking and having coffee etc but most of what we do has a serious side. Also physical contact witha cder might not be as usual as you are expecting.

Women are great joiners of groups. If there is something specific that would interest you, join a group.

Its not like Im imagining this in my head, female friends who I thought I was close to all of a sudden get a lot closer with a new female friend, despite me knowing them for far longer and trying my hardest to get close to them.

[Fractured]

your therapist actually said "mutilating?" yikes....are you ok with that??

anyway....if you don't want to trade in the old model...if you are kinda ok with living as a male.. stop the madness and start thinking about how to have a quality of life as a male..deal with your shyness issues (i know i had to do that)
decide how to cope with the crossdressing...if you are wishing to escape a male life, this is not possible by leaping into a female life..even tho it may seem appealing, it doesnt work that way..

I don't know if she said "mutilating" but that was the impression I got. She was asking if I was going to do anything extreme, which could be interpreted from self-medicating with hormones to self-mutilation to suicide. I had recently read a few stories down the vein of do-it-yourself so I was thinking the mutilation route when the question was asked. Funny how different people can interpret the same question differently.

As for the male vs female model - that was my description at the time. My view has shifted since then and I am more anxious to trade in. There's nothing wrong with my current model but it's not what I want. But since I did have the position earlier that the current model was fine, I am doing some deep searching to try and determine exactly what I do want and where I am. I'm not in a rush to make the wrong decision. (And as for the CDing - side topic to this discussion - I didn't do it until this year despite the feelings I had of not wanting my current model. This year something just snapped and I went and bought my first articles of fem clothing. And that drove me to the therapist.)

[Melissa Jill]

I think this topic should be closed. Ill see a specialist, see what they say. Maybe I do have gender issues, maybe I don't. I just can't stand to be me any longer though.

[Fractured]

These topics are tough and strike at the root of the person you are. I wish you the best. :)

[*Vanessa*]

...I really can't make sense of this at all. Maybe I am dual-gender, but how would I go about fixing my problem? I mean, how others perceive me. I can't ever see myself being happy as I am at the moment.

I don't think there is a huge problem Melissa, hear me out. What you have stated is that other people have a problem not you. Bi-gender is a good place to be while you figure things out. I know saying that, here, there are those that will scoff at the idea, but ya know, they are only showing their hand.

When you strip away a few layers it becomes every to handle the differences.

Be brave, be you :)