How to read your wife...

[Chickhe]

Impossible! When she asks a question, I always run for cover.

She sways to me ...are you going to dress up as a woman this year? ...simple question, but what does she really mean? And why is she asking? Did she mean, ...you're crazy to do that again?...or does she want to make her costume match...? Me, I turn red, and just give some vague, I don't know answer and change the subject...
...that was this morning.

This evening she says...I just cleaned out my closet and if you want to make a costume you might want some of my old clothing before i donate it... I read that as...I know you are going to be a woman again!

Its funny version of don't ask don't tell... I'm sure many of us can relate!

[AllieSF]

I agree with your first two lines. But I think maybe she is giving you an opportunity and an opening to talk more with her about you and dressing. Sounds cool to me. I wish you the best.

Oh, and yes, sometimes trying to understand a woman in a relationship is really difficult. Just ask Karren!

[Eryn]

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a question is just a question.

[Stephanie47]

Impossible! When she asks a question, I always run for cover.

She sways to me ...are you going to dress up as a woman this year?

Its funny version of don't ask don't tell... I'm sure many of us can relate!

That's not even a "funny version" of DA/DT in my house. If that your wife's version of DA/DT, I'm willing to trade with you. My wife would tell me if I touched her Goodwill donation bag, she'd cut my balls off!

[KarenS]

I would welcome those kinds of questions. It sound like she is maybe a little more understanding than you might think.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Great Freudian reply.

[mustangsally1965]

My wife and I are up front with each other and if she were to ask me those same questions it would be because she wants to know and I would tell her. As far as a clothing donation goes , she always invites me for a 'look see' at what she is parting with.I think sometimes we tend to overthink some things. And look for hidden meaning where there is none.I have found that telling my wife what I like and don't like is the best way to go. How will she ever know if I don't tell her ? And the same with her telling me what she likes and dislikes. Just being 'real' and dumping the 'game' aspect of a relationship.

[Tina B.]

I think, like most women, she is just being practical, if you do dress up like a women this year, why spend for something that might be in her good will bag? Waste not, want less(I've never gotten to the want not stage)! Besides it sounds like you might have headed down that road more than once. Remember, even DA/DT ended for service men, maybe it will end for you, but not if you don't answer back, and actually talk.
Tina B.

[Cyndy]

My wife will always tells me that she is cleaning out her closet, and says that if there is anything I would like to have, I should go through her give aways before she donates them. I always seem to find a treasure there. There was even a time when I was clearing out some of my things, and she claimed a blouse of mine. For quite a while I would become very excited when we would be on a date with some friends in the knowledge that she was wearing something that was once mine. As far as asking if I am going to dress as a woman this year, I can only assume you mean for halloween, and that's not even a question she has to ask..she already knows the answer!

[Aprilrain]

My wife would tell me if I touched her Goodwill donation bag, she'd cut my balls off!

reading stuff like this makes me feel sorry for CDers. then again maybe if you guys would grow a pair and tell your wives what YOU need out of the relationship you'd have less problems with your wives. In my experience DADT is a recipe for disaster.

[DanaR]

It sounds like she is giving you a chance to communicate; which is important to both of you. I have to agree, DADT isn't what you need to reach an understanding.

[NicoleScott]

I think women invented the rhetorical question. "Are you going to wear THAT tie with THAT shirt?"
It's not a real question. It's: go change.

[GingerLeigh]

Ahhh..enigmatic women. I never know what my wife thinks, her mind is off limits to EVERYONE. However, you know you're in trouble when you ask her what's wrong and its a simple monotone "nothing". Uh-oh, this is usually BIG trouble. She needs the time to think about how to corner you with logic and close off all exits.
Sounds like your wife is onto you and is either embracing your little secret or is preparing a trap. SNAP! It's what makes married life fun, you just never know what will come next....

Ginger

[suchacutie]

Uncertainty and inability to make an informed judgement are the results of a lack of information, and a lack of information is the direct result of a lack of communication. Usually it is men who limit the conversation as we usually answer in one word direct-to-the-point answers that stifle conversation. We want to "get it done" and get on to the next topic, classically!

Classically, women don't see it that way (yes, I know this is a generalization, but this is the way all the literature is written about gender differences). It seems to me that your wife is trying to start a conversation. My advice would be to try and back away from one-word answers and avoidance. Ask her what she would like. Tell her you could be interested and seek her advice about how to accomplish what you'd like. Start that dialog and keep it open. If she closes it, that's her decision, but I would suggest that you keep it open for as long as you can. No matter what happens, you won't be guessing any more.

just my 2 cents :)

tina

[eluuzion]

Effective communication is the hallmark of a successful relationship.
Your chances for success improve significantly if you take the time to establish some ground rules.

I think one good rule to consider is that whenever your SO has a question,
She should raise her hand and wait until she is called on to ask her question.

This can be improved even more by requiring that all questions be submitted in written form, 3 days prior to expecting your response.

I realize some of this may sound suspect due to the fact that it is marital advice offered by a single person. But I think after you read it, it becomes obvious that I have some impressive knowledge in this particular area...

:heehee:

:love:

[bridgetta]

Um. I totally understand this paranoIa. Its not so easy. It takes intelligence to be prepared and its not always easy and im not always awake rested ready to intepret the subtle signals.

[dorylinn]

I think women invented the rhetorical question. "Are you going to wear THAT tie with THAT shirt?"
It's not a real question. It's: go change.




Wife: "does this dress make me look fat?" :brolleyes:

Me: "No honey it's probably all those doughnuts You have been eating" :eek:

[Nikki A.]

My late wife knew and accepted my need to dress but never really was comfortable with it. That said if she bought something & changed her mind about it, I had the option to keep it if I wanted it before she'd return it.
The only time I could dress and go out was Halloween, she said that was my holiday too. Now it's "Halloween" whenever I'm in the mood and I'm not working.

[*Vanessa*]

I would like to read my Ex with a 2x4, but hey, I'm just saying.

[HottyHeather]

Well your best thing to do is to ask her what she means by her questioning.Don't assume just come out and ask, she knows you dress up and thats half the battle right there.I would want to know how she feels about the issue and go from there.

[bridgetta]

A big part of being a man is not getting angry. Maintaining morality and Allowing woman to ride out their more elaborate emotional rollercoasters. You have to know what they want more than they do sometimes.

[Aprilrain]

A big part of being a man is not getting angry. Maintaining morality and Allowing woman to ride out their more elaborate emotional rollercoasters. You have to know what they want more than they do sometimes.

I really am not sure what maintaining morality means??? but i agree with not getting angry and allowing us to ride out the emotional roller coster! That being said I have a responsibility to have some self control over my emotions too. for me that usually means NOT acting on the voices in my head and just asking for affection instead. As far as thinking that you know what a woman wants when she doesn't GOOD LUCK!

[bridgetta]

Ha. Well. Maintaining morality. I dont know. I guess it means doing the right thing

[Chickhe]

Lots of fun comments. Thanks! Seems like I get asked 'sensitive' questions just at the wrong time...this was while driving the car, not really the place to have a detailed discussion and at the same time I was holding back a huge grinn too... so she probably got the answer anyway. The way we usually do it...halloween...unless its a couples costume we leave the final reveal a secret. So it will be close to the party that she gets any clue what I have planned and then the few hours before when I appear dressed. She enjoys it...we have done it several times in the past, so that's not really the issue...its more that I just get flustered talking to her about me wanting to look like a female. ...what really caught me off gaurd was the 'are you going as female' question instead of the more general 'what are you going as?'. I'm an open book...I guess. ;-)

[ReineD]

LOL. I smiled when I read your OP. It was a typical Venus and Mars thing (the book). From the way you described it though, it sounded like your wife was trying to be supportive and helpful. But, like you say in the post just above mine, you get a bit flustered talking to your wife about dressing, like you're embarrassed maybe? I don't think she's at all embarrassed like you are.

But my advice the next time this happens is to just ask her what her feelings are behind the question. You could tell her you feel embarrassed or flustered. Then the two of you can get into a touchy-feely conversation which we GGs always love, and which would also be great practice for you! :)

[Chickhe]

...maybe we'll get that chance while sitting around at the party fending off sailors... ;-)

[Rianna Humble]

Let's consider two possible scenarios


Wife: Are you going to dress up as a woman this year?

Husband: Dunno, oh look, I think that was a classic corvette went by ...

or


Wife: Are you going to dress up as a woman this year?

Husband: I haven't finally made up my mind just yet, how would you feel if I did?

I'll let the reader decide which one has the most chance of a happy ending and which one just closes off all possibility of making progress with the wife's acceptance of the husband's cross-dressing during this conversation.

[linda allen]

Impossible! When she asks a question, I always run for cover.

She sways to me ...are you going to dress up as a woman this year? ...simple question, but what does she really mean? And why is she asking? Did she mean, ...you're crazy to do that again?...or does she want to make her costume match...? Me, I turn red, and just give some vague, I don't know answer and change the subject...
...that was this morning.

This evening she says...I just cleaned out my closet and if you want to make a costume you might want some of my old clothing before i donate it... I read that as...I know you are going to be a woman again!

Its funny version of don't ask don't tell... I'm sure many of us can relate!

I'm guessing that she doesn't know about your dressing or desire to dress and you only get to dress around her once a year on Halloween.

This might be an opportunity for you to "own" some female clothing that she knows about. You might find some items that she's getting rid of that you can keep and wear around the house. Tell her they are more comfortable than youe own clothes.

I'm not talking about bras here, but for example, my wife has this sack dress or "moo moo" that's just shapeless and I keep complaining about it. She said it's comfortable so I said "If it's that comfortable, I want one too." She went out and bought me two similar dresses and I wear them around the house in place of a bathrobe.

She doesn't know that when she's away, I will often wear a bra and forms with them. :heehee:

[kimdl93]

Gosh, it seems she's way past DADT. Isn't she really inviting you to talk about your plans and by extension to talk about dressing in general? Perhaps your guy side is avoiding a conversation that she awants to have.