Elizabeth Ann
10-17-2011, 01:50 PM
"My philosophy is that if you know why you do it, then you're not really a crossdresser. "
This stunningly elegant proposition, voiced in a recent thread, stopped me in my tracks. It is an ingenious, brutal, and yet porous filter.
It elevates crossdressing to a special status, even more fundamental that common bodily functions (which you do for a reason, after all.) The mere act of crossdressing is not enough to make you a crossdresser. If you do it for sexual, escapist, or stress relieving reasons, then you are not a crossdresser, because it must be an end in itself, it cannot be a means to some other end. The urge must come from beyond cognition, from some unknown hormonal, physiological, or chemical motivation.
It is easy to see the attraction of such a draconian rule. It removes all responsibility from the "true" crossdresser. She is not selfishly seeking pleasure or satisfaction (though she is free to enjoy it). It is completely beyond her control. The cost of this relief? Unfortunately, anyone who confesses to a reason to dress. Brutal, indeed, and best not to think too much about some of the other behaviors in this class, including addictions and obsessive compulsive disorders.
But this strictest of all crossdressing criteria has an extremely unfortunate loophole. You can get back into the crossdressers club simply by embracing ignorance. (Please note: ignorance is the lack of knowledge. It does not mean stupid.) All you have to do is not think too much about why you do it. Just relax and enjoy it, oh and by the way, an innate behavior like this is there forever, so why fight it?
By this rule, I am not a crossdresser, but my own exclusion is not what alarms me. While I think many here will reject the proposition in such an explicit formulation, I have the uneasy feeling that many of us nevertheless do take comfort and refuge in a certain willful ignorance of our motivations. I know that many will respond with the usual "don't worry, be happy" message, but I believe that we have much to gain from a clear eyed, dispassionate look at our own behaviors.
This is not to say that crossdressing is not a powerful, even overwhelming, influence on some of us. It certainly is, but that is all the more reason to make the effort to better understand our motivations. Even if you are happy with your life, understanding the reward we derive from crossdressing can give us insights into our own psyche that give us greater power and control of ourselves. Yes, it makes us complicit in our behaviors, but it also moves us further toward becoming rational, thoughtful individuals. It is worth the cost.
In my own case, better understanding the needs pushing me on occasion toward the pink fog allows me to stay on a more even keel. I don't understand everything, but some introspection has improved the dialogue with my wife. I am not suggesting that you can understand it and "cure" it. I am suggesting that a better understanding can give you more control or greater satisfaction with your life.
Liz
This stunningly elegant proposition, voiced in a recent thread, stopped me in my tracks. It is an ingenious, brutal, and yet porous filter.
It elevates crossdressing to a special status, even more fundamental that common bodily functions (which you do for a reason, after all.) The mere act of crossdressing is not enough to make you a crossdresser. If you do it for sexual, escapist, or stress relieving reasons, then you are not a crossdresser, because it must be an end in itself, it cannot be a means to some other end. The urge must come from beyond cognition, from some unknown hormonal, physiological, or chemical motivation.
It is easy to see the attraction of such a draconian rule. It removes all responsibility from the "true" crossdresser. She is not selfishly seeking pleasure or satisfaction (though she is free to enjoy it). It is completely beyond her control. The cost of this relief? Unfortunately, anyone who confesses to a reason to dress. Brutal, indeed, and best not to think too much about some of the other behaviors in this class, including addictions and obsessive compulsive disorders.
But this strictest of all crossdressing criteria has an extremely unfortunate loophole. You can get back into the crossdressers club simply by embracing ignorance. (Please note: ignorance is the lack of knowledge. It does not mean stupid.) All you have to do is not think too much about why you do it. Just relax and enjoy it, oh and by the way, an innate behavior like this is there forever, so why fight it?
By this rule, I am not a crossdresser, but my own exclusion is not what alarms me. While I think many here will reject the proposition in such an explicit formulation, I have the uneasy feeling that many of us nevertheless do take comfort and refuge in a certain willful ignorance of our motivations. I know that many will respond with the usual "don't worry, be happy" message, but I believe that we have much to gain from a clear eyed, dispassionate look at our own behaviors.
This is not to say that crossdressing is not a powerful, even overwhelming, influence on some of us. It certainly is, but that is all the more reason to make the effort to better understand our motivations. Even if you are happy with your life, understanding the reward we derive from crossdressing can give us insights into our own psyche that give us greater power and control of ourselves. Yes, it makes us complicit in our behaviors, but it also moves us further toward becoming rational, thoughtful individuals. It is worth the cost.
In my own case, better understanding the needs pushing me on occasion toward the pink fog allows me to stay on a more even keel. I don't understand everything, but some introspection has improved the dialogue with my wife. I am not suggesting that you can understand it and "cure" it. I am suggesting that a better understanding can give you more control or greater satisfaction with your life.
Liz