Dressing in front of wife?

[Paula_56]

In the last two years Paula has really come alive and done things that I never thought possible. I am really enjoying the time that I spend as a woman. My wife also has become more tolerant, of my feminine side. I won’t say she is accepting but tolerant would be a better word. She knows that this is a part of me that will not away, and suppressing it does not good. Up until now my dressing has been confined to business trips, and home alone days. We have discussed the idea of me attending, a therapist or support group meeting enfemme.
My question for you girls out there should I keep Paula an un-seen entity? My wife has expressed mild interest in seeing her. I am afraid of a back-lash and upsetting her. I have also heard some stories from other girls that being dressed in front of their wife damaged the relationship.
I would also like to know your experiences the good, the bad and the ugly

Thanks Paula

[kimdl93]

It seems to me that if your wife has expressed a mild interest, that you should talk a bit more with her about it...express your concerns about how she may react and at the same time, think about and express your hopes for what you feel this could bring to the relationship.

[xristy]

I think dressing in front of your wife is something you will need to decide if you want to do it. I would love to get dressed in front of my wife, at least once. I feel I need to just so she can understand what it is that I do. However, she has not show interest at this time and as your wife, she is tolerant. If you feel you want to do something and don't, you will most likely regret it later.

However, I have known other CDers that said when they dressed in front of their wives, it made them uncomfortable and they couldn't be who they are in front of them. That is something I fear and the only way to figure that out is to give it a shot.

On a positive note, if your wife is talking about it, I would take that as a sign that she is at least interested in what you do. If it were me, I would take the chance and see where it goes. However, that is your decision and where it goes is the great unknown.

Good luck...

Xristy

[sissystephanie]

I dressed many times in front of my late wife during the almost 50 years we had together. She liked me to do it so she could critique what I was going to wear. Stephanie was part of her life just as I was in my drab role! But it should be up to your wife, or SO, and not just up to you. She married a man, not a woman! So for you to become feminine in front of her should be her decision!!

[Sophie86]

The answer will vary between couples. It depends on how you present en femme, and how she will react to the way you present. Some women might be very put off by the guy-in-a-dress look, and some might be more put off by a guy who looks totally convincing. If you want to take the chance, one thing that might help is to do it in such a way that she only sees you for a short time. Spending the entire day together the first time she sees you probably wouldn't be a good idea. Let her see how you look, and then let her go off and think about it.

The first time my wife saw me in full dress up, she had gone somewhere with the kids and I was using the time to dress (with her knowledge). She called to let me know when she was on her way home so that I could change back. This was when I would not dress in front of the kids. I asked her if she would like to see me first when she got home, and she said sure. I waited in our dressing room when she got home, so that she could get a look. Her comment was: "You don't look as bad as I thought you would." I guess that means I hit the sweet spot: Not too good, and not too hideous. lol.

I'm curious, has your wife ever seen pictures of you? If so, what did she say about them?

Some more quick advice: Don't push the issue. If she says no, let it go. What's been seen can't be unseen, and she's in a better position to know how it might affect her.

[LeaP]

If she has expressed an interest, you should take her up on it. At this point to NOT do so might be seen as raising the question as to why not. You really can't predict the reaction - she probably can't - but it offers the possibility of bettering the relationship in the long run.

Lea

[Shelly67]

You could take another option to slowly ease all fears ........ show her a picture perhaps ?
A slow step towards meeting in person ................

May I give one piece of advice ...if youre wife wishes to see you in the flesh ?

Nerves will be very taught ..... don't do what I stupidly did ....I'm on about Dutch courage .

Good luck x

[aprilmaeflowers]

I'm not married anymore, but not due to my dressing. My last X was a cosmetologist and I was very honest with her before we married, having been divorced 3 years. She bought me some nice things over the years, and preferred I slept in silky night gowns and always kept my legs shaved. I took it further, piercing my ears, wearing make-up heels and stockings. She preferred me like that at night when she relaxed from working at the salon. You might think I had the best of both worlds but I didn't. She liked the winter too much if you see my drift....---"""---....//_____

[*Vanessa*]

My experience with coming out dressed in front of my wife(s);

When I came out to my first wife it was rough. She didn't like or understand what I was doing (we were young in our twenties). She was ok with me 'doing it' but didn't want any involvement.

My next wife was different: I told her about Vanessa (she gave me my name) I think on the 3rd date. When we got married she loved and fully supported me. That part of our marriage was beautiful.

My thoughts Paula;

Pick a date and time that your wife would like to meet Paula. Take your time with getting ready and love every moment of the experience, hair, dress, make-up, etc. Have a bottle of wine or pot of tea breathing in the living room as your wife waits. When you are ready take a deep breath and slowly appear before her. At her lead - but stand and spin with a big smile, then sit and share that very special time with the woman you love. Life is what happens when we are planning it. All the best - Vanessa

[Stephanie47]

I've read many posting concerning first time dressing in front of a wife. Will it be a disaster? Will she feel relieved? Once the Genie is out of the bottle, she will not go back in. Paula, while reading your posting a novel approach to coming out in front of your wife popped into my head.

Why don't you suggest to her that she bring Paula out. Ask her if she needed to work up the courage to see you en femme, suggest she go shopping alone to make you over. Give her your sizes. Let her buy you a complete ensemble from foundation garments to a dress and shoes. Let her buy makeup to complement the ensemble. She may balk at the suggest. However, maybe over a weekend or a week, she will acquire the necessities for your makeover. It's a slow build up to the same end-formal presentation of Paula.

[Paula_56]

She liked the winter too much if you see my drift....---"""---....//_____

You got to help with this? I don't get it???

[Cyndy]

I dress in front of my wife a couple times a month on average. At first it was difficult and uncomfortable for both of us. She knew that I loved dressing, but I kept her sheltered from it, for a long time. I finally could take it no longer and just asked if she would mind if I wore something femm one night. I said that if she didn't want me to I wouldn't, and if she didn't like it I would remove the clothing. She agreed. I think the first time was a pair of jeans with a pretty blouse and some heels. She didn't seem to mind and that was the start.
Since then it has escalated to where I have a closet for all my things and it is prettty full. I try to keep it at a couple time a month so as to not wear out the welcome so to speak. I dress when she is out very often, and she is well aware of this. She calls when she on her way home so as not to embarrass either of us.
So here is how it stands now (after many years)... I only wear panties, I wear only nightgowns (womens PJ's) in winter. I always ask if she would mind my dressing and she usually says it's OK. I love her and she loves me and that's all that counts!
Like I said on another post, she will sometimes bring me home suprises when she shops, and gives her approval in that way.

[Blaire]

She's interested, so that's good for you. The choice of outfit and look will make or break it for you. Before you do it, make sure you have a pretty solid idea of what she wants expect.

[Leslie Langford]

Hi Paula,

I'm pretty much in the same place with my wife at this point in time as you are with yours, and my story parallels your situation very closely as we have already established in our past exchange of PM's. I would therefore be very interested in hearing how things turn out for you if (and when) you ever take that plunge. I remember you once mentioning that your wife called you a pervert when she first became aware of your crossdressing, so things must have improved considerably since then for you to even contemplate this next step.

My wife and I are at the point where there are no more secrets, she knows all about "Leslie" and what she is up to, and our arguments these days are less about me dressing up and/or going out in public en femme and more about how much time I spend in girl mode as opposed to with her, or how I tend to overspend on "Leslie's" wardrobe from time to time. Sometimes, I even sense what appear to be subtle hints of how she is subconsciously starting to realize that she can also benefit directly from my "gender" gift i.e. asking far more frequently these days how a particular outfit looks on her, and not being spooked when I provide the level of detail, fashion knowledge, and insight that normally only a GG (or a gay male ;) ) would be expected to have. So no, I no longer have to worry about exposing that particular "girl" side of me, and that has become the new norm in our household.

But as for seeing me in full-blown "Leslie" mode yet (ever?) - I dunno. My wife still appears to be somewhat traumatized by having walked in on me unexpectedly many years ago when I was only half-dressed, and that unfortunate image appears to have become seared into her brain. Based on that, she believes (wrongly, as I am sure many here would agree) that I would look totally ridiculous in femme mode even if fully made up, and she just doesn't want to be exposed to that sight. Besides, she fears that seeing me dressed as a woman would forever alter her view of me as a man and irreversibly (and negatively) impact on the way she relates to me in the bedroom.

I have toyed with the idea of offering to show my wife pictures of "Leslie" as an alternative way of breaking the ice when things are going well between us, and when I feel that she might be in a receptive mood to do so. I am particularly pleased with the way those pictures of me in my gray wig turned out and which I had posted here previously, and I can't help but believe that they would be quite an unexpected eye-opener for my wife as well. Still...I can't shake this fear that this attempt could also go horribly wrong as women can be so unpredictable when it comes to things like this.

And to be honest, I'm not even sure if I would be comfortable in revealing "Leslie" in this manner after 40 years of marriage and after compartmentalizing my male and female sides so religiously for so many years as part of an equally rigid DADT policy practised together with my wife.

More and more, I'm inclined to count my current blessings and not rock the boat any further. I will, however, admit that even if we never got into the habit of "Leslie" being able to dress openly in front of my wife, having her see me at least once in full-blown "Leslie" mode and validating her existence that way does hold a certain appeal for me...

Good luck in your endeavour, Paula - I'll be crossing my fingers and holding my breath on your behalf, and be sure to share with us how it all went in the end so that we can all benefit from your learnings in this regard. :) :thumbsup:

[Kittyagain]

Paula there is a common bond between Paula and your wife. Right now the bond is with her husband. Once you have created a bond with your wife and Paula, you both benefit. She gets a much better husband and you have Paula around more often.

To me the best way to cross the line is go shopping together with you being in male mode. Don't worry about shopping for you, let her decide when the time is right.I think my wife brags to the other GGs about her husband taking her shopping. I think they are jealous.

Here are some thoughts from my experience. They may not fit you situation but it will give you something to think about.

Pay careful attention to style of clothes your wife likes. This will be a good guideline on what she thinks is proper. If she is a blue jeans girl as an example and doesn't like dresses, then there is a key to your choice in clothes for the first time so don't wear a mini skirt in front of a jeans girl the first time out. latter on you can develop your own style. The point make her as comfortable as possible.

Don't fake a voice or hand gestures, just be yourself. I think the number one fear our wives have is that we are gay. Don't have bigger boobs than your wife considering proportion to your size. :)

Your wife knows her husband, she needs to get to know Paula.

Probably more than you wanted or needed but some piece of this brief diatribe might help. I hope it does anyway. I wish you the very best.

Kitty

[Crissy Kay]

I was very scared at first, but have gotten used to it now. But, I still feel a little odd being dressed in frount of her.

[suchacutie]

The only person who can make this decision is..... her! Yes, her. She needs to clearly say that she'd like to see your femme self, or do anything else that might involve your femme self. It's her life and she needs to be in control of it. Letting her do this can only be positive.

Having said that, one might grease the skids by asking all manner of her opinion about clothes, makeup, hair, voice, or anything else. Getting her as involved as possible (hard as this might be) also can only help with a decision, and a positive one. Getting her talking to you about feminine-related issues might be a way in to her curiosity :)

good luck!

tina

[Cheryl T]

If she has indicated she would be interested in seeing you dressed then I would discuss and explore it.
My wife is fully accepting and at first it was difficult for me to dress in front of her (not being dressed, but actually transforming) as I felt a bit unsure. Now it's just as normal for me as anything else and it's the same for her. She and I are each others fashion consultant and constantly discuss what to wear and what looks good. It's brought us much closer than we were before as she now is seeing all of me ... not just the parts that I allowed her to see when I was hiding from her.

Discuss, discuss, discuss...you'll be amazed at where a bit of open and honest conversation can take you.

[aprilmaeflowers]

//=straw. But all the best of luck to you Paula...

[candykowal]

Oh, gosh, thanks for bringing up this subject.
I am sooo in the closet and am always concerned if my wife would ever see me as Candy, what would happen?
I want to tell her, very slowly, I have been bring up the need to mosturize, wear silk mens boxers, or other little hints that make her realize I am a feminine male.
So far, she has been supportive, letting me polish my nails with her 7 sided nail sander.
I think taking it very slow is the key.
Thanks to all the girls for your replys...I will probley keep Candy secret from my wife a while longer.
Why rock a boat that is smooth sailing!

[krissy_toronto]

I came out to my wife. It was very liberating. Hard as hell but she is understanding as much as she can. She tolerates me doing little things like wearing panty's and hose in drab. She paints my nails weekly (because I like it). We have shopped for clothes. She has seen me dressed 2x and we had a great time. "If it makes you happy, I will try my best" she says. Its a hard sell, but Im glad I did it. Give her time and space, my wife will not certainly ask for Krissy to come out and play but if I ask she is OK with it. She encourages me to go out and find other girls to hang out with anytime I want.
If you respect her limits, she will more then respect yours and respect what makes you happy

[Roberta Marie]

It seems to me that you need to discuss this with your wife. Communication is is of the utmost importance in any relationship, but even more so when something like crossdressing is involved. And when you talk to her, it is important that you do less talking and more listening. Listen to her feelings, her concerns, her fears. Listen, not with the intent of responding to her, but listen with the inten of understanding how she feels.

Let her know what your concerns are with dressing in front of her, then listen.

[kelsey52]

I was dressing before we married and it was really strange while we dated but my thought was what the hell if she does not like it so what move on. Now I just get dressed after a shower sometimes and most nights Iam wearing some type of sexy night gown to bed. She likes my padded boob nightgowns when we watch tv she has a pillow to rest her head on.

[Jenniferathome]

Paula, my situation has been nothing but positive but I have taken it slow throughout the entire process. After I came out to my wife, she expressed her greatest fear regarding seeing me in girl mode was that she would not be able to NOT see me that way afterwards. I didn't want that either. I made a video of my transformation process (edited down to a mere 7minutes) and let her decide when she was ready to see it. After that, it was more small steps with pictures and then only last month, she saw me "live." the profile pict is what she saw. Even then, I gave her the option of saying no before she saw me. The bottom line is that you need to discuss it and how you can show her at here pace.

[linda allen]

You got to help with this? I don't get it???

I don't either. Please explain.

[kristinacd55]

I'm somewhat like you Paula where my wife is somewhat ok with it. I attended support meetings back in February, but then that group fell apart. At home I've dressed in front of her and I go to a club once every 8 weeks. She has helped me with my makeup in the past and we go shopping (im in drab though). She doesn't want to go out with me dressed though.....working on that but I don't know if that will ever happen :(

[Tina B.]

I've been dressing in front of the wife for 35 years now, yes the first few times where nerve wracking, but you both get over that, I used to dress just now and then, trying not to wear out Tina's welcome, but after awhile when ever she would notice I was getting quite, and withdrawn, she started recommending I go put on something pretty, now after all these years, she goes off to work, and since I'm home alone for the first half of the day, she never knows how I will be dressed when she gets home. If she comes home and finds me dressed she generally has a comment like, "Oh, you look nice today, that outfit looks good on you." And then the rest of the day goes on as usual. It has not hurt our relationship, but then my wife was cool about it and took me shopping for clothes the day I told her. After 40 years of marriage, our friends still kid us, because when we are out in public, we still walk hand in hand.
Tina B.

[rebekkadg]

My wife knows about my habit and never walked in on me. She tollerates it but she wants it to be kept private from her. I dressed up in front of her once and it really upset her and I spent a good deal of time trying to calm her down from crying. She does enjoy getting to paint my fingernails though because she finds that funny. We discussed it in length and she wants it kept private from her for now though she wants me to continue to do it, and she may at some point come around to being more involved with the fem me but not yet.

[Alice B]

I agree that if she has expressed some interest you should dress for her. Her reaction will not be all that bad and will not cause back lash. My wife's attitude is very similar to what you have described, but over time she has allowed me to dress at home with her present and is becoming used to seeing me dressed. It may not be her favorite thing, but she tolerates it with no negative comments. Talk to your wife about setting a time for you to dress in her presence and enjoy it. Be sure to thank her for making it a special night.

[SmileS12]

I think you have to weigh out everything, and be open when in drab. I think if you are open with her, and let her know where you stand, she will eventually open up the playing field, and look for times for you to dress, and definitely in front of her. No promises, but honesty, and openness seems to be a good policy if you want to invite the female you to the female spouse, and play as big a roll as the drab you. Just my .02 cents.

Toodles,
Eve

[aprilmaeflowers]

Even though I thought I had the best of both worlds, Dressing or Drab...She developed a problem with DRUGS...sorry I said anything...I feel bad sometimes because I manipulated her into a Divorce. She was fine with my dressing in the closet, yet when I wanted to go public...uhhh no way. It will cause a Divorce she said, so I exclaimed that I was going to start drinking BEER again, she cleaned house in 96, but I guess I won...

[Tasha McIntyre]

The answer will vary between couples. It depends on how you present en femme, and how she will react to the way you present. Some women might be very put off by the guy-in-a-dress look, and some might be more put off by a guy who looks totally convincing.

That's my thought too. My wife wanted to see photos of Tash all done up, but in reality she never wants to see her in the flesh. She is however, OK with me dressing minus the hair and make up whilst we are home alone . It's her way of showing acceptance to that side of me, without compromising the image of her husband too much.

You both have to talk, and establish the boundaries.

Good luck

Tash :)

[Eryn]

Communicate, communicate, communicate!

You have to do what is comfortable for the both of you. I was very hesitant to dress in front of my wife because I had never dressed completely and felt unsure of myself and of what she would think of me. I was also not comfortable with partially dressing in front of her and presenting a mixed image. As we both became more experienced with the situation we both relaxed and now there isn't really an issue. We're just getting ready to go out, with my primping a bit more involved than hers.

[t-girlxsophie]

When I introduced Sophie to my wife,first time was nervous 4 both of us,after that I was mindful that I may overplay things,but we talked it out and reached common ground.After that the only time I was wary was being half dressed in front of her but soon got over that,even chill out without wig on occasion (when kids are out)

Sophie

[freeindress]

My next wife was different: I told her about Vanessa (she gave me my name) I think on the 3rd date. When we got married she loved and fully supported me. That part of our marriage was beautiful.
That sounds a good timing. Beeing single, I was wondering when to tell a new date and ask her if she would like to see me dressed. Telling on first or second date would show too much interest in self feminity instead of the budding relationship, and could raise her fears if she is not already supportive of CD, then after fifth date she could also fear her new boyfriend has other things to hide. She needs to know she will get a man at least two days out of three.

[Helen Grandeis]

My wife wants no part of Helen. She doesn't even want to learn the name. She is committed to the concept of excising every cross-dressing neuron from my brain. She considers it her divine mission to save me from myself.

[Allsteamedup]

Am I really the only GG amongst you lot?!!

As usual most of you are missing the points....

1) Seeing your cding SO dressed is a progression for you both. You see it as a convenience, a step to being able to dress more often. She is terrified that your female presentation will forever colour her acceptance of you in your role in the bedroom (in particular, she will see you in her minds eye dressed as a woman). There are more particulars to this. First would be wigs. They can be terrifying in themselves because they are the final piece that transforms you into a woman. Second would be breastforms. Size, shape, nipple or not. Third is makeup. Too much, it smells (really!)

2) Do not kid yourself that this is the man she married. This is a new person and you are asking her to make a comparison with the women she knows. OK so she could make recommendations with makeup and clothes. This could alter your appearance, but two questions remain. Who do you want to be? (She will not want to overly influence the styles you have chosen; they are your choice.) Women inhabit roles. Who are you? She chooses her girlfriends from circumstance (they were all at the ante-natal clinic together, or belong to the same interest groups.)

So you sit down. What do you want to talk about? This is your SO's free time.

Some things that work on the womens' groups I belong to.

Do not show a photo. The first question is, 'who took it?'

Often introducing the piece of outer clothing you like best eg, heels, a favourite skirt or blouse is a good ice-breaker. If she doesn't think it flattering she may ask what else you have.

Do not present a wig, breastforms nor makeup unless she says she's OK with that. (She's most likely to pop something in the supermarket trolley the next time you are out).

Be extra attentive in the bedroom.

Don't get trying nail polish nor body alterations at this point.

A lot of the awkwardness women feel at this point is because you don't look good. You interpret that as she doen't like it. Put yourself in her shoes. Suppose she would like to dress up as a fireman occassionally complete with boots and helmet. Would you say 'Join a different depot, dear, those colours don't suit you'?!!
She will ask where you bought the clothing. How much did you pay? Were you in drab? Are there clothes outlets she now feels she should avoid?

Once you are dressed what do you want to do next? She may think once she has seen you, right, thank-you, now take it off. Discuss beforehand what you could do together. (Also, don't keep her waiting downstairs for several hours while you put your stuff on).

You will notice I haven't mentioned underwear here. That is another issue entirely. If you want her to see your dressed presentation don't put your underwear on in front of her unless she says it's OK.

Disappointingly this does not get you what you wanted straightaway. Much has been written on this Forum by cders saying how much fear they have of initial presentation to an SO. Now do you have any insight as to how much of herself and your relationship she is prepared to risk by offering you the opportunity to show her your female self? None of this fear has anything to do with judgements nor prejudice, nor her love for you. It is outright fear.
Good luck

[Stephanie47]

Am I really the only GG amongst you lot?!!

Now do you have any insight as to how much of herself and your relationship she is prepared to risk by offering you the opportunity to show her your female self? None of this fear has anything to do with judgements nor prejudice, nor her love for you. It is outright fear.
Good luck

Allsteamedup, I went back through your postings to get a female prospective on cross dressing. I'd say for most of us the fear works both ways. When my wife realized the developing extent of my desire to cross dress, she became upset. It was one thing to wear a nightie and panties for bedroom play, but, when our toddler opened one of my draws and pulled out a sexy red bra, it all changed. That was too much, and, forever that bra started the fear factor.

She did not understand my desires. I tried to explain cross dressing has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship with her. It is difficult to explain to a wife the reason for cross dressing when I do not know why myself. To say being en femme relieves stress, etc does not really explain the why? Sometimes to relieve stress I would work on a traditional hobby. So, why do I cross dress instead of building another model plane? I don't know.

The fear issue for her was doubts the man she married was no longer there. Well, I think no differently in a dress than my cut of male jeans and a tee shirt. I still worshiped the ground she walks on. Being en femme enables me to express something that is inside my inner being. I know that may sound like a bunch of BS justification. But, I think there is some truth to it.

Would I want to appear en femme in front of my wife? No, never. Not even at Halloween. I suspect the DADT relationship would be upset. After forty years of marriage, she has finally realized my inner being and love for her does not change because I like being en femme. It's kind of funny, she does not remember encountering her father en femme going to a Halloween party at a fraternal order. He had been dressed up by his female friend. He was enjoying the role. Does my wife block that encounter out of her mind for some reason associated with my desire to wear women's clothing? Probably.

The only way I'd appear en femme to my wife is in the manner I earlier suggested to Paula. I would let her initiate encountering Stephanie. It took me along time to overcome the societal revulsion I adopted toward that part of myself. That is something that I cannot stuff back in the Genie bottle. Nor do I want to go back. I have no desire to present Stephanie to my wife.

I would recommend to any spouse that she carefully analyze the positive and negative attributes of the guy. Did the revelation that he's a cross dresser really change how he feels toward you? To the cross dresser do not try to force your issues. I think some of the cross dressers who really push the boundaries with their wives are really trying to gain their own self acceptance. If she accepts the cross dressing husband, then maybe cross dressing is acceptable to himself.

[Jane P]

I don't either. Please explain.

I'm guessing here that she liked coca-cola . Well maybe not the cola. and the straw wasn't going in her mouth. Lot's of snow in the winter and the winds are always ready for blow. . . ing . You know ..metaphorically speaking.

[Leslie Langford]

Very impressive deductive logic and reasoning, Jonnie, and methinks you've solved the riddle here. I don't suppose you're any way related to that Mentalist guy on TV, or to Detective Columbo from years ago...;)

[Jessica86]

I took the picture route. My wife asked to see me, and then when she saw the picture, she instantly jaw dropped. "That's you? I hate you! How did you do your makeup? You're actually.....hot!" Then, after showing her that, she wanted me to show her in person. It was difficult to talk about, due to her having fifty questions....but each honest answer only seemed to make things better and easier on the both of us. She had restrictions on me going out, but now she wants to go out with me. She buys me stuff too, and says she hates how I can change my hair/breast size at any time. LOL. Anyway, honesty has always helped. I'm 25, known my wife for five years, married for half that. We even have a two year old son. Things are great, and I couldn't ask for more.

[karren G]

Take in nice and slow after a few years of myself dressing while she had gone to work (with her full knolage and aproval) my wife now excepts me fully dressing female nearly 24/7 and
treats me as a girl freind rather than her hubbie and she tends to have more girly chats to me now days which i realy enjoy her treating like a genuine
woman . the only time i have to change back to male mode is when some one comes over or we go out together .

[Jonianne]

Am I really the only GG amongst you lot?!!.....

Great post with a lot of good advice, Allsteamedup.

One thing I would add, is to NEVER spring something on her and suprise her. Always talk it through before hand. Even with my Angel, who was more than accepting, I found it much better early on, when I asked her to let me know when would be a good time to show her something. That way she feels more in control.

And always accept the level of acceptance she is able to give. And let her know you will be OK with that level. Don't try to force more on her. That will always backfire on you.

[SallyS]

I'm happy to be in female clothing in front of my wife, but don't like to get dressed if she's in the room!

I guess it's my ungainly man swagger as I struggle to put my tights on or stuff my bra:D

Once I'm happy with my 'look' then I'll happily stay dressed all day in front of her.

Daren't tell her my female clothing rail is getting fuller than hers!!!!

[linda allen]

I'm guessing here that she liked coca-cola . Well maybe not the cola. and the straw wasn't going in her mouth. Lot's of snow in the winter and the winds are always ready for blow. . . ing . You know ..metaphorically speaking.

I'd have never come up with that in a million years. Now I have to go back and find the original post so I can understand it.

[linda allen]

Ta........ my wife now excepts me fully dressing female nearly 24/7 and
treats me as a girl freind rather than her hubbie .............

Well, that could be bad in some ways unless by "girl friend" you mean .................... :battingeyelashes:

[aprilmaeflowers]

You know ..metaphorically speaking.[/QUOTE]

Duhhhhhhhhhhhh....I'm just a dumb blonde.............

[pinto]

It's an uncortable feeling imagining to undress in front of her although i am wishing that it will become a very normal situation for me and her. One time i took of my t-shirt when i was wearing my bra. She just ment "don't let people see that". I wish that both of us take on our bras in the morning, that we stand in front of the mirror and adjust the straps together. Maybe one day...

[kendallsan]

Am I really the only GG amongst you lot?!!

As usual most of you are missing the points....

1) Seeing your cding SO dressed is a progression for you both. You see it as a convenience, a step to being able to dress more often. She is terrified that your female presentation will forever colour her acceptance of you in your role in the bedroom (in particular, she will see you in her minds eye dressed as a woman). There are more particulars to this. First would be wigs. They can be terrifying in themselves because they are the final piece that transforms you into a woman. Second would be breastforms. Size, shape, nipple or not. Third is makeup. Too much, it smells (really!)

2) Do not kid yourself that this is the man she married. This is a new person and you are asking her to make a comparison with the women she knows. OK so she could make recommendations with makeup and clothes. This could alter your appearance, but two questions remain. Who do you want to be? (She will not want to overly influence the styles you have chosen; they are your choice.) Women inhabit roles. Who are you? She chooses her girlfriends from circumstance (they were all at the ante-natal clinic together, or belong to the same interest groups.)

So you sit down. What do you want to talk about? This is your SO's free time.

Some things that work on the womens' groups I belong to.

Do not show a photo. The first question is, 'who took it?'

Often introducing the piece of outer clothing you like best eg, heels, a favourite skirt or blouse is a good ice-breaker. If she doesn't think it flattering she may ask what else you have.

Do not present a wig, breastforms nor makeup unless she says she's OK with that. (She's most likely to pop something in the supermarket trolley the next time you are out).

Be extra attentive in the bedroom.

Don't get trying nail polish nor body alterations at this point.

A lot of the awkwardness women feel at this point is because you don't look good. You interpret that as she doen't like it. Put yourself in her shoes. Suppose she would like to dress up as a fireman occassionally complete with boots and helmet. Would you say 'Join a different depot, dear, those colours don't suit you'?!!
She will ask where you bought the clothing. How much did you pay? Were you in drab? Are there clothes outlets she now feels she should avoid?

Once you are dressed what do you want to do next? She may think once she has seen you, right, thank-you, now take it off. Discuss beforehand what you could do together. (Also, don't keep her waiting downstairs for several hours while you put your stuff on).

You will notice I haven't mentioned underwear here. That is another issue entirely. If you want her to see your dressed presentation don't put your underwear on in front of her unless she says it's OK.

Disappointingly this does not get you what you wanted straightaway. Much has been written on this Forum by cders saying how much fear they have of initial presentation to an SO. Now do you have any insight as to how much of herself and your relationship she is prepared to risk by offering you the opportunity to show her your female self? None of this fear has anything to do with judgements nor prejudice, nor her love for you. It is outright fear.
Good luck


I frankly don't understand this entire post. At least, I don't agree that it would apply to every FAB, GG, SO, however you want to call us. It certainly does not apply to me, or how my acceptance of the situation evolved with my now-husband.

Every situation is different - you cannot assume there are "rules" to go by. I didn't go looking for a CD to fall in love with, but I didn't freak out about it, either. I don't punish him for who he is - that would just be stupid. From the beginning, I supported him - encouraged him. I bought him clothes almost immediately, and never stopped. He finally felt free to be who he really is, and he is a much happier person now than when I first met him as a result.

I am not going to lie and say it's a totally wonderful thing - there are times I get tired of it and wish it wasn't there, but those times are brief and then they pass. We go through cycles where there is a lot of dressing, and where there is very little, and some in between variations. There are things about it I like and things about it I get annoyed with. But I could say the same about so many things - we've been together for 14 years, married for nine. His dressing is just one more thing that's a part of us.

Yes, it is a good thing that I knew about it from the very start - I didn't marry him and then feel betrayed after years of marriage when it got sprung on me, or when I found out accidentally. But I don't believe it would have ended up any differently had that been the case. Easy to say, sure - I get that. But the truth is I just don't have a big issue with this. I pick out an outfit for him nearly every night, I buy him bras and panties on a regular basis, we go clothes shopping together and sometimes I surprise him with a new outfit just for fun. He has enough lingerie to stock a new Victoria's Secret store. He has more shoes than Imelda Marcos.

Not all women are afraid, or hesitant, or need to be approached like they are going to crumble and suggest divorce at the first sign of anything slightly out of the ordinary. I am not saying there is anything wrong with the remarks above, just that they do not represent all of us.

I love my husband for who he is, and that includes the CD side of him. I hurt for him that he has to keep it bottled up so much because the world doesn't accept such a simple thing as gender choice in clothing, but at least he can feel comfortable at home.

[ReineD]

It seems to me that you need to discuss this with your wife. Communication is is of the utmost importance in any relationship, but even more so when something like crossdressing is involved. And when you talk to her, it is important that you do less talking and more listening. Listen to her feelings, her concerns, her fears. Listen, not with the intent of responding to her, but listen with the inten of understanding how she feels.

Let her know what your concerns are with dressing in front of her, then listen.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest, with an emphasis on letting her know what YOUR concerns are, in addition to listening to all of hers. Talk to her! If you have a nagging feeling that she may not be able to get the image of you dressed out of her mind when you are in the bedroom in guy mode, then follow your instincts and SPEAK TO HER ABOUT THIS. Listen carefully to what she says, and then the two of you can work out a solution. You also want to tell her that you are and always have been her husband, no matter what you wear, and the last thing you want is for her to become turned off because she sees you in a dress, since you care about HER and HER FEELINGS.

Also you can add that you really do appreciate that she is willing to stretch and you'd love to dress in front of her ... but again, only if she really feels comfortable with it (as opposed to doing it because she thinks this is what you want).

Good luck!

[JenniferLynn0370]

Hi Paula, I'm on the same road but a little ways behind you. I would be very interested in knowing how it goes for you. I wish you all the best.

Hugs,
Jen

[Dannigirl]

When I came out and dressed in front of my wife I was the one that had the hang up. She didn't bat an eye, it was as if I had been upstairs for 2 hours messing around and then came down with my usual comfy clothes on, except I was dressed to the nines and ready to go to a black tie affair. She loved my makeup and my clothes and then we just hung out and watched tv. I changed about 4 times for her and it turns out that I am the one with the problem and don't like dressing in front of her because it makes me feel very strange for some reason, I guess embarrassed, not sure why. We go shopping together and she shows me stuff, she paints my nails, encourages me to wear sexy things to bed and sexy underwear through the day and she loves when I shave my legs, all of it she loves and says she honestly could not care what I am wearing. My wife always says I am the complete package and when she found out she said that I am even more complete now because I can relate to what women go through even more, with everything girly. Just the other day we were shopping for boots for me and she laughed after we had been in 647 stores and found nothing, she said, ha, now you know how much fun it can be to find the perfect boot !! I am very lucky to have her and she is very open minded, she comes from a family where her sister is gay and so are 2 of her cousins so she has been exposed to alternative lifestyles. I would say, take the leap but don't make it a habit for the first bit, pick a good night where you didn't have anything planned and let her know you are going to transform yourself for her and she can decide from there and let you know. Sounds like you are already passed the biggest hurdle of just letting her know what you do. Good luck.