Beginning to crossdress and already discovering things about myself.

[Wendyluv]

That's it, the first parcels have arrived.

I am lucky enough not to live with my girlfriend which gives me some room to experiment at wish. Although I would never tell her about this, she is too traditionnal for that and would be hurt and leave me, so I choose to keep it for myself, as my secret garden, as hurting her is the last thing I would do in this world. Thankgod for this forum, the internet and freedom of speech enabling me to feel understood and to share my feelings and ideas.

At first, I put on a dress, white stockings and lovely buckle shoes I had fell for on Amazon but didn't feel anything special apart from some awkward feeling. After having walked a while in my house dressed like this, I wondered if I had made the right decision, as I honestly felt a bit ridiculous. Then I decided to put on some other stuff I had ordered, something sexier, stilettoes, black stockings with red ribbons and a tight black and red dress, and there, WOW! my feelings completely changed, I felt so sexy! I couldn't stop looking at my legs, which I found gorgeous. I felt like a woman walking around in those heels, and well.... you all know the feeling anyway..... I will post a picture later on, promised.

It made me realize that it's not dressing up as a "regular" female (not a very special experience, if not an uncomfy one) inasmuch as dressing up as a sex bomb which really turned me on (not sexually, but innerly). The feelings are so different!

Makes me reflect on how I personnaly crave erotiscism... but also how women must feel, and also wondering why some don't dress sexy when they have a stunning body, and should be lucky. Understanding also the conflict between the freedom of feeling sexy and beautiful at the risk of being harassed as an object of desire by some men. Quite a very interesting experience of putting oneself litteraly in women's shoes which I think every man should try.

I also understood the importance of crossing your legs properly not to reveal your underpants, something I had no idea of!

What's your view on this?

Thanks, love and hugs to all.

Wen.

[Cynthia Anne]

Hi Wendy! I do think you are having fun discovering yourself! It's sad you can't let your gf in on your secret! While I understand and respect your line of thinking I think you are taking a double risk! First it's just a matter of time before there is a 'slip up' and she finds out! This will hurt her perhaps but not as bad as the fact that you deceived her! I'm hopeing the best for you sincerly! Hugs!

[Karren H]

My view is also....... she's going to find out so the longer you deceive her the worse its going to be for you both.

[kimdl93]

I think eveyone craves - to a greater or lesser degree - some level of eroticism in thier lives. And sometimes their upbringing causes them to repress or deny that desire. It may be that your girlfriend is less traditional than you assume, given encouragement. But I'd be careful about projecting your image of eroticism onto her. Try to explore the things that she finds sexy - and perhaps you'll discover some mutual interests. Also, I would advise against hiding this part of yourself for too long. As Karren said, it comes out eventually.

[Allsteamedup]

What a good many of you do not appreciiate is how your SO will judge your choice of clothing and what it says about your cding persona.

You describe the clothes that you preferred as erotic. Does this mean that they would not be seen in the street? Or they would look more appropriate on a 'working' lady? (Can't remember the going rate, if you catch my drift).

And why don't those of us with lovely bodies wear more erotic clothing? It's just not appropriate to the job we are doing. Or, I could have worn something dropdeadgorgeous to my husband's last cd meeting but it would have upset him and the others. See? Erotic is usually for the eyes of someone special.

If you can't feel the same way in ordinary clothing that tells you more about yourself.

And your lady's judgement of your clothes? If they consistently depict a style that suits you, fine.
If you look like a hooker.......some explaining to do.
We look at make (labels!) cost, where you got them, your colour choice, for starters. And we can do this in the blink of an eye!!! Particularly, don't wear anything she would/owns or ape her style. One member was discovered after 35years recently with a collection of night club attire. They are still talking! You have been warned!

[Barbra P]

Hi Wend

I must assume there is nothing serious between you and your girlfriend, as to whether she would leave you if she found out – that may or may not be true regardless of whether she is, or is not, traditional. But what happens if things get serious and she moves in with you, or the two of you get married? It won’t take you long on the forum to find a lot of tales about long term relationships and marriages that went onto the rocks when the gf or wife found out.

For me it was the first time I put on a bra, even if it was stuffed with socks, and looked in the mirror, OMG I had breasts and my shirt had such wonderful curves. When I moved I could feel the bra and the straps running over my shoulders and when I found one of my Mother’s skirts the feel of the skirt swishing around my legs was fantastic. As a young boy I used to go to bed and pray that I’d wake up a girl, and looking in the mirror wearing a skirt, blouse, and bra I just knew that was the way I was supposed to look. It was years later before I was able to really dress but I remember the first time I put on pantyhose, I didn’t know that anything could feel that good.

Style of dress can be a tricky thing, you can dress with style, poise, glamour, and look sexy and people will think “Wow, that woman has style”. You can also look cheap, bimbo-ish, ****ty and people will say “Gee, wonder what street corner she’s working tonight.” You’re in the closet now so it doesn’t make much difference how you dress and you are free to dress anyway you wish. If you wish to dress in a style that turns you on that’s fine – go to it girl! Just keep in mind that if the day ever comes where you want to venture out as a woman into the world you probably don’t want to do it dressed like a cheap hooker. If you got this far in my reply go back and reread Allsteamedup’s reply again.

Checkout breast forms, they are a bit expensive, but you’ll love the experience and the feel.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Before you become serious, and before you get married (and certainly before you have children together!) she has a right to know. You can look through this site for the consequences of not telling your SO before you get married; it is best to find out now if she can accept or not, and spare her and yourself great pain in the long run.

[docrobbysherry]

Freedom from:

Worrying about anyone criticizing your outfit! (Or LACK OF!):straightface:

Compromising your favorite looks to pass or please anyone else!:brolleyes:

Fear of wearing the sexiest things u have whenever u like! (And, maybe acting on your resulting feelings?):o

Fear of intimates, family, and friends finding out about your "hobby"!:eek:

[DonnaT]

Hi Wendy, welcome aboard.

I noticed in another thread you said you'd rather quit that lose your girlfriend. Easier said than done, for most. But maybe, since you've just started, you might be able to handle quitting. I suggest you pack everything you've bought recently and put them out of site, but don't throw them away. And try quitting now. Or clue your GF in on this part of you.

This being October, with Halloween approaching, you might suggest dressing up as a sexy girl for her and gauge her reaction. That reaction will either push you to quitting now, or help in coming out to her.

For example, if she's all for you dressing, tell her your a little scared because you've heard stories of others doing similar and getting hooked on dressing up, and if that happens to you, you don't want it to come between you two. Then see where the conversations takes you.

[MissTelegothika]

Ello Wendyluv!

Your post reminds me of when I first started to crossdress. I agree with you about wondering why women don't always tap into this power and luxury when they can so easily do so when compared to us. I slipped into CD'ing without actually thinking about it at all though. I just did it, never questioned it and it never left the bathroom. It didn't exist in my mind outside of the house. Within the past year though, its developed it's own life which has enriched mine both through experiences & developing skills.

The percieved feeling-sexy part appears to be a major part for alot of CDer's. The younger one is, the more intense the feelings can be I seem to notice too. We can analyse it till the cows come home...and even have time to have their dinner, but if it isn't destructive, analyse can be detrimental. I would advocate introducing the subject with your girlfriend though, as it is the "secret" part that annoys most people in relationships. Bizarre I know. Its more about the whithholding of information than the actual situation alot of the time. Which is not always a bad thing when it comes to CD'ing of course.

I used to dress to aid my imagination of picturing the type of girl I'd fancy, as my own build is what I tend to go for with a girl. Nowdays though, if I crossdress and feel sexy, its because I, myself are feeling attractive...Its not just a conduit for my imagination. So that was a surprise. It's also meant that I seem to be able to slip into the mindset (and desries) of a straight girl as well. This has been...interesting... Considering that I only find females sexually attractive and all, but there you go.
Perhaps I, and possibly yourself, are just falling further into our male imaginations? Or perhaps, do we have a genuine feminine side to us that is finally being released. Hmmm. I'm glad your having fun though. Its addictive though haha!

I must say though...tights are scandalously lovely! Especially over freshly shaved legs. And the subtle perfume arising from make-up too, all so dreamy. Luxurious false eyelashes too - don't get me started! Life can be so beautiful at times....

[Piora]

If you you've just started to crossdress, it will take you a while to find your style, your preference in clothes....what you look good in, and what you don't. Like you I'm closeted, although I recently came out to my daughter. It was a rewarding experience. I'm single, and my daughter lives with me....well at least for another couple of weeks, as she's moving out. If you plan to keep this from your girlfriend, it can be done if you're careful. But the first time you forget to put an article away, or leave some other tell-tale evidence around, then you will be faced with bringing out the truth.

[deebra]

Consider breaking up with her so you can explore and enjoy this new found pleasure. Why stay with a "traditional" that would never accept this desire in you that will never go away. Explore CDing and see if it's for you, you can always get another girlfriend.

[Piora]

Consider breaking up with her so you can explore and enjoy this new found pleasure. Why stay with a "traditional" that would never accept this desire in you that will never go away. Explore CDing and see if it's for you, you can always get another girlfriend.
Ouch.

That's rather extreme, don't you think? I think the most important thing here is TIME. It's necessary for the OP to experiment with the desires that are probably overwhelming right now. But relationships are very important, and the OP loves this girl, which is obvious by how she is described in the post.

To the OP: I say juggle this for a while.....give it time to see what you're feeling. There is a happy balance here.

[AnitaH]

Take it from someone that's been there done that. You can't hide what you do forever, someday, somehow she will find out. The longer you hide it from her the more it will hurt her when she finally finds out. Even if she doesn't accept your dressing it will go better now than some years down the road.

AnitaH