I've Had a Bit of a Revelation Lately.....

[Piora]

As some of you might be aware, I have crossdressed in the past strictly for sexual purposes. Afterward, I would no longer desire to remain in my female clothing.

Recently, that has changed, and I'm a bit surprised. While I still get a sensual pleasure from dressing, I have a much diminished desire to do anything more than to enjoy being dressed.

It seemed to start when I received my French Maid Uniform in the mail a week or two ago. After I finished putting it on, I loved being in it, and I wore it for the whole afternoon without....well....you know. And I've been doing that ever since. I never had a desire to get 'outerwear' - dresses, shoes, skirts, blouses etc. And I do now. I seem to have passed into a new stage, after dressing for 34 years. I feel that I now want to spend time just being enfemme....to feel pretty and feminine.

It seems that those members on the site who predicted this happening were right. It's a new era, that I am looking forward to greatly!

[KellyJameson]

Excellant post! I admire the courage to be honest greatly.

[candykowal]

I am sure there are a lot of us who went through the same revelation.
I still want to make love dressed el femme with my wife,but as of today, she doesn't know about Candy...*sigh*

[NathalieX66]

Hi Piora, great story!.

Could it finally be that the "existential" aspect of femininity has overtaken the "sexual" aspect?

[Stephanie47]

I think the vast majority of us older members have gone through a maturing of our personna. Yes, as a horny teenager, I dressed with sexual motivation. Maybe with aging there is a change in hormones that affect how we process sexual desires. My en femme attire reflects my age. Being over sixty does not require granny dresses. I think I made the transition into full "womanhood" when I started buying dresses to go with my many slips.

PS: In the past I had a yearning for a French Maid outfit. Now I just like to do the customary domestic chores in a pretty dress. If my wife were to ever participate in my cross dressing, I'd never acquiesce to wearing such an outfit anymore. I'd be dressed in a white blouse, black skirt, black stockings and black heels. That ensemble goes better with my grey hair and age.

[*Vanessa*]

.
Amazing, I wonder what happened to make this transition. Very cool Piora

So is there something else that the maid outfit represents, not really in a Freudian was but pure emotional or maybe a scent?
Curious.

[Cynthia Anne]

I say welcome to womanhood!haha I too beleive this is a rather frequent happening! And if most would be honest one may be surprized of how frequent it is! Hopeing the best for you! Hugs!

[Toni Citara]

Once you get past the "horndog" reaction to crossdressing, and you reach a new plateau, you will find your center. I cannot explain how it happens, it just does... and it sounds like you are finding your center in life. Bless your heart, and I hope you become comfortable with who you are as a person and can stop the demons from haunting you.

[Piora]

Thanks everyone.

I am really looking forward to this new outlook I have, and how different I feel.


Excellent post! I admire the courage to be honest greatly.
Well, thank you....nice of you to say so.


Hi Piora, great story!.

Could it finally be that the "existential" aspect of femininity has overtaken the "sexual" aspect?
Oh, I do indeed. As mentioned, my daughter (sadly) is moving out to start on her life with her long-time boyfriend. While this will no doubt be hard for me, as I will greatly miss her, I do look forward to being able to be dressed and also have free run of my place, and to go about what I usually do when I relax...only a lot of the time I can be enfemme.


I think the vast majority of us older members have gone through a maturing of our personna. Yes, as a horny teenager, I dressed with sexual motivation. Maybe with aging there is a change in hormones that affect how we process sexual desires. My en femme attire reflects my age. Being over sixty does not require granny dresses. I think I made the transition into full "womanhood" when I started buying dresses to go with my many slips.
We're roughly the same age, Stephanie, and like you, I don't want to dress "my age" either. I'm looking forward to sexy cocktail dresses, short skirts and other frilly, girlish items! It looks like I have to relive my youth again....only in girl mode this time!:heehee::battingeyelashes:


.
Amazing, I wonder what happened to make this transition. Very cool Piora

So is there something else that the maid outfit represents, not really in a Freudian was but pure emotional or maybe a scent?
Curious.
Well.......I do have a theory. This is the very first dress - albeit a French Maid Outfit - that I have ever owned. I think when I saw myself in the mirror, I just felt very pretty and feminine....and there was little room for much in the way of sexual feelings. I suppose that I enjoyed seeing myself so transformed.

Lately, I have felt a need to be dressed....now, no longer for those prior reasons - but to experience the joy of my feminine side, while going about the things I would normally do dressed in drab. It's really something that has been a long time coming. I think Crossdressers.com has had a lot to do with it. Ever since I found this site, I have felt such belonging....just being so much a part of something that I think is very, very special.

[docrobbysherry]

I've been WAITING for this same evolution, Piora! After being stuck in the dressing, "horndog" stage for 14 years. If I'm like u, I'll have to wait 20 more years to move on!

Let's see. That will make me 80+ y/o! Definitely time to stop being a "horndog". I just CAN'T WAIT!

[erickka]

It sounds like you have moved into the area where you will feel the pleasures of, and appreciate the finer side of wearing dresses, heels , hose, etc. That happened to me about 15 or so years ago, (ye old horndog left the building) now I just relish feeling and trying to be pretty!

[jillleanne]

Good post Piora, it shows you are in control of your emotions and conscious of where you are in your gender enhancement. You have also come to realize some of us continue to evolve and that evolution is controlled by our subconscious and our genetic structure. It's sort of like taking a ride on a leaf down a river to places unknown. Enjoy your ride girl.

[Kittyagain]

Piora, yes it has happened to me as well. Like you, I am happy to be at this level as it seems you are too.

It is indeed like another step up in our world. Be careful, the pink fog can be thicker but it is easier to find your way out. As so many have posted, it is the balance that is important.

Something new to wear is still exciting. I hope that never goes away don't you?

Kitty

[lady di]

one of the best things about dressing is the totaly relaxed feeling and not so much the sex

[Piora]

It sounds like you have moved into the area where you will feel the pleasures of, and appreciate the finer side of wearing dresses, heels , hose, etc. That happened to me about 15 or so years ago, (ye old horndog left the building) now I just relish feeling and trying to be pretty!
Yes, the desire to wear dresses and skirts is very new for me. I would read many posts in the Clothing Accessories & Shopping Talk and in the Picture & Video Gallery about some of the joys of buying new dresses, skirts and other items that I had never thought of myself wearing. Now I can picture myself wearing items like those, and I just need to find a way to get courage enough to shop for those things in stores. :doh:


Good post Piora, it shows you are in control of your emotions and conscious of where you are in your gender enhancement. You have also come to realize some of us continue to evolve and that evolution is controlled by our subconscious and our genetic structure. It's sort of like taking a ride on a leaf down a river to places unknown. Enjoy your ride girl.
I like that...."gender enhancement". Good choice of words, Jillleanne. Because for me - that's exactly what it is. I want to wear things that will bring out that part of me that needs to be expressed. I'm seriously looking forward to the ride!


Piora, yes it has happened to me as well. Like you, I am happy to be at this level as it seems you are too.
Believe me, it is a strange sensation. It seems that I was obviously happy enough at the time....feeling like I was floating above the earth when I dressed. Now, this seems to have pushed me into the stratosphere!


It is indeed like another step up in our world. Be careful, the pink fog can be thicker but it is easier to find your way out. As so many have posted, it is the balance that is important.
Yes, there has definitely been a density change in the Pink Fog. Financially, I know that I must be careful and shop sales and bargains....but I think if I'm patient, my wardrobe will grow.


Something new to wear is still exciting. I hope that never goes away don't you?
Kitty
I think it will always be, now that I have had this open up for me. I have definite ideas about the types of clothes I want to wear, and just looking at some of the stuff online is thrilling.


one of the best things about dressing is the totally relaxed feeling and not so much the sex
There is that, definitely. Just lounging around dressed is going to be a wonderful new experience for me. And relaxing is something that I certainly need to do more of.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm curious, do you have a male side that you are equally as comfortable with? I'm to the point now that I know my male side is finely tuned to provide a life of comfort and security for my household and my female side is a fantastic comfort zone. You've sparked that french maid's outfit thing with me again and now I'll probably finally get one. My wife will think I'm weird dressed all weekend and purposely choosing to wear heels and clean the whole house but she's becoming more tolerant. If I didn't have to work, I'd be 24/7 en fem. Really! It just feels right.

[Momarie]

As some of you might be aware, I have crossdressed in the past strictly for sexual purposes. Afterward, I would no longer desire to remain in my female clothing.

Recently, that has changed, and I'm a bit surprised. While I still get a sensual pleasure from dressing, I have a much diminished desire to do anything more than to enjoy being dressed.

It seemed to start when I received my French Maid Uniform in the mail a week or two ago. After I finished putting it on, I loved being in it, and I wore it for the whole afternoon without....well....you know. And I've been doing that ever since. I never had a desire to get 'outerwear' - dresses, shoes, skirts, blouses etc. And I do now. I seem to have passed into a new stage, after dressing for 34 years. I feel that I now want to spend time just being enfemme....to feel pretty and feminine.

It seems that those members on the site who predicted this happening were right. It's a new era, that I am looking forward to greatly!

Sorry if I sound dumb...but do you mean masturbating?

[Imeni]

Is it possible to still be a horndog most of the time yet still feel so comforted by what your wearing that you don't have to act on those feelings and just relax? I'm just a youngling, 25, so even playing on my xbox im just relaxing on my couch in one of my dresses and nylons is much more fun that doing it in guy mode! ;)

[eluuzion]

I've been WAITING for this same evolution, Piora! After being stuck in the dressing, "horndog" stage for 14 years. If I'm like u, I'll have to wait 20 more years to move on!

Let's see. That will make me 80+ y/o! Definitely time to stop being a "horndog". I just CAN'T WAIT!

I'm with you Doc! I guess I have over 25 years on my CD mileage log sheet now. I've heard that "just a matter of time before you lose the sexual interest side of dressing" story about a hundred times over the years.

Still waiting...:heehee:

But I am not making any rash judgments as to the credibility of the claims. To be fair, I am going to give it another 20-30 years before reaching any conclusions...

I think that is fair...don't you? :D

:love:

[k lynn]

one of the best things about dressing is the totaly relaxed feeling and not so much the sex

I like the relaxed feeling also for I said before I like wearing my bra and panties and jeans daily just like the clothes

[LaurenB]

Piora, I can vouch for your experience. With me it was a gradual thing. Instead of stripping off the clothes after getting off (yes Momarie, that's what that means), I began to leave them on. After a while, I could dress and enjoy it without having sex. It was and is certainly exciting, sensual and sexual; but that aspect can be a "background" thing now. I can turn it on or off as I want. I find so much enjoyment just in being able to express my female self. I think it comes from finally being able to control your testosterone. Age probably helps in this respect.
LB

[jillleanne]

Is it possible to still be a horndog most of the time yet still feel so comforted by what your wearing that you don't have to act on those feelings and just relax? I'm just a youngling, 25, so even playing on my xbox im just relaxing on my couch in one of my dresses and nylons is much more fun that doing it in guy mode! ;)


Indeed, that is exactly what happens to most of us. I recall the adolescent days( pre teens) when the sexual act was the important part of being gender enhanced and just thought it to be normal in a sense. That has long passed and today I just love the feeling I get inside my mind and body being Jill whenever I please without the sexual gratification.

[Kittyagain]

Piora. remember and remind yourself to keep a balance in your life. If the pink fog is too thick, take a short break from dressing to get back out.

Kitty

[Gillian Gigs]

One of the best things that happened was when I got beyond the sex and dressing thing. You can finally enjoy the experience without sex getting in the way. Funny thing of it is that my SO gets the part about the dressing and the sex, but not the part about the sheer enjoyment of the clothes.

[TGMarla]

Piora, that very same thing happened to me as well. Most of the time when I'm dressed now, I just immerse myself in the joy of being feminine and "being" a woman for a while. Kudos to you. It's a great place to be.

[Piora]

I'm curious, do you have a male side that you are equally as comfortable with?
Oh, yes. I'm perfectly happy being who I am as a man. And I think I will be even happier when the female that's inside gets to come out to play more often. I've never underdressed, and don't plan to start. For me, it's something that I don't want to cover up with male clothing. I enjoy the look and feel of the transformation when I dress. This has always been a very visual thing for me, and will probably remain so.


I'm to the point now that I know my male side is finely tuned to provide a life of comfort and security for my household and my female side is a fantastic comfort zone. You've sparked that french maid's outfit thing with me again and now I'll probably finally get one. My wife will think I'm weird dressed all weekend and purposely choosing to wear heels and clean the whole house but she's becoming more tolerant. If I didn't have to work, I'd be 24/7 en fem. Really! It just feels right.
Well, you're certainly fortunate to have a wife who's so understanding and giving. I think you'll enjoy having a French Maid outfit. After only wearing underthings for so many years (bras, panties, stockings etc.) putting this on really rocked my world! It is the most feminine thing I've ever had. To be warned, though....while the one I got is a thing of beauty, it is not......particularly functional, the way a 'real' French Maid outfit would be. It's rather delicate - and delicately made. I accidentally ripped a bit of the lace pulling it down over my head when first trying it on. I think if you just did dusting, and light vacuuming while wearing it, you should be fine!


Sorry if I sound dumb...but do you mean masturbating?
I do, indeed. It's not dumb at all, Momarie - I worded it in that manner because I was just......being delicate.:heehee:


Is it possible to still be a horndog most of the time yet still feel so comforted by what you're wearing that you don't have to act on those feelings and just relax? I'm just a youngling, 25, so even playing on my xbox im just relaxing on my couch in one of my dresses and nylons is much more fun that doing it in guy mode! ;)
Well, I'm discovering that yes - it certainly is possible. I explained to my daughter (we've had a lot of discussion about my crossdressing since she found out) that doing this relaxes me....and it does. Only, now I think I will be even more relaxed, as I will be indulging my desire to be enfemme much more often. I enjoy gaming too, and with the winter months approaching, I plan to do it while dressed, quite a lot.


I'm with you Doc! I guess I have over 25 years on my CD mileage log sheet now. I've heard that "just a matter of time before you lose the sexual interest side of dressing" story about a hundred times over the years.
Still waiting...:heehee:
Well, I don't know if the sexual side of it will ever be totally gone for me....I think that it will occasionally happen, but it is obviously no longer the focus of my dressing.


But I am not making any rash judgments as to the credibility of the claims. To be fair, I am going to give it another 20-30 years before reaching any conclusions...

I think that is fair...don't you? :D
Certainly. :) More than fair! This is something that can't be hurried, you know. Perhaps it's like a few people have mentioned....it's a kind of 'maturity' that happens with some of us. We 'pass over' (and I know some of us just want to 'pass' period! :heehee: Sorry...little bit of humour there) But, yes - I think many of us will probably find that level eventually.


I like the relaxed feeling also for I said before I like wearing my bra and panties and jeans daily just like the clothes
I will probably slip into female things after I get home from work most evenings. With my daughter no longer living with me, I will have the opportunity to wear those things much more often.


Piora, I can vouch for your experience. With me it was a gradual thing. Instead of stripping off the clothes after getting off (yes Momarie, that's what that means), I began to leave them on. After a while, I could dress and enjoy it without having sex. It was and is certainly exciting, sensual and sexual; but that aspect can be a "background" thing now. I can turn it on or off as I want. I find so much enjoyment just in being able to express my female self. I think it comes from finally being able to control your testosterone. Age probably helps in this respect.
LB
It's funny (not funny humourous, funny strange) after I bought my first pair of heels, I started to do that. I wanted to continue with that experience, so I left everything on longer after that. The heels did something that no other clothing item had done previously....so now that I think about it - they (heels) must have triggered it at that point.


Indeed, that is exactly what happens to most of us. I recall the adolescent days( pre teens) when the sexual act was the important part of being gender enhanced and just thought it to be normal in a sense. That has long passed and today I just love the feeling I get inside my mind and body being Jill whenever I please without the sexual gratification.
Maybe it's also a result of 'slowing down' a bit age-wise, as regards the sexual urges. Although I am very active still at 60 - I've also been fortunate to still have a somewhat younger appearance. (I could pass for 59 no problem!:) )I could stand to lose some belly fat, but generally I think that that I am in pretty good shape. Additionally, I feel that perhaps this new-found thinking will serve to also keep me youthful, and perhaps to help me keep my shape and appearance.


Piora. remember and remind yourself to keep a balance in your life. If the pink fog is too thick, take a short break from dressing to get back out.

Kitty
Yes, I will certainly heed your advice. Balance is key. I do believe that if I were in a position right now to retire, I might be in trouble because I would probably want to be dressed a lot more.

Sorry about the length of this post. I wanted to respond to quite a few that replied!

[eluuzion]

Certainly. :) More than fair! This is something that can't be hurried, you know. Perhaps it's like a few people have mentioned....it's a kind of 'maturity' that happens with some of us. We 'pass over' (and I know some of us just want to 'pass' period! :heehee: Sorry...little bit of humour there) But, yes - I think many of us will probably find that level eventually.


~Eluuzion displays the “time-out” gesture from the sidelines and referee blows whistle to temporarily stop the game and time clock. ~
*Purpose is to present a challenge using the logical fallacy rule & clarify/correct some apparent incorrect assumptions about my perceptions/perspectives.*

Equating “psychological maturity” with a person’s degree of success in denying, ignoring, exhausting, extinguishing, “growing out of”, “getting past” or otherwise eliminating natural sexual interests is a cognitive distortion that I do not support, nor participate in. I certainly do not perceive any type of reduction in libido as a personal achievement, definitely not some benchmark to attain in order to raise my score within a select (un-named) sector of the forum that appears to perceive what we do as a competition to earn the title of “the most authentic CD”. :heehee:

For me that would be like telling my SO how great it is that I no longer get sexually excited by her and how much better life is to just want to watch TV with her. I am sure she would enthusiastically congratulate me on my “maturity” progress.:brolleyes:

Just wanted to clarify my position. Although I acknowledge the reality of the waning effect that aging gradually imposes on libido, I consider sustained sexual interest beyond the norm to be a gift, not a curse, lol. I will take anything I can get in that department.:thumbsup:

There may be some verifiable “progress chart” built from consensus opinion that can credibly be used to measure a CDer’s “maturity“, “progress” and/or authenticity” out there that exists (in some peoples’ minds). I respect every persons' right to believe in anything they choose to. That concept just does not exist in my world, which is typical for many other beliefs found in the “norms” of society.

I’ve not made any claims of being “normal” yet, nor do I anticipate making that claim in my lifetime. In my world, that is something defined on an individual basis.

jus' sayin'...

~Whistle blows, clock resumes ticking…Play Ball…

:hugs:
:love:

[Piora]

Originally Posted by eluuzion:
Equating “psychological maturity” with a person’s degree of success in denying, ignoring, exhausting, extinguishing, “growing out of”, “getting past” or otherwise eliminating natural sexual interests is a cognitive distortion that I do not support, nor participate in. I certainly do not perceive any type of reduction in libido as a personal achievement, definitely not some benchmark to attain in order to raise my score within a select (un-named) sector of the forum that appears to perceive what we do as a competition to earn the title of “the most authentic CD”.
You know, I find that to be rather offensive, eluuzion. I'm not part of any "group" nor am I trying to be in 'competition' with anyone. I'm simply stating something that has happened to me. I've crossdressed for sexual reasons for my entire 34 years. Lately, I have come to find that that is no longer my reason for doing it. Things have changed.

I will however, retract my statement about how many will "reach that level". That was presumptuous and not really what I wanted to say at all. So, there's no "level" - just a different thought process.


For me that would be like telling my SO how great it is that I no longer get sexually excited by her and how much better life is to just want to watch TV with her. I am sure she would enthusiastically congratulate me on my “maturity” progress.

That's not the same thing at all. And I don't have a SO. There's only me, myself and I involved here. All three of us are just fine with this new thought process


Just wanted to clarify my position.

You've done so, and I have portrayed my own.


Although I acknowledge the reality of the waning effect that aging gradually imposes on libido, I consider sustained sexual interest beyond the norm to be a gift, not a curse, lol. I will take anything I can get in that department.

Nowhere did I say that I have significant reduced libido. Yes, I'm getting older and that was bound to happen regardless of my methods of achieving "getting off". I just have a significantly reduced desire to "get off" while dressed. And I think eventually it will be gone completely. I am much happier dressing for the purpose of feeling good about myself for the duration that I am dressed, than I was simply dressing to reach sexual arousal, then removing my female clothing.


There may be some verifiable “progress chart” built from consensus opinion that can credibly be used to measure a CDer’s “maturity“, “progress” and/or authenticity” out there that exists (in some peoples’ minds). I respect every persons' right to believe in anything they choose to. That concept just does not exist in my world, which is typical for many other beliefs found in the “norms” of society.

Good. Then I know you will follow your own advice and respect my opinion. I hope I may have clarified some things that perhaps you were misunderstanding. This is a transformation for me. Whether you believe it to be construed as some "achievement" is entirely up to you. I don't look at it in any such light. There are those of us who will always dress for the enjoyment of wearing female clothing, and no sexual purpose. There are others who dress solely for that reason, and that reason alone. My own has changed, and I am happier for it.

[cassandra54]

i've had the same experience too. but after dressing with my SO for intimate reasons, it seemed like i wanted more. somehow i felt like i needed to be enfemme out of the bedroom to validate what happened in there. and so it started.

last few months my sexual desire in general has diminished greatly. i even wonder if i could consider myself bi anymore. honestly if it happens that i am enfemme and intimate with someone, it would be nice, but it's not the reason i get dressed anymore. i am enjoying being alone and finding my way as cassandra.

[Piora]

i've had the same experience too. but after dressing with my SO for intimate reasons, it seemed like i wanted more. somehow i felt like i needed to be enfemme out of the bedroom to validate what happened in there. and so it started.
I've never had (or wanted) to have intimacy while dressed, with any girlfriend, wife or SO in my past - nor do I have any desire to do so with any future girlfriend/SO that I may become involved with. I would hope to meet someone who, at the very least would have a tolerance for my CDing, but it would certainly be nice if she would embrace it as perhaps not an ideal thing, but something that wouldn't stand in the way of our mutual happiness.


last few months my sexual desire in general has diminished greatly. i even wonder if i could consider myself bi anymore. honestly if it happens that i am enfemme and intimate with someone, it would be nice, but it's not the reason i get dressed anymore. i am enjoying being alone and finding my way as cassandra.

It may just be a phase, Cassandra. I have gone through several such periods - even when I was much, much younger. It's not unusual. For many of us, this is - and will remain, a solitary activity....even with a SO in our lives.


Originally posted by By Mandy 48:
As I went into my 60's I followed your trend and as pressures not to dress increased it fitted my lifestyle.

Circumstances do change though as I have recently found out

When I first joined Crossdressers.com, numerous people on this website had told me of similar experiences. At the time, I doubted that it would ever change for me. You're right: circumstances do change, and how we choose to act on our CDing can change right along with them. I have no clue as to why this became so different for me. But, I like it and I embrace it.

[josee]

I have gone through a simular transition a few years ago. For myself it was slips and pantyhose. I began underdressing wearing the hose daily. Before long the erotic aspect of pantyhose faded and just started feeling normal and comfortable. I thought they made my legs feel better and they may have. They also made my whole self feel better. Then after a lot of self reflection my feminine side which had been hidden away, stuffed under a whole bunch of macho cover up, began to emerge. The inner girl in me had tried to come out many years ago but she was stifled when I could not accept that part of me.
The more time I am able to spend enfeme the more natural it feels.

My personal theory :

It seems like there is kind of an evolution that occurs in some of us. Some allow it to happen when they are young, some at middle age. It is different for everyone but there are certain similarities. Some of that is due to outside influence like how or where or when we are raised. We may remain at a certain place for a long time or we may skip ahead it all depends on many things. For someone who remains at a certain place for an extended time it may be that they are more accepting of themselves at that place where others who do not are compelled to move on. Not that any of this is due to any conscious thought process and I don't think one who evolves in crossdressing is any better than someone who does not.
Whatever place you are able to accept yourself is a very good place.