Will the real woman please stand up

[AnitaH]

Remembering the old TV show to tell the truth. Where 3 people pretended to be someone and at the end they always asked will the real ... please stand up.

When talking to my SO about some issues I realized some things. (some I mentioned to her some I didn't)

My SO totally hates shopping. She writes a grocery list by isles to get out faster. I love shopping and can spend great amounts of time in a store even if buying nothing.

My SO very rarely wears dresses or skirts and those she does are very plain. I of course would like to be wearing dresses or skirts nearly anytime, the prettier the better.

She has no pretty underthings they R just functional. Mine need to be pretty or lacy, etc.

My SO pretty much hates housework, she will do what she has to. I really don't mind housework in fact I prefer it over many other things like mowing the grass. If I didn't need to work I wouldn't mind being the homemaker

I sometimes will watch a movie on the lifetime network on purpose and have been known to cry.

The last time we moved she went to work right away I took a few days to unpack and decorate. She hates unpacking and actually very much liked my decorating.

So I guess the next question is will the real woman please stand up.

I'm wondering do others in relationships out there find this is true in their relationship, that they fit better in the traditional female role than their SO?

AnitaH

[RACH99]

Honey?! Is that you? Sounds a lot like my marriage Anita. I have asked myself the same question only in reverse. ;)

[Kathi Lake]

Oh Anita, honey - no. :)

Just because a woman doesn't act as stereotypically feminine as you may like does not make you the better woman. Besides, isn't it more masculine to play the "who's bigger/better/faster" game?

:)

Kathi

[KellyJameson]

Interesting list and I am exactly like you in your behavior but your list also shows the problem of identifying typical/atypical female and male behaviors. Is there behavior that only females or males do that is not biologically dependant because it seems with people that for every rule there is an exception.

[eluuzion]

Have you checked to see if any of your underwear or jockstraps are missing? Do any of your clothes smell like her perfume? How about your tool-belt? Are your work boots in the same place you left them when you took them off yesterday?:heehee:

Hey, for me a GG radiates femininititty no matter what she wears or does. That is one primary attraction for me, that cuts though anything.

As a shared parent...I was certainly a "better Mom" than my ex.

:love:

[VioletJourney]

Wearing women's clothing and doing stereotypical "housewife" things =/= being a woman.

[ReineD]

:notlistening: Not saying anything .... counting to ten .... 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10. :shutup:

There! All better now. :meditate:

[Chari]

Very interesting thread! IMO, we all have crossed gender lines, (no pun intended) prefering to do some jobs more than others, and with "practice" we become better at doing those jobs than what society expects of us. Some GG friends enjoy doing "guy" work - cutting grass, carpentry, working on cars, etc. , and very rarely "dressup", but still they have that wonderful feminine mystique. Maybe it's all in how we look at life.

[ReineD]

... OK. The :meditate: was short lived.

I love woodworking. And I love, LOVE to cook. I hate housework but I like a clean house. I love painting, staining, refinishing. I enjoy yard work as long as I'm on a tractor and not pushing the darn thing by hand. I hate lifting things. I really enjoy power washing the house, deck, and driveway. I hate washing windows. I like to iron wrinkles out of clothes. I like to decorate. I like to fix things. I enjoy wearing makeup and nice clothes. I also like to get all comfy in sweaters and jeans right after I've washed my hair.

What does that make me? A hybrid I guess. lol :)

[Cynthia Anne]

I think your story is cute! My ex didn't mind helping me take an engine out of a car! Why is she my ex? 'Cause when it came to house work, she only done it with a scoop shovel! But that didn't make her less a woman! I say different strokes for different folks! Myself I could clean the house or the barn! Hugs!

[J'lyn GG]

Oh Anita, honey - no. :)

Just because a woman doesn't act as stereotypically feminine as you may like does not make you the better woman. Besides, isn't it more masculine to play the "who's bigger/better/faster" game?

:)Kathi


Thank you and Amen.


Have you tried making grocery shopping fun, recently?

[Allsteamedup]

What worries me Anita is that you only describe frivolous things.

All chores and lifestyle do not amount to wearing pretty things, so tell us what your SO does do?!! She's the breadwinner? (You have more time off than she does?) You have more time on your hands than she does (Hence the use of her shopping list and your browsing?) She fits more in a day than you do? (Obviously of her choice).

Which brings us to a neat word- prioritisation. I will go out and milk the goats now. It's blowing a gale on my mountain top and pouring with rain. I won't wear that lovely new bra, make-up, hair-do etc. I'll just try to stay warm!

Another thought. Some women react to a cding spouse by extinguishing their feminine appearance. It's not done deliberately, it just happens. Do you suspect that she may feel less womanly in your partnership?

[Jonianne]

:notlistening: Not saying anything .... counting to ten .... 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10. :shutup:....

You're so cute when you're angry, Reine!

[Stitch]

If we are going by this nature, then I am far more of a "man" than my boyfriend. I'm more practical, more hands on and have far more masculine hobbies. He is quieter, less assertive and generally a very gentle person. (and I totally adore him for it!) Nothing wrong with that.

Luckily it doesn't work this way, and everything I listed are more to do with being an individual then a specific gender. Regardless of my personality traits, I am still at heart very feminine because I'm female, and everything about me is built that way. I rather have fun with life then playing a "who's more girly" competition.

Look at Barbara from the British 70s Sitcom, "The Good life" She did a lot of "masculine" activities in the show and couldn't afford fancy clothes, but had so many viewers who though she was the absolute bees knees because she is just feminine despite it all.

[ReineD]

Another thought. Some women react to a cding spouse by extinguishing their feminine appearance. It's not done deliberately, it just happens. Do you suspect that she may feel less womanly in your partnership?

That's a good point, about extinguishing a feminine appearance. But, perhaps for different reasons than feeling less womanly. I went through such a phase with my ex. Our marriage wasn't good (obviously, we are exes now), and I downplayed my femininity. I did not want to encourage romance with him during the last few years and the last thing I wanted was to parade around the house in pretty lingerie. Without going into details, I'll just say that my marriage was that painful. Maybe your wife is picking up on your attitudes and she feels resentful?

My lack of sexy panties and nighties was a symptom of a failing marriage, and not an indication that I am not feminine. I don't have that issue now. :)


... and thanks, Joni! I bet you say that to all the girls! :)

[AnitaH]

I see I started something here. I did say "traditional" womens work. Society seems to be OK with men and women crossing those lines today but is not as accepting of us crossing some other lines, although it is better than it was 30 years ago. Just trying to add some humor to an otherwise dull day filled with work.

In truth my wife has far more time than I do, she works much less although that is starting to change. I work at a very high profile job that can also be time consuming. I rarely get a full day off and there are many things to balance in that time, such as giving time to my wife that she deserves. So this leads me with precious little time for CD activities or for trying to understand how this really impacts myself. I'm jealous of those of you that seem to have that ability to be yourself often.

And no, how she dresses and acts has nothing to do with my CD she has always been that way.

AnitaH

[Kittyagain]

Anita, I am not sure why some saw your post as a negative description of women. I thought your post was clear when you asked is anyone else have a situation like yours. We all have different perceptions of a women's life, as do women.

Kitty

[ReineD]

^ Kitty, it's not the description of a particular type of woman that is at issue here, IMO, it is the comparison between which of the two, the OP or her wife, is the "real" woman. If I were the OP's wife, I would not like to be compared like this, especially if my priorities were different than my husband's. I would wonder how much of my inner core he really sees.

[Kate Simmons]

^ Kitty, it's not the description of a particular type of woman that is at issue here, IMO, it is the comparison between which of the two, the OP or her wife, is the "real" woman. If I were the OP's wife, I would not like to be compared like this, especially if my priorities were different than my husband's. I would wonder how much of my inner core he really sees.Exactly. Most don't get the fact that a good relationship is a team effort with each partner being equal. Who ends up doing what is really moot as long as it gets done. This the the kind of relationship to strive for and make grow.:)

[Sara Jessica]

Well if the question is ever asked, I hope your SO is the one to stand up while you sit on your hands. No matter what, she has scoreboard over you on so many levels, emotional, physical and life experiences.

[SarahLynn]

Exactly. Most don't get the fact that a good relationship is a team effort with each partner being equal. Who ends up doing what is really moot as long as it gets done. This the the kind of relationship to strive for and make grow.:)

Well said.

I have noticed, the more i dress fem, my wife dresses less so. She no longer owns any skirts and few frilly things. She only wears cotton panties now, and wouldn't wear a bra except she needs one for the support.

It's not because i'm wearing the frillies, it's because at her age she doesn't see the need to be as fem as when she was in the workforce.

SarahLynn

[reflections-of]

My girlfriend and I do not conform to traditional gender roles. Her and I, both share traits of what is considered the opposite sex. I do not see her falling in the male traditional role or myself in the traditional wife role. We do share both roles though I am sometime the boyfriend, at others the girlfriend. She at time is the more masculine of the relationship and at other time the more feminine of the relationship.

There are times when she says to me “you’re such a girl”. She also at times wants me to “parade around in panties” and “do chores” and take on the more traditional “females role”.

Yet there are times when she needs her boyfriend. I see myself as her boyfriend, so when she needs a shoulder to cry, to be comforted, to feel protected, I’ll be there for her.
Yes there are times when she likes me being “Tina”, yet in our relationship I am simply the person she loves. So whether I am dressed in female clothing or male clothing, boyfriend or the girlfriend, I see myself as the person she loves.

The traditional roles of man and woman, boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as husband and wife are different these days. We love one another for being who we are.
So at times she is more “manly” then me and I can be “such a girl” at times. I am just blessed to be loved by her.