I Came Out to Some Friends . . . .

[Anne2345]

As some of you have read in the past, I have written about the splendor, magnificence, and magic of the closet. I am a firm believer in the positive virtues of the closet, if residing in the closet is where one chooses to remain.

For years now, I have been happy and content within my closet. My closet was pretty much limited only by my imagination, and I have quite an imagination. I truly and enthusiastically loved my closet!

Lately, however, as some of you have noticed through recent post submissions, I have cracked open my closet door, and peeked out. Over the past couple of months, I have expanded certain aspects of my closet, and in other instances, I have simply made exceptions to my closet, as if it did not exist.

But until now, I have not shared this side of myself with anyone I know, love, or am friends with (other than my wife, whom I informed before we married, and this forum).

Much to my chagrin, though, I have struggled very much with loneliness and depression for some time now. I have been profoundly alone, and absolutely miserable as a result. I have written about this in other posts. In response, I received some very good advice, and some thoughts that really struck me, stuck with me, and that I have thoroughly considered and thought much about. In particular, a member recently wrote the following in response to a post of mine:


It will get better when you stop hiding this part of you and let others in. You are alone because you are choosing to be alone.

. . .

Let someone else in. Share. Until you do, you will be lonely.

Just let someone else in, huh?

At first, I thought the member was crazy. Just let someone else in???!!! You have got to be kidding me! That is too simple, and that cannot possibly be the answer. I am lonely. I am miserable. I am transgendered. And I reside within what remains of my blessed sanctuary that is, or was, my closet. How could letting someone else in possibly make a difference or assuage my loneliness?

It could not. It would not. Or could it, or would it? Just let someone else in, huh? How f’ing insanely simple. How f’ing ridiculously simple. How absolutely, ridiculously, and insanely simple, except that it is not simple. Letting someone else in after a lifetime of secrecy and hiding? Not simple by any stretch of the imagination.

Except that it was simple. It was unbelievably simple. Because for me, the time was right, and the need to do so too intense.

So yesterday, I did it. I just did it.

I told two of my closet, dearest friends about Anne. I told them about me. I showed them my pictures. I explained to them who and what I am, to the extent I know myself, and to the extent I was able to articulate it.

I broke down and cried, over and over again, and time and time again, over a span of many hours.

My friends, however, did not reject me. I was not met with scorn or derision. Instead, my friends embraced me. They held me. They hugged me. They cried with me. They expressed their love for me, and I for them. It was a beautiful, validating evening and night. It was a necessary experience.

It was a night that I will never, ever forget. I am still in complete shock that I did this. Tears are welling in my eyes as I currently type this post . . . .

But they accepted me! My friends accepted me! And their acceptance and love means the absolute world to me!

I let others in! I actually let them in! Simply unbelievable. I let others in! I took a chance, rolled the dice, and let others in!

And you know what? Today I do not feel nearly as lonely as I did before letting someone else in yesterday . . . .

I am quite happy about it, actually! Ecstatic, even, as I bask within the warmth, comfort, and love offered by my friends - my friends who accept me! Ok, truth be told, I am simply unable to adequately express myself here - I am simply overwhelmed with emotion and love, and very much raw with relief . . . .

:)

[Maria in heels]

Anne...I can see thru your words the happiness and (I don't know if it is the right word) relief that you must be feeling. It is wonderful that you feel loved and more importantly, accepted, which is what many crave and seek, and only a select few re able to experience...congratulations

[SmileS12]

Aww! and Wow! That post kept me reading. Glad you feel better about yourself, the forums must be working. Much good advice here. I sometimes think that overcoming our feelings are the hardest things to do. Our feelings normally hide us in the closet, instead of just letting us out with our friends. I watch a documentary last night or a report per se on TV. It was about the Princess Boy! It was very touching that this little boy as innocent as he was, did not care about what others thought of him, and if they didn't want to be his friend he didn't care. It's funny how we grow older and grow a conscience that puts us in the closet per se. If our friends are truly our friends, then acceptance will happen, and if they are not, they really were not our friends in the first place. It is those that are acquaintances that bother me most of the time, because my friends although think I'm nuts, they do accept me. Fun is only poked by those that fear the truth, and those that only understand black and white. I would say if more people understood the gray areas of life, they would be more accepting.
Congratulations to overcoming your feelings Anne, and may you have many, many, many more experiences that become home to your heart in the future.

Toodles,
Eve

[Jessica86]

Such a wonderful story! I'm so happy that you had a good experience. It took a lot of courage to do what you did. I admire you for what you did. It inspires me to do the same. I hope I will get the same results....and recently....I found out my best friend dresses. He said something by mistake, and I just kinda brushed it off without sharing my experience. I am having a get together on Friday, and I am thinking fo having a talk with a few close friends.

[Christina Horton]

I am so happy for you. Yes I was on of the girls that said you should at least tell your friends if not going out dressed. But you seemed to be happy and that was fine with me. I'll give you a little advice ( I souls also take MI own advice but I don't sometimes lol) when you talk to your friends you've told don't DON'T talk about this all the time or bring it up every time you meet them. Lol I do but I try not to. Your on cloud 9 right now but just make sure they want to talk about it before you bring it up again. Maybe tell them you just might want to talk about it all the time lol. They they will understand.

NOW WHATS NEXT WITH YOU.... WILL YOU TELL US YOU'VE GONE OUT FULL DRESSED!!!! LOL.

I wish you all the HAPPINESS in the world.

[rachaelsloane]

Letting someone else in after a lifetime of secrecy and hiding? Not simple by any stretch of the imagination.

Except that it was simple. It was unbelievably simple. Because for me, the time was right, and the need to do so too intense.







It was a night that I will never, ever forget. I am still in complete shock that I did this. Tears are welling in my eyes as I currently type this post . . . .


And you know what? Today I do not feel [/i]nearly[/i] as lonely as I did before letting someone else in yesterday . . . .

I am quite happy about it, actually! Ecstatic, even, as I bask within the warmth, comfort, and love offered by my friends - my friends who accept me! Ok, truth be told, I am simply unable to adequately express myself here - I am simply overwhelmed with emotion and love, and very much raw with relief . . . .

:)
Anne,
I am so happy for you and like Maria said, your smile can be seen thru your words. Somehow, you knew when the right time would be to let others into the world of Anne.
Those that are truly real friends will accept so take the time to enjoy this special moment.
Rachael

[Katrina Black]

Ive only been here for a couple of years but this is the best thread ive read ..im so happy for you ,,theres a reason your friends areyour FRIENDS .. Thank them and hold them forever...Tina

[Christina Horton]

Oh be the way your,story made me cry. Good job Hun.

[Sara Jessica]

Wow Anne, you just zipped right on past anything I've given serious consideration to do. Passing fancy to share with friends, yes, but serious? Not so much. Congrats on making such a bold decision and having the foresight to know that it could work, that it would work. You must feel wonderful right now, as you should!!! :)

[MackenzieMarigold]

Inspiring to say the least =) So happy for you!

[Debglam]

My friends, however, did not reject me. I was not met with scorn or derision. Instead, my friends embraced me. They held me. They hugged me. They cried with me. They expressed their love for me, and I for them. It was a beautiful, validating evening and night. It was a necessary experience.

It was a night that I will never, ever forget. I am still in complete shock that I did this. Tears are welling in my eyes as I currently type this post . . . .

I am quite happy about it, actually! Ecstatic, even, as I bask within the warmth, comfort, and love offered by my friends - my friends who accept me! Ok, truth be told, I am simply unable to adequately express myself here - I am simply overwhelmed with emotion and love, and very much raw with relief . . . .

:)

I am soooo happy for you Anne!!!!! We can tell how happy you are! This is terrific! I hope that this relieves a lot of your stress - I think it will! :)

Debby

[RebeccaLynne]

Anne, you've unburdened yourself to a few carefully chosen confidantes, and their reaction was supportive. Congratulations!

My take on this is that you've not welcomed them into your closet, but allowed yourself the freedom to escape from within it's confines.

[Leslie Langford]

Heartwarming story, Anne, but you left out one crucial detail: are these friends male, female, or a mix of each?

My guess is that if they are female, they would be far more accepting and at ease with your crossdressing than the males. You know, that old homophobia, macho thing that limits "real" men from displaying anything resembling emotion or vulnerability - preferring instead the much safer route of simply opting for the old stiff upper lip...

[KellyJameson]

Amazing story of courage and validation. You have moved one step closer to freedom by risking the rejection of those you value to become whole within. This is for me what love is, it heals the fractures in us caused by the hate of others and we all need healing of past rejections by present acceptance but it is a very scary thing to do, the memories and scars go deep.

At the end of the road to healing we move beyond thoughts of being loved because we are so filled with love that it flows inward and outward encompassing everything and there is no longer fear because all fear lives in the past, only trust and acceptance of what the next moment will bring. This is when life truly begins.

In my eyes you are a beautiful person because you are becoming what we are intended to be.

Choose wisely who you share your gifts with. There are two expressions of self hate, when we destroy ourselves and when we destroy others, use the wisdom of the closet if there is risk that you could be harmed by those filled with hate and fear.

Thank you again for sharing, You are a poetess!

[PretzelGirl]

Congrats on doing one of the toughest things we can do. To get acceptance while doing it is a major bonus. I am with Christina. This will come up again, but try and let them bring it up as it will be too easy for you to raise the subject. And if you do, you will likely do it too much.

Now is also a good time to pause and reflect a little. It is easy to get the steamroller going and tell more people. After all, it worked so well the first time! :hugs:

[Badtranny]

Great news Anne!

I continue to be surprised at how accepting everyone in my life has been. Tomorrow I tell my boss that I'll be having FFS in March. He already knows I'm a badtranny though. ;-)

[Risque_Christine]

Anne, you were brave to do what you did. Eventually, we all have to acknowledge and accept who we are. Not everybody will be supportive, but you will find many people-- including many friends you have not met yet-- who will understand and support you.
Christine

[Cynthia Anne]

Anne my friend! I have felt this coming for a while now! You have truely accepted yourself! I am so proud of you that I too have tears in my eyes! You moved forward because you are worth it! You found the happiness you deserve! To have friends like that proves that you are the good person I knew all along! Keep that pretty head up because you are not just beautiful on the outside but on the inside as well! Now if you will excuse me I need to go and wipe my eyes! Hugs!:love:

[Kathi Lake]

Anne, what a wonderful way to end an evening, for me. I loved reading your post. I'm not one to say "I told you so" so I'll just say good for you. I'm sure the relief of holding this all in will do wonders for your depression. I would even say that life is looking up for you quite a bit.

:)

Kathi

[Bobobob00]

That's so good to hear they accepted you. Shows you have true friends!

[Mercedes]

I am very happy for you Anne! I just recently told my best friend and the feelings you expressed I had them too. Isn't it great! Thank you for sharing!

Mercedes XOXOXO

[morgan51]

Congratulations Anne as you come out to people it only serves to give you freedom from secrets and bolsters your courage and sanity. I am in the same process now and it only gets better as you go along. Not all will be accepting your true friends will. Hugs Morgan

[sandra-leigh]

How excellent!

"because the need to do it was too intense" -- Yes, exactly. There are people who never feel even the desire to tell anyone, but for many of us, the need builds and builds. Until even the expectation that telling is likely to be the one of the worst mistakes ever is not enough and out it spills.

Exactly why people feel impelled to tell someone else differs somewhat from person to person, but the steam needs to get released anyhow.

[Sweet Sabrina]

Congratulations on your courage and eventual payoff in coming out. It is always nice to hear encouraging stories like this. From every post I've read of yours, you are making huge leaps. Keep it up. Some of us need the inspiration

Hugs
Sabrina

[kimdl93]

Congratulations Anne. I was deeply touched by your experience of acceptance. I'm so glad that you've discoverd that there is indeed love, acceptance and support outside of that closet.

[Mikaela]

I'm glad it worked out for you. I've only told three people and have no intent on telling anyone in my family, work, etc, but I am so happy it was a positive experience for you.

[sherib]

I'm so happy for being able to come out to your friends. I wish I could trust my friends that well. I have listen too my friends when they talked about men dressing in womens clothes and the comments are not flatering. But good luck too you.

[kimdl93]

I think a good point to make here is that friends may say things in groups that don't reflect how they feel personally. Its that group think mentality that sometimes takes over. My friends - members of my family - were as prone to those kinds of statements as anyone. But when I was the sbject, their attitude was clearly different and far less hostile or judgemental.

[Sarah Doepner]

You are brave and your friends are fortunate to have someone like you as a friend who respects and trusts them enough to share something this important. All of you are great examples of what we really mean when we say the word "Friend".

[Torrey]

Anne,

I am soooooooo happy for you!

Hugs,
Torrey

[t-girlxsophie]

Oh great! thanks Anne,now I'll need to fix this makeup lol,had a wee moment reading your story.It must have felt so good to tell your Friends about this,till now deeply personal part of you.lets hope the Neysayers stay away from this thread,surely everyone can only feel Happiness for you.All the best to you Anne:)

Sophie

[Dawn cd]

Congratulations Anne. It was a brave act, and I'm very happy for you.

[NathalieX66]

yay! Congratulations! :cheers:
Coming out is not for everyone, there can be ramifications that are harmful and irreversible.
A bunch of my best friends know, and they have seen me on my guy facebook page. The support has been great. My parent's have seen one or two pics of me but they really have no idea of the depth, and I don't feel like telling them all the details. However one of my best friends and his family wants me to come over for dinner en femme some day, which i want to do.

I make every effort to keep my TG life away from my career, as I have too many business contacts. That's rule Number One for me.

[TGMarla]

I am so glad for you, Anne. So very glad.

The road we all must find in order to leave the dark places behind differs for every person. Roads can be dirt, plank, gravel, stone, cobblestone, brick, or asphault, but they all lead somewhere. One road is not necessarily better than another, as they all lead someplace the others don't. Yours included letting friends in on the secret, and you've found it to be liberating and exhilarating. Seems like this ol' forum of ours is leading to some profound changes for you in your life. Who'd have imagined that only a few months ago?

In any case, if it leads to a deeper happiness in you that you have not known for some time, then it was definitely the right way to go. You're a good person who deserves some happiness, and there is no reason that you cannot have it. I hope that you will be able to expand your new disclosure with your friends. I hope that you are walking towards light and calm, and away from the rainy, windy, cold darkness. I hope that the sadness wanes, and the good feelings will be more common to you. Like I said, you deserve it.

[Stefia S]

Congratulations Anne! I hope the world seems so much brighter, happier and welcoming for you, as it did for me when I came out.

[Launa]

Congratulations, those are real true friends you have! We must remember that there are real good people in the world. Too bad it just takes a few bad apples to ruin everything and can put a person into a dark place. Keep your head high! Best wishes.

[Samantha W]

Anne, I know how you feel. Except for the girl who got me going at age 13, I have spent the last 30 years in the closet.
Last February was the first time I ever went out in public. I fully expected villagers to appear with pitchforks and burning torches to drive the abomination away. It didn’t happen. I had a great time.

Then I told a close friend. It didn’t go so well. She wasn’t able to accept that Samantha is a real part of me and our relationship crumbled. I have come out to 8 of my friends now and only two of them have reacted positively. The others have all said a version of “I just can’t accept you like this, please don’t do that around me.” And I don’t.
Two others however were ok with it. If I’m dressed and they stop by I can answer the door. I don’t have to hide Sam’s cloths or makeup any more. I can come to their homes dressed. I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to wear what I feel best in and hang out with real people, just having fun. Best of all Sue has been a godsend in helping me look my best.

Tomorrow I will come out to one of my oldest and deepest friends. I hope it goes well.

Be prepared to respect their feelings and understand that you may lose some of them.