Does a fantasy mean you are gay?

[Jessicajane]

The post over what % of CD'S are hetro has made me think of my own situation.
...I am married, love my wife dearly, I have never fancied a man when in their company but I have fantasised about being the "woman" in a relationship with a man ... it is never with a real person but more the physical side....yet in the real world.. when I see a couple it is the woman I look at not the man ...I sometimes fancy or appreciate women (but have never been unfaithful), and never get that feeling with men, so does that mean I am part hetro part gay...or are fantasies separate things from reality where we can be and think what we want without it having to represent our sexuality?

Also a lady friend once told me that when dressed I may find that my sexual orientation would be more flexible....I have only ever had short controlled dressing out experiences where my focus has been on clothes makeup and getting caught...would I feel differently if I were in a relaxed atmosphere and approached by a gent..?

[Monica93304]

I've been with women most of my life (although not "many"), but for me if felt different the first time a man came up to me and kissed my hand. It just felt right. I will never forget it. I just love when a man comes up to me and flirts. Hee hee...

[Christina_Marie69]

Hi Jessica,
Like you I am married and love her and the kids dearly. I would say my lines have grayed since I started going out and interacting with people. I always considered myself hetro and never considered straying. Even to this day when I am in boy mode I would never think of letting a man hold my hand or even kiss me.
With that said, since I do go out continually I have noticed that the lines have blurred quite a bit. It started off innocent with kissing other TGs. Then I have a male friend of many years I was hanging out with kiss me. I had such an urge that day and couldn’t resist. It felt so right. Talking about blurring the lines for someone who thought herself to be hetro. Well I guess I am hetro when in girl mode. :) Lol yeah yeah, I know I am pushing that one a bit. When we go out now he will hold my hand just like we were a couple on a date. Technically we are. I was concerned about it so I did talk to my wife about it. She mentioned as long as nothing sexual going on its just to friends going out.
Sorry for being long winded here. Lol I would definitely say there is a distinctly difference between my girl mode and male mode. I am still the same person, just different wants and needs. Not sure how that happened. He he So did I confuse you?! Well take care and best of luck!
Oh your question "would I feel differently if I were in a relaxed atmosphere and approached by a gent..?" I think you would!

[Kate Simmons]

The feelings come from deep inside. The clothes and look are basically just "window dressing". It really goes down to the soul level. The questions should be "How well do I really know myself and how far am I willing to go to find out?" Only you, yourself, can answer those questions my friend.:)

[ReineD]

There have been many discussions about this and you are not alone. It is my impression based on other threads I've read here that your fantasy serves to emphasize your feelings of femininity more than indicate an attraction to any man. This is why he is faceless. He is a prop. If you should fantasize being with a woman while you are dressed, a part of you might feel more male compared to her, than when you compare yourself to the faceless man in your fantasy.

So, no. It doesn't mean that you are gay.

[Kittyagain]

Very simple gay test. You see two men kissing giving each other full tongue. How does that make you feel?
:)
Kitty

[Paula_56]

There have been many discussions about this and you are not alone. It is my impression based on other threads I've read here that your fantasy serves to emphasize your feelings of femininity more than indicate an attraction to any man. This is why he is faceless. He is a prop. If you should fantasize being with a woman while you are dressed, a part of you might feel more male compared to her, than when you compare yourself to the faceless man in your fantasy.

So, no. It doesn't mean that you are gay.

I like your answer I think you have it exactly right,

[KrystalA]

Jessica, I have had such fantasies while totally en femme, but I think it is because I feel so essentially feminine when dressed. I have also had fantasies about kissing and holding another CDer, but again, they are just fantasies and nothing more.

[Jordan1984]

Me personally I have never been with a guy when not dressed and would not. When I am walking the street and see a guys not dressed fem I never have a fantasy. But when I am dressed its the next thing to being more female. We all love to play the character or it might just be me. X

[Cynthia Anne]

It would be a very dull life without fantasies! If you fulfill your fantasy it is no longer a fantasy! Then it makes you what you are! I could not imagine life without fantasies! Hugs!~

[pinto]

I experience the same feeling. In male mode i never could imagine this in femme mode this happens to me all the time. It may be a contradiction on the other hand it may reveal certain parts of our inner self that we need to explore although i still would call myself a lesbian and not gay.

[Aprilrain]

I could nor bring myself admit that I really liked and wanted to be with a man. The funny part about that is as far back as i remember I have been fantasizing that I was a woman with a man, he was always faceless in my fantasies as well. When I decided to stop fighting myself I gave myself permission to like who ever I wanted. after I started transition I began internet dating in earnest, I NEEDED to know if it was a fantasy or If I really wanted to be with a man. I talked to lots of guy (most of them duds) but eventually found a really great guy and we have been dating for a few months. I had NO IDEA what it would be like. I found that for me it seems totally normal and if i crave anything its just affection. I know this doesn't really answer your question, sorry. I'm a woman and for me it just seems right to be with a man. I found that I have retained my physical attraction to woman so I guess I'm bi but im more interested in a relationship with my BF than a woman. I see woman who I think are HOT all the time and most woman are easier on the eyes than most men but still I think with me an woman its purely sexual where as with my BF its more about the relationship.


i still would call myself a lesbian and not gay.

lesbians ARE gay pinto.

[ReineD]

When I decided to stop fighting myself I gave myself permission to like who ever I wanted. after I started transition I began internet dating in earnest, I NEEDED to know if it was a fantasy or If I really wanted to be with a man. I talked to lots of guy (most of them duds) but eventually found a really great guy and we have been dating for a few months.

I wonder if for the average hetero CDs, the fantasy will remain faceless with no real attraction to men, whereas with TSs, especially with hormonal changes, there will be a shift in real sexual attraction, or as you say, perhaps a realization that the attraction was for men all along.

I've read many threads in the TS section from transitioned or transitioning members who said that sexual attraction did shift for them. And I've also read many threads from hetero CDs who have tried it with men and discovered it wasn't for them. Or course there are also gay CDs but they fall outside of this discussion since they've always known they were attracted to men even before the CDing.

[xristy]

I am the same way when it comes to men. I have never been attracted to men, but when dressed, fantasies do occur. I have often wondered if I were gay as well. However, I think a term I read on here recently will describe the fantasies. Try reading up on autogynephilia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blanchard's_transsexualism_typology) and I think the fantasy of being the "woman" may be answered for you. If not answered, at least it may shed a new light on things.

Also, from my reading on that subject, autogynephilia is not a diagnosis of a disorder, rather it is a symptom for some with gender dysphoria.

Xristy

[pinto]

lesbians ARE gay pinto.

ok ok, i was too fast.

[Dawn cd]

I believe many straight men have fantasies of sex with other (usually faceless) men, and some even have sex, without being, in fact, gay. One is truly homosexual when the other fulfills one's relational needs—a partnership that gives one a sense of emotional completion. I have fantasies about men in general, but I feel hetero because I am not drawn to men in particular, as I am to women.

That being said, I don't believe there are two distinct and separate sex drives—gay and straight—or even three if one adds bi to the mix. There are all sorts of shades and colorations among these. And if one layers shades of gender on top of these sex differences, the possibilities are almost endless. Life is more interesting for being complex.

[bridgetta]

when crossdressed we are in a fantasy gender vague euphoria.. it is only logical that the fantasy partner would waiver in a similar unspecified gender... as it is seems most agree they are not interested in men.. I want to take it a step further and say.. that the desire that happens toward wanting a male to be attentive or whatever has more to do with society convention.. I think what crossdressers desire is attention.. to be worshipped a little.. the way a man worships and praises a woman. to be treated special profound and beautiful.. that type of internal self exhaltation is what a big part of crossdressing is.. to spend a bit of time in another state of mind.. .. girls are so cute and beautiful and mysterious.. as a man. i cant help but try to sherlock holmes some of that fascinating mystery and try to live it myself to appreciate and understand and experience it..

therefor.. it is the attention that we desire.. crossdressing is principally very lonely.. we are chasing a desire to be loved and worshipped "not in a bad way" .. and we crossdressers all suffer from this shitty idea that we cant tell anyone. go out in public etc etc.. it is very opposite our desire.. and therefor fantasy can take off from there..
historyically.. it is the man that chases the woman.. kisses her and makes love To her... a crossdress enjoys switching roles and wants to be the source of desire.. the actual expression of gender is a incidental and irrevelant. in fact i think the crossdress desire is more related to issues of self awareness and respect than to gender.. crossdressing men probably just want to experience a feeling of being special.. as a man. it can feel that we have to lift the heavy load. and then make love to the woman.. maybe we want to be made loved to.. its not that its a man.. its about crossdresser being able to experience that feeling..

i repeated and rambled a bit. but i really believe this is something to think about...

[Stephanie47]

I am 100% heterosexual. When I'm encountering men as a man, I have absolutely no attraction to a man. When I am out shopping or socializing, I'm totally drawn to women. My eye goes to their attire and makeup. Hey, GG's, why do women always compliment other women on their clothes, hair and makeup? I never seen men when meeting other guys compliment them on their after shave or clothes. To do so would suggest maybe you're gay.

Do I day dream about a relationship with a man when en femme? Sometimes, but, he is always faceless. Do I think about a sexual relationship with a beautiful woman when I encounter one? No! Why? Because I love my wife and I am still blinded by her radiant beauty, which is more than her beautiful eyes. Not every guy at any age is on the prowl for an encounter with a woman, contrary to the belief of many women.

I'll thrown in another slant on this discussion. When you actually do get your wife or SO into bed en femme, do you feel you are a lesbian? The same question to the GG's.

[docrobbysherry]

So, how can u tell if you're gay/bi or simply having harmless fantasies? I think it's quite simple!

If you ALWAYS imagine yourself as the female and you're with men, maybe it's a fantasy! Or maybe NOT!

If you're attracted to, or have fantasies about male parts, and your NOT a female in all those fantasies, you're most likely GAY or BI!

Also, fantasies r simply that! If u ACT on them, they r then NO LONGER FANTASIES!

[Valerie1973]

I understand those feelings. I have had a fantasy of being the girl on a date too, but just that. For me it's a part of the dressing up. A man would only be an accessory. Weird huh? The chivalrousness of doors being opened, being treated like a lady. Your not gay.

[Dami]

Very simple gay test. You see two men kissing giving each other full tongue. How does that make you feel?
:)
Kitty

How does that make any sense? I see that and I go "eeeeewwwwwww!"
But make it 2 hot lesbians and I go "Nice!"
and I wanna be in the middle of the 2 lesbians.

Dami

[Kittyagain]

How does that make any sense? I see that and I go "eeeeewwwwwww!"
But make it 2 hot lesbians and I go "Nice!"
and I wanna be in the middle of the 2 lesbians.

Dami

Well, you are not a gay man. The test worked. :)

Kitty

[StarrOfDelite]

Everyone has sexual fantasies, so merely having daydreams about being with a man is not an indication you are gay or even bi-sexual. I am relatively confident that the overwhelming percentage of gender girls have had fantasies about being with women, too, since every one of them with whom I've discussed the subject admits to it.

Also, there are infinite shades and nuances even among CD's who are sexually active with men. Some want to date men only when they are absorbed in their feminine personality, and some are interested in men 100% of the time. As Reine noted, some of those girls were interested in men before they started CD'ing. And, of course, there are CD's who are interested in men only when the man is another CD'er presenting en femme, which raises myriad other questions.

I think Abigail Evans hit the nail on the head when she wrote that the clothes are just window dressing, the real questions are how well do you know yourself and how far do you want to go to find out? And, you are the only one who can answer them.

It is a shame that there are so many shibboleths and taboos against sexual experimentation. It should be possible for a person to engage in male + male sex, and be able to make a decision on whether they enjoyed it or didn't, without running the risk of personal guilt feelings or societal and familial condemnation. Everyone has to travel their own path to the truth about themselves, and whether they want to risk the guilt and disapproval to learn that truth is unfortunately a much bigger deal than it should be in my opinion. I do think that there are a lot of crossdressers who would like to experiment with men if they had a safe option to return to a life of heterosexuality, but that's not the way life works in these United States. To be fair, I think that many of these people are married, and I don't condone extra-marital sexual experimentation without spousal acquiescence.

Sort of rambling here, but one of the things that convinced me personally to take the step into dating men is that I literally did a test on myself. I compared my reaction to straight porn movies, and imagining myself as the male, to my reaction to ******* porn movies, and imagining myself as the girl. I tried to take the commercial aspect out of the equation, and watched only those movies which portrayed romantic encounters. When I concluded that I was much more turned on by fantasizing about the things the transgender girl was experiencing physically and emotionally, than what the male with the gender girl was experiencing, is when I realized it was time to cross the line and go out in the real world to search for knowledge about who I really am. That was ten years ago, and it's been an ongoing process ever since. I don't think there are any quick answers

[bridgetta]

its about being the center of attention.. its about our feelings.. its about being touched.. vs touching.. .. that is feminine in some soceital view.. but its neccesary for all people.. i think crossdressers have it confused.. maybe we too kind and want to give and be good.. but somehow that translates into us denying our own feelings.. i think the crossdressing addresses this.by making us stop and meditate on the feeling of being.. the process of dressing is sensual and this opens a door to feeling and experiencing.. not just doing our job in life .. but feeling

[kimdl93]

In a word - No. Your sexual preference is not dictated by your attire. Don't be confused by the fantasies - they are just that. Almost every male has them at one point in life or another. That doesn't make them gay...just human.

[Lorileah]

Very simple gay test. You see two men kissing giving each other full tongue. How does that make you feel?
:)
Kitty

about the same as seeing a man and a woman doing that in public. That is not a test.:brolleyes:

If you see a man and he makes your heart skip a beat and you can only see being with him in a relationship, then you are gay (or Bi). dreaming of driving in the Indy500 does not make you a race driver. Dreaming of being a woman with a man does not make you gay (or bi). No more than dreaming that you ARE a woman makes you a woman.

The real test? If you have to ask if you are gay, you aren't

[sissystephanie]

Kim gave you the best answer you could get!! I will add that fantasies and reality are two entirely different things. Virtually all human beings have fantasies of one kind or another, but that is entirely natural. I was married for almost 50 years to a lady I still love very deeply, until I lost her to cancer. We had/have two wonderful children. And I did have fantasies about men when I was dressed! But I am certainly not "gay," or anyway near that! Most likely neither are you!!

[ErikaFunGirl]

It doesn't mean you are gay. It's just a fantasy, which we all love having. Thats what makes it so much fun and interesting.

[Josie M]

There have been many discussions about this and you are not alone. It is my impression based on other threads I've read here that your fantasy serves to emphasize your feelings of femininity more than indicate an attraction to any man. This is why he is faceless. He is a prop. If you should fantasize being with a woman while you are dressed, a part of you might feel more male compared to her, than when you compare yourself to the faceless man in your fantasy.

So, no. It doesn't mean that you are gay.

I'm just going to say that I think ReineD nailed it....

[MackenzieMarigold]

Liking boys (and identifying as male) makes you gay. I think it's that simple.

[NathalieX66]

Sex columnist Dan Savage said it best:
What we as people seek is variation.

IMHO, some things aren't easily definable.

When you decide you are no longer attracted to women, is probably a good indication that you're gay.
maybe pansexual is a better word. Anyway, what do I know? It's not an uncommon fantasy to be femme, and be attracted to men. Not my thing, but it happens. I've seen it .
Peace & love to all.

[Barbara Dugan]

Very simple gay test. You see two men kissing giving each other full tongue. How does that make you feel?
:)
Kitty


Right now if I see two men kissing each other...I would feel Lovesick because I don't have one to kiss:sad:

[Toni Citara]

Simple answer... if you have love for a man, sex with a man, and you are male, yet feel no attraction towards females... you're gay. If you have sex with men and women... you're bisexual.

I think too many people are hung up on the "gay" label for men. Why is it okay for a man to have two women in bed that engage in lots of fun, yet when a woman has two guys in bed and they all have similar fun - the guys are called "gay"??

You're not GAY!!! You are BISEXUAL!! Embrace your sexuality and find yourself before you wreck yourself and destroy your life.

If you're not gay, not bi - then you're hetero. If you are straight in drab-street clothes, yet feel like you want a "rooster" in your mouth when you're wearing a skirt... then you are probably bi.

I'm not sure why society finds it so sexy and hot to see two women going at it, but are repulsed by two guys doing the same thing. Human sexuality is what it is. When prejudice is gone, humanity will live with freedom.

Just my two pennies... YMMV.

[eluuzion]

As usual, the "correct" answer is always the one you choose to personally believe.
Here is my version...

[“Does a fantasy mean you are gay?”]
No, being a homosexual means you are gay.
Are you a homosexual? Lol

If our fantasies defined our “human reality“, I would have been institutionalized a long time ago. Lol

[“…so does that mean I am part hetro part gay…”]
No, we do not call that gay. We call it “gray”, lol.

[“…or are fantasies separate things from reality…?”]

- It is my belief that in the face-to-face real world, where consequences always follow action, YES. They are two separate things. Fantasies do not become reality until you transform cognition into physical action. I fantasize about becoming invisible, but people can still see me. I’ve fantasized about doing porn movies too, but that does not make me a porn star or cause people to think that I am.

- Judging from some threads on this forum, which exists on the Internet, which is a Disneyland “clone” of the real world, where you can be anybody you want to be and do anything you dream of “doing” without suffering any “consequences” (as in real life)… for some people…the answer appears to be…
NO, there is no separation between fantasy and reality…:heehee:. (I am not one of those people).

Here is my person perspective.
I feel that if the primary focus of your attraction and interest (fantasy as well as physical pursuits) is on the same biological sex, to the exclusion of the opposite sex you are likely “gay”. If it is a split to some degree between male and female, you are “bi”. If you do not take any type of action in the real world to clarify a strong attraction to something outside of the typical hetero attraction, you are “curious”. If you simply have a few fantasies/dreams/thoughts about the same sex, you have a healthy, open approach to other options in life that may not match your own choices.

Just my thoughts…:hugs:



:love:

[sanderlay]

Jessicajane wrote:
Does a fantasy mean you are gay?

No. I don't think so.

The "Gay" label has been way over used by some in negative ways in my view. Some people point to being to attentive their looks. Some label a person gay for hugging a person of the same gender. And the odd fantasy is in there as well. Etc...

What you need to ask yourself is... Without dressing... or playing a role... who are you attracted too?

If your heart skips a beat when you see an attractive man... you want to be intimate with a man... then you might be gay.

If your heart skips a beat when you see an attractive woman... you want to be intimate with a woman... then you might be heterosexual.

If your heart skips a beat when you see an attractive woman or man... you want to be intimate with a woman or man... then you might be bisexual.

I say "might" in every case because this is for you to decide... not anyone else.

Bottom line however is this... So what? Forget these crazy labels. I don't think it's wrong to experiment among consenting adults... and that includes your SO. Just be smart and about it. Don't go behind your SO's back for a fantasy.

[VioletJourney]

Sexuality isn't about what you ARE, it's about what you LIKE. Do you like women? Then you like women. Do you like men? Then you like men. Etc. Don't generalize your entire sense of self based on one stupid fantasy.

[KiwiHeather]

Like some here I am Hetero when in male mode and "lesbian" when enfemme.

Post removed to save embarrasment - nosey SO.

Heather

[Missy]

what makes you happy makes you gay lol old term of gay meant happy good feeling

[Julia_in_Pa]

What does it matter if your gay,straight, bi. Whatever?!!?

Just be you.

Don't get hung up on sexual orientation.

Far to many people freak out about this.

Just be you!!


Julia

[jillleanne]

Nope, just part of your fantasy. Normal on most standards. I have never fantasized about being with a man, but I did on occasion fantasize about being a woman sharing a toy. We all have our own fantasies.