Thoughts from reading: Annie 2345 I Came Out to Some Friend article!

[Dana921]

Hi All,

I did not want to take a chance on changing the great experience for Annie 2345! Also thought just sharing some thoughts, directed at no one person, for all to think about and come to their own conclusion as to what the right answer is for them!

After reading the great experience Annie had, thankfully, and a positive experience it was, but it also made me question WHY! Why would I be unable to believe that I could possibly be the only one that would care enough about my friends to offer support in their time of need but be unable to believe that they would be unwilling or unable to return the support to me? It’s like I cannot believe there is anyone of my friends that could possibly give as much of themselves to me as I give to them! Pretty arrogant and self-centered on my part. Now I am sure there are folks all of us are confident that we know would not accept our hidden side, but then are they really a friend? Friends reciprocate, or they become more folks we know, than friends at least as compared to our tighter circle. I was so pre-occupied with this dilemma I denied those friends I care about even a chance! I denied them the ability to share and reciprocate!

I know I am guilty of this because of the feeling of personal embarrassment, future job concerns, family beliefs, and a host of other thoughts. I chose to leave a life of about 50 years behind and start a new! Some thoughts made me believe that I had to make a clean break so I could really explore the path I want to choose. Some is simply a belief that no one I knew could or would possibly want to associate with me in any way after knowing my secret! Upon reflection, I believe I lessened, even eliminated, the willing contribution and support from people I really call a friend and had helped them in their moments of need without a second thought. I believe I allowed a cynicism into me that I fear I may fully regret in my journey later! Once again I placed a wall somewhere not needed or wanted and made it a challenge for me to overcome.

This is rhetorical and does not need a reply to me, but additional thoughts are always welcomed!

Dana

[MackenzieMarigold]

Now I am sure there are folks all of us are confident that we know would not accept our hidden side, but then are they really a friend?

This is something that kills me everyday. There are so many people, mainly at work, that I socialize with a lot. But I know most of them would either think I'm some kind of a weirdo or not accept me at all. I really hate it, but I suppose that's a fact of things.

I suppose it's better to be hated for who you really are rather than be loved for the image you broadcast to the world...

[AllieSF]

Interesting topic. I think we all have a lot of friends who are really just acquaintances. True friends are not really all that common for a lot of us. My life once out of high school back in the dark ages has been one of almost constant relocations. So, I have a lot of acquaintances, but not many friends. I still have some good high school friends that I hardly ever communicate with and who may or may not be my safe harbor in time of rough seas, or my confident when trying to deal with a life impacting issue, e.g. transgenderism. So, when deciding to come out to someone, it really does help to be honest with ourselves as to where the intended target fits as a friend or an acquaintance. Sometimes it is easier to be honest with a complete stranger, or even an acquaintance than it is to a true friend. Sometimes for us to come out, means that we need to tell someone, maybe just anyone, to hear those honest words come out of our own mouths, somewhat like a confession. We hope for acceptance, but really only need a good ear. I feel that I am in a position where there is no need to come out to anyone who really knows my male only side. Yes, it would be nice to share this side of me with someone I already know, but for me there is no real "need" (besides maybe an inner desire) to confess to them because the potential negatives far outweigh any self satisfying benefits. I am not in conflict over this at all. What I would like, and what is best, in this case, for me are two totally different things.

[Kittyagain]

Your post does make one think of what friends they have and how they would react. Friends are birds of a feather wouldn't you say? We label them as friends for our personal reasons but it comes down to seeing something in them that we accept as good. Maybe we are more like our friends than we want to admit.

Kitty

[kimdl93]

I've had my friends tested in the most crude and clumsy way. My ex (who had been accepting until I did something stupid and unrelated to CDing) outed me, during the heat of the divorce, to many of my family members, friends and co-workers. I was mortified at the time, but I am happy to say that I can't think of any friends I lost as a result, nor any family members who disassociated themselves from me. So, either I have an unusually accepting and openminded circle of family and friends, or maybe people are capable of more than we think.

[*Vanessa*]

This is a strange thread. Rhetorical only but thoughts welcomes! How does one participate? No wonder some blondes (Karren) grow our ears out.. :D

[Sarah Doepner]

I think I'm to the point now where I don't feel the need to share my crossdressing with old friends because I have other outlets for this social side of my world. But eventually I will share this with my adult children and my oldest friends. I expect my old friends to accept me and then give me a hard time on occasion, just because that's what we do. My adult children will accept me, but they will have concerns for their children's world view. It will be an interesting time but the walls that I built around me have been crumbling as I've grown to better understand what I do and who I seem to be. Good luck to us all.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Try to consider that you need not be ashamed. Shame is a mind killer. You are not arrogant or self centered.

Accept yourself. If you have nothing to be ashamed of, you have nothing to fear ..

[PretzelGirl]

Fear is a built in safety barrier. Listen to all your fears. But also, you can work through them to understand the reason they exist. Then if they all fall to the wayside as you address them, you will then be able to move forward with confidence.