My SO and Hormones (from a GG with questions)

[Mybfthecd]

I am very new to all of this, and I have a question that has been bothering me lately.

I have been with my SO for 7 months and everything is going really well. He told me about his crossdressing early in our relationship, and I am completely supportive, even if it is not what I had been expecting when we started dating. However, I recently found out that he has been taking low doses of hormones. He says that this makes him feel more feminine when dressing, but it really bothers me.

We are talking about the future, and how we both want to have a family, and I am wondering if this is going to affect our ability to do that... It's just frustrating me that he is taking these without regard for the possible side effects. Can anyone explain to me why he feels the need to take hormones when he only dresses occasionally?

[JohnH]

I don't blame you for feeling upset, particularly when you and your SO want children.

I myself am too old to take on the responsibility of bringing up children, and my wife does not have sex with me due to her health. So I feel free (with my wife's approval) to take hormones. Some of the side effects of m2f hormones: 1. Impotence 2. Infertility

I feel a very calming effect of being on hormones so I can understand why your SO might want to take them. However, if he and you want to start a family, I really think he needs to lay off of the hormones.

Johanna

[sissystephanie]

I think you two need to have some serious talks about him taking female hormones and his crossdressing. They can and will affect his natural body mechanisms if he keeps taking them for very long. The major question is why does he take them? I know he said that it makes him feel more feminine when dressing, but that cannot be true!! Even a full doise of hormones would not have a reaction that fast! You need to find out what his long term goal of crossdressing is. I have been a crossdresser for the better part of 70 years, and have never taken any hormones at all!! And I never will, since I have no desire to actually be a woman. I just like to dress like one, and my late wife (of almost 50 years) knew about my crossdressing and fully supported me. The reason she did was because she always knew that I was her MAN no matter what clothes I was wearing!! If he truly loves you he will quit taking the hormones!!

[Shaila Storm]

It make me jealous to here you say that your so supportive of your SO because I know all CD's dream of that but to tell you the truth I don't have much experience with hormones because I don't take them but if I was to want to take them I would have other planes for my life. Sincerely Hormones do not make you feel fem they actually alter you body so I thinks that you should have another sincere chat with him to see where he want to take this this way you still have away out if you choose out. To want a family is a very big commitment and it has to be from the heart. I welcome you to the forum and I hope you fine your answer here.

Shaila

[Kate T]

1. Denial (i.e. he perhaps is truly transexual)
2. Pink Fog (i.e. he BELIEVES it is making him feel more feminine so in a way it is)
3. It genuinely does make him feel more feminine and he likes it.

In any case he needs to
A. Talk to YOU about it.
B. Talk to a medical practitioner. As has been pointed out, hormones will markedly alter fertility and the ability to have a family.

[Allsteamedup]

I joined the TSDoItYourselfHormones site (Yahoo group) two tears ago.

Low dose hormones can be prescribed to make a cder feel more feminine and calm. You give the impression that your boyfriend is doing this without supervision, which, in spite of it's name is not what the site would promote.
Cders are not admired on there. Some come on wanting to grow breasts, apparently not prepared to think about the effects on fertility and their general appearance (not just breasts).

If you took a look at the site you would get an overall picture of the mindset of someone willing to take hormones whether to transition or not. Then in discussions with your boyfriend you would be aware where on the spectrum he lies.

It is disturbing that you had to find these hormones without his telling you. If you find his answers less than definitive, why don't you arrange to see a gender therapist together. This could be helpful to you both.
Don't sit there worrying about things that might not happen. Knowledge can also be very useful in this area.

[jillleanne]

Sounds like the lines of communiation are broken on his end. Rule no. one in a supportive relationship: no secrets. He has broken the rule and needs to come clean on his gender issues. He needs to explain to you where he intends to go with this in the future. Honesty is acceptable, anything else is not. If he decides he neds to keep certain parts of his gender expression a secret, the relationship most likely will fail. Most gender enhanced males would give their eye teeth for a gg like you and your s/o should realize this also. He needs to stop being so self centred.

[Kate Simmons]

Taking hormomes is definately not a good idea for the previous stated reasons. He needs to address his priorities as to what is more important to him. Being alone is one thing but having an SO and a potential family is another ball game altogether.

[gabimartini]

Hormones, whatever the dosage, should NEVER be taken without medical supervision. Never ever. They are powerful chemicals that can alter much more than just physical appearance. Some of the internal changes can be irreversible and very damaging. Also, there's increased risk of a stroke, heart attack, formation of blood clots and cardiovascular diseases. It's important to emphasize that what works for one individual may not work the same way for another, hence the need of a qualified doctor and constant evaluation.

As for your particular situation, it's hard to say why he is doing it. I don't think feminine hormones necessarily make genetic males feel feminine. Calmer, maybe, depending on what they are on, how much and for how long. More feminine, not sure. What to say about youth who have gender dysphoria and feel trapped in the wrong body without ever having ingested one ounce of opposite sex hormones? Heck, I sometimes feel feminine and I have never taken feminine hormones. And I'll tell you, my masculine side can be pretty aggressive.

Anyway, my two cents: perhaps it's time for you both to sit down and talk about your expectations and plans for the future, as his seem to be straying a bit from yours. Instead of trying to figure out why he takes hormones, you need to figure out how it affects you and whether you want to live with the consequences and compromises that you will have to make in order to be part of this relationship. What is he willing to compromise and commit to in order to have you in his life? Think about it.

Good luck!

[JulieK1980]

Taking hormones without clear observation from a doctor can quite bluntly kill him. Either blood clots leading to stroke or heart attack or cancer a couple years down the road. He NEEDS to see a doctor.

[kimdl93]

I would question his notion that taking low dose hormones - limited to only when he's dressed - makes him feel anything at all. My guess is that if he's feeling anything its a placebo effect....and sugar pills.

Is it safe to assume that he's not doing this under a doctor's supervision? If so, he needs to stop before he does himself harm.

[simplyme]

Have a calm talk where there are no distractions. Share what you've learned in a way that makes him feel informed and not threatened.

[teri222]

I fully agree with all the above advise and comments. I have benn dressing for about 50 years.
I've been married to a wonderful woman for over 47 years who has always tried to be supportive.
However, as much as I love to "dress" I have always put our family and our personal relationship
first. As others have said and I agree, complete honesty between both of you is the only way
to go. Best of luck to you, Terilynn

[J'lyn GG]

IMO, there is no reason for someone who is 'only' a cder to take hormones. Especially a part time cder.

And, unfortunately, if he has been taking them without your knowledge, I would be concerned about his overall attitude with cding and boundaries.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i would never say what a person "is" or "isn't"...but at a minimum, your SO is breaking boundries and introducing a lack of trust into things... to lie to you after getting your support is a warning sign, and a big one.

there is a good chance that your SO is trying to cope with being transsexual..in that case its about more than trust..
we deny it, we lie, we take chances, we become self absorbed, we suffer depression, and we make promises that we can't keep, all to avoid the truth...,,
figuring it out is often incremental up to an OMG moment...sorry if thats tough to hear..but its the truth, you might as well hear it now.

CD's can try HRT too of course..but if this is whats going on he is not respecting you by keeping it from you. CD's also engage is risky behavior, but only on a part time basis.
I can't speak to whether it makes sense for a cd to experiment with hormones..if you don't block testosterone, there are very variable and often only modest results..
I'm not aware if modest amounts are something to worry about health wise, but i do know its something as his SO you should be very concerned about...

[ReineD]

Your boyfriend is playing with fire. HRT is not selective. You can't take it "just for mild breast growth" for example and not have it affect anything else.

Wikipedia has a pretty good article about the effects of HRT on genetic males:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone_replacement_therapy_(male-to-female)

Either your bf is transsexual and he does want to change his body to be more in line with who she feels she is inside, or he is a CDer in a major pink fog, who rationalizes that he can feminize himself "just a little bit" by taking the hormones.

If you're not familiar with the term "pink fog", have a look at some of the threads here:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=pink+fog

[Maddie22]

I have actually heard of situations where doctors have prescribed HRT in low dosages to patients that are not desiring to transition. It helps settle a little bit of anxiety even some crossdressers feel, but not to feel more feminine when dressed.

I would talk to your SO about the situation and see if he is prescribed by a doctor.

[Kittyagain]

Ask yourself a couple of questions thinking back to the time you have been together.
Have you noticed a reduced sex drive in him?
Is his energy level down to where is lethargic?
These are not signs you want if you are thinking family.

Of course he could be taking the breast pills so common on the internet and they most likely will do nothing but cost him money.

Like most everybody else has said. You two need to talk.

Kitty

[Vickie_CDTV]

In addition to the risks of hormones, the lack of trust and honesty is a huge issue. If he has such disregard for you, I'd really think twice about having children with him, not just for your sake, but for the children (who have no choice in anything) too.

[Andrea's Lynne]

I don't have better answers than posted above, but do wish you peace and resolution with your SO over this.

[Aprilrain]

Have you noticed a reduced sex drive in him?
Is his energy level down to where is lethargic?


While some people experience a reduced sex drive others simple experience a reduced ability to function sexually but the drive is still there.
I have not experienced any lethargy on HRT I think that is a myth nor does it make any sense at all. Most of the time its the MEN sitting on there asses doing nothing while the WOMEN run around all day and take care of the home as well!

That being said, unless he is on a transition levels of hormones AND an anti androgen (differs for everyone) he is not likely to experience many if any physical changes.

Though I agree one cannot take estrogen and expect to "feel" more feminine, on the proper amount and for an extended period of time it WILL change your emotional nature and the way one thinks. Mostly I think E and T just cause one to prioritize information differently.

bottom line, dude is lying to you for sure and probably to himself as well. I would seriously reconsider starting a family unless you are ok with being married to and having kids with some one who at the very least has serious unresolved gender issues and or is possibly transsexual (meaning he will want to transition and live full time as a female in the future!)

[MsJanessa]

Although lots of people take them on their own, the safest way is to see an endocrinologist---he or she can answer your questions and youre right to be concernced because often times the effects are irreversible.