Comment: My Husband/Boyfriend is "All Man".

[Toni Citara]

Every once in a while I will be with somebody from work, social groups, etc., and meals out at a restaurant happen, and whenever a MTF CD is seen, the women seem to invariably make a comment that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would NEVER be caught dead wearing women's clothing. I have a habit of playing devil's advocate and point out that the guy in drag is "All Man", he was born a male, and regardless of what he is wearing, underneath that lovely dress, beautiful wig, and behind that impeccable make-up, he is still "All Man".

The conversation takes a variety of lanes throughout whatever time it takes place, some women eventually say it is okay for anybody to do whatever they want, however they would never permit their man crossdressing, some even say they would divorce him, out him to family and friends, etc.

Depending on the situation and the people involved, I may keep up the defense of CD'ing, or just let it drop.

There have also been times when I've been asked if I wear women's clothing, (presumably based on my defense of CD'ers), and depending on the people, I either say "NO" or I would say "...well, this one time at band camp..." (LOL... inside joke). Only until the past two or three years have I shared my CD life with a handful of friends, all female. All of them, except one, accepts that I have a side that likes soft, sexy things.

Sorry... got distracted for a moment. LOL

Anyway, how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress?

Ever have a similar conversation to what I discusses, supra?

[Jodi]

For as many closeted cd's as there are, noone really knows what someone does behind closed doors. Their "all man" SO just might be one of them.

Jodi

[Christina Horton]

I defend the CD in question and if they keep talking about it I tell them I'm CD. Then the education begins.

[Aprilrain]

I'm pretty sure MOST people would rather LIVE if the options were wear some silly cloths or die!

[docrobbysherry]

U have to remember, MOST folks r insecure, some more, some less, with their, or their SO's sexuality! Or, sexual ABILITY in many cases! Which often r confused by vanilla folks!

None of my friends have every mentioned, " Bla bla is all man", in my presence. If they did, honestly, I'd be concerned about their sex life!

In my opinion, as one who started dressing at age 50, someone who is "all man" would be ok dressing up as a female for a party, play, or special event. But, would get NOTHING out of doing that! Just as I didn't, dressing up one Halloween with my ex, many years ago!

[Cynthia Anne]

A comment like that always irks me to no end! But then there's me! I'm all female! I just have a male side! [outside that is!:heehee:] Hugs!

[KellyJameson]

Only an insecure woman concerned about her image in the eyes of other women would need to treat the man as an object for her glorification. These mindless superficial types are only so much cow dung and should be treated as such. In my humble opinion of course.

[ErikaFunGirl]

If only those women knew that some of there own guys are cross dressing too.

[Leslie Langford]

Toni, insofar as I am concerned, I never had any doubts about my masculinity. Maybe that's because I am a crossdresser and I have options in the way I express my gender identity, unlike the macho types for whom this is an all or nothing proposition which then feeds their insecurities.

When I was still dating, most girls tended to look upon me as a friend or a brother, and not necessarily as potential boyfriend material whom they would be willing to have hot monkey sex with in due course. Maybe this was because more of my softer side subconsciously seeped out than I realized, and their intuition picked up on this as they were more into "bad boys" at the time - this being a phase that many women go through until they finally see the light. On the other hand, I was always the guy whose shoulders they would cry on when their macho boyfriends treated them like crap, which seems to go with the territory. So much for being a "Man's Man" in that alpha male type of way.

Some of them eventually got smart and saw those once-intriguing "bad boys" for the misogynist losers they really were, while others married them much to their eventual regret and ended up divorcing them. So to your point about these women bragging about their "All Man" husbands or SO's - I wonder what they are trying to cover up with regard to their relationship and what really goes on behind closed doors. I'm sure that there are plenty of downsides being married to one of these knuckle-dragging Neanderthals that they will never admit to for fear of losing face.

[Eryn]

Anyway, how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress?

My response would be that it takes one heck of a confident man to wear a dress. :)

[suchacutie]

I don't hear this comment often, but when I do I simply smile to myself and thank the Maker that I didn't somehow end up married to one of those airheads! Do they really think that someone's "manliness" is linked to the clothes that they wear? How foolish is that????

tina

[Dixie]

How ignorant of them to say so lol :)

[jillleanne]

I usually ask them to define, " all man ". I then ask them if Rock Hudson or Rick Mercer are 'all man'. Soon the woman wants to change the subject and generally, takes a longterm slight dislike for me. Oh, she won't say it, but I can tell (Call it woman's intuition. lol).

[Tina B.]

How about something like " he may not be all man, but she has great taste in style!
Tina B.

[kimdl93]

I guess I've never heard that. Mostly, I hear second hand comment, related by my wife, stuff like, I wish my husband would help around the house, make me breakfast, etc.

My aunt once asked me if I'd like her to buy me nylons...before I thought anyone knew about my little hobby. That kinda freaked me out!

[NicoleScott]

Many wives, including accepting ones, do not want others to know that their husbands crossdress. "All man" comments may be an agressive defensive mechanism.

[TGMarla]

Maybe her husband IS all man. I'm all human. I embrace both sides of what humanity has to offer. Does that mean that people who are "all man" or "all woman" are only half-human? Hmmmm......maybe not, but I find it humorous to entertain the thought. That crossdresser might well be "all man" when he's not en femme, too.

But there are people, like perhaps this woman you speak of, who are truly heterosexual, and are attracted to the extreme characteristics of their spouses. Maybe this woman's husband exudes masculinity, and she likes that. She still shouldn't pour her derision on people who are different. But if her man is "all man", and she likes that, then I don't have a problem with her feeling that way. But I'd point out to her that this does not make the crossdresser any less of a man, or a person. She's probably a very good person, in fact.

[GingerLeigh]

What is a REAL man anyway? Someone who adheres to societies stringent rules on how males should behave? A follower?

A "stereotypical" male I think, is not someone that would make a good lifelong mate. A woman that proclaims such nonsense is either hopelessly living in a fantasy world, completely ignorant of reality, or is someone who will be forever single for whatever reason. A woman that is or has been married to the stereotypical "mans man" likely wouldn't be boasting about their mate.

My 2 cents anyhoo.

Ginger

[sometimes_miss]

the women seem to invariably make a comment that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would NEVER be caught dead wearing women's clothing.
They also insist that their husbands never cheat, and hate to look at playboy magazines. Shows you how well most women know their husbands.

[Debglam]

"All man. . ." LOL. What a load of crap, IMHO.

First, I hear "all man" and I think of one of the mouth-breathing cavemen like some of the husbands on Housewives of New Jersey. Now THAT is something to aspire to!

[Debglam]

Only an insecure woman concerned about her image in the eyes of other women would need to treat the man as an object for her glorification. These mindless superficial types are only so much cow dung and should be treated as such. In my humble opinion of course.

Yeah, I agree. I think it is a self-image problem, but there is a male side to it also. I have a close friend who dated a series of amazingly smart and talented women (pretty too). He would break it off everytime. He finally settled on a "bimbo" because he couldn't be happy with a woman that was his equal, let alone his better. Just crazy.

[t-girlxsophie]

Is there an exact definition of a fella who is "All Man" would I a crossdressing husband be less of A Man than my Wifes ex bfs/ex husbands one a serial cheater and the other a Wife Beater? are they classed as "real men"? Of Course they are not,so wat is a Real Man,I'm sure we would all like to know

Sophie

[Kittyagain]

I can think of two occasions when I heard a woman describe her husband as "All Man". These same two women, during wine induced discussions of orgasms, have described their husbands as "I got mine. What's your problem?" kind of guys.

Kitty

[Paula_56]

"Oh all man, I'm sorry thats too bad"

[shayleetv]

My wife and I walk the roads in our city cemetery because it is beautiful and we are never more than a couple of hundred yards from our car if we get tired of walking. The other day my wife commented on one of the headstones that read "He was a real man". She thought that what she could put on my headstone would be "He was a real man who could look beautiful". Androgynous kind of a statement yet to those who know would create a smile.

[NathalieX66]

First, I hear "all man" and I think of one of the mouth-breathing cavemen like some of the husbands on Housewives of New Jersey. Now THAT is something to aspire to!

Easy there. :doh: I'm a NJ resident, though I know what you mean.
I'm still perplexed at this current fashion trend among men to get shaped eyebrows, which I seem to see a lot around here these days.

[Meg East]

I love people who say "wouldn't permit" their SO to do something. I wonder what the so is doing which isn't "permitted"?
I try to avoid narrow minded controlling people; life is too short.

[DominiqueinKY]

I defend the CD in question and if they keep talking about it I tell them I'm CD. Then the education begins.

I agree...and my wife or I usually have the phone ringing off the hook for days wanting sex advice! Lol

[marlaNYC]

a restaurant i used to frequent had a regular social circle and most of the women there were like that, and their men made sure that everyone knew that the were 'the **** of the north' (old English phrase essentially meaning the studly male).

yet when it came round to special events, those guys would be the first to dress up in drag and their ladies were so proud of their strutting, comical peacocks. me and my ex would often talk about me dressing up for one of these events, but we knew (from subtle questioning) that my presence en femme would have somehow made it seedy and destroyed their fun. nasty bunch of hypocrites, they were.

[SarahLynn]

.... some women eventually say it is okay for anybody to do whatever they want, however they would never permit their man crossdressing, some even say they would divorce him, out him to family and friends, etc.

I have never heard such a comment but my first question to such a "lady" would be to ask if she has any of her husbands shirts, sweatshirts/pants, etc., in her closet or has she worn such recently. If the answer to this question was YES, I'd then accuse her of being a crossdresser. I would then ask why if it's okay for her to crossdress it isn't okay for her husband (or the man in question) to do so. Make her feel guilty and slightly ashamed for her behaviour and accusations.

SarahLynn

[SmileS12]

I think I remember once in the words of Tyler Perry. It takes a man to walk up in here and where a dress and pull it off. LOL Sorry, when I read these posts, that's just all I could think of.

Toodles,
Eve

[Piora]

A woman I knew a long time ago told me that "her man" was a "Man's Man" and would never show compassion, or cry at movies or at other situations in life where other people would show actual feelings. I knew at the time that this "Man" regularly beat the crap out of her on an almost daily basis....but here she was being proud of this neanderthal. It always baffles me how so many women are attracted to these kinds of meathead types.


I think I remember once in the words of Tyler Perry. It takes a man to walk up in here and wear a dress and pull it off.
It's ok that he would wear the dress, but I'd draw the line at him "pulling it off" - that would just be wrong! :heehee:

[ReineD]

Anyway, how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress?

I take it their understanding of the crossdressing is limited, just like most people out there (including the CDers themselves, before they find sites such as this one). People do become influenced by media stereotypes. I was talking to someone the other day and asked if she or her husband would think the CDing was such an issue if they had grown up in a neighborhood where half the men were crossdressers, and it was considered the norm. The answer was no.

So, when I hear people say they think it's weird, I know in my heart that if their husbands ever came out to them, and the wives took the time to read, learn, and talk to others, they'd eventually develop a more realistic attitude about it all.

[Sophie86]

Every once in a while I will be with somebody from work, social groups, etc., and meals out at a restaurant happen, and whenever a MTF CD is seen, the women seem to invariably make a comment that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would NEVER be caught dead wearing women's clothing. I have a habit of playing devil's advocate and point out that the guy in drag is "All Man", he was born a male, and regardless of what he is wearing, underneath that lovely dress, beautiful wig, and behind that impeccable make-up, he is still "All Man".

The conversation takes a variety of lanes throughout whatever time it takes place, some women eventually say it is okay for anybody to do whatever they want, however they would never permit their man crossdressing, some even say they would divorce him, out him to family and friends, etc.

Depending on the situation and the people involved, I may keep up the defense of CD'ing, or just let it drop.

There have also been times when I've been asked if I wear women's clothing, (presumably based on my defense of CD'ers), and depending on the people, I either say "NO" or I would say "...well, this one time at band camp..." (LOL... inside joke). Only until the past two or three years have I shared my CD life with a handful of friends, all female. All of them, except one, accepts that I have a side that likes soft, sexy things.

Sorry... got distracted for a moment. LOL

Anyway, how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress?

Ever have a similar conversation to what I discusses, supra?

Only a man would find it exciting to go out dressed like a woman. :/

[SherriePall]

I have never been involved in a discussion about "real men" or even overheard one. Maybe, my hearing is going. But that's another story. I just wonder if my wife were ever involved in such a discussion prior to my outing myself to her nearly a dozen years ago. When I told her she said she never had a clue. I guess, therefore, that I am a "real man" or "man's man."

[kellycan27]

Only an insecure woman concerned about her image in the eyes of other women would need to treat the man as an object for her glorification. These mindless superficial types are only so much cow dung and should be treated as such. In my humble opinion of course.

So because my perception of what makes a "man a man" is somewhat different than yours that makes me some kind of insecure bitch? I think it's funny when people trot out "sterotypical" male behavior and seeminly apply it to ALL men. I am sure that there are no cross dressers who when not in gilrly mode never act in what some believe to be stereotypical of men. You are men too after all. Personally i don't have a problem with your wearing panties and bras and breast forms, discussing your make believe breasts, getting professional fitting for same, shaving off your body hair, getting your brows shaped, doing your make up, tucking your junk, learning to walk,talk, sit and pee like a girl. I don't have a problem with your sexual fantasies about being treated as a woman when dressed and being 110 percent heterosexual when you're in drab. I don't have a problem with your being a male "lesbian", or which restroom you frequent. What I do have a problem with is the fact that a lot of you feel that just becasue a woman doesn't fully embrace or maybe not even like your cross dressing even one little bit... she is to blame. She is the one who is remiss. When you keep it a secret and get caught... she's the one with the problem.. not you. She's uneducated, homo or trans phobic. While i don't have an issue with what you do, it's not something that I find even remotely appealing in any way shape or form ewwwwww! in a relationship. It in no way jibes with my own perception of how a man acts.
I have voiced this ( my opinion) more than a few times on these boards, and people have asked me... How can you feel that way? You're a transsexual, how can you be prejudice about your fellow transgendered peers? How can I be called prejudice if I support your right to do what you do? It's just not something that I find appealing in a husband or SO. As a transsexual I know all about rejection .. I have been rejected by a lot of men, and I have come to understand that people have different opinions, likes, dislikes and perceptions. Just because they don't agree with my own personal views.. it doesn't make them heartless, uncaring, insecure people, it just makes them human. The world doesn't revolve around your cross dressing, or my trans sexuality. I find it ironic that people talk shit about people who talk shit about them. Your intolerance of them mimics their intolerance of you. I also find it a bit ironic that people who say that they are comfortable with their masculinity seem to feel the need to staunchly defend it should it be questioned.

[Sammy777]

Only an insecure woman concerned about her image in the eyes of other women would need to treat the man as an object for her glorification. These mindless superficial types are only so much cow dung and should be treated as such. In my humble opinion of course.

WOW! Talk about the double standard here.

I find it funny, no more sad really, you think women who do what you describe above are nothing more then mindless superficial bitches

But when a MAN does the EXACT same thing it is called having a Trophy Wife and he gets nothing but praise for it.

[Jennifer H]

Lets describe a man that's all man.

Probably a guy who likes Hunting, Shooting & fishing, drives a big fast car, has a wife and 2.1 kids and likes to put on woman's clothes at every possible opportunity but keeps it a secret from his wife and family so she can say "my husbands all man and would never do anything like that".

xxx Jenny

[Debglam]

So because my perception of what makes a "man a man" is somewhat different than yours that makes me some kind of insecure bitch?

Kelly,

IMO, I don't think that is what Kelly Jameson was saying. Nothing to do with trans at all. There are women and men whose self-image is completely wrapped around who they are dating or married to. This is the definition of insecurity. I know both types. One only has to look at the packs of losers, male and female, on these "Real Housewives" shows for examples.


But when a MAN does the EXACT same thing it is called having a Trophy Wife and he gets nothing but praise for it.


Exactly(!) and equally as wrong.

In a healthy relationship both people stand on their own two feet and support each other. (I'm not a therapist but I play one on TV. . .) :)

[SmileS12]

I agree with what I think is Who Cares. What is all man to be honest, anymore than what is all woman. You are who you are, you become what your feel, and you do what you do either because you have to, or you really want to. So my vibe on this all man thing is just silly. I remember when I was working someone told my friend he was gay, he said, yes and I'm more woman than you'll ever be, and I'm more man than you'll ever get. We are just people. In several posts people get mad at labels, and I think labels are what cause arguments. All Man is just a label, just like Alpha male, TG/TS/MTF/FTM etc, etc, etc. My wife see's the Cardinal catcher on the field Molina, and goes crazy, etc. etc. etc. it doesn't make me mad at all. I just smile at her, because she's still sitting next to me, knowing I am like I am. Some people believe living a CD life without telling your partner is a lie. It's like in a 100 years is it going to make a difference? In two years, two months, or even 2 days, is it going to make a difference. Probably not, and if it does, you didn't have a relationship anyway! Honestly! It must have all been fake, or a need to fill a need.

Toodles,
Eve

[ReineD]

What is all man to be honest, anymore than what is all woman.

This is true. There is such a wide variety among personality types and it's impossible to account for every difference in just one short description. So when people hear "all man" or "all woman" they mentally assign their own image and unless they have a specific person in mind, they'll simply adhere to stereotypes and generalities. But if you should ask each woman in a room to describe what are the "manly" qualities about her partner that she loves, you'd see quite a variance in all the descriptions. For example, there'd be some women who feel that a manly man has such a strong sense of himself, that he would not be apologetic about being nurturing.

I agree though, most women would not assign wearing dresses to manly qualities. But, as a SO of a CDer, I can easily see my partner's manly qualities even though he does wear dresses, just as I can see her womanly qualities. (Well, actually I tend to see them all as human qualities, just as I do my own). But this is because I've taken the time to learn about this in greater depth than I would have, had he not been a CDer, and because of this I've been able to move beyond the stereotypical image of what "all man" or "all woman" means. :)

So, it's a question of taking the time to think about this in greater depth.

[Debglam]

Well, actually I tend to see them all as human qualities, just as I do my own.

Yup. Isn't that what we should all be moving towards?

[ReineD]

Yup. Isn't that what we should all be moving towards?

I think that overall, the members of trans-communities do have a broader definition than do people who've never been exposed to gender variance. As with anything, it just takes exposure to something new before people can learn about it.

[SmileS12]

Originally Posted by Debglam
Yup. Isn't that what we should all be moving towards?
I think that overall, the members of trans-communities do have a broader definition than do people who've never been exposed to gender variance. As with anything, it just takes exposure to something new before people can learn about it.

Just as you said here, but for many people that haven't aren't interested due to the fact that they are afraid how it might turn out, or that they might feel that it would incriminate them. I know it took me a long time to get where I am, and I feel I have a long way to go, but may never get to where I want to be due to being held back by my own SO. If people would just stop worrying about what their friend thought, they might find their real friends. Well that's a story for another forum.

[Rachel Morley]

.. how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress?
I feel sorry for the dude as he is shutting out a life experience that he might even find enjoyable or at the very least, perhaps educational.

[sanderlay]

... Anyway, how do you feel when you hear somebody say that their husband/boyfriend is "All Man" and would rather die than wear a dress? ...

I have mixed feelings about this. I would rather hear from the person in question than hear it second hand. It borders on gossip... and misinformation. Most of the time my response is to change the subject or politely leave.

But this subject is close to my heart. I might engage the other person hoping to share my insights and experiences using myself as the subject material. When a person sees me in a skirt and other feminine attire it tends to be the catalysis for conversation.

Being a GM, genetic male, I do have some feelings on this subject. But I agree with Eryn who wrote:



My response would be that it takes one heck of a confident man to wear a dress.

But instead of talking about her husband/boyfriend... or wife/girlfriend... turn the issue to him or her. What would she wear or not? Or... What would he wear or not? Why?