The risk for a closet CD going out dressed

[KarenS]

I am still mostly closeted.

Yesterday on the way home I was involved in an accident. I am okay - only harm is some soreness and two strawberries on one knee, and some minor control issues with the fingers on one hand - but improving fast.

As for the car - well, it won't be going down the road again unless it is on a wrecker. It could have been much worse, and I could have been dressed.

But, it made me stop to think about something my wife has said a couple times. She has expressed fear that I go out dressed in case something happens. She is afraid that if something happens - an accident or a ticket, or some other issue crops up, that I may embarrass her or my daughters if I am found dressed as Karen or even under dressed.

I would never want to embarrass any of them but have an extreme urge to occasionally get out en-femme.

Do any of you harbor similar fears? Does your SO express similar fears? How do you handle it? :sad:

[RiverdanceGirl]

I'm told that quite a lot of 'males' who end up in the ER are underdressed. It depends who says it but it's on average about 5% (their figures). Medical staff are not really bothered about your clothing, they've seen it all. If it gets in the way they'll cut the clothing off. But I do have to admit that my parents instilled a fear in me that I'd end up in the hospital someday in less than perfectly pristine underwear and they made me carry clean socks in my pockets just incase.

I'm just glad that you are okay.

[Toni Citara]

Well... add this little thought to the world of paranoia as a crossdresser...

When you go to sleep at night wearing a slip, teddy, stockings, etc., what happens if you don't wake in the morning? The wife, kids, whomever, whips off the covers to find your lifeless body laying there, in drag. After you're dead and they find your hidden treasures... what will they think? Will they still love you? Hate you??

Karen, we all go through similar thoughts and fears. On one level it is easy to say "fvck it, I am who I am" and at the same time, the fear of hurting, embarrassing, and shocking those we love is a horrendous thought.

I do not have an answer. Perhaps nobody has an answer.

[Karren H]

I never think of what could happen when out enfemme. I refuse to burden my life or be limited by what could be.. Life's too short.

[pennylee]

where is the "like" button for karen hutton's post

[Dannigirl]

Not too bothered like most, if it gets to the point that I need an ambulance then the colour and material of my panties doesn't matter much. I do however carry my "emergency bag" with me that includes a full change of male clothes, baseball hat, make up remover cloths etc... everything to change back if need be. We live in a tight neigbourhood and my next door neighbour is a big burly mans man type of guy and he is pretty much the only person I do not wish to get caught by.

[cdsara]

you never know your big burly neighbor may have the same secret.
As for being scared about it I agree, but if we are to afraid to go out that way then we never will and we might as well throw all our stuff away and forget the whole thing.

[LeaP]

Fears? No, but I do think about it. There have been a few things I learned about relatives after they passed away that affected how I thought about them, and that bothers me. I don't want to burden my children (particularly) in that way. I do want to be free to be myself, though, more so all the time, it seems.

Lea

[Anna Lorree]

I'm told that quite a lot of 'males' who end up in the ER are underdressed. It depends who says it but it's on average about 5% (their figures). Medical staff are not really bothered about your clothing, they've seen it all. If it gets in the way they'll cut the clothing off. But I do have to admit that my parents instilled a fear in me that I'd end up in the hospital someday in less than perfectly pristine underwear and they made me carry clean socks in my pockets just incase.

I'm just glad that you are okay.

I have been in the fire service for almost 16 years. I wouldn't call it often, but it has happened that I have found a patient to be under-dressed. Probably not even 1%, but it does happen.

Anna

[Toni Citara]

There ya go... you learned something about somebody that changed your opinion of them after they died.

This is, unfortunately, one of the biggest fears most crossdressers are traumatized by on a daily basis. Crossdressers have so much stress and societal bvllshit to deal with, and aside from losing our jobs, losing our families is even harder to deal with.

This is "why" crossdressers "lie" to their significant others.




Fears? No, but I do think about it. There have been a few things I learned about relatives after they passed away that affected how I thought about them, and that bothers me. I don't want to burden my children (particularly) in that way. I do want to be free to be myself, though, more so all the time, it seems.

Lea

[CynthiaD]

I've mentioned this before, but I've been to the emergency room twice wearing panties and pantyhose. Both times I've had to undress and put on a hospital gown. Once it was a burly male nurse who did the undressing, because I couldn't do it myself.

Nobody cared.

If I have to go to the hospital again (God forbid) I'm going to take my own nightgowns to wear because hospital gowns suck.

CK

[NathalieX66]

KarenS, Sorry to hear about your accident.

Even though I have an emergency duffle bag of guys clothes in the car when I go out: jeans, sneakers t shirt, hoodie, I'm at the point now where I do not care how I'm dressed when I'm out.
Even locally, I don't even bother to pack a bag.

I had an experience last year coming home from a TG support group meeting where I had a tire blow out on the highway, and I was wearing a sundress and wedge heels. I limped into a commuter rail station at nearly midnight, and a policeman saw me, he hung around for ten minutes, then left. Once he was gone, I found myself changing into my guy clothes behind some pine trees near the railroad tracks, then I jacked up the car and changed the tire. I was a bit scared in those days. i've gotten kind of defiant now.

[Gangsta_Gus]

ha ya I had an experience. I was on my way back from my parents back home and I had the urge to wear a bra, thinking that it would be exhilarating to be seen with a FULL chest as I was driving I thought that I would be safe enough since its a long drive and the anonymity of the road. but I had set the cruise control and went speeding through a very small town when I saw flashing lights in the mirror, I screamed. I was in male mode except for a large C cup bra which was very noticeable to the contrast to my slender figure. the cop pulled me over and had asked for me to step out of the car after I gave him my id and insurance. that day it was windy but he had asked me to walk over to his car the wind only pressed my shirt against the bra so there was no way for me to hide the fact. Oh the exilaration. he gave me a ticket but said nothing about the bra. then I was on my way. the most scary thing about the experience was that I have no idea of what he was thinking.

[Katrina Black]

been pulled over twice by police.once because my lights were off (stupid blonde ) and once for speeding to reno both times police acted very profesional never even blinked twice ...theyve seen it all i guess.

[GBJoker]

I am thinking about going out for the first time en femme on Halloween. There is definite fear and paranoria... Parano-- Anyways, as the day gets closer, I'm thinking of simply not doing it. I'm already paranoid to all hell about getting into random fights with people, it'd be bad enough having to put up with guys who are... Lets say, "aggressive" when they see another guy in female clothes. Honestly, I've no faith nor trust in the people of my school, which is why I'm going back and forth so much.

As for everything besides that... Psh, I don't care. Like others said, doctors have seen everything, cops have seen everything, ambulance guys have seen everything. And my parents know about my CD'ing, and quite frankly, they're always gonna be more worried about my physical state than my fashion state... "Fashion state"? You know what I mean.

[AnitaH]

Some time ago I had a similar experience had a minor fender bender but had to wait and hour for police to show up. I had considered driving dressed that day but decided not to, glad. Now however my wife and daughter know and a couple of other relatives suspect, anyone else it just doesn't matter. My only fear is being recognized by the wrong people and losing my job. To say the least the work place is not very enlightened so I do have to be extremely careful but it is a risk.

AnitaH

[Ellyn]

Funny you should mention death and discovery. I had a friend, now departed, who just after her husband passed away, discovered her husband's collection of panties. She asked me what I thought about it. I shrugged it off with a comment, "so he collected panties", rather than get into a discussion with her.

[Lorileah]

If panties are illegal only outlaws will wear panties. Unless the clothing caused the accident, it isn't a problem. You are no different than any woman driving down the road. Medical personnel have more important things than fashion to worry about. Like Karren said, life is too short to worry about small things. Why would someone be embarrassed when you are injured?

[Dana7]

Hi Karen,

My first trip out in public was on Halloween in 2005:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162609-My-First-Halloween-Outing

I drove my vehicle with heels and everything and I was very nervous about being pulled over or maybe being seen by someone I know. I was concerned about whether I might have an accident, but I did hear about how police and hospital staff really don't care about crossdressers because they see it commonly enough and it really doesn't surprise them.

Now my SO is an RN and she is totally ok with my panties, I wear them 24/7. I think medical staff in general as well as any public service officer, fireman, paramedic, etc., is not going to blink when they see stuff like that. They deal with the public all the time and see much stranger things than anything we might show up with.

When I did go out for the first time on that Halloween night, however, I did go to a hotel room to change. I didn't want my neighbors to see me totally dressed climbing into my vehicle out in the front driveway. (at the time I was single and lived alone) But now, I think it really wouldn't bother me as much. I am getting more used to the idea of being out in public en femme.

You are right though, Karen, I would hate to embarrass any member of my family by being recognized by anyone I know. I guess it is all part of the risk of being out in public. But then, if you don't go out, you miss out on the thrill of feeling like a lady strutting her stuff in public. And I really loved the way that felt.

[DanaR]

I never think of what could happen when out enfemme. I refuse to burden my life or be limited by what could be.. Life's too short.
I agree with Karren.

About ten years ago, I was working in the garage and an engine fell on my foot. When I hobbled into the house and looked, we decided that I needed to go to the hospital. When I got into ER they discovered my painted toes. My wife told them the kids had painted them. My doctor had a good time with this for a couple of months until my toes had healed enough to remove the polish. Every time I had an appointment, she would tell her assistant to ask me who painted my toes. Toward the end of my visits, I told her that I crossdressed; which she was okay with.

Like what was mentioned, they've seen everything.

[Intertwined]

where is the "like" button for karen hutton's post

LOL Penny, this isn't Facebook, but, I agree...

A couple of years ago, I injured my back, and had to be taken to the hospital via ambulance. While getting me ready for X-ray, they helped me unbutton my shirt and get it off, under which, I was wearing a sports bra, the nurse asked if I minded if they cut it off, I just said "please DO" (I was in serious pain), they cut it off and nothing was ever said.

I had a sprang back and 2 fractured vertabrae

[Rianna Humble]

There ya go... you learned something about somebody that changed your opinion of them after they died.

This is, unfortunately, one of the biggest fears most crossdressers are traumatized by on a daily basis. Crossdressers have so much stress and societal bvllshit to deal with, and aside from losing our jobs, losing our families is even harder to deal with.

This is "why" crossdressers "lie" to their significant others.

So, now your justification for not trusting your SO is that you don't want to tell her now in case she finds out after you die that you hid this aspect of yourself from her all your life and thinks less well of you because of the hiding?

I've seen quite a few justifications for not trusting your SO - including a whole list of mysoginistic BS, but I think this one takes the prize for wierd logic.

[Maria 60]

Hope your alright. There's always something that draws me to go out more but my wife always reminds me that every time i walk out the door iam taking a chance and it's only a matter of time before someone takes a picture or someone you know see
's you and even more now that everyone and there grandmothers have a camera phone these day's.

[Gangsta_Gus]

I guess the biggest reason that I don't go out in femme is that well I'm just to shy

[SmileS12]

While reading both the initial post and the replies, I would have to agree with Karen Hutton again. Geesh, life if only a short period of time, live it to the fullest. Everyone will just have to guess why I wear panties, or everyone will just think I'm a chick with a dvck, or whatever they want to think. I really don't care. I have four children, and I've told one, so if I die under the sheets, I'm sure as proud as I am of her, and she is of me, she would be proud to tell everyone the secret. My wife as I've told you I think she is O.K. with minor insecurities. She Loves me, and tells me so, and I do back, although she told me if she knew then what she knows now, she probably wouldn't have dated me, but she's not running for the door. She still goes to the store to help me find clothes. So the only thing I'd ever be worried about is someone just being loud about it. But that's just the way I am.

No worries. Life goes on, and you'll climb bigger mountains before it is over. Glad to hear you are fine.

Toodles,
Eve

[Yvonne York]

I am still mostly closeted.

Yesterday on the way home I was involved in an accident. I am okay - only harm is some soreness and two strawberries on one knee, and some minor control issues with the fingers on one hand - but improving fast.

As for the car - well, it won't be going down the road again unless it is on a wrecker. It could have been much worse, and I could have been dressed.

But, it made me stop to think about something my wife has said a couple times. She has expressed fear that I go out dressed in case something happens. She is afraid that if something happens - an accident or a ticket, or some other issue crops up, that I may embarrass her or my daughters if I am found dressed as Karen or even under dressed.

I would never want to embarrass any of them but have an extreme urge to occasionally get out en-femme.

Do any of you harbor similar fears? Does your SO express similar fears? How do you handle it? :sad:

My wife warns me regularly when I go out underdressed. And yes, it does worry me, but I feel so good with my bra and sexy lingerie on, it's a risk I'll take.

[Veronica27]

So, now your justification for not trusting your SO is that you don't want to tell her now in case she finds out after you die that you hid this aspect of yourself from her all your life and thinks less well of you because of the hiding?

I've seen quite a few justifications for not trusting your SO - including a whole list of mysoginistic BS, but I think this one takes the prize for wierd logic.

This is a little bit harsh, and belittles the fears that all crossdressers have at times, because of their needs and desires. Telling people that you are a crossdresser is not as simple as telling them you prefer your eggs over easy. Crossdressers frequent these forums to seek advice and help, not to be ridiculed.

The quote in your post is incomplete in that it is a response to another posting which mentions difficulties encountered upon finding out things about a deceased relative, and was particularly concerned about the effects upon children.

Some people are able to take a "who care's" attitude and do whatever they please, while others feel the responsibility to harness their own desires for the sake of loved ones. We need to display our compassionate qualities which is more in line with why most claim to crossdress in the first place. Femininity.

Veronica

[JLynn17]

Omg I know how you feel, I just went to store wearing panties underneath, and when I got into the store I soooo totaly started freaking out thinking I had holes in my jeans and every one was looking! then on way home I am like OMG what if i get pulled over and have to go to jail wearing panties lol... I mean I "want" to get caught some day, but being outted and random is not my plan...