Getting discouraged

[Maria 60]

Let me tell you the closet is a very frustrating place to be and my patients are running thin. Last Saturday the kids for once both worked and finally had some time to myself. Had some small things to do so didn't go all out. Two hours into a great day a friend calls me and tells me he's in the area and wants to return a tool i lent him. I told him not to worry about it, but he insisted and i did want my tool back. So i washed up and got changed and he came, by the time he left the kid's were going to be home in a hour. The look of disappointment was all over my face when my wife told me not to worry the kid's were going out on Sunday. Sunday the kid's went out early and i couldn't wait and went all out, the make up, the long lace stay up stockings and the new wig and short black dress. I went to the living room and as soon as my wife seen me she was shocked and told me that i looked stunning. At that point i looked around the house and all the blinds and the the front door were closed. I went to the back window and my wife stopped me and told me that the nosy neighbor was in his yard and he's alway's looking though the fence. I sat down and removed the wig and told my wife that i was all dressed up and nowhere to go. Iam a prisoner in my own home and went to my room a undressed. Monday night i went to the mall with my wife and in front of me there was a women wearing brown boots a just over the knee skirt with soft grey pantyhose showing between the skirt and the boots. I just wanted to go home and get my boots and put them on. When i got home my son had his friend over. I wanted to wear the boots and i wanted to wear them now, not tomorrow or next week and i still didn't wear them. Last night my wife asked me if we were going to go walking downtown as we always do on halloween. I told her that i give up on trying and can't be bothered this year and getting frustrated waiting to get dressed. Thanks for listening to me vent and if you have some advice for me please drop a line.

[Maria in heels]

Maria...
How I know your feelings. As the years go by, the kids get bigger and bigger, and of course, we tend to feel more frustrated because we are not able to express ourselves as we need and want to. I too can tell you stories about before the kids, when I would be all dressed in my yellow dress that my wife loved me in, sitting in the living room, just watching tv with her. As the years go by, there is definitely little Maria time, and thankfully, my wife tells my boys that yes, all of those shoes downstairs are MINE and do not touch them or else! Good think that I have boys, because they are not as "observant" as girls, and would realize that there are two different sizes of shoes....hey mom, how come the shoes downstairs are bigger. Actually, if my boys were to try the shoes on now, as they did with my wife's shoes in the past, they would realize that "her shoes" actually fit them perfectly now !
I know the disappointment when you get to be yourself, and then its time to change quickly because something has happened ... just went thru that last weekend, as it was set by my wife for me to have Maria time alone...an emergency came up, and low and behold, here I am, back at home Saturday night late...everything was ok (emergency was with a friend) but there was only Friday night to Saturday morning Maria time, which was not enough at all.
I'm glad that your wife asked if you are going to be going out on Halloween downtown...jeeez...I wish my wife would too, but she is the cautious one, while I am the "crazy" one, and she tends to be afraid of what the neighbors would think...I always laugh, and think that I am going to be Maria on Monday after work, and actually change there. I do have several of the women there who will help me dress, and do my makeup!
Remember, keep smiling, and we will all get thru our frustration with not being able to dress all the time...

[Jonianne]

.....Last night my wife asked me if we were going to go walking downtown as we always do on halloween. I told her that i give up on trying and can't be bothered this year and getting frustrated waiting to get dressed....

Oh Maria, be patient. It sounds like you are a good DH and father and friend to others. When you do get the chance to dress, it will be more meaningful. Hug and kiss your wife for her love and acceptance and always take in what she offers to give. When she takes a step toward you to try to help you feel better, always take her up on it. It will make her and you feel better. Tell her you will take her up on her offer to walk around downtown (dressed I assume) on halloween! And enjoy the times when you can! Don't be discouraged, a good person will be rewarded in time.

[Mollyanne]

Maria, this has happened to ALL of us at one time or another!!!! DON'T GIVE UP, DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!! Look at it this way--- it just wasn't meant to be at the time. Actually you are one lucky gurl to have a spouse who not only accepts you as Maria but appears to help you as well; A VERY BIG PLUS HERE!!!!! The kid thing gets better I can attest to that personally. Hang in there GF, one day you will laugh at all this.

Molly

[Cynthia Anne]

Perhaps it's time for a vacation! You and your wife only! even an overnighter will work wonders! Hugs!

[Launa]

I get it this too. Even if the kids are out for the whole night, staying over with friends etc... And I want to get comfortable but I can't because there have been many times that their plans have changed and then they come busting through the front door. So I'm not willing to take a chance. I'm trying to figure out how to get around the problem myself. Luck to all of us!

[marlaNYC]

reading your vent, here's the encouragement i found in it...

she was shocked and told me that i looked stunning.
tough to accept, but sometimes you need to reign in your desires and feel more appreciative when the opportunities arise :)

[sandra-leigh]

I was supposed to have two nights to myself this weekend, but with schedule changes, and with glitches in the plans, and with someone having an unexpected "bad spell", instead I ended up short on sleep and taking care of someone.

Sort of like having something planned for a month and then suddenly having to stay home and short-sleeped because your kid gets sick in a way the babysitter couldn't be expected to know how to deal with.

[Missy Tanya]

It's OK, Vent!! I think we all have been right there with you one time or one hundred. Nothing more upsetting that to be dressed to the nines and just wanting to hang around the home or step outside when it happens. Someone at the door, the phone call that their in the area and thought they would stop by. Even the weekend shopping trip and something else comes up. Real life has a way of messing with our fun.

But take what you can, and be thankful you wife is Supportive.. Many have it much more difficult than us.

Too make you feel better, Hugs Tanya

[Maria 60]

This is why i vent here because there are so many people that are going threw the same thing and give me good advice. At time's i feel a little selfish asking for time for myself knowing that one day they will move out and i will miss them dearly. At time's i feel very lucky that my wife is very supportive but there's that feeling that we always want more and frustration sets in. I want more but i want to keep the closet door very tightly closed and i can't get the best of both worlds. I want to thank everyone for there great advice and knowing that i am not alone.

[eluuzion]

Well I suppose it is a little late to remind you to always wear a condom, eh?:heehee:

It sounds like it is time for you to do what Wally, Eddie Haskel and the Beaver did...Build yourself a clubhouse in your backyard! It sounds kind of silly until you build it and see how much fun it can be.

I built my daughter a two story clubhouse in the backyard when she was about 7-8yrs old. She was only at my house every Fri-Mon...so I would go outside and sleep in it when she was not home. When she was about 3 years old (1yr after divorce) I ended up in a one bedroom apartment which created similar problems plus no place to play/sleep with her friends over.

I waited until middle of day, and framed a wall across living room to create a bedroom for her. I let her and her little friends color all over the new wall with their crayons and finger paints. They got a playroom, I got some quiet time, lol.

When she was about 9 years old I got this house and I turned my downstairs family room into a recording studio with a stage and a "tent city" for my daughter and her friends who stayed over every week-end here. After I got them down there and busy, I had the top floor to myself all night. !

Having a family and living in suburbia is just like running a daycare center or summer camp, only the "kids" are much taller, lol. It is a constant process of running around starting up little campfires to keep everybody busy, so you get some time alone. There is an "art" to doing it right, lol.

I love kids, but I have never been able to eat a whole one...:heehee:

Yea, I miss all of that confusion and constant demands on my time trying to keep all those little campfires going for the wife, kids and wandering neighbors...

Hey wait , I live alone in a big house now...no kid, no ex and I do not answer the door to neighbors. Plus I dress almost 24/7. I don't miss that chaos at all!

So, scratch that nonsense I started with....Life is good...real good...:D
It is tough being single...but somehow I will survive :drink:

:love:

[Karren H]

I'd say you have it pretty damn good..... And are bordering on being a whiny little girl! Lol.

[Dawn cd]

I know we're supposed to support each other, but honestly Maria, grow up! Never heard so much self-pity and boo-hooing. Sure, life is hard sometimes, but when it happens accept it like an adult instead of venting all over the internet. There are more important problems than you being unable to wear your wig when you want to. Our "patients are running thin" too--or maybe the diet doctor said that.

[docrobbysherry]

2 bits of advice, Maria:

"Always look on the brite side of life". Monty Python

"Hang in there". Me.

[Shaila Storm]

Hi Maria , again we all sympathize with you because we have all been there. You have a very big plus on your side and that is that you wife is with you in you journey but I am going to suggest to you what nobody as suggested so far. Join a meetup group I belong to The Miami & Vicinities CD,TV Group. That's the kind of group where the girls meetup and go out for a while. So if your looking for your time out I suggest you looking into a group like that in you area. If you have any question let me know. Just e mail me ok? I hope I was of some help to you .

Sincerely Shaila

[Maria 60]

I'd say you have it pretty damn good..... And are bordering on being a whiny little girl! Lol.
Thanks for making me laugh that was a great comment.

[Maria 60]

I know we're supposed to support each other, but honestly Maria, grow up! Never heard so much self-pity and boo-hooing. Sure, life is hard sometimes, but when it happens accept it like an adult instead of venting all over the internet. There are more important problems than you being unable to wear your wig when you want to. Our "patients are running thin" too--or maybe the diet doctor said that.

Maybe your right must try to always look at the positive. For some reason we are never happy, we always want more and then when we can't get it we start to cry. Thanks for giving me a kick in the butt and getting me off my ass.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

2 bits of advice, Maria:

"Always look on the brite side of life". Monty Python

"Hang in there". Me.

Always remember:
If you wake up in the morning; see a sunrise; you name is not in the obituaries ( Long story about my first divorce); you see a sunset; its a great day. All the rest in between is just superfluous B.S.