reality check

[cassandra54]

i've done a bit of editing here, so read on please. i've read a lot of posts here. people post about what it's like to be feminine, why they dress, their SOs, being outed, clothes, makeup and so on. but what i want to know is where does your reality fit in? do you dress or become a "woman" and enter a new reality where your daily life does not intrude or just present yourself as a "woman" in the reality you live your daily life in?

i share a reality with my male half. even though i dress up, there's not always magic, like this fairy tale transformation. sometimes i'm tired and feel lazy. but i push myself to get cleaned up and dressed. i feel better, no doubt about it, but it takes work. when i dress it usually includes makeup and full dress, which takes about an hour. sometimes i just do lipstick and mascara, sometimes just pants and a top, sometimes i just don't feel that pretty or feminine, but i press on, because i know if i want to live part-time as cassandra, then i have to spend a certain amount of time doing so.

when i am enfemme,i kind of think what my life would be like if i was a real woman and there is where reality sets in. if i were a real woman, i would still have a job, come home from work tired i still have the same bills to pay, the same issues with my SO to work out and my own personal issues to deal with. pretty much doing the same thing i am doing now, working a job, paying the bills, trying to enjoy the weekend and get a little housework accomplished.

i guess to put it another way, we dress to look and act like women. and we want to look great every time. and then there's the question of what do we actually do when we get dressed. do we make dinner? do we go out? do we sit at home and watch t.v.. i suspect most of us do all of the same things as our male counterpart does, except now we are experiencing it



how about you?

[NathalieX66]

I can dress as often as I want. I can dress ladylike at home anytime. I can show up en femme at any supermarket, restaurant, movie theatre, club, etc, and I will never feel feminine unless I kill the male libido, and go on hormones to fix things. All the makeovers and shopping trips en femme won't make a difference.

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it goes.

[TommyII]

Some days it is a real task to dress, it is work. I will go low profile on these days and just do panties, leggings, bra, knee highs, heels, and a loose shirt. No make up or anything that takes time. I feel natural when I do the minimums. It takes more effort and a reason to dress really pretty, almost like a special occasion. My hat is off to to GGs that dress fully every day, day in, day out, even when the drive isn't there.

[Kate Simmons]

While I am always basically myself, the "feminine experience" as I call it transports me to another scenerio wherein I can be a woman if I choose. I am more or less, except for the obvious genetic part. When I take on woman "mode" I do the whole nine yards and am a people person, a caring person who has many interpersonal relationships, just like a genetic woman. In my mind being a woman is not about clothes, hair and makeup but caring and sharing. I guess when I deconstruct I go back to something else or so it seems. Dressing is a facilitation to be the real me.:)

[*Vanessa*]

.
What NathalieX66 said and all that
.

[AllieSF]

I dress for the sole purpose of going out into the real world to interact with complete strangers, meet friends I have developed as Allie, make new friends and to learn whatever I have the opportunity to learn in my varied, very direct, honest and open conversations. When I don't dress I am about the same and do the same things with a little less intensity. Reality is that and, of course as mentioned by Cassandra, paying the bills, shopping for food, doing the laundry and my health which seems to be more delicate as I get older.

[sissystephanie]

Reality Check!! I dress enfemme because I feel like doing that!! No other reason, just that I feel like it!! I don't try to be a woman, because I don't want to be one. I just like to dress like one, so I do! And I go out in public as a guy in feminine clothes! No wig and no makeup!! That is reality!!

[sanderlay]

Reality Check!! I dress enfemme because I feel like doing that!! No other reason, just that I feel like it!! I don't try to be a woman, because I don't want to be one. I just like to dress like one, so I do! And I go out in public as a guy in feminine clothes! No wig and no makeup!! That is reality!!

My Reality Check!!
I'm similar to Stephanie in that I don't have the desire to become a complete female. I also present my masculine side and feminine side to the world. But if I woke up tomorrow as a GG female... I would hope to stay that way. (My fantasy... :daydreaming:)

But for me I consider myself a bi-gender or two-spirited person. This is a daily event for me... 365 in my life... my reality. Currently I wear no makeup but do wear feminine earrings and a necklace. My hair is grown long, shoulder length, and combed back

I have a... need... to do this... rather than play the role of only a male and dress only as a male. But I won't deny both my masculine side or my feminine side in how I dress and act. I am myself... a mixture of both genders.

[marlaNYC]

just present yourself in the reality you live your daily life in
that's me.

like sissystephanie and sanderlay, i don't see myself as woman, but i do see myself as womanly. i dress in female clothing, accessorize (jewelry, purses etc) 80/20 and it suits me, makes me feel more self assured, calmer. i strive every day to present myself and to feel more naturally feminine. it feels...right - 80/20. my male psyche takes the darker side and is necessary for me to hold on to, while realizing i cannot use my female side to escape from my masculine. it's all part of one 'whole' me. 80/20.

[Karren H]

I dress because I have to. Driven to. Not because I want to.

[Piora]

I dress because I have to. Driven to. Not because I want to.
That's interesting, Karren....I feel that way sometimes, but obviously you are driven to the nth power! So desire doesn't enter into the equation? But, you must enjoy it when you look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself. Does it make you happy?

[wanagione]

I feel the same way. When I told my wife about all this I said I'm still the same person you married. I feel fem all the time, its my state of being. I do the housework, pay the bills and take care of the kids. But like it told my wife also there are women who are in the army, that are cops, that play sports and are competitve. we are who we are. personal info: I played hockey, was an investigator, combat pistol shot, backpacked, but I like decorationg the house, cooking, teaching, watching chick flicks and cry at tv shows and movies.

[lady di]

I dress to feel femine,relaxed,pretty,care free & just plane good

[cassandra54]

I can dress as often as I want. I can dress ladylike at home anytime. I can show up en femme at any supermarket, restaurant, movie theatre, club, etc, and I will never feel feminine unless I kill the male libido, and go on hormones to fix things. All the makeovers and shopping trips en femme won't make a difference.

Sorry to be blunt, but that's the way it goes.

you and vanessa are both right. it's true that unless you do some pretty serious things to actually become a woman you won't feel like one. i wonder sometimes, that even if you do HRT that you would feel like a gg, but that's another story. do i feel feminine myself when i am dressed and sometimes when i am not? well i feel something, not sure how i can describe it, maybe intimations of being a woman or feeling feminine

[S. Lisa Smith]

I like being or trying to be, the woman I would have been if I were born a woman. I also like my male me. Can't explain it....other than that.

[Piora]

I like being or trying to be, the woman I would have been if I were born a woman. I also like my male me. Can't explain it....other than that.
Hmmm. I like that, Lisa. I think that rather sums it up for me, too. Good way to explain it....simple and to the point.

[sterling12]

I think you've done a good job of pointing out an often Ignored Aspect of our Community. That Aspect? "There is a very high rate of suicide for post-op Women."

Reviewing the factors that may have contributed to these suicides seems to verify what you have pointed out. Many misguided individuals who seek SRS often mistakenly believe that somehow changing their sex will somehow straighten out all the bad aspects of their lives. Somehow, all the problems are related to, "I'm not the person I was meant to be, and that's what's causing all the hassles." When reality hits a few months, or a few years post-op; then these folks often go into a deep depression, with a resulting suicide.

You have pointed out some simple truths! It's probably "fun" for most of us to pretend, and to PARTIALLY placate our feminine psyche and desires. But the reality of daily living, with all the added complications that go into living as a woman, might just be a goal once achieved, and then suddenly not desired.

So, maybe it's a very good thing that accomplishing SRS is so difficult. If it were easy, maybe a lot of us would do something very stupid!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[jillleanne]

I think you are right gf, we do just about the same things either way.
I dress because I cannot resist all those 70% off sales on shoes and dresses. Are you kidding me? A killer halter dress in red with open scalloped 3/4 sheer sleeves and bias cut hemline for under $ 30.00? And a pair of 4" leather peep toe slingbacks in white to match? Who wouldn't want to wear them I ask you?
Other than that, I suppose I wear femminine clothing because my mind and body tell me it's the natural thing to do and I MUST do it if I want to keep my name out of the headlines of the local newspaper which might otherwise read, " Woman, no Man, no wait, well, Man or Woman Jumps From Tower Clutching No-No in Left Hand!" "More on page 9".

[NicoleScott]

Like Karren and others, I am driven to transform. It's not that I have to do it but I dislike it - quite the contrary - I enjoy it immensely. I much prefer a total (makeup, dress, pantyhose & shoes, jewelry, nails, accessories, & perfume) transformation than partial dressing. There's no gender-blending presentation here. It's all male mode or all femme mode.

[Karren H]

That's interesting, Karren....I feel that way sometimes, but obviously you are driven to the nth power! So desire doesn't enter into the equation? But, you must enjoy it when you look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself. Does it make you happy?

I've accepted that this the way I am and its not going away so I best "like" it and embrace it or tear myself apart trying to fight it... Happy is relative. I could be happier if I didn't have to crossdress. And be happier and definitely have a less complicated life if I could pick one gender and stay there. Either one. I'm not picky. Lol.

[StarrOfDelite]

Trying to analyze oneself is usually a futile thing. Also, I'm writing from the perspective of a divorcee who has neither a female SO nor children living in close proximity. Having said that as a disclaimer, I sometimes feel like I'm walking on a narrow balance beam, and when I'm in balance I am the Real Me, not really totally masculine and not really totally feminine, and not really androgynous either. On one side is my female personality, and on the other side is my male personality. Sometimes I choose to step off the beam, e.g. I choose to present in male clothes and personality on business because I think that is to my best advantage economically. Sometimes I choose to present in female clothes and date men because that fulfills me personally and sexually. Sometimes I like to put on my wig and makeup and wear sloppy asexual clothing and wander around as an androgyne. Sometimes I feel impelled to step off the beam and don't have any reasoning process as justification, and when I happens I always alight on the female side. But for me, the dressing isn't the controlling factor, I don't need to be wearing women's clothes to feel feminine, and I don't need to be wearing my Game Face and Uniform to feel masculine. Right now, I'm wearing a pair of slacks, a business shirt and tie, black wingtips and calf-length black socks, and I am thinking with my female personality. I will probably eat dinner at a restaurant in two or three hours, and I probably won't go to the trouble of taking off my middle-aged business man's costume to put on a middle-aged woman's costume. Either way, I'll still be me in my own skin: Some might think that my world is Effed Up! but I feel comfortable with it for at least the nonce.