While Cding girl gives nasty comment at halloween party

[NCAmazon]

Ok so I decided to go out to some bars for halloween and a party. I wanted to keep it light harted so I wore fem but made it clear it was for fun since I still had my beard and was wearing light makeup with a party wig.

I had long john pants and had a bikini bottom over it and a shirt with a bikin top. The look I was going for was being a guy that was not afraid to dress a bit fem and fun for halloween. A lot of my friends and some strangers gave me compliments for the effort and thought I was bold.

At one bar there were acquantinces and people they brought. There was a group of young early twenties girls who were acting a bit snooty and not having fun at the bar. They knew a few people I knew.

One girl remarked in front of me "Ew you look like a gay flamer". Now it was said in a very condescending manner. Her friends sorta didn't seem to mind her comment.

Now I have several friends who are gay and I found the comment very offensive. If it was a guy that said that to me I would not have hesitated to confront and tell him it was disrespectful.

I shrugged off the comment and said "That wasn't nice". I still felt I didn't say enough. I needed to let them that I did not appreciate that comment and found it very offensive.

Girls whats a way to let a girl or group of girls know that a certain comment was not appreciated and you won't tolerate it again??

I'm a bit bummed I didn't stand up to it more.

[bridgetta]

Yeah. Your making it personal. Its not. Its a girl And her belief system. Has nothing to do with you.

[sara.s]

What happens on Halloween stays on Halloween.. :P forget it.

[DanaR]

You're not going to change the opinion of someone like that, it's not worth the effort.

[larry]

You did enough. Dontcha wonder why those girls were just a bunch of snooty girls at a party ??

[AllieSF]

Right, you answered correctly and don't let it get to you too much. Some people are like that. They are not worth your time to worry about it.

[marlacd]

Just blow it off. They're just mad that the world doesn't bow down to them.

[Melissa Rose]

Just ignore it. You are not going to change her opinions or beliefs by confronting her. You may even have reinforced a negative aspect of her feelings if you confronted her.

[ReineD]

Girls whats a way to let a girl or group of girls know that a certain comment was not appreciated and you won't tolerate it again??

I'm a bit bummed I didn't stand up to it more.

I would just have told her that you found the comment offensive. Then it's up to her to realize not everyone agrees with her attitudes.

Is a gay flamer someone who mocks gays? So if she objected to your costume, does it mean that she thought you were disrespectful to gays? Otherwise, wouldn't she have said, "Ew you look gay"?

It might even have been worth your while to engage in an intelligent discussion with her about what she meant, and then just told her what you were doing.

[BiancaEstrella]

I would just have told her that you found the comment offensive. Then it's up to her to realize not everyone agrees with her attitudes.

Is a gay flamer someone who mocks gays? So if she objected to your costume, does it mean that she thought you were disrespectful to gays? Otherwise, wouldn't she have said, "Ew you look gay"?

It might even have been worth your while to engage in an intelligent discussion with her about what she meant, and then just told her what you were doing.

Just to clarify - "gay flamer" is a stacked insult. Strictly being academic here, "flaming faggot" or "gay flame" are terms used to describe effeminate gay men in a negative way. I've even witnessed a gay person refer to another in that way.

[docrobbysherry]

I think u handled it well, NC. With style. U let her know it wasn't appropriate without making a big deal out of it!

If she's a thotful person, she'll think about it later. If she's a dingbat, anything else u said would have only made things worse!

[Nicole Erin]

Best to stay out of bars. She was probably the drunk chick at the bar who wanted to kick everyone's ass. Every club and bar has one of those.

[DebbieL]

Bottom line is that no matter HOW you go out, if you get noticed there will be those who like what they see, and those who don't.

If you want to have a much more enjoyable experience, focus on those who like what they see, and ignore and even avoid those who don't.

If you blend in too well, nobody will notice, but then again, you won't know who is interested in more. It really depends on what you are looking for.

If you are looking for support and friends who might be able to enjoy, then going out fully dressed gives you access.

The one thing you want to be aware of is anyone who is obviously upset about what you are doing. I've been in a few situations where things could have gotten ugly, even violent. In some cases, the would-be perpetrators were men, in others, they were women. Fortunately in each of these cases, I had already established a network of friends who liked what they saw.

[sanderlay]

I sincerely doubt an intelligent conversation would have been possible because of what she said and her being in a bar. Her words were meant to inflame the situation and create a confrontation. Personally that's something I avoid at all costs because nothing good would come of it.

I think your comment was perfect. It was simple and to the point. It will be easily remembered for days to come.

[KellyJameson]

I know I will be hated for saying this but it may have been a backhanded compliment. She picked up on the beard and thought you were trying to be outrageous. Difficult from my perspective to say because I was not there to pick up on the emotional undertones but if she was drinking, young(naive), full of herself, it would seem more like the voice of emotional immaturity than a personal attack. Coming from a family of white trash I'm a bit of an expert on this type of behavior.

[simplyme]

She may have thought you were mocking females with the long johns and all. The picture I have in my mind looks kinda goofy which is appropriate for Halloween;anything goes. That's just my GG POV. I blame the parents for not instilling in their children what's appropriate to say and what's not. I would NEVER make a comment that had the chance of hurting someone's feelings. I'm sorry you experienced that. Practice what you'd say for next time. I do believe that those you don't respect, can't hurt you.

[*Vanessa*]

I'm with KellyJameson on this one - well cept for the white trash comment.. lol

[TxKimberly]

In my opinion, you really only have one viable choice if you are in the closet - set a good example. You cant go to war with everyone that says or does something offensive. What you can do is set a good example and not join in with that sort of stuff.

[Stephanie47]

I wouldn't make too much of it. Liquor has the tendency to disengage the mouth from the brain. I have friends, who are so comfortable with their friends and acquaintances that they just run off with their mouths and reveal their true bigotry.

[Heisthebride]

Probably not the high road but..."Hey, I like your costume too, a frigid bitch, right?"

[EllieOPKS]

Maybe next time you should just tell her she does a great job cross dressing except for her mustache. Or you have something hanging from your nose! LOL!

[Frédérique]

One girl remarked in front of me "Ew you look like a gay flamer". Now it was said in a very condescending manner. Her friends sorta didn't seem to mind her comment. Now I have several friends who are gay and I found the comment very offensive. If it was a guy that said that to me I would not have hesitated to confront and tell him it was disrespectful.

Welcome to the 21st century, a time and place where saying “gay” is another way of saying BAD. It’s a sad state of affairs to be sure, and the fact that misinformed females (the very people we seek to emulate through dress) are making these disrespectful comments makes it that much more painful…
:sad:


Girls what’s a way to let a girl or group of girls know that a certain comment was not appreciated and you won't tolerate it again??

Personally, I think YOUR reaction was appropriate – just like you can’t fight City Hall, you can’t fight inborn prejudice that is the product of who you associate with, who you listen to, or what you’ve been told is right by others. Better to show that you’re hurt in front of the perpetrators, and seek out other, more sympathetic life forms that are worthy of your time…
:straightface:

[kimdl93]

I agree with Freddy. We are usually better of demonstrating humility, grace and composure in these situations. Hostility tends to breed hostility.

[NCAmazon]

I like the support. The responses here show that its all about seeking relief in your supporters and to shrug off nasty comments. But A part of my wanted to give a nasty comment back to make my ego feel good and to blow off the anger. Thanks all.

[Marissa333]

I always say "oh yeah, nice ass by the way" in a real sarcastic tone that makes it sound like its fat or not attractive. The result is usually her being self contious about her ass for the rest of her life. I might be exaggerating about the rest of her life part, but she willl deffinatly spend the rest of the night thinking about her ass and what could possibly be wrong with it.

[NathalieX66]

NcAmazon, I'm verry sorry for your experience. It sounds like you ran into some very narrowminded people.

I was at a Halloween party in New York Cityhttp://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162998-Halloween-in-New-York-City-2011&p=2643578#post2643578, and I got nothing but compliments ,and opportunities to date from women....real women.
There were plenty of crossdressers, no matter how well or porrly dressed, and some transgender, and everyone was enjoying themselves.
I don't know where you live, but if you ever get the chance, try going to a place that has a progressive culture.