Why do we like this so much???

[cdsara]

After coming out to my wife she turned to me the other day and asked why I liked dressing up. I couldn't really answer her. I guess I am not really sure other than looking preety and the dream of being sought after. What do the rest of you think?

[KrystalA]

I love it simply because it feels so good and so natural. Do I really need any more reasons?

[AllieSF]

I do not dwell on this question because it is probably much deeper than I am. However, I sometimes look at it this way, which is very much in tune with today's Halloween excitement, though it has nothing to do with it. Since I dress to go out and hardly ever dress at home just to be dressed, to me it is like I am going to a masquerade party every time I go out. I keep the same theme, dress like a woman, and vary the style to fit the occasion or venue. I always remember way back when, way before I ever new what crossdressing was (I am a slow learner you know), that once in costume, whatever it was, I felt different and more liberated and could play that role in that moment. I always enjoyed the few costume parties that I went to especially for being able to experience that liberating moment of being someone who was not me in everyday life. So, today when I dress and go out I love playing that role. Now, it is being me dressed as a woman and enjoying every minute of it.

[sinead]

Been dressing for some 50 years and still don't know the answer except that it feels right for me.

[ReineD]

You mean, why do you dress, or is it why do you experience heightened feelings when you dress (an elation of some sort perhaps)?

No one knows why CDers feel a need to dress. Some people believe it is a hormonal thing that happens in utero. Others think it is due to certain childhood events. Still others believe it has its roots in sexual fetish, but then settles down to a feeling of comfort over the years. And, there will be arguments over whether a CDer is getting in touch with innate femininity or not when he dresses ... there are quite a few CDs here who are adamant they are men and they don't get in touch with any femininity at all, and they dress only because they like the clothes.

That said, no matter the reason you feel driven to dress, the question remains as to why you (or others) seem to enjoy doing this so much. Why it is so important to you, say more than enjoying a game of golf. I personally believe that the joy you feel is a sense of freedom over no longer repressing what you've hidden from others all your life. You're letting your guard down so to speak, and it is freeing you. I'm guessing that if you orchestrate your life to express yourself on a regular basis and get into a routine of doing things outside the home while dressed, it will all fall into place where it will seem quite normal to you after a while.

[audreyinalbany]

I was just thinking about this this afternoon. I spent years wrestling with the 'why' of crossdressing. Lately, I've pretty much given up the quest and decided there is no 'reason.' I crossdress because I ENJOY it. So then the question becomes, why do I enjoy it? No clue.

[NicoleScott]

Still others believe it has its roots in sexual fetish, but then settles down to a feeling of comfort over the years.

Not to hijack the thread, but this answers little as to why. Where did the fetish come from? I've read lots of discussion - and theories - as to why we crossdress, but none about why some are sexually excited by inanimate objects - some to the point of being unable to be aroused unless that object is present.

I've read posts that propose that if dressing is for purely sexual reasons (fetish), it's not crossdresing. Of course, the word "purely" is severly limiting. I suspect that few forum members dress for purely sexual reasons. Fashion, makeup, shopping, going out, etc. wouldn't be of interest to a purely sexual wearer of feminine things (and some don't even have to be worn - just touching or gazing will do). Many of us have a dressing drive with a fetish aspect to it, but enjoy the complete transformation which includes things that don't by themselves excite but are necessary to achieve the desired look. Like other aspects of crossdressing, there are degrees that fetishes have influence on the drive to dress en femme.

I'm not disagreeing with you, Reine, but just adding that fetish-based dressing is not an all-or-nothing deal. Having a fetish for feminine things and crossdressing are not mutually exclusive.

My point is that for fetish dressing, the "why" is still there.

[Kate Simmons]

Because we do Hon, simple as that also because it's fun and part of who we are.:)

[Katelyn B]

That could be an unanswerable question, unique to each person,

The simple answer for me is for the feeling I get when I'm just sitting in a chair and look down at myself. When I see myself looking like a girl it makes me happy. That, for a change, my outward appearance matches the way I think about myself, that by padding and "stuffing" I can have the shape I feel I should have.

[ReineD]

My point is that for fetish dressing, the "why" is still there.

My feelings too. If anyone ever figures out why fetishes take root, what attracts certain people to certain fetishes, why they are milder in some people and why they become paraphilias in others, I'd love to read about it. I don't think it's an all-or-nothing deal either.

[KellyJameson]

It is interesting to ask the question why but also frustrating at the same time because one question leads to another and another... and there is not one reason but many all knotted together like a fur ball the cat coughs up. I prefer to feel pretty over handsome, why? as a child I avoided boys and played with girls, why? and there are a million more questions

Is it because as a child I absorbed the hate my mother had for men and feel the need to reject my masculinity to escape self hate, possibly and thats ok.

Is it because I had no male influences as a child of a single parent but only females for role models, possibly and thats ok

Is it because I was born with a quiet, shy,timid,sensitive nature , possibly and thats ok

I take pleasure in asking questions but I also accept I will never know for sure the reasons and thats O.K

Being pretty and sought after feels alot like love and maybe it is. Adoration is addictive, all you have to do is watch the desperation of a movie star losing their audience to see proof but there is also a love of self that is not dependant on anything external that comes from complete acceptance of your entire self both good and bad.

Sometimes you have to trust yourself enough to step out of the safety of what the majority does and become a minority even if you risk people pointing their fingers at you and calling you different (weird or what ever word you want to use, there are many) Some use the word addiction to describe their dressing but life is an addiction and the key is to be addicted to that which promotes and protects your life while respecting the lives of others. Maintain your dignity by not allowing others to abuse you or by you abusing others otherwise give full expression to the amazing human being that you are in all its possible expressions because there will never be another exactly like you and if you do it in a skirt who cares at least you will end up being a better human being than most.

[Jilmac]

I enjoy it because I love to emulate the people I admire the most,,, Females.

[Donna1391]

It feels so good I just do it

[charlytuna]

My wife ask me that often I never can give her a good answer ecept to say I enjoy doing it. Then she ask if I feel sexey? I ask her what sexey feel like she give me a runaroud answer like she can't discribe it. That what I feel can't discribe how I realy feel when I'm dressed

[sara.s]

I do not dwell on this question because it is probably much deeper than I am. However, I sometimes look at it this way, which is very much in tune with today's Halloween excitement, though it nothing to do with it. Since I dress to go out and hardly ever dress at home just to be dressed, to me it is like I am going to a masquerade party every time I go out. I keep the same theme, dress like a woman, and vary the style to fit the occasion or venue. I always remember way back when, way before I ever new what crossdressing was (I am a slow learner you know), that once in costume, whatever it was, I felt different and more liberated and could play that role in that moment. I always enjoyed the few costume parties that I went to especially for being able to experience that liberating moment of being someone who was not me in everyday life. So, today when I dress and go out I love playing that role. Now, it is being me dressed as a woman and enjoying every minute of it.

:iagree: Kinda ditto for me................

[Jennifer529]

Well it feels great,and makes me feel so relaxed and normal.

[LeaP]

I don't exactly enjoy it. In fact, I usually feel a little self-conscious. Still, I feel more like *me* somehow. That's enjoyable in a different way, but not always in the physical sense. "Content" would be a better word. Or in-tune. Something like that ...

Lea

[Karren H]

Who said I liked it? I'm driven to crossdress.... I have to.... I like playing ice hockey. I'm not driven to skate... Ok. Bad example. I love playing ice hockey! And would rather do that then dress any night!

[joanna marie]

I was just thinking about this this afternoon. I spent years wrestling with the 'why' of crossdressing. Lately, I've pretty much given up the quest and decided there is no 'reason.' I crossdress because I ENJOY it. So then the question becomes, why do I enjoy it? No clue.

Well said!

I think a better question is to ask your wife or SO ;
Why do they dissapprove of an activity that is legal, harms no one and brings great pleasure to someone they care about?

[Piora]

As someone who has very recently changed my whole reasons for Dressing....from what would be categorized as "fetish" dressing - for the sole purpose of sexual release - to Dressing simply for the experience of sheer joy that it gives me, and for that reason alone. No more sexual turn-on, no more 'lingerie-only' interests, just doing it because it makes me feel happy - feminine and girly. Now I get a sensation of "Ah, yes.....this is where I long to be!"

However, I still cannot explain what happened to make this change. For the first time in 34 years of Crossdressing, I put on items I had never considered having - even a month ago: Skirt, shoes, blouse, wig. Of course, I still wore the items that I always had underneath - but now I felt transformed. And I spent the whole afternoon dressed. Just walking around the place, being at the computer, getting something to eat..... and of course, periodically checking myself in the mirror. It felt good. It felt right. And now I find that I want to spend as much time as I can there.

[Eryn]

Like everyone else, I can't give a definitive answer to this question. I now realize that it is something I wanted to do for a very long time without even being able to admit it to myself.

My feelings are more of the relief of not having to chafe mentally in drab as the women around me enjoy expressing themselves in ways that I cannot. It's a calm that comes with knowing that I can be immersed in being Eryn and that for a short time at least I'm freed from the responsibilities inherent in being male.

[RitaRich]

One thing I wonder about myself is: Do I CD in order to be intimate with femininity without the risk of being hurt by a female?
I love the feel of femininity, in myself and others! On the the other hand, I have mixed feelings when it comes to females. Maybe that is why I like this group so much. It has all the fem I love, without...

[ArleneRaquel]

It feels so natural and I love everything about dressing as a woman

[erickka]

45 years of dressing for me, and I still can't think of another reason other than It Just Feels Right.

[Raychel]

I love the feel of womens clothes, It relaxes me. And when I do get a chance to dress up, I don't know, it is just me time. It just feels right.

And as the saying goes "If it feels good, Do it"

[Patricia Jane]

I do it because I enjoy wearing femmine clothing. I can not think of a better way than geting dressed, it is such a lovely way to start a day, nice makeup, lovely clothes that feel good and a feeling of accomplishment. Is there a better way to start a day?

[Katie Moore]

Okay, I know I'm probably going to take some hits on this but... what's the difference between an actor/actress and crossdressing? Aren't both very passoniate about what they are doing? Aren't both a little untrue? That is, I know I'm not a woman and I know that taking a role in a play is not really me but something about both examples brings out something creative in me. At the end of the day though I'm still just me. But the enjoyment factor of that "role" is outstanding.

[cdsara]

I know it just fills a void in my soul and makes me happy. cant explain it anymore other than I feel more...... whole??

My SO was wondering if it is just a sexual thing, but I feel it is more than that. It makes me happy? What do you think?

[suzy1]

There is a part of me that’s really feminine. Part of who I am.
So wearing female clothes helps the women in me to feel like she should. To feel comfortable and natural.

[Acastina]

Some questions are best answered with a single word: because. I don't know why, just because it touches things deep down where the primal feelings live. To me, much of my life as a male is like having a job you really don't like and get little satisfaction from, but it pays the bills, in this case reducing social stress.

In fact, I once coined the term "innerface" to complement the concept of interface; sort of an internal interface between our everyday lives and deeper feelings within. Social interface pretty much forces a lot of sad compromises upon people like us. I lived full-time for nearly eight years, and there was an undercurrent of anxiety that never really left, so I decided on a different compromise; that experiment compromised interface to respect my innerface feelings.

So much of what I do is because I have to or it's expected of me, not because I feel it. In fact, I don't really consider what I do to be the traditional hetero-hobby crossdressing. I'm as femme as my instincts and experience tell me I can be at any time, because that's a lot closer to who and what I really am (even if that defies definition), whether it's around-the-house casual or dolled up to the nines.

That's why.

[Marleena]

You'll get a lot of different answers on this one! For me, it's the hand I was dealt. It took way too long for me to accept it, but it's who I am. Tired of fighting it. I'm now embracing it.:)

[5150 Girl]

I don't think it's so much a question of "like to" as it is "need to"... I just feel more like myself when dressed

[Pamela Kay]

Like everyone else, I can't give a definitive answer to this question. I now realize that it is something I wanted to do for a very long time without even being able to admit it to myself.

My feelings are more of the relief of not having to chafe mentally in drab as the women around me enjoy expressing themselves in ways that I cannot. It's a calm that comes with knowing that I can be immersed in being Eryn and that for a short time at least I'm freed from the responsibilities inherent in being male.

You pretty much said it all for me Eryn.

[Sonya]

it seems like we all do it because it feels really good being dressed and look like a woman. I wonder why males and females were divided so much in our modern society? why pink for girls and blue for boys??? why smooth hairless for females and hairy for man?? why high heels for females and flat shoes for man?? and the list goes on... So if none of these typical stereo types were forced on us from the time we came to this earth, i wonder if we will still be having any of these discussions.

[eluuzion]

I think people make this question way too complicated…

My first urge to CD hit me when I was about 28 years old. I had gone back to college to get a couple more useless degrees while waiting out a bad slump in the economy. I had a huge garden behind my rented house. It was a hot summer day and I was out picking zucchinis in the garden instead of doing my psychology homework.

When I opened the trash can to toss in some weeds I had just picked, I discovered some clothes discarded by my SO at the time. Ten minutes later I was in the barn(garage) trying them on. (FYI, the sundress did fit, lol). I have been CDing for over 20 years now.

So, using common logic…CDing is obviously a direct result of picking zucchinis. :D

Think Less, Act More...Life is Short

:love:

[suchacutie]

This question comes up on a semi-regular basis, and that makes perfect sense. At the moment, anyway, I understand my drive perfectly at one level: Six years ago we finally understood (we=my wife and I) that a part of my mind is wired in a way that would classically be defined as feminine (and that's completely a biology situation over which I have no control). In order to find out how this feminine part of me plays a role in my life, we need to know who she (Tina) is. Thus, we've allowed Tina to grow and evolve as naturally as possible, and that does mean taking on the physical outer trappings of her feminine self, as that seemed completely natural to do!

As my bi-line says, we are making a life for Tina. She has her own books, movies, projects, opinions, and roles. As time goes on it all becomes clearer and more comfortable, and we like her role. Just last weekend my wife asked when Tina was going to visit since a joint project they have is not being finished!

So, that's why. How can I ignor this large part of my being. I need to know who Tina is to understand the whole of me!

[jillleanne]

It's not a question of liking it so much as a question of why I have to do it, which frankly, I don't care to attempt to answer other than it allows me to feel normal. That's good enough for me, now, where did I put my eyeliner this time....

[cdsara]

Thank you that hits the nail on the head of what I have been trying to put in to words.

after coming out to my so I beleive my desire for it and my embrace of who is inside is growing stronger. I feel like that girl hiding in this shell is starting to find a way to peek out. I really appreciate everyones opinion.

[Stefanie_in_Mt]

I just really enjoy it, it relaxes me and I fell great enfemme

[Keely]

Just 'because' and it just feels like the right thing to do.

[minalost]

It's FUN! There is also a sense of accomplishment when I get my make-up just right, or find that perfect skirt or blouse and IT FITS! Sigh... now I want to go shopping...

[docrobbysherry]

Because at my age, it seems to be the most FUN THING I can do!

Which begets the question, "Why is it so much fun?"

[Sissy_in_pink]

Find something she likes doing and ask her why she likes doing it, I bet she can't give you an answer, or she will say "That's Different", no it's not!

[Loni]

i love it cause it is me.

what more is needed?

[Alice Torn]

For so many years being an undesired, lonely male. Now, as a lady, I am wanted. Sadly, just for quick sex, so far, which i have refused. I can't really say why. It just is thrilling, exciting, part of me.

[Sissy_in_pink]

A lot of people say on their death bed, I wish it did this or I wish I did that when I was young, Isn't crossdressing the same, if you don't do it, you will regret not doing it on your death bed

[April_Ligeia]

My ex-wife used to ask me why I wanted to wear nail polish and skirts. I answered that question in so many ways, knowing that she wanted me to say that I didn't really want to, that all of the answers stopped making sense because they all led to arguments and WAY too much conversation. Now all I can say is that I wear what I want, when I want, without any thought as to why. I pressed for an answer, I would say, "because I like it."

[sometimes_miss]

The reason can be different for everyone here. I was lucky (well, after decades of reading psych books, maybe luck didn't have anything to do with it) that I figured out why I enjoy dressing as a girl. But the bottom line is, does it make you happy? If so, stop worrying about the 'whys'.

[Jenny Doolittle]

I think Reine hit a lot of the common reasons on the head. For me, I feel I almost as if I have two personalities and that of jenny comes out so differently then my male persona. Regardless, I so enjoy my female persona, free of stress. Perhaps that is the real reason we dress, as a stress release mechanism.

No matter what the reason, I enjoy who I am and am happy.

[cdsara]

You know as a man I dont really care what I wear or how I look half the time but I love looking through the diffrent options for women and thinking that would look nice, or maybe I should get it in a couple colors?

[cdsara]

well my SO keeps asking me why I dress and if theres anything she can do to help so I wont have to anymore. I think she is blaming her self even though I did this long before meeting her. I dont know how to answer her, I just enjoy it, and wish I could relay that and have her be ok with it. Probally wishful thinking but we can allways hope.

[Jenniferathome]

The upside in this is that you and your wife are talking about it. The "why" will never be answered. It can't be. I am a firm believer that just like homosexuality, crossdressing is genetic, not a choice. The result of dressing: feelings of stress relief, for example, is all we can explain. Keep talking

[cdsara]

I am trying to talk as much as possible but she just keeps asking why and what can I do to fix this?? I have told her there is nothing to fix and its the way I am. Now can you grow to accept this?

["Mary"]

I wish I could find it - there was a post about a month ago where someone replied that dressing in women's clothes was a metaphorical lens through which our thoughts and feelings about our fem traits, leanings, yearnings come into better focus. Was it this thread? This forum?? Anyone else remember?

[Miss Maxine]

I suspect it is because my bath water was too hot, when I was a child.

[Meg East]

I stopped asking "why" and started accepting the CD'ing is a natural part of me.

[cindy777]

Just like or rather love it, dressing up make me feel good inside, pretty much like Christmas morning does to a little child. My wife has asked me this question many times as well and never really came up with an answer that satified her. She knows I really enjoy it and is important to me as a person but it is equally important to be considerate to your SO needs as well. My wife took some time to digest this information but in my case, in time she just accepted that this is something that was part of me and feel deeply move to do it.

[Samantha_Smile]

Why do I enjoy dressing?
Im not sure how to answer that other than...
Why do I like computer hardware and gaming?
Why do I like cars and tuning?
Why do I like guitars and heavy metal?

I just do.

End of...

[Frédérique]

After coming out to my wife she turned to me the other day and asked why I liked dressing up. I couldn't really answer her. I guess I am not really sure other than looking pretty and the dream of being sought after. What do the rest of you think?

I know one thing – I NEVER dream about being sought after… :doh:

I like dressing up because it always creates a feeling of “togetherness,” for lack of a better word, and this leads to a certain calmness of being I can get no other way. Beyond that, dressing up (MtF) is such a taboo thing that I get a healthy buzz from it – if this idea of wrongness was somehow eliminated from my life, I don’t know what I’d do! I tend to gravitate towards things that boys shouldn’t do, wouldn’t do, or cannot do (for fear of being caught). Crossdressing was the first truly “wrong” thing I ever did, a tacit turning-away from masculinity (doubly wrong because I’m the only boy in the family), and it led to other related perversions. Of course, in my topsy-turvy world, perversions are the norm and conformity is evil…
:battingeyelashes:

[Kathleen]

Hmmm.... I've been musing on this question too for 3 or 4 decades. One definite conclusion is that there are a bunch of reasons. Another is I bet every girl's reasons are slightly different, like personalities.

I wish I could not wonder, but there's too much physicist and engineer in me. Have to know how it all works! I do know I can't explain all of it, and to some extent yes it does just feel right.

But, for me, at least --
- Coveting -- sooooo many beautiful females out there I can't have -- esp being married since the Coolidge administration
- Bottoming -- an inner need, counter to my outward personality
- Taboo -- there is definitely the "naughty" rush, always has been, with risk of getting caught
- Femininity -- I'm neither he-man nor effeminate but I definitely have a strong emotional/artistic side
- God I just love how lingerie feels!