Does viewing another guy CDing threaten some male's masculinity?

[Clueless]

I went out in public CD for the 1st time this Halloween. Zombie Goth Girl outfit with makeup, nothing explict or body parts out of proportion. You could see that I had put some effort into it, not just something thrown together to use Halloween as an excuse to CD. I made an effort to judge people's inital reactions upon seeing me. I didn't stare at anyone & didn't make more than brief eye contact, if at all. I also used preipheral vision & never turned my head to look back. I didn't act any different than normally do. I noticed quite a wide range of male reactions: quick look & then look away fast, normal glances, smile or nod (only a few), watching but trying not to be obivous & some staring openly. I did notice that some guy's facial reactions were kinda hostile. That got me thinkng, why would anybody be upset with someone's costume? I was not the only person out then in costume. BTW, most women would smile & I even got a few compliments from them. Does seeing another guy out CDing ( & not even close to being passable ) and minding their own business really bother some men, even on Halloween? If so, what is the reason?

Another thing I found odd was how few customers & employees were dressed up to any degree at all. Much more women dressed up than men. I asked at each place if employees could dress up for work & they all said yes. I've always dressed up on Halloween ( best year was me as Shaggy & my dog as Scooby while delivering pizzas ) as you can get away with a whole lot & have some fun. Can't people ( when allowed to dress up ) relax & let their guard down for one day a year? I'm talking about adults, not kids.

[kimdl93]

with regards to employees dressing up, girls are just better sports about doing things that are outside thier comfort zone.

Now to the original question: I do think that guys feel threatened by any other being that conveys an ambiguous sexual identity. It doesn't seem to take much...longer hair, a little bit of shape at the waist, and some guys are confused by the ambiguity. Just tonight a guy approached me thinking I was a girl, then realized that I was a guy. When we shook hands you could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Sounds like your term of red necks , many male are not wonting to be around another male who is different . & more so when it comes to a change of dress or clothes of a different kind . seems to me that maybe they are thinking its an affront to thier maleness .

For me i would be looking full on & even comment. tho im a woman so its a bit different for me. haveing a bit of fun seems to be not in thier thinking .

As a ? tho i think i know , they were not dressed then hence thier disaproval , strange tho yet may be not , or as said wont let thier guard down for 5 min;s of fun.

...noeleena...

[chelle]

I think that some men are not too sure of their masculinity so they react negatively to mask their own uncertainties.

[Toni Citara]

I cannot explain how another man would react to seeing a guy in femme mode, but at one point my reaction used to be "damn, you got bigger balls than I do to be dressed and in public, that's awesome, hopefully someday I'm man enough to pull it off" - but lately, wearing heels in public has been my biggest accomplishment, (other than Halloween in drag). However, my apprehension to going out en femme has been less and less, like somebody else said "baby steps". A little at a time. I've got a couple tops that are definately female, lace fringed arm banded short t-shirt type things that I've worn for errands. Nobody ever said a word, and if they did I figured I could blow it off and just say "late night, hungover, must have grabbed the girlfriend's shirt by mistake". Of course, why would my girlfriend own a shirt that fits a 6', 210# guy is another question! LOL

[Melissa Rose]

If you are inexperienced about being out en femme, it is very easy to misread or make assumptions about others reactions. As hard as you try to avoid it, your senses are hyper activated and everything is run through your "I'm a man dressed as a woman" filter even on Halloween. Every reaction, word or behavior by others, especially those perceived as negative, are taken as having something to do with you being dressed which may not be true. I take girls out for their first or almost first times out in public on a semi-regular basis, and this is a very common interpretation of what they see around them. It takes time and experience to accurately read each situation and encounter, and even then you are not always right. It is natural to think everything has to do with you being dressed when out in public. You are hyper sensitive to everything because of it. Who wouldn't be at first?

While there may have been some of the men who felt their masculinity was threatened, there are numerous other reasonable explanations and reasons for the reactions as you perceived them. We often see what we want or expect to see. It is called confirmational bias. It is very common and we all do it on a regular basis. Our thoughts, beliefs and experiences all color the way we perceive and react to situations. When information is missing, we tend to fill it in using our experiences and assumptions which may or may not apply. It is difficult, if not impossible, to remove the biases and see things beyond our own life experiences. We are not mind readers and often can only infer what someone is thinking or feeling.

[KarenCDFL]

Males on the most part in my experience will not do anything that may affect how others view their masculinity.

Females on the other hand usually played dress up as little girls and I don't think that ever goes away. Considering how much fun it always was.

This makes me remember about 25 years ago when I bought a new car and my mom put in a big red ribbon on the back of the rear view mirror. A few days after I got it, I had to lend my car to my boss at the time for a few hours.

Later on when he brought my car back, I saw that he had taken the red ribbon down off my mirror and threw it in the back seat. When I asked him about why he did that, he basically said, "I am not going to drive a car with a red ribbon."

So there you go....

[Karren H]

I don't think its that "omg I was attracted to a guy in a dress so I must be less than a man". I've seen women do it too... More like something deeper... We were taught "your not supposed to do that". Its black and white. No shades of grey allowed!

[carhill2mn]

IMHO men, in general, are more likely to feel uncomfortable being around someone who is presenting in other than expected male attire. Many men are very homophobic or afraid to appear other than "macho".

[Cheryl T]

Men are inherently tight-assed when it comes to this sort of thing. They seem to feel that someone else being liberated threatens them even if it has nothing to do with them personally.
This is the main reason why when I go out dressed that I will always use the ladies room. I would much rather have to deal with a woman who has a bad reaction than a man who is so over loaded with testosterone that he feels my very presence is a personal threat and he must defend his territory and the honor and sanctity of the men's room for all men.
Perhaps that's one thing that we all have surpassed with our realization and acceptance of the femininity that exists in us all.

[Maria in heels]

Part of the reaction that you saw was because many men are "taught" to be only manly, never show fear, and most importantly, keep your feelings inside---the old "stop crying and suck it up" syndrome as I call it...

Your post brings a smile to my face because after over 15 years of working in the same place with many of the same people, I decided to take the "plunge" and become Maria the Maid on Monday night, enlisting the help of one woman from the office and the receptionist. I actually spent an hour laughing after I quickly changed into my outfit, forms, corset, and stocking and exited the office up front , walking past 4 male co-workers ... I actually turned around and made one of them RED FACED when I turned as I passed him, and told him that I could feel his eyes staring at me...!

The girls started to laugh, and then like magic, one had my makeup and "****ty eyes" as she called it in 5 minutes...the other one didn't even finish 3 nails yet ! I was amazed, and then they tried out the choose of two wigs..one was long and the other was shorter with body and waves...the long one was first, but that didn't work out, so the short one came to the rescue....

They were dying to see my shoes, and I had a pair of gorgeous 5 inch Stuart Weitzman ( my favorite designer ) peep toe pumps in a black sparkle leather on...they were amazed that I could walk in them, so I just said its been two weeks practicing at home for this, as I was going to a party with the kids at a charity even that I volunteer at ---guys as girls, and girls as guys was the theme that I said (little did they know)

They had to have me do a pose with my car in the picture...we did the quick cheesy leaning on the hood shot...in hindsight, should have done more.....

I even had one of the guys start laughing at the end and said I'm good enough to have if need be.....

One of the women have been driving me crazy for the last few days since..she was jealous of my legs in the hose, and how I transformed so easily --- she was truly amazed and shocked, and it just reinforced her opinion of me that I like to have fun and smile and joke around, instead of being so solemn and silent like others...

btw, my wife was being sent pictures and commenting back as I was being dressed and pampered by these two women at my office...so it made it very easy for me to do this, as my wife kept responding via texts

[Billie Jean]

I think the ones who protest the most might have a secret they are afraid you'll find out. As for rednecks, I am one and I love to dress to the nines as well as causual enfeme and go out. Billie Jean

[noeleena]

Hi,

Karen,

Thats shows two things no respect for your car even tho it was not his to do that,

& he wonted to control what was around him a boss'e male by the sounds of it,

I wonder what he would have said if that was a pink ribbon , not like to day then , well may be may be not.

...noeleena...

[deebra]

The lopsided twisted male thinking is men dressed feminine is perverted but they are just find with women dressed as men. Men are confused and threatened when they se this because there thinking is men should be manly, tough, etc. and any amount of being soft, emotional, or feminine takes away from this. If they saw more men wearing fem. they probially would start to accept and be les critical. And they just don't know how good wearing a pair of nylon or satin bikinni panties feels.

[eluuzion]

I'm talking about adults, not kids.

I have found that people are much easier to understand once you realize the only real difference between adults and kids is that adults, on average, tend to be taller.

:heehee::D:heehee:

:love:

[docrobbysherry]

I tend to agree with Karren and Eluusion!

When I've been out, I've heard most verbal comments come from females! And, I believe MANY folks r offended to have a "pervert" in their midst! Like it or not, THAT'S what many of the vanilla public believe!

[sanderlay]

Does seeing another guy out CDing ( & not even close to being passable ) and minding their own business really bother some men, even on Halloween? If so, what is the reason?

Your questions reminded me of one male friend of mine who just could not go out with me alone in public if I wore a skirt, even a long jean skirt. He said to his SO, who told me, that he had lost his male friend. I could not say why he has this reaction. I'm not him. But I suspect he's a bit homophobic. He has asked me in the past if I was attracted to him. I told him before I was not and only attracted to women.

I've also noticed he is concerned by appearances and what others think of him. I doubt he cold drive a pink Cadillac. Perhaps my being with him means I'm his girl friend. This might be more of the reason... but I'm only guessing. But I have noticed he is more secure with his SO when I'm dressed.

But this male friend was the exception. The rest of my friends, including males, do not react this way and support my attire as I go out in public dressed with them.

But despite these reactions I will not let it rob my joy of being myself, especially considering most people don't seem to mind. After all... there only clothes.