How long was it before your SO accepted you?

[cdsara]

How long did it take after sharing with your SO before they accepted you and could handle the idea? Also at what stage in your relationship were you at(how far in)?

[Jennifer529]

I told my GF about a week after our first date,that was 4 yrs ago.
She not only accepted it but encouraged it,she has input with clothes,make-up etc.
I never told anyone else that I was in a relationship before,I thought,"this time I am going to be upfront about it" and voila it worked out great!

[JenniferR771]

Its been about 10 years--no acceptance yet, BUT, a lot depends on who is the dominant person in the relationship, and if you are otherwise in a loving relationship. I have made small progress, baby steps, a little at a time. I think she will let me go to support group this month on Saturday. She knows where I keep my stash of girly stuff.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Mine does not accept it and threatens me with divorce if she ever catches me again. The last time was the third time if I recall. Same threat each time.

[Inna]

about as soon as the last word of description had left my mount, I had been shown to the door, and with the clothes on my back I have vanished into thin air of rejection. Such was the love I thought I had yet, not lost for it never was alive.

[AnitaH]

I told my wife about my CD when we were dating but it was understood I was stopping. (You know that doesn't work) A few years back she found my stash. With that and a couple of other things she insisted I get some counseling. Now after several years of counseling I realize this CD is an essential part of who I am. I told her this a couple of months ago. She is somewhat accepting and supportive of it but is not prepared to see me dressed yet. She is working on being more accepting.

This may not be typical of others SO's experiences because my coming out to her was did not take her totally by surprise it has been an issue since we were dating, it is on a different level now though.

By the way this year we've been married 16 years.

AnitaH

[cdsara]

wow good and bad I am sorry your wife said it was over. I am afraid that might happen to me. but I am trying to be optmistic about it. I also stopped when I met my wife and was good for about 6 years then I started again. behind her back. she never knew it and i thought I could stop for good. but I was wrong it is part of me!

[Tina B.]

She went shopping with me, the day I told her, that was thirty five years ago, five years after we got married, there has been very little problems over the years about it. But I told her, I didn't wait for her to discover it on her own.
Tina B.

[t-girlxsophie]

Met! my Wife online on a chat site (not a pick-up one) my username gave me away,as I wasn't hiding it.She was intrigued and we got to know each other,I suppose she was into me straight away,though it was when she saw me dressed 4 month later that we knew we were gonna be good together,never looked back since

Sophie

[prettytoes]

After 27 years of marriage, my wife found my stash of girly clothes. I came home from a weekend in the mountains to all my skirts, panties, bras, etc. neatly spread out on our bed. After several days of not talking, we talked about it. There were lots of questions and tears, but she really tried to understand.
Now, 6 months later, I wear panties all the time, I sleep in nighties, I wear sport bras while working out, and I keep my toenails painted. I do not fully dress in her presence, no skirts or dresses. I no longer hide anything, my clothes are hanging neatly in our closet. I thank her constanly for being so understanding of my needs, and I often tell her how much I love her.

[sometimes_miss]

Oh, she accepted what I did right away; she had no problem with my right to dress how I needed to. And she discarded me like trash a couple years later, because she had the right to want a 'real' man in her life instead of me.

[noeleena]

Hi,

were married 35 out of 37 years, 3 kids & 9 grandkids,

Okay , 16 years ago i told Jos i was / am a woman. both of us went . .....through HELL....8 years of,

we had at that time been married for 24 years, im I S.. tho did not tell or know how to tell others because of a lot of issue's in my background nothing at all to do with being I S. just myself as a person.

with in our & my circle of family & friends some 1000 or so all know about myself & what / who i am. well accepted, yes i am well known. & many i told face to face, & others who did not know soon found out over one night. media,

Jos took 7 years to accept i was born I S, family well its still hard because they have to live with the fact im not all male so its taking time tho are accepting more as time goes on. as for friends its long over im just accepted as a woman in my own right who's different. other than that no issues, if there was i would not be a member of womens groups & world wide ones as well.

...noeleena...

[Rachel Flowers]

We were making up after a serious relationship problem.
Her: "<daughter> asked me if we were going to get married again" (We hadn't divorced ro separated of anything)
Me: <laughter>
Her: "She wanted to wear a bridesmaid's dress!"
Me: <jokingly> I want to wear a bridesmaids dress!
Her: I'm sure I've got somthing that will fit you...
Me: er,... I've got something that will fit me...
Her: (eyes wide with excitement delight and frankly rampant horniness)... really???!!!

So I'd say she accepted it just before I actually told her.
I'm such a lucky girl to have a closet bi wife!

[kristinacd55]

Ummm....still working on it. She found out 5 years ago (i should have told her 36 years ago), but we're working on it.....I give her a lot of credit.

[DAVIDA]

I told Jean the night that I asked her to marry me.
I said that there was something that I had to tell her and she could make the informed decision whether she wanted to marry me.
After telling her, she said, "So".
It will be our twenty first anniversary next month.:D
I dress every day. If I don't, she wants to know if I am alright.
I do love that woman.:o

[cdsara]

I have to say you guys are lucky. I may have to find a way to suppress/ stop it if I want to keep her. I just hope therapy will help.

[Just Elizabeth]

How long have you known you were CD, and how long did it take YOU to accept it?? Have you really accepted it yet???

I think your SO should have as long as you had to accept it, since she/he hasn't lived in your body and doesn't know what you're thinking or feeling.

Just Elizabeth

[cdsara]

I have ben dressing up since I was like 8 and I loved dressing up with my neighbor (girl) when I was young she would dress me in her dresses and it felt normal.

[kimdl93]

Weeks into my first marriage (we were both young) she encouraged me to wear her bra, panties and nylons to bed...a little fantasy play. I hadn't dressed for a couple of years at that point, and my enthusiam was evident. We had fun with my CDing, but at that point it was largely confined to underdressing and bedroom play. (Its a shame, cause I was so much slimmer and had young skin!)

Fastfoward past a divorce (totally unrelated to the CDing). I knew that I wanted CDing to continue to be part of my life and understood that if I entered into a LTR, I'd have to confront this. So, as soon as I knew we getting serious, I told my SO. Turns out, she had some bi expereinces and she's been accepting and supportive ever since.

[Jenniferathome]

We had been married for 20+ years, three kids, normal life, no real arguing or fighting ever. She accepted me the second I stopped telling her I was a cross dresser. I was and am still stunned. She was always a better person than I, but I had no idea as to the depth of her understanding and tolerance. She immediately jumped on the net and did some minor reading but do so knowing that this is part of me,not some weird hobby I wanted to "try." for anyone telling their wife or girlfriend, education and talking are the keys.

[KrystalA]

My SO accepted it immediately, and in fact, she pretty much suggested it. Now, she's disappointed if I'm not at least underdressed, and prefers me to be fully en femme. Could it be any better than this?

[TGMarla]

How long was it before my wife accepted? Hmm....I'm still waiting on that one. But as for being able to handle the idea, well, after she found out about it, she managed to come to grips with it after about a year or two. She still doesn't get it, though. (Me, neither!) And she wants nothing to do with it.

[sinead]

after courting her for about 3 months she wanted to dress me up....the rest is history
she helps me shopping, plucks my eyebrows and de hairs me with her epilator

25 years of very happy marriage

[xristy]

I dated my wife 7 years before we married and have now been married 4 years. I didn't tell my wife until 2 years into our marriage. It was very rough at first and I didn't know if things would last. She has slowly come to grips with this side of me, although she has not seen me completely dressed yet. Very small steps, almost at a turtles pace, but at least we are still in the running. Things are better in our relationship than ever at this point. Only thing that could be better in MY opinion would be that I could dress in front of my wife. I do wish I had been upfront with my wife from the beginning, but we all know how hard it can be to tell someone that you love and don't want to loose. However, I have told myself that if I were ever single again, I would have to tell anyone I dated from the beginning. It would definately make things easier in the long run.

Xristy

[Rachel Flowers]

Oh dear! There's nothing "unreal" about a man, whatever he's wearing, surely? I hope that didn't hurt you too much, Lexi...?

[Marie-Elise]

Interesting question. It looks like I am finding out more about her acceptance weekly. But, when I told her, she got out one of her slips and asked me to put it on. Then we went and got some hot chocolate in the kitchen and talked about it while I was wearing the slip. Since then, she has said it's no big deal and has bought me clothes, took me to get a pedi with polish and has been cool when with us hanging out while I am en femme (I have not yet gotten makeup, a wig or shaved my legs).

Anyway, last Friday, she said she would like to clean out her closet. She said it was not a fun plan for a Saturday night but she needed to do it. I said that anything can be fun if we both have a couple of drinks and do it together. Well, Saturday night she told me she didn't want to clean out her closet with me. She said she was fine with me dressing but she didn't like the idea of making the dressing the focal point of our "couple time". She said that it's like sports to her. She doesn't care one way or another about sports but she knows I enjoy them. She supports my athletics, watches them with me sometimes but she won't actively participate. And she definitely would not look at going to a sporting event or watching one on TV as part of a romantic evening.

[cdsara]

well this is all very comforting to know that its possible that things can be ok. We had a long talk again last night and not much sleep afterwards. We talk alot and I hope that will help. She is having trouble accepting that she didnt know me and I had this other side.

[Rachel Flowers]

Talking coudl be all you need and as long as you are both still talking there's hope. My wife understood straight away that it was something I had to hide. she messaged me while I was in work saying she realised how alone I must have felt all these years, i could have melted in front of my students when I read it! It will take her some time but her love for you will help her realise you never intended to trick her. Make sure you let her know you understand that she's feeling paid too and you understand she needs time to process this discovery.

Talking. It's magic. x

[siantv2003]

Suppose that depends on your definition of acceptance. Whilst I have told here, we operate a DADT policy - according to her whatI do in my spare time is mine alone and she was participate. There were also a couple of ground rules .. only in the house, not in front of the kids, not visiable ... the usual.

Going on nearly 4 years now

[suchacutie]

We had been married 33 years. It had never occurred to me that I was transgendered. With my wife as an equal partner in joint decisions, we went in a 3-month period from the first moment of putting on a piece of her clothes to dressed to the point where we agreed that "she" needed a dress and a name. In the last 6 years my fantastic wife has educated Tina in all the details of being a girl, including the socialization of a girl growing up. It is completely incredible to be able to be open to a supporting wife who is also mentor and confident!

Tina

[ilovepanties]

my wife doesn't really accept it, but she tolerates it.

[KarenCDFL]

I told both my ex and my current wife a few months after we met.

My ex seemed to accept it. Sort of. But as other issues brought us to divorce after 5 years, she pretty much turned on me because of all the other anger issues. As the ex and I looked back after all the papers were signed, we both agreed that we never should have gotten married to begin with.

My current wife of almost 16 years was also told after a few months,. just after a breakup that I initiated because I was so afraid to tell her. When she asked why I wanted out, I came up with the standard guy thing about not wanting to go so fast, be in a relationship, etc. Typical BS.

I thought about it for a few weeks and even dated a bit but no one I met came even close to her. The kicker was that I heard through some mutual friends that she was dating some guy it was getting pretty hot.

I decided I had to take my chance and be honest about the whole thing.

I really loved her and even if we did not hook back up, she deserved to know why I bailed after everything was going so well, so I called her and we met back at my place for what could have been the very last time.

It took a bit but I told her that I was a cross dresser and at first she did not understand what that was. She had no idea there were guys that did this. After a lot of talking and crying she left and said that she would take some time to think about our conversation.

What she did do is a lot of research and over time we got back together, got married a year later and after a few years of getting to know each other and some continued professional counseling, she became 200% supportive as she realized that no matter what, I was still me. And we have had a lot of fun together with it over the years.

The one statement she made years ago was that if something happened and she was single again, she would find a non cross dressing guy pretty boring. How about that!

She is an incredible woman especially having put up with me me this long!

[reflections-of]

I told my current girlfriend on the night we met. I met her through my friend who knew. I was showing my friend pictures of me dressed and showed my girlfriend as well. The night we met we were at Georgie’s Alabi, a local GLBT club here in Saint Petersburg, Florida. My friend was bi-sexual and I was invited along to celebrate her girlfriend’s birthday. While I was not dressed, it was during my goth days, so I was wearing makeup and nail polish.

A week later, I went to a party, the girl I met at Georgie’s was there as well. While we did not go together, we both knew each of us was going to be there. It was a Pimp and Ho’ party, my girlfriend ended up going as a pimp and I went as a ho’. My friend wanted me to come dressed, so I did for her. My girlfriend and I spent the majority of the party spending time with one another. Other people who attended the party thought we were a lesbian couple.

So we exchanged numbers and I called her the next day. I was going to ask her out for later in the week but she asked me out for that night. I figured I might as well go dressed up, so we went back to Georgie’s for our first date.

While she was accepting of how I dress, she was embarrassed by the fact she was attracted to men who dressed as females. After about six months of dating, our relationship came to an end; it had ran its course. A couple of years later, after she had learned my friend who I spoke of above passed away she e-mailed me. We ended up dating again, to make a long story short. After six months of dating we parted ways again. Life became difficult for us. I was hit by a car, she was mugged, her father badly injured himself. We were also in a long distance relationship and she was trying to move back to St Pete but had no success finding a job here in the area.

About two years passed since then and we spoke one the phone and spent some time together. While we did not want to break up then we felt it was for the best. But we love each other and as she said “we’re meant for each other”. So I’ll be moving up there to Fort Lauderdale in the near future. She has come to terms accepting that she enjoys having me as both a bf and a gf.

So here is to the future…

[SweetPea_GG]

ill speak for myself here..

We had been married 15yrs but together a total of 19yrs at the time (16yrs now 20 together total).. I found his stash one evening a year ago almost now.. In the beginning (after the inital shock) I was trying to be very accepting and we set boundries of what I was comfortable with at the time. I still hurt inside from it but I wanted to learn and grow. There had been some sneaking things we did not agree on and that kinda sent me back to the beginning time and time again of me feeling decieved again even though the car had been out of the bag and me wondering why he still cant be truthful with me.. thats what I wanted the most..or why he couldnt go by our boundries we set when I was putting myself out there and trying to accept something really in my deepest of hearts that I really wasnt ready for or wanted in my marriage when I would imagine my marriage.. but I was trying and I was trying to get past that.. but when someone continues to hide it from you or crosses the lines that you both have set.. it felt more like I was the one who was giving and giving while he just sat there and took and didnt give nothing of himself in return.

So almost a year later (a year in December) and there are many ups and downs.. yet im still here and I love him to death even though at times when I know hes hiding things (and yes I can tell in a instant when things arnt right and somethings different now).. its gonna take me a long time I think.. especially at this rate we are going now.. I wish I could change how I feel inside with it all and just be soooo accepting like some of the wonder GGs on here but I cant.. and I have accepted that now and im not ashamed of that.. and I remind myself I am trying very hard.. cause I didnt leave and I dont threaten to leave over it.

I dont think you will get the answer on how long it took etc... here cause each and every woman and relationship is very different.

[Wendae]

46 long years! I still can't leave the house dressed.

[BillieJoEllen]

My wife found out about 'Billie' about one month before our wedding. It took a few days for her to embrace being married to a CDer but we continued forward and she accepted me. A few months after the wedding she asked to see me as 'Billie". That was the last time she ever asked me to dress. Sixteen years later she wanted me to go into counseling so that I would be 'cured'. THAT never happened or even had a chance of happening. Shortly after we were separated for a year. Twelve years later we separated again for a year. She doesn't understand why I can't just 'give it all up'. To her wearing a skirt is no big deal. Well, yeah.....

[Sophie86]

How long did it take after sharing with your SO before they accepted you and could handle the idea? Also at what stage in your relationship were you at(how far in)?

We started dating in 1986, married in 1987, and I told her in 2001. There was never any amount of non-acceptance. In 2009, when I began wanting to dress up more and go out in public, there was some discomfort with that due to her fear of how other people would react. Her love and acceptance of me, however, has never wavered.

[CallieH]

A couple of months into our relationship, my gf came across some pictures of me. She was horrified at first and confronted me. I told her everything about my CDing, and was really ashamed of it, and kinda went into 'hiding'.

Meanwhile, my gf was nothing less than understanding and supportive, found this forum here, talked to a lot of people and was able to clear up a lot of misconceptions that she had regarding CDing.

Since then she has been amazing, encouraging me to join here as part of my self-acceptance, and talking to me about it. In fact, her biggest issue has always been that I didn't trust her enough to tell her from the outset, but at the same time she acknowledged how hard it would have been for me to tell her anyways.

Here's wishing you all the best!

[Aprilrain]

I have to say you guys are lucky. I may have to find a way to suppress/ stop it if I want to keep her. I just hope therapy will help.

Wow that sucks. You probably won't be able to stop and frankly why should you? If she dosen't want a man who CDs that is her prerogative. Find some self acceptance in therapy and you will not feel the need to place yourself in a lopsided relationship where she has the power to demand that you deny yourself. That is disrespectful of your inherent humanity.

I get the hiding. We hide what we are ashamed of. I get the shame, in our society male femininity is seen as a weakness and men are supposed to be "strong" I can see why woman aren't into it, I'm a woman and I kinda want my BF to be a man. But I don't get supposed self acceptance and yet staying with someone who does not accept you. I can see compromise in a "CD" marriage to a degree but it seems to me that those members who are happiest have totally supportive SOs. Why settle for anything less?

Sweet Pea: he's hiding because he's still ashamed, though I am a full time woman now I tried the "CDing" thing for a long time and was constantly torn by the my desire to just be "normal" and my compulsion to "dress up". What I thought was an addiction turned out to just be my true nature asserting it's self. Also we make all kinds of promises we honestly want to keep but can not. I totally understand if CDing just isn't your thing. My BF CDs and it's not really something I want to participate in but I get that it's not going anywhere so why fight it (me or him!). I to would have my limits with it but I really don't care what he does with the dressing if I'm not around. If he wants to get all dolled up and go out on the town great I'll go out with my GFs!

[Julia_in_Pa]

She didn't even though she knew I was intersxed. I transitioned and moved on.........Next chapter.


Julia

[PretzelGirl]

I took the easy road. I didn't know that I wanted to do this until we had been married about 13 years. Then it just came together right in front of her eyes and there was no telling needed.

[Elizabeth Ann]

My story is a little different, but with much the same outcome.

We have been married 37 years, and although I have always had a fascination with women's lingerie, I drifted into crossdressing only in my 50's. It was never hidden, so much as "discrete". As things escalated, she became somewhat less tolerant. She never threatened or issued ultimatums, but would say things like, "I don't want to find women's clothes that are not mine when packing for a trip."

Like many here, we have settled into a sort of don't ask-don't tell arrangement. She knows my underwear drawer is full of panties, but I avoid putting them on in her presence. She has occasionally invited me to wear a dress around the house, but has an odd prohibition to bras ("bras are for girls" she says.)

It has been awkward for both of us. We are both non-religious liberals who agree that there is nothing illegal or immoral about it. Nevertheless, it makes her very uncomfortable. She has noted that this developed at the same time as menopause and her declining libido, and I frankly am unable to deny a connection, either to her or myself. Thus, she has said that it makes her feel that she is not "woman enough" for me. There is an erotic component to it, but I have striven to indicate that I love her for who she is, and that this is about me, not her.

I very much doubt there will ever be much more acceptance, though possibly tolerance will increase.

Liz

[SweetPea_GG]

Sweet Pea: he's hiding because he's still ashamed

Still ashamed? Dont think so..I was trying to be as accepting as I could.. never saying NO you cant do this.. but we BOTH agreed on boundries.. and so he had a list of things I was ok with for the time. I said I could probably be ok with more later given time.. did he give it time no he went right in to pushing the boundries (like a week later) and then just hiding it cause it wasnt on our "approval" list.. that IMO isnt being ashamed still.. that is a bit of what they call "pink fog" , being selfish and just thinking of himself and what he just wanted and not our relationship.

[AndreaCD1963]

Like Jennifer, I told my S/O very early in the relationship (a week or two into it maybe - can't remember for sure)

It took her about 30 seconds or less to accept it. Her reaction was literally "oh, is that all? At least you aren't telling me you are an axe murderer or rapist".

[johnboyii2002]

I don't think my SO would ever except it. When ever the subject comes up about Cd'ing She make comments like He must be sick, or why would they even want to do that.
So I have kept it very discrete. for fear of what it may do to our relationship.

[cdsara]

( I am not women enough) thas the same thing my wife said and also, I cant compete! I didn't know it was a competion.

[Elizabeth Ann]

( I am not women enough) thas the same thing my wife said and also, I cant compete! I didn't know it was a competion.

You are correct. It is not a competition, but she feels threatened anyway. It is a really frustrating situation.

Without getting too graphic about it, for several years the majority of my sex life has been spent alone in the shower. We have talked about that quite a bit. I have explained how I would feel very guilty about pressuring her to allow me, to put it bluntly, use her body. I couldn't enjoy it when I felt like it was just one of her household chores. So, we enjoy lots of intimacy that involves cuddling and touching, occasional intercourse, and I "supplement" that.

Did this situation contribute to the development of crossdressing? There is a good chance that it did, but somehow I cannot get across the message that it is not an indictment of her. With every couple, there are dozens of activities where interest is not shared. I love sailing. She will go occasionally. She loves scrap booking. I look, smile, and nod my head. Neither one of us feels guilty about that, and she doesn't worry about not being "sailor enough" for me. I wish we could get the same understanding about crossdressing, because I feel guilty about making her feel guilty.

I think the good news for you may be that if she is saying this, it might indicate that she does not consider crossdressing to be some disgusting immoral activity, but rather a threat to your life as a couple. If so, perhaps the right strategy is to give her all the attention she would want, to emphasize to her that if it were a competition, she already has won.

Liz

[Lorileah]

with my GF, I sent her a link to a web page I had at the time and she wrote back "who is that?". I told her it was me, she said "Oh OK" so how long was that? Less than a minute.

With my wife we never had the discussion, it just "was".

[cdsara]

I said I love you last night and her response was, You do? Why?

[Elizabeth Ann]

I said I love you last night and her response was, You do? Why?

Oh my. This is either someone who is very very angry with you, or someone who needs a lot of reassurance for her poor self esteem. Perhaps both. Keep saying it.

Liz

[Aprilrain]

Still ashamed? Dont think so..I was trying to be as accepting as I could.. never saying NO you cant do this.. but we BOTH agreed on boundries.. and so he had a list of things I was ok with for the time. I said I could probably be ok with more later given time.. did he give it time no he went right in to pushing the boundries (like a week later) and then just hiding it cause it wasnt on our "approval" list.. that IMO isnt being ashamed still.. that is a bit of what they call "pink fog" , being selfish and just thinking of himself and what he just wanted and not our relationship.

Sweet Pea, I feel ya! I can't speak for your husband, I can only share my experience. I made promises I wanted to keep but could not. I did feel shame LOTS OF SHAME. did I show it? not often if I was "caught" I would lash out i would retaliate I would blame this that or the other but I usually would not admit shame. My wife saw through all of that though and KNEW I was ashamed. She later told me that that was the reason she had such a problem with it was because she could tell that I had such a problem with it. If I was uncomfortable how could I expect her to be comfortable! I don't condone your husbands actions, if he made a promise he should either keep it or tell you he can't keep it.

My mission here is to STOP the violence of lopsided relationships! I suffered WAY t long in a doomed marriage (mostly doomed because of non-gender related issues though my soon to be ex would disagree) I tried to be what I thought SHE wanted me to be what I thought my PARENTS wanted me to be what I thought SOCIETY wanted me to be and it nearly killed me.

Personally I don't see why any woman would want to be with a man so easily cowed! I never cease to be baffled by the posts of CDers groveling at their wives feet! I have to wonder what kind of woman would want that kind of man???

[Shananigans]

My SO told me after 4 months of dating. We will have been together 3 years in February.

I accepted it immediately, but that did not mean that I did not have a lot of questions and concerns. Open communication and the fact that my SO is my best friend has made it so that I have never regretted being accepting. I love him, it's part of who he is, and I think that knowing and accepting each other fully makes us a stronger couple.

If he had told me 5 or 10 years after we were married, I would be pretty upset. I think women take pride in "knowing" their partner...I might wonder what else I didn't know about this person that I married.

However, I think it can work out with communication. If, for example, my SO had said he didn't tell me until years after we were married because he couldn't accept it himself and was hoping it would go away, I would be there to support him. I admired my SO's courage for being able to tell me and trust me with this aspect of his life. So, no matter when it occurred, I would be happy that he finally trusted me with the info and was coming to terms with himself. However, if it was something that he had denied for years and years (even after marriage), I would want to seek a therapist. I think a therapist could help us have more effective communication on the topics that needs to be discussed.

As it stands today, my SO sometimes wonders if he would be happier living as a woman. I have told him I would support him if he transitioned, but I want what is Best for him. And, I'm not sure he really knows what that is...and, he is rather rash in his decisions, only looking at things from one side. He waffles a lot on this issue, and in the end I feel like he would be happiest in a world where he could change back and forth between living as a man and living as a woman. It would be pretty cool, I'll admit. He has lived a long time as a man and knows it best, he only knows one side of being a woman and I see that it's not an easy side for him...though it is A LOT of fun. This is kind of an issue that is a little different than CDing, but it's an example of an issue that came up a few years after being together. (In the beginning, he said he had no desire to be a woman). And, with open communication, I hope we can find what is best for him. I think though that this is going to involve therapy from an outside party. And, there's no shame in that. I'm lucky to be with a very beautiful person, but a confusing one. I have a lot of questions still...and, most of the time he cannot answer these questions (I don't think he knows the answers to them himself). But, the most important thing is that we are just there for each other, we accept each other, and we love each other. I expect it out of him, so I don't know why I wouldn't give the same to him.

This is just one view though and just my own personal experience.

[Lorileah]

Open communication and the fact that my SO is my best friend has made it so that I have never regretted being accepting. I love him, it's part of who he is, and I think that knowing and accepting each other fully makes us a stronger couple.

And that is the key. You need to be best friends as well as lovers and spouses. That point is overlooked in too many relationships


I think women take pride in "knowing" their partner...I might wonder what else I didn't know about this person that I married. works both ways BTW. Small secrets like you don't like broccoli...no big deal. Big secrets long term....big deal.

[Shananigans]

Big secrets long term....big deal.

Definitely big deal, but I think sometimes coming out with those secrets can strengthen a relationship. It definitely can tear one apart too. However, I feel like we are creatures that are constantly in a state of flux and learning more about ourselves...it's unrealistic for me to say at this moment in time that I will know everything that there ever is to know about my SO. I'm always learning something about him, the way he thinks, and the way he looks at things. It keeps things interesting.

I edited my post to include the new development of him considering more about his gender. This is a very big deal and it's something that he said was not a problem in the beginning of our relationship. If he transitioned things would be quite different. However, this is something that he didn't so much "lie" about so much as he hadn't dealt with it.

I feel like this is the issue with a lot of CDs. Stuff it in the back of the closet and deal with it later. But, now we are dealing with it...and, in the process I have learned more about my SO and love him even more.

[cdsara]

we are best friends, right now just not lovers. I hope time will heal!

[Cheryl T]

How long did it take after sharing with your SO before they accepted you and could handle the idea? Also at what stage in your relationship were you at(how far in)?

She first found out when we were married for 10 years. It didn't work for us then and I went back into hiding.
About 19 years later I couldn't hide anymore and came out to her. We talked and it took a few months for her to be "receptive". Now we've been exploring this for 7 years together and she is accepting, assisting and any other "ing" I can think of. She lets me be me and shares this with me. I think we have become closer than ever because of it.

[Launa]

I told my wife very early in our relationship and she was perfectly fine but I was just into wearing dresses around the house from time to time, not full blown CDing. Things became a little confusing and difficult the last couple years because I hit middle age and I want to sometimes dress in full femme, go out in public, be on this website lots and belong to TG groups etc...
This is where things have become a little more tense but we will get through it. I might not be able to get out as much as I want to though, like every second day! LOL