I get a Feeling

[Cathrine]

OK not sure how i am going to put this??

But here goes i love dressing up and been doing it everyday now since i came out to my wife, but as i progress i get this urge or feeling that i should have been a woman or want to be a woman full time. but on the other hand i love being a guy as well. i know being a CDer is the best of both i can choose who i want to be when i want to be her or him. i don't have male clothes only female clothes ok i can't afford breast forms and made my own but there is still something missing. I mean i would love to have my own real boobs but the wife said hell no, which is fine i would never overstep that boundry. i am happy married and love my wife with all my heart and soul, as she supports and encourages my cding. but i still get the urge or feeling to be a real woman.

yeah i do sound confused and really could help with some advise on this any will be good.

kisses CATH

[eluuzion]

Hi C,

If you do own any male clothes, then you are dressed 24/7/365 in female clothing. It is logical to assume you go to work dressed too. (Unless your wife supports you financially as well and you do not work). (Your wife sounds fantastic, but I can’t imagine any woman on this planet being THAT supportive, :eek:).

Given your 24/7 dressing and your wife’s willingness to stretch to accommodate your desires to dress full time…I feel confident in assuming your desires/urges to “become a woman” have not gone unnoticed by her. The most logical options seem to be to discuss your feelings with your wife, then seek individual and joint counseling.

Good luck. :hugs:

:love:

[Cathrine]

Hi Eluuzion
i do go to work dressed yes ( in slacks and blouses that do not look to fem and shoes that will pass) yeah she is fantastic and helps with all things fem that i do incorrectly she corrects. Funny thing is she does not even see the clothes anymore it is as if nothing has changed in our relationship.

i think i will have to tell her about my urges or feelings , seeing we talk openly now. I just want to get a bit of clarity on this before a express it to her. well lets hope she understands this part of it all.

Thanks Eluuzion

[Kate T]

Cathrine

Look I think the feelings your expressing are not uncommon for most in the TG spectrum. Certainly I would say that it was something that I thought about a lot on and off.
I like being a husband, son and father. Sometimes I express a feminine side. Sometimes it is something small like a chain or bracelet, underwear, sometimes it is the whole kit and caboodle.
I think if you feel you may be truly TS (i.e. a "real" woman) then you need to see a gender and relationship counsellor. That will be a completely different kettle of fish for your wife.
BTW I think every guy sometimes wishes they had boobs. haven't you heard the old joke about why men don't have breasts? Because they would never stop playing with them for long enough to get any work done!

[Jenniferathome]

why men don't have breasts? Because they would never stop playing with them for long enough to get any work done!

I say the very same thing to my wife!

[kimdl93]

I don't have a clear impression of the length of time that has passed since you first came out to your wife. Are we talking weeks, months or years?

Its sounds as though you dress in a fairly androgynous manner, which is probably not as dramatic a visual change (for your wife) as wearing forms. My thought is that if a relatively small amount of time has passed, that maybe you should just relax and enjoy yourself and your wife, before embarking on more extensive dressing. And of course, I do think you should talk with her, not just about your feelings, but her's also. In fact, I'd focus on her feelings and once you understand her perspective, then you can reciprocate. What I'd like to see is some balance in conversation, so that "its not all about you"...if you know what I mean.

[KrystalA]

I can't even count the times I've wished I could be a real female, if only for a day or two, just to truly know what it really feels like to have breasts and female anatomy.

[Rachel Flowers]

Well, you should because it's true! Universal male fantasy.

[jillleanne]

Been there more times than I can count. Reality sets in over time in my case and although that thought still shows it's face from time to time, I know that it is pure fantasy in that, IF I did get all the surgery required it would only be a curse in the long run as inside, no matter what I did to change the physical appearance, would not give me the state of mind required to be a woman. The best I can do is remove all the hair and enjoy life. Of course if I at a point whereby I required serious councelling for say suicidal thoughts or attempts because I hated myself, that would be different. I'm not and therefore, as much as it would be a hoot to have a truly fem body on the outside, I'll pass for now.
I also suspect in your case, if you walk in the front door one day with lovely implants without her knowledge, she will have something to say about it. Might want to be wearing a suit of armour at the time, just in case. Dressing like a woman is one thing, having breasts like a gg is something else, usually.

[DonnaT]

There are at least three things going on here: 1) the feeling you should have/want to be a woman; 2) you love being a guy; and 3) the desire for boobs.

Numbers 2 and 3 are not uncommon even for non-trans folk. I often wish I had breasts, but also love being a guy. Thus I know how impractical breasts would be for this guy. Knowing the impracticality still doesn't stop the feeling.

As for number 1, I don't have that desire, even though I wish I had the look at times. However, number 1 is the biggest fear my wife has, and there are just too many stories of CDs finding later on in life that they need to pursue that desire, to remove all doubt from her mind. All I can do is reassure her is that I love being a guy, and therefore have no desire to transition.

So, when you talk to your wife, make sure you mention that these are urges many CDs have, but that you also love being a guy and therefore have no plans to transition.

[ReineD]

but as i progress i get this urge or feeling that i should have been a woman or want to be a woman full time. but on the other hand i love being a guy as well. i know being a CDer is the best of both i can choose who i want to be when i want to be her or him.

Pink fog? Read any of the threads here:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=pink+fog

I mention this only because you said you love being a guy as well.

[Proteus]

I get the feeling too. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to live out my female side if I transition, even though I know that transitioning is anything but easy. Besides, I don't really qualify for transitioning.

[SandraAbsent]

repost of something I found and use over and over again...



Until you reach the point that living one more day in the middle is worse than transition you will remain where you are, for better or worse.
The question is are you willing to gamble that you might not make it to the other side alive during transition?
Do you have the ability to bet all of your chips on one roll of the dice?
If the answer is no then you know where you stand with all of this.
No one blames you for being where your at concerning transition.
Your not trapped by circumstances or your trapped by your own mind,
but there is no ideal time to transition you just do it or you don't.

You could be in a fog, or you could be really wanting to move forward. Either way you're not wrong.

[Julia_in_Pa]

@ Sandra,

Thanks for quoting me.

I wrote this for those that Are having stronger feelings concerning being TS than being a CD or otherwise.

Kathrine,

You must seek therapy if these feelings continue.

You also stated you like being a guy. That's the big red flag.

I've been though more reality concerning transition then I could write in a thousand page book.

Transistion is a very serious and frequently a very dangerous path concerning whether or not you make it to the other side alive.

This is why the percentage of attempted suicide for our community is over 50 %.

It almost claimed my life and I thought I was mental brute.

Now five years after transition I live a successful and very normal suburban life.

The path of transition and the the subsequent loss of my entire family, friends, job and the depression that went along with it has shortened my life, I can feel it.

Think very carefully about what you want versus what your life demands.

If you approach it without the seriousness of life and death then your a fool.

it can just as easily take your life as it can give you life.

Walk carefully and with conviction and purpose Kathrine.


Julia



repost of something I found and use over and over again...




You could be in a fog, or you could be really wanting to move forward. Either way you're not wrong.

[Cheryl T]

Add me to the list of those who would adore having their own breasts....but my wife said no too....:sad:
Actually that was one topic we discussed when I came out to her (the 2nd time...long story) about 8 years ago. The agreement was no implants and no hormones.

As a friend once put it..."If I had tits I'd never leave the house".

[SandraAbsent]

@ Julia

Thank you for giving me the words I could never find myself, and when I first read them, it was at a very deciding moment in my last few months. Probably the most powerful thing Ive seen anyone type in a long time, which is why I re-posted it here, (and of course not claiming it as my own :) ) because it demonstrates the severity of transition.

You stated:

Think very carefully about what you want versus what your life demands.

If you approach it without the seriousness of life and death then your a fool.

it can just as easily take your life as it can give you life.

Katherine,

This is so true. Everyone has a different path and different variables in their lives. The great thing is you don't have to decide overnight if ever if you don't want to. Understand that decisions like surgery, coming out full time, ect...do have life or death consequences and should never be taken lightly.

anyhow just my two cents worth!

[NathalieX66]

Beatles 1969 rooftop concert " I got a feeling....a feeling you can't hide, oh yeah....oh no"

Catherine, I have argued with myself probably a million times whether to make a transition or not, but the answer in the end always comes out the same. I would not be suprised if we are lot alike.

With me, I cannot have it one way, or the other way....that being girl or boy.
In my journey where I am now, I have met many who are transitioning, and also those who have transitioned. Sometimes I feel jealous or envious of them to the point it hurts. But then I realize that they are not like me because I'm someone that hs a strong male identity, as well as a female identity. This is called bi-gendered, dual-gendered, and best of all, gender fluid....that's the term that i like to use because it works for me.
MTF transsexuals usually only have one identity, and that's female.

I do not fit the gender binary. Straight, cisgendered people, people who are happy with the gender they are born with fit the gender binary. Those who feel they were born in the wrong gender also fit the gender binary....but on the other side. And they are the ones that have the battles of fighting their physical form.
Since I feel like I'm both genders, I've been striving to fit a happy medium of androgyny for the last year by growing my hair long at or beyond my shoulders (yay! I have no hair loss) , doing permanent hair removal like laser and electrolysis, excersizing to keep the fat down, especially the male fat, etc......it's a very weird place for me as of late but I'm happy here.
I feel like I have the freedom to be whoever I want, whenever I want. Such things has it's challenges, but I'm doing it.
if I can dress in female clothes and pass as femle in public, I'm happy.

[LeaP]

OK not sure how i am going to put this??

yeah i do sound confused and really could help with some advise on this any will be good.

kisses CATH

It seems the most important thing is to figure out where you are in the identity spectrum. Julie pointed out the potential for disasterous consequences with at least certain kinds of choices and errors. I agree with her comment that loving being a guy is a huge red flag as regards transition and, in my opinion, any kind of permanent physical changes. It's easy to mistake the urgent need to dress, with which most CDers are well-familiar, with the drive to BE. An urge to be, or experience being female, one that comes and goes, is very different than the identity pressure that transsexuals describe. Couple the fact that you describe it as an urge with the comment on maleness, and hopefully you'll understand Julie's concern.

I'm closer to what Nathalie describes, though tending more toward non-gendered than bi-gendered. I really, really dislike most things male and being physically male, but don't see myself as female either. My inner characteristics are so intermixed I can't really see the gender lines. Like her, I'm happy to take the androgyny and CDing approach to finding my place in the world. I've read Nathalie's identity characterizations before and, while I see many similarities, perceive difference also. All this as a simple example of even small differences in identity can make a difference in how you understand yourself. And Nathalie and I occupy a tiny spot in the identity spectrum.

You're going to have to be introspective. You need to understand your personality, where the urges come from and what quiets and satisfies them in a fully normative sense, and ultimately decide which set of choices and limitations you're prepared to accept (you've already mentioned one). Experimentation can help illuminate things for you. I'll tell you this: the vast majority of all CDers, TG people, transsexuals, and others who challenge gender wind up accepting limitations and some level of dissatisfaction in life, as the rest of the population isn't ready to accept us. In some respects making choices regarding gender expression no different than many other things in life, except that when identity is involved, the consequences of the choices tends to nag at you, and that feeling never completely goes away.

Lea

[Kayleeluvsheels]

Good luck hun I've given it thought forr 5 yr and dedcided I want breast and a more feminine body... not changing my sex completely tho.