shaunamac
11-03-2011, 06:45 PM
I'm sure you've all heard of 'The Pink Fog' and probably also "the Slippery Pink Slope'. Not to mention the old saw 'What's the difference between a transvestite and a transexual', answer 'About ten years'
Well here I am now, 15 years after I first briefly tried on my wife's bra, 'just to see what it felt like'. It did feel good, and one thing led to another. It wasn't too long before I was out at a distant mall buying my very own first bra and other items of female attire. I remember being so excited. It all started so slowly and seemingly insignificantly. But then things went from occasionally to weekly, with each episode incrementally going just a little further along the line, needing just a little more detail to enhance the experience. My first 'tuck' was partial and short lived. It certainly hurt down there to be pushed and pulled into unused places and positions. I couldn't sit down to save my life, and after 15 minutes I had to ease off on the 'squeeze'. What a difference a decade makes. Despite the discomfort, it felt like a 'nice' discomfort, perseverance repaid and after a few months became slowly more and more satisfied with the visual result. This was before I had a computer and I was completely on my own. No one to share with, but I felt OK about it all.
I became very creative with making different types of breast forms. Oil and water in plastic bags, balloons, quinoa, bird seed, and anything else I could think of that might make a satisfactory and realistic shape and feel. From early on I knew I preferred a modest rather than a bulbous bust and rejoiced in discovering all the different shapes, sizes and variety of brassiere. However it didn't take long before my wife found out. Right from the start she was very clear about not wanting any part of this in her husband or her life. To give her all credit, she tried very hard and for a long time to make the marriage work. We went to all kinds of therapists, counsellors, and groups. But nothing really stuck, I went through two major and ceremonial purges under her supervision, only to slowly sneak and creep back into my old ways weeks and months later. Deep down I knew I wanted out of the marriage and used my cross dressing as a means to an end. Eventually we broke up and she moved out.
Time passes and circumstances change. Now I've turned 60. the present economic catastrophe finds me unemployed. I'm a good carpenter and for most of my life have made a good living in construction. The housing crash means very little new construction going on, and I run into arthritis and ageism whenever I get a chance to make some money. The young guys get hired first, they have the strong backs and endurance. Have you heard of OCD,? in my book it's 'old carpenters disease' . You're just plain worn out.
Today I'm feeling contemplative, and looking toward the future. Asking myself what really lies ahead. The thing is
I've got to the point where I spend as much time as possible dressed. Being out of work gives me a lot of home time, I live alone and have a certain amount of privacy. I have more girl clothes than men's, My preference is to be always wearing women's clothing, day and night, I'm tucked most of the time, I have '24' hour bras and dresses, skirts, tops and tights are draped around my room. I've managed to keep my preference relatively private and have never been busted or outed, but at this rate if I'm always dressed it can only be a matter of time. Yesterday to my shock and horror I found myself dressed and needing to go into town on some errands. I just didn't want to undress and thought to myself how can I go out as I am. Completely dressed but minus any makeup. It was hard but finally I convinced myself to put on male clothing. I went to Home Depot and the Appliance Store, finally Costco.
Along the way I met three guys I know well and wonder how that would have gone had I not changed. This is a small community, [I'm in Hawaii] socially conservative and I suspect I'd find myself ostracized and forgotten about. Already I have little enough social life and a small circle of friends and acquaintances. Without work I can't keep up with the mortgage and it's only a matter of time before before the inevitable comes to pass. I'll need to find somewhere to live and figure out how to support myself. I'm naturally optimistic and I love how I am and enjoy my life, however one does have to be realistic and plan ahead just a little. I have no desire or intention to transition or make any permanent body changes, even down to ear piercing, [well that might at least be nice]
The main thing is my sexuality. Women intuitively pick up on something being a little different, without perhaps
knowing exactly what. Sexual encounters become increasingly awkward and unsatisfactory for both of us. My sexuality has become a little skewed and out of kilter. Women of my age are anxious to find a satisfactory and 'normal' lover, our encounters just don't quite work out.
HHHmmmmmmmm……
Well here I am now, 15 years after I first briefly tried on my wife's bra, 'just to see what it felt like'. It did feel good, and one thing led to another. It wasn't too long before I was out at a distant mall buying my very own first bra and other items of female attire. I remember being so excited. It all started so slowly and seemingly insignificantly. But then things went from occasionally to weekly, with each episode incrementally going just a little further along the line, needing just a little more detail to enhance the experience. My first 'tuck' was partial and short lived. It certainly hurt down there to be pushed and pulled into unused places and positions. I couldn't sit down to save my life, and after 15 minutes I had to ease off on the 'squeeze'. What a difference a decade makes. Despite the discomfort, it felt like a 'nice' discomfort, perseverance repaid and after a few months became slowly more and more satisfied with the visual result. This was before I had a computer and I was completely on my own. No one to share with, but I felt OK about it all.
I became very creative with making different types of breast forms. Oil and water in plastic bags, balloons, quinoa, bird seed, and anything else I could think of that might make a satisfactory and realistic shape and feel. From early on I knew I preferred a modest rather than a bulbous bust and rejoiced in discovering all the different shapes, sizes and variety of brassiere. However it didn't take long before my wife found out. Right from the start she was very clear about not wanting any part of this in her husband or her life. To give her all credit, she tried very hard and for a long time to make the marriage work. We went to all kinds of therapists, counsellors, and groups. But nothing really stuck, I went through two major and ceremonial purges under her supervision, only to slowly sneak and creep back into my old ways weeks and months later. Deep down I knew I wanted out of the marriage and used my cross dressing as a means to an end. Eventually we broke up and she moved out.
Time passes and circumstances change. Now I've turned 60. the present economic catastrophe finds me unemployed. I'm a good carpenter and for most of my life have made a good living in construction. The housing crash means very little new construction going on, and I run into arthritis and ageism whenever I get a chance to make some money. The young guys get hired first, they have the strong backs and endurance. Have you heard of OCD,? in my book it's 'old carpenters disease' . You're just plain worn out.
Today I'm feeling contemplative, and looking toward the future. Asking myself what really lies ahead. The thing is
I've got to the point where I spend as much time as possible dressed. Being out of work gives me a lot of home time, I live alone and have a certain amount of privacy. I have more girl clothes than men's, My preference is to be always wearing women's clothing, day and night, I'm tucked most of the time, I have '24' hour bras and dresses, skirts, tops and tights are draped around my room. I've managed to keep my preference relatively private and have never been busted or outed, but at this rate if I'm always dressed it can only be a matter of time. Yesterday to my shock and horror I found myself dressed and needing to go into town on some errands. I just didn't want to undress and thought to myself how can I go out as I am. Completely dressed but minus any makeup. It was hard but finally I convinced myself to put on male clothing. I went to Home Depot and the Appliance Store, finally Costco.
Along the way I met three guys I know well and wonder how that would have gone had I not changed. This is a small community, [I'm in Hawaii] socially conservative and I suspect I'd find myself ostracized and forgotten about. Already I have little enough social life and a small circle of friends and acquaintances. Without work I can't keep up with the mortgage and it's only a matter of time before before the inevitable comes to pass. I'll need to find somewhere to live and figure out how to support myself. I'm naturally optimistic and I love how I am and enjoy my life, however one does have to be realistic and plan ahead just a little. I have no desire or intention to transition or make any permanent body changes, even down to ear piercing, [well that might at least be nice]
The main thing is my sexuality. Women intuitively pick up on something being a little different, without perhaps
knowing exactly what. Sexual encounters become increasingly awkward and unsatisfactory for both of us. My sexuality has become a little skewed and out of kilter. Women of my age are anxious to find a satisfactory and 'normal' lover, our encounters just don't quite work out.
HHHmmmmmmmm……