abigailf
11-04-2011, 10:39 AM
So, thanks to the nor'easter that came through here last weekend, I only got back online today.
As such, I had to abandon my normal work from home procedure and go into an office. Fortunately there is an IBM office not too far from me. And even more fortunate is it is not the one I normally work at. So I don't really know many people there.
As I have gotten used to dressing for work (at home), I didn't want to go back to drab. I am not even sure I could if I wanted to since I "purged" most of my male clothes.
So, on day one, I dress a bit "gender queer". Jeans tee jacket, kept hair in a pony tail. It's probably as male as I get anymore. Mascara and eye shadow are still a standard staple in either mode (just neutral in tones). I went in to check out the mobility office and spent about an hour doing emails and network required activities. Then I left.
On day two: I wore jeans again, but this time with boots and a cute black v-neck sweater. Some jewlery, straightend my hair and put a headband in to keep the hair off my lipstick (it doesn't really help much though). I think I need to consider bangs soon. Of course, it took me much longer to get ready than expected. However, I suspect I was procrastinating. But I eventually got a move on and made my way to the office.
Leaving my house has been a bit of a problem lately too because of all the work on the lines and trees cleaning up after the storm. And that some neighbors insist on bothering the workers to get time estimates for their media to be brought back. Heavens for bit if they miss a football game or two (Oh! And I won the football pool this week, yeah me :).
However, I have long since lost my fear of leaving home and being spotted. For the most part, I just really don't care anymore.
So, I arrive at the office, park, fixed my hair and checked my make-up and then headed in without hesitation. I made sure to take a glance at myself in the reflective windows as I was walking. Who's that lady over there? Oh! It's me :)
As I was approaching the doors I could see the elevators beyond and the people standing by them. I panicked for a moment as I thought I saw someone I knew from the other office I work at. So I stopped outside, pulled out my phone and pretended to be on it until I saw him get on the elevator. Then I went in.
I walked in, got on the elevator. Someone got on behind me and I asked "which floor." Of course, I pressed the button for him and responded with a "You're welcome" to his thanks.
I walked into the mobility center got my cube and spent an hour working on my emails and such. Then I left for my electrolysis appointment.
On day 3: It was a Thursday and my wife is home on Thursdays from work. I dress around her but not the kids – yet. So I wore a really cute skirt from Old Navy that was mid length and had a floral print in fall colors. I wore a coordinated solid colored top and sandals as it was a bit warmer out.
My wife was more than a bit uncomfortable with me going to work dressed and the whole transition talk came up. Really! Now! When I have to get to work! I thought. At night when the kids are in bed is not a good time, but 5 minutes before I need to be at work is.
We had a brief conversation, enough to sooth her fears for the time being. She does really love me and we both wonder if love will be enough. I truly wish I didn’t have to put her through this, but after 45 years I just can’t do it anymore. I am a girl and only two things can get my transitioning; completing transition or death. I hope the latter is a long ways off.
Anyway, I digress. Skipping to the office. As I arrived at the office I saw someone in the parking lot that not only works for the same company as me but is also part of my friend network. However, he is supposed to be at a different office. Well, I slipped into a parking spot and waited for him to clear out before I went in.
You know, I am not sure if he was the person I thought he was or if the person I saw the day before was who I thought it was. It was probably my mind playing tricks on me. But I pushed through those fears and continued with my plan. I entered the building, got on the elevator, greeted others on it and entered the mobility center just as if I belonged there. Because quite frankly, I do belong there and I challenge anyone to say otherwise.
Again, I spent my hour doing emails and such and then left. I was planning to spend the full day there on Friday, but alas, my internet was restored and here I am, working from home again. Okay, so writing this is not quite working, but I am waiting for a large file to download I will spend a full day as Abigail in the near future, even though if don’t have to be there.
On either day, most people did not give me a second glance and those that did, did not really care enough other than to take a second look.
Unfortunately, there are no pictures. For some reason, asking someone at work to take a picture of me didn’t seem appropriate. In fact it hadn’t even crossed my mind until now.
I'm so sorry that this was so long. I have a hard time being brief. Jeez, I ramble on like a girl.
As such, I had to abandon my normal work from home procedure and go into an office. Fortunately there is an IBM office not too far from me. And even more fortunate is it is not the one I normally work at. So I don't really know many people there.
As I have gotten used to dressing for work (at home), I didn't want to go back to drab. I am not even sure I could if I wanted to since I "purged" most of my male clothes.
So, on day one, I dress a bit "gender queer". Jeans tee jacket, kept hair in a pony tail. It's probably as male as I get anymore. Mascara and eye shadow are still a standard staple in either mode (just neutral in tones). I went in to check out the mobility office and spent about an hour doing emails and network required activities. Then I left.
On day two: I wore jeans again, but this time with boots and a cute black v-neck sweater. Some jewlery, straightend my hair and put a headband in to keep the hair off my lipstick (it doesn't really help much though). I think I need to consider bangs soon. Of course, it took me much longer to get ready than expected. However, I suspect I was procrastinating. But I eventually got a move on and made my way to the office.
Leaving my house has been a bit of a problem lately too because of all the work on the lines and trees cleaning up after the storm. And that some neighbors insist on bothering the workers to get time estimates for their media to be brought back. Heavens for bit if they miss a football game or two (Oh! And I won the football pool this week, yeah me :).
However, I have long since lost my fear of leaving home and being spotted. For the most part, I just really don't care anymore.
So, I arrive at the office, park, fixed my hair and checked my make-up and then headed in without hesitation. I made sure to take a glance at myself in the reflective windows as I was walking. Who's that lady over there? Oh! It's me :)
As I was approaching the doors I could see the elevators beyond and the people standing by them. I panicked for a moment as I thought I saw someone I knew from the other office I work at. So I stopped outside, pulled out my phone and pretended to be on it until I saw him get on the elevator. Then I went in.
I walked in, got on the elevator. Someone got on behind me and I asked "which floor." Of course, I pressed the button for him and responded with a "You're welcome" to his thanks.
I walked into the mobility center got my cube and spent an hour working on my emails and such. Then I left for my electrolysis appointment.
On day 3: It was a Thursday and my wife is home on Thursdays from work. I dress around her but not the kids – yet. So I wore a really cute skirt from Old Navy that was mid length and had a floral print in fall colors. I wore a coordinated solid colored top and sandals as it was a bit warmer out.
My wife was more than a bit uncomfortable with me going to work dressed and the whole transition talk came up. Really! Now! When I have to get to work! I thought. At night when the kids are in bed is not a good time, but 5 minutes before I need to be at work is.
We had a brief conversation, enough to sooth her fears for the time being. She does really love me and we both wonder if love will be enough. I truly wish I didn’t have to put her through this, but after 45 years I just can’t do it anymore. I am a girl and only two things can get my transitioning; completing transition or death. I hope the latter is a long ways off.
Anyway, I digress. Skipping to the office. As I arrived at the office I saw someone in the parking lot that not only works for the same company as me but is also part of my friend network. However, he is supposed to be at a different office. Well, I slipped into a parking spot and waited for him to clear out before I went in.
You know, I am not sure if he was the person I thought he was or if the person I saw the day before was who I thought it was. It was probably my mind playing tricks on me. But I pushed through those fears and continued with my plan. I entered the building, got on the elevator, greeted others on it and entered the mobility center just as if I belonged there. Because quite frankly, I do belong there and I challenge anyone to say otherwise.
Again, I spent my hour doing emails and such and then left. I was planning to spend the full day there on Friday, but alas, my internet was restored and here I am, working from home again. Okay, so writing this is not quite working, but I am waiting for a large file to download I will spend a full day as Abigail in the near future, even though if don’t have to be there.
On either day, most people did not give me a second glance and those that did, did not really care enough other than to take a second look.
Unfortunately, there are no pictures. For some reason, asking someone at work to take a picture of me didn’t seem appropriate. In fact it hadn’t even crossed my mind until now.
I'm so sorry that this was so long. I have a hard time being brief. Jeez, I ramble on like a girl.