Going to meet an admirer Monday.

[Alice Torn]

For years, I have imagined meeting an admirer all dressed up, chickened out many times, due to being wiser, or just fear. I went to meet a guy once, but, HE got cared, and stood me up. This admirer, i know where he works, if there is a big problem, and we are meeting on his lunch hour, so it won't be too long together. He is wild about my legs!

[Gina X]

Good for you Louise, I really hope it goes well for you, hugs.

[Kathi Lake]

Stay safe, and good luck!

Kathi

[Kate Simmons]

Damn Louise, good for you Hon but now I'm jealous.;):)

[Shananigans]

Definitely stay safe... As a woman, I could never imagine doing what you are planning to do.

I hope all goes well, and it's all you had hoped it would be. I personally think admirers are very weird because they are objectifying and treating you as a means to a fetish. I don't like people that have amputee fetishes either, and it seems the along the same lines of objectification.

But, everyone has their thing and two consenting adults are two consenting adults.

However, as a woman, I cannot begin to wrap my head around it.

Things like, "We are meeting during his lunch hour, so it won't be too long together!" Don't get it. Never will. I like men to worship me in the bedroom. I certainly wouldn't be there just because he had a kink for tall girls with big feet, for example. It's kind of like, "Oh, you are attracted to me because I'm tall and have big feet? You want to screw me because of this weird fetish of yours' and then be done with it? Thanks? I feel so hot right now?"

I guess we do a lot of things for a sense of validation.

[gabimartini]

I tend to agree with Shananigans. It's weird to give in to being somebody's object. But, who am I to judge? As long as you stay safe, and it's not illegal, do whatever makes your heart sing.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations Louise. Good luck and enjoy.

[vikki2020]

Make sure he treats you like a lady! You'll have fun, and enjoy the time together!

[Alice Torn]

Yes, I must be careful, but, I flip-flopped on him, leading him on a lot, then let him down. I have made it clear how much i will , aand won't do, but, it could be a disaster, or could go well. I have to take some responsibility, if it goes bad, or good.

[AllieSF]

When you meet with him, do not talk too much. Let the conversation flow as best possible, listen, participate and let him talk more. Remember to ask a lot about him, things he likes, his job, hobbies, things that he likes to talk about. Make him feel important. Good luck again.

[ReineD]

Enjoy but be careful, Louise. Don't allow him to break your heart!

If you're in this for romance, be prepared to discover that his motives may be different. They may not be, but just be careful.

[docrobbysherry]

I have NO preconceived ideas about this or suggestions for u, Tree Top! But, I hope it all works out well and that you'll post the results of your meeting for us!

[Alice Torn]

About the biggest issue, for me, is my male voice, and huge hands, and where to draw the line, if he wants to do more than i am willing. I will keep you informed as to how it goes.

[Badtranny]

Have fun Louise. I think most of the messages have been a bit condescending. Grown-ups have sex! You're not a teenybopper and you have the right to do whatever you damn well please. ;-)

Remember this is the same crowd that insisted I had the same HIV risk as a drug using tranny prostitute. ...and I've only had sex with ONE guy in over a year.

This is a pretty timid bunch regarding adult sexuality so brace yourself.

[Stephenie S]

"and I've only had sex with ONE guy in over a year."

Oh you SL*T!

[Patricia Johnson]

Hello Louise,

Enjoy the fluttery feeling in your tummy and go out and enjoy yourself. Do return with some details though. LOL -

[Vickie_CDTV]

There is also the danger of meeting someone you have never met in person before, in a private space alone (which I am really surprised no one mentioned.)

I know a GG who did this years ago and was raped.

I'd meet them in public first and get to know them first; I'd never meet someone in private the first time, much less meet in private the first time and do anything that involves any bodily fluids with them. It isn't a personal judgment whether it is right or wrong, it just is what it is. This is a very risky idea, but if you insist on it, be very careful and practice the same precautions a GG would.

[Kate Simmons]

The way I always figured it when I got together with someone is that as a woman, the ball is in my court. Not to mention I always have a wicked left hook waiting in the wings to utilize if necessary.:heehee::)

[Katie Moore]

Stay safe, and good luck!

Kathi

My thoughts exactly...

[Shananigans]

Have fun Louise. I think most of the messages have been a bit condescending. Grown-ups have sex! You're not a teenybopper and you have the right to do whatever you damn well please. ;-)

Remember this is the same crowd that insisted I had the same HIV risk as a drug using tranny prostitute. ...and I've only had sex with ONE guy in over a year.

This is a pretty timid bunch regarding adult sexuality so brace yourself.

Do you read? Do you watch the news?

For reading on HIV risks for TG and the lack of care for this group, read WPATH's Publications. Here's one article: http://www.wpath.org/journal/www.iiav.nl/ezines/web/IJT/97-03/numbers/symposion/kammerer.htm

Here are 10 more: http://www.wpath.org/journal/www.iiav.nl/ezines/web/IJT/97-03/numbers/symposion/index-2.htm

Some of these studies look at low SES as a factor that further aggravates risks, but it has been further shown that TS women may have problems in salary compensation and job offers. If you aren't in the highest risk groups and are protecting yourself, pat yourself on the back. However, politically-minded people that read and turn on the news have big problems with groups that NEED health care and are being denied based on gender factors. Excuse yourself right out of seeking health care justice for marginalized groups if it doesn't interest you.

Also, I encourage you to read the news on violence towards the TG population, and GGs. This is why meeting people that you are kind of unsure about needs to be done safely. Any woman meeting up with someone that she doesn't know well for whatever intentions needs to be looking out for number 1 (herself).

It may be "timid," but I say it's damn right stupid if you aren't careful.

[Badtranny]

Shan, are you kidding? I see my doctor every month (transitioning ya know) and when I told him that there was a group of people who were insisting that I was as high risk as a drug using, street walking, tranny prostitute he said, and I quote "why would they say that?" I said, because I'm a pre-op tranny, and he said "that's ridiculous, you have to have sex in order to get HIV", and then he laughed because he's always telling me I need to date more, (another story).

Your position on my risk factor is extremely odd considering you know so little about my sex life. I read the studies you and the other one posted and NONE of them had anything to do with me. But whatever. You're free to think what you want, I just think it's a little weird that you and the others aren't jumping all over poor Louise's risk factor like you guys did me and I never even said I was going out to meet someone.?

In regard to political mindedness, don't forget that I am an OUT transsexual in transition, and at this stage in the game, I'm not even able to hide anymore. I don't pass as a woman and I've told everyone that I'm in transition, so my politics are right there where everyone can see. I also donated a couple of hundred bucks to the Lyon-Martin center (wish I could have given more) last summer when they were almost forced to close down. Lyon-Martin by the way is a free/donation clinic in SF that serves women and TS women only.

I have no idea why you are taking such a nasty position against me, but I can tell you that I don't appreciate it.

[AllieSF]

It is interesting how we all tend to interpret someone's post based on whatever we are thinking in our mind, maybe just at the moment of posting or based on previous opinions. Louise is an adult, has been on this site for a long time and has probably read many times before about what precautions one should take when going out with someone, especially a male when we are MtF. Melissa did not say that Louise should not take precautions and be safe because of who her admirer (tranny chaser maybe) is and may be bringing along with himself in the way of STD's. I am not complaining about others providing their input to have fun and be "careful" because that is a natural thing to say and because I say that myself sometimes. So Shanan, I always like your posts, but this one appears to me to be one that would definitely get a good rise out of Melissa, and in my opinion was probably not needed by Louise nor Melissa, to a few ignorant, innocent or naive others, maybe yes. Melissa, as well as the vast majority here, is well aware of the risks involved and was not in any way ignoring those risks in her statement. It also appears that Louise was posting to celebrate a potential accomplishment, going out with a guy on a date, and not really asking for help on what to do.

[Shananigans]

Shan, are you kidding? I see my doctor every month (transitioning ya know) and when I told him that there was a group of people who were insisting that I was as high risk as a drug using, street walking, tranny prostitute he said, and I quote "why would they say that?" I said, because I'm a pre-op tranny, and he said "that's ridiculous, you have to have sex in order to get HIV", and then he laughed because he's always telling me I need to date more, (another story).

Your position on my risk factor is extremely odd considering you know so little about my sex life. I read the studies you and the other one posted and NONE of them had anything to do with me. But whatever. You're free to think what you want, I just think it's a little weird that you and the others aren't jumping all over poor Louise's risk factor like you guys did me and I never even said I was going out to meet someone.?

In regard to political mindedness, don't forget that I am an OUT transsexual in transition, and at this stage in the game, I'm not even able to hide anymore. I don't pass as a woman and I've told everyone that I'm in transition, so my politics are right there where everyone can see. I also donated a couple of hundred bucks to the Lyon-Martin center (wish I could have given more) last summer when they were almost forced to close down. Lyon-Martin by the way is a free/donation clinic in SF that serves women and TS women only.

I have no idea why you are taking such a nasty position against me, but I can tell you that I don't appreciate it.

I don't care about YOUR PERSONAL SEX LIFE. It's completely irrelevant to what I have said. That's again, why I ask if you read. I figure Louise knows what people mean by "be safe." Also, I have never jumped on you and your sex life...please know I DON'T CARE what you do and with whom you have sexual relations. You took one post of mine to be a personal attack at you, I guess, and I can assure you that I did not even know that you even Existed in this world. When I saw the thread you had started regarding my post, I tried to clarify your wrong interpretations of things and explain the importance of the research for health care in marginalized groups. But, it was like bashing my head against the wall, because you continue to harp on what you do and don't do in bed. Again, I DON'T CARE. I never was talking about YOU, I was talking about a marginalized group of people that are not getting the health care services that they need. This happens to be TS. It puts this group at a high risk. If you are safe, can afford your care, and are happy with it...ignore what I'm saying. If you care about other people that may not be in as good of a situation, read a bit more about what I'm saying. But, don't make it about you. It's much bigger than just being about you and the people that you know. I know it's a little shocking to think about all the people in the world that may not be having such an easy time...but, they exist.

Again, it's not about YOU. I don't have any position for or against you because I just don't care. You political-mindedness is also focused on yourself and so I can only further bash my head against the wall.

No one is trying to jump down Louise's throat, because it's not necessary. I'm sure she knows perfectly well what we all mean by "safe"...I meant it as a very broad term...and for her to protect herself in many ways (sexually and physically).

This is why I said I couldn't imagine doing what she was doing as a woman. As a woman, I realize that I am at higher risk for getting STDs and that I am at a higher risk for being a victim of violence. Does this mean I think all women are huge ****s and victims? NO! Good grief. It just means I know I need to be a little cautious.

If you know nothing about this person's sexual health history, you need to protect yourself in the very obvious ways. But, you also have to worry about what kind of person this is. I hate reading the news about violence towards TS. It seems like violence usually occurs when one party isn't aware that the other person may be a TS, and this does not appear to be Louise's case.

So, again, stop taking everything personally. I am a very caring person and I generally just want people to be educated and to protect themselves. If you don't like what I have to say, don't listen to me. SIMPLE! I don't know why you took my post to be a personal attack to the point you are talking to your health care provider about this supposed personal attack on you. I'm sorry and I apologize a million times that you took it this way. But, seriously....this was like...a month ago? You're still sore about it? Instead of bringing it up on an unrelated thread, you could just PM me. And, that's what I encourage you to do if you are still confused on this subject and my intentions.

EDIT: To AllieSF, I completely agree with you. The mess that BadTranny is referring to is a month old thread. And, the literature I provided was in reference to the old thread she brought up. It has nothing to do with Louise, except that she should know her risks. I'm sure she does and I'm sure she's being safe. That's really all I have to say further about all of this.

Louise, you're a big girl and you are a lovely person from what I have read. I hope you have a great time on your date...you know what we mean by "be safe." I say this because it's the same thing I tell my girlfriends when they go on a date with someone NO MATTER WHO IT IS. My girlfriend may roll their eyes and tell me, "Okay, I will!" But, they know I care.

[Dana7]

Do you read? Do you watch the news?

... I encourage you to read the news on violence towards the TG population, and GGs. This is why meeting people that you are kind of unsure about needs to be done safely. Any woman meeting up with someone that she doesn't know well for whatever intentions needs to be looking out for number 1 (herself).

It may be "timid," but I say it's damn right stupid if you aren't careful.

Louise needs to be VERY VERY careful.

I recently read an article about several crossdressers that had been found murdered over the course of a few months in one city.

Take it seriously, play it safe. Meet in public first and get a feel for this person. Don't take chances, it's just not worth it!

[Connie D50]

Louise Have a great time sounds like a nice save way to meet him. you do have to give us the details after your nice meeting

[Piora]

I'm in agreement with those who are pushing the "meet first in a public place" position. Why not simply play it safe? I sometimes use an online dating service and never meet any of the women anywhere else. If they suggested meeting in a private or secluded spot, I would insist that for their own peace of mind that we choose a restaurant or a coffee house for the first meeting. I'd also suggest that they follow that advice for any others that they would meet.

I have a tendency to believe that CDs sometimes can be more at risk from meeting in this fashion, than GGs, simply because of the hatred for us that exists in the world. Gay men can also tend to fall into this danger zone. Let's not become targets.

The bottom line is: Why risk it? Play it safe.....and take it slow. Read the other person's body language, and THINK like a woman! When we take on women's clothes, and try to emulate them in every way we can.....using our brains the way they would in such situations, sometimes escapes us because we're men.

I wish the OP the best, and sincerely hope it goes as she envisioned. :hugs:

[Aprilrain]

Definitely stay safe... As a woman, I could never imagine doing what you are planning to do.

dating? don't you have a BF? how and where did YOU meet HIM. Did daddy accompany you to the police station???

your post is very condescending.


Louise needs to be VERY VERY careful.

DUH! who doesn't this is not the point of this thread!

[Alice Torn]

Many times, over the past several years, i have backed out of meeting a lustful admirer. With this guy, i was first going to let him meet me at my place!!!!!!!! What was i thinking????/ PPPink fog again! I finally got him to agree to meet somewhere else. I His email address, tells where he is employed, a place well known around here. If there is a crime against me, I know right where to send the cops. So, this time, I am taking a chance on love...uh.. i mean lust.

[ReineD]

Louise, you know how this forum goes sometimes. Threads will begin, and then there will be a debate on underlying principles. :)

Don't forget to let us know how it went!

[Kathi Lake]

I didn't see Shan's post as condescending at all. In fact, to me it came off as caring. She said that as a woman (and she was including Louise in this) she should be careful. That's all. No fireworks needed.

Are there prudish people here? Yup! Here's one right here! Did I tell Louise that she shouldn't do it? Nope. She's an adult, but, as she mentioned, she knows how the pink fog and her desires can cloud her judgement. She made the right choice to meet him in public, and not at her home. Score one for the brain over the gonads (whether internal or external).

Louise is a big girl, and I assume that she is not in a relationship. Therefore the only person that can be hurt here is her. If she believes the risk is justified, then she should do what she feels is the right choice. It's not our place to tell her to or not to do something. As friends, our only responsibility is to do the same thing I did in my previous post - tell her to stay safe and to have fun.

Kathi

[Badtranny]

I didn't see Shan's post as condescending at all.

Maybe not out of context, but hers and some others struck me as being a bit "motherly". Perhaps I'm sensitive but I get the impression that so many here are terrified of normal adult sexuality. We all know already that we need to wear protection, but life is short and sex is fun. For that matter, prescription drugs and alcohol are fun too, so string me up ;-)

Kathi, you may or may not be a prude but you're adorable nonetheless, as well as courageous, but I've never noticed that you were particularly condescending. Shan on the other hand, has that tendency so my antenna was up.

[Nicole Erin]

has anyone considered the safety of the man that Louise is about to meet?
What if Louise is an ax murderer just looking for her next victim?

What? It could happen

[AllieSF]

Or Nicole, Louise is so needy that her admirer will get much more than even he bargained for. You go girl, Louise, we need followup and I do hope that he shows up.

[Kathi Lake]

Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, . . . reason number 3,212 why I love you.

:)

Kathi



(I'm still laughing). :)

[Shananigans]

dating? don't you have a BF? how and where did YOU meet HIM. Did daddy accompany you to the police station???

Maybe reread it? Read the following posts? I didn't mean to come off as condescending, but the internet has is words on a screen. Tone will be taken as it will.

Also, I met my boyfriend at a party through mutual friends. When I took him home at the end of the night, my girlfriends were still looking out for me. We always do that for each other. When I went to the bathroom before going home, my girlfriend followed me in and said, "Okay, so you're going home with this guy...you haven't had too much to drink right?" I said no and joked about walking a line for her. The last thing she said was, "Alright, but be safe and I don't expect him to be going to breakfast with us in the morning!"

This is kind of what friends do...or, at least mine. If I was going out with someone that I had met online or some where pretty sketchy....sheesh...I'd probably be texting someone when I met the guy, probably be texting them an hour or so into the date, and then another text when I got home.

I like to know people care about me though...and, that's what I see it as. Condescending? Idk. I guess, if I took their tone a different way.


I didn't see Shan's post as condescending at all. In fact, to me it came off as caring. She said that as a woman (and she was including Louise in this) she should be careful. That's all. No fireworks needed.

Glad you picked up on that. Maybe people glance over feminine pronouns. Although, when they aren't used it's definitely noticed. But, you seem to gathered what I was getting at. Thanks.


Maybe not out of context, but hers and some others struck me as being a bit "motherly". Perhaps I'm sensitive but I get the impression that so many here are terrified of normal adult sexuality. We all know already that we need to wear protection, but life is short and sex is fun. For that matter, prescription drugs and alcohol are fun too, so string me up ;-)

Idk why anyone's sex life in here is at question. When I'm not getting bashed on this forum for being too kinky and my sex life being degrading towards a number of groups of people, I'm called a prude. Make up your minds, people!!! Haha! Are my boyfriend and I offensive, or are we prudes? The world may never know. But, leave it at a mystery...I think that can also be more sexy than laying it all out there for the world to see.

I'm glad we all know we need to wear protection and be safe. I just wonder why up to 80% of curable STDs are in developed countries. Probably because everyone knows to wear protection and be safe. I shouldn't cross off my health care prevention curriculum out of my class criteria. I'll tell my instructor that everyone knows everything already.

Also, I would recommend not taking anything out of context. Motherly though? Guilty as charged. :)

[Kaz]

Hi Louise, if you are still reading any of this... I hope it goes well and keep us posted! We all need good breaks in life.

I just thought it worth saying that if I were Louise I would be well hacked off that people had hijacked my thread to vent their personal vendettas. Text is not a good medium as it lacks a lot of context... this is why people use smileys and all of that stuff. I have fantastic respect for the majority of people on this site, who act in a helpful and supportive way as their primary guiding principle. I have personally benfitted from this. If we all believed in people's positive intention it would remove a lot of crap from our lives.

I didn't notice Louise objecting to any 'potentially' condescending views and if we go back and read all the posts, we can read them in several ways.

I usually assume the good intention in people. But sometimes, when I see social injustice based on potentially false or misconstrued perceptions I just have say something.

To me Shananigans was doing what supportive GGs do well here... giving her view from a place us guys won't necessarily think of. If I were Louise I would be taking it on board but in the knowledge that I am a 'big boy' and I am responsible for my own decisions and actions.

I apologise if this sounds anything other than well intentioned.

Louise... let us know how it goes!

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for all the responses! I do appreciate it! The guy i am too meet, has been emailing me, and he is hot to trot, to be physical. I told hi i don't know him, and it is best to "easy does it" first. He has a one track mind!

[Alice Torn]

Well, it is off!!! The guy is just too hot to trot, and pushy, and not interested in much of what i say. This has happened many times! They want sex, sex, sex! How can he expect me to be totally trusting a stranger, whose face, i have never seen? I advertised to give leg and dress shows, but, they say that is all they want, but, soon are pushing, and pushing! Sorry, but, not a happy meet up.

[Shananigans]

Well, it is off!!! The guy is just too hot to trot, and pushy, and not interested in much of what i say. This has happened many times! They want sex, sex, sex! How can he expect me to be totally trusting a stranger, whose face, i have never seen? I advertised to give leg and dress shows, but, they say that is all they want, but, soon are pushing, and pushing! Sorry, but, not a happy meet up.

I'm sorry, Louise. Men are just pigs... I've been there. If I didn't love men so much, I'd give up on them all together. I'm sure you'll find someone that is worth your time eventually.

I might be biased, but are you interested in women or other t-girls? Sometimes we're also a little less pushy...but, not always.

[Angie G]

You go girl.:hugs:
Angie

[Alice Torn]

I had been seeking a right lady, since age 19, am 57 now. The past ten years or so, i have met scores of divorced ladies, who are totally turned off at ever dating agai, and many are turning to other women. When i am all dressed up pretty, i imagine giving a dance and legs show, and dancing with a gentleman. Never, do i feel this wy, in guy mode. But, i am finding almost every admirer wants you know what. I see the natural love between men and women vanishing from the western nations, making it a very bleak, depressing world today.

[Kaz]

Hi Louise, so sorry it didn't work out... it is a really odd world we live in isn't it? We just need to be optimistic but also realistic and with a good spattering of good old common sense I guess. Just remember the old tune... "one day my prince will come"... but now we are in the world of young girls' dreams, which turn into women's aspirations. We can learn so much from the GGs... and understand the issues guys have in the process. I don't ever want to be a 'regular guy' again (if I ever was!) - but I am not so sure I like guys... well not for intimate relationships... too dull and obvious. I may fantasise about having a guy (as a female), but Shananagins may be right... the answers may well be an accommodating girl and/or a CD?

We live... we learn... well, some of us!

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Kaz. It is a strange time we live in, and, i am strange, too. Truly, i would want a loving, attractive GG. They are in such demand, and us poor blokes don't seem to be needed by them anymore. But, anyone who is bettering his or her self, is a rare bird. I would not want to be a man's "woman". Just have fantasies when dressed. Like one said, the fantasy is better than the fulfillment. I think i will stick, to going to the symphony dressed, or a movie.

[Emme]

Don't do it! Period. If hemis crazy about your leggs..........watch out.....don't do it! Saty home!

[Badtranny]

I just thought it worth saying that if I were Louise I would be well hacked off that people had hijacked my thread to vent their personal vendettas

As a matter of fact, I apologized to Louise in a PM. I'm sure she appreciates your concern for her thread.

[MsJanessa]

well you've learned to trust your instincts--good for you---that's always the problem with meeting some one in private for a first date---obviously you both have an idea that there may be a sexual encounter but usually you want to get to know each other first, or at least see what the other person really looks like and not just some photo posted on the internet. The problem with meeting in private for the first time is that there is no delicate way to say no or rather no thanks if the other person is not to your taste---if you meet someone in a public venue, then there are more ways to get out of the situation tactfully---my advice would be that next time, arrange to meet the person in a coffee shop or maybe a gay bar---if he refuses to meet you there, then forget about him.

[Alice Torn]

Thank you Janessa. Very sage advice there. I let pink fog overrule common sense. Good thing i changed my mind about meeting him at my place!!!!! He may have been at my door every night! What was i thinking? Next time i meet anyone, guy or gal, it is in a public place.

[Presh GG]

I'd like to know what exactly is wrong with careing about each other , with our own [ maybe stupid , dangerous ] experiances ?

Being a GG forever does give us some insight into what men MIGHT be after.

Shan was just being a Friend IMO.

Meanwhile, it's up to Louise to take what advise she wants from her friends.

Presh GG

[Badtranny]

Being a GG forever does give us some insight into what men MIGHT be after.

This is a crazy statement. I'm starting a new thread to address it.

[JulieK1980]

I'm sorry it didn't work out! So many "admirers" are purely crappy people. :(

When I search for someone, I always insist upon meeting for coffee first with me dressed in drab. I find this really works well at weeding out the rejects. The ones that are purely after sex, and see you simply as an object won't be interested in wasting time chatting over coffee, and are repulsed at the thought of seeing you dressed as a guy. There are a few decent ones out there, (I know from personal experience) but you sure have a lot of rejects to get through before you find one of them.

I wish you luck!

[Alice Torn]

I thank everyone for all their input!

[skirtsuit]

Hi Louise,
I can sympathize with your predicament, but it also sounds to me that you are like many of us here - heterosexual! Trust me when I tell you you don't have to try it to know you're not gay! I had one or two admirers in the house to dress for before I started going out, but the public is much, much more fun than some leering perv that's just interested because you look female whilst being male. I have become much more sympathic to the plight/place of women in our society now that I've learned how to attract creepy guys. I dunno, I am a guy & guys are gross and smelly. Girls aren't and I don't understand why they're not all lesbians.....

Best,
SS

[Shananigans]

I had an idea earlier. It would require a CDing companion though...but, it wouldn't be about sex unless you took it there.

What if you met someone through Tri-Ess or maybe a TG friendly bar and you agree to go on a play date. During this date, one of you would dress up and the other would be in drab. It could be your night for being the woman for the evening...you could dance, have doors opened for you, whatever.

In exchange, you would do the same for the other person. You would go in drab one night and be the courteous man for the evening.

This way, maybe you'd meet someone who understood what you were looking for and wouldn't be so pushy and creepy about it. If things go well during the evening, you could take it to the next level. If things aren't really hitting it off...oh well, you still met a great friend!

I hate to say it, but I feel like 99.5% of men you meet on the internet will be looking for one thing. There are a few good people...but, they are few and far between. I mean, not to be rude...but, if they are looking for people online it probably means that their actual dating/social skills are pretty heinous. This isn't true for everyone, because I have a few friends that are on match.com and other dating sites. But, the people that I do know on those dating sites haven't met anyone worth a dang. So, I feel like meeting someone online can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. All the opportunities are there, but they aren't necessarily the type of people that I want to meet.

It seems like when I meet people in person, they are less sketchy. Maybe it's because people that are out and about meeting people usually have better social skills...it may be a lot of things. But, that might be something to consider.

[Kaz]

Hey Shananigans, I like the style... experimentation... little by little. I guess this is the way most of us are. I have my fantasies but I really don't want to act on them as I know it isn't me... but then I don't know who I am unless I try things...

Louise, this has been an amazing thread that has touched many of us in provocative ways... I hope we are all sound at the end! It is good to have conflict to stretch your boundaries, but sometimes it can be personally painful! At all levels!

[Alice Torn]

Skirtuit, Shen, and Kaz, Thanks for your valuable input. I think i will concentrate more on going out in public, like movies, classical music concerts, and stores. You are so right, that 99.5% are after only one thing. Why can't men practice a little old fashioned gentlemany self-control??? I could have had sex with two different ladies, but, both times held back. Why can't a guy just watch me model, and give a leg show, without going into me? You all are right. Women are just objects, and cd's are too, to many men! I hope to go to movies, stores, and concerts now.

[AllieSF]

Great attitude Louise. I too like Shanan's idea or some variation on it. I have heard of CD's hooking up with other CD's and having good success when both are willing participants. Some pros to that approach are that both have common interests (CDing), both are interested in intimate experimenting that might lead to a more gentle and old fashioned approach, and both are probably just as concerned about privacy and the possibility that one of the CD's may just out the other person if they get mistreated the other. Food for thought anyway.

[skirtsuit]

I think i will concentrate more on going out in public

Sounds like a great idea, Louise. I personally believe that trying to look your best has its own rewards. Also, I've found smiles and supportive comments from strangers, especially women, to be far more gratifying than dealing with da pervs.

Best,
SS

[Alice Torn]

Thank you all for replying! It means a lot to me! I am pretty naiive when trusting strangers, because i am a loner, and quite a stranger, myself. Going out around here, will not be that easy, as it is a small town farming area. I will have to travel a bit, to Dekalb Illinois, a college town, where it would be easier, but, at six foot ten in high heels, i will draw a lot of looks! Like Skirtsuit said, though, it is better, than some perv behind closed doors. A decent, kind, non pushy admirer, i may handle ok, but they are few and far between.

[drag n fly]

Yeah...There is another angle here...The guy's safety!! Louise is gonna do a job on him...He may never be the same.... Lucky *******..Have fun Louise...and fill us in on all the juicy details..Smooches Jackie

[kimdl93]

Good for you, Louise. How did this guy first get acquainted with you?

[Alice Torn]

My Craigslist ad, which said i only would do modeling and leg show.

[Badtranny]

My Craigslist ad, which said i only would do modeling and leg show.

Okay, I'm out. ;-)

[DonniDarkness]

Okay.

Louise,

If you putting ads out there on craigslist, you cant be dissappointed that your not meeting the right people, or the people you do meet are creeps. Remember your fishing on craigslist.

Putting an ad out there for "just a show" is being read by the creepers like this "Just for sex". Your dealing with men who cruise craiglist, who ARE looking for more than just a show.

Not only is this really unsafe but your not going to meet anyone worthwhile without going thru droves of creepy guys. Find a nice dating site or interview your potential dates a lot better. Be Specific in what your looking for and where your boundaries are.
The anonymous trend of CL is what people are using these days to stalk people of alt lifestyles. PLZ BE very careful.

-Donni-

[Melissa Rose]

My Craigslist ad, which said i only would do modeling and leg show.
Louise, if Craiglist in your area is similar to mine, the ads posted in Craiglist by males looking for trans (M4T) are 99.9% the same. They are looking for one thing only - quick, sexual encounters. I'm not surprised at all by the types of responses you are receiving. If you drop your hook and bait in a pond full of single-minded predators, that is what you are going to catch. It is not your fault, but that is the reality of Craigslist. It is a shame your planned date did not work out as desired, but if Craigslist is where you have been searching for a date, it is not surprising you found someone whose interest was only sexual.


Why can't a guy just watch me model, and give a leg show, without going into me? You all are right. Women are just objects, and cd's are too, to many men!
I spent some time thinking about a kind and gentle way to say this, but finally decided on being direct. You want to model and give a leg show then complain about women (and cds) as being treating as objects? Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but that seems hypocritical. By modeling and giving a show to an audience, you are objectifying women and yourself because it is all about appearance and not substance. Purposefully modeling and giving a show to an audience and not expecting it to being taken sexual is unrealistic. There is a difference between being out in public and inviting an audience to watch you model and give a show. I doubt men go to strip clubs to admire the dancer's brains and personalities. You want the attention, affirmation and admiration that comes with modeling and giving a show, but unwilling to accept the consequences of doing it in a sexual manner. I'm not trying to "blame the victim", but you can't have it both ways. It would be great if women were not sexually objectified, but the real world is not that way. You can't invite a starving dog in your house then complain when it steals food you left out on the kitchen table.

If you want to model and give a show, consider doing it on video cam in an appropriate chat room. The chat room in the link at the top of pages here has rooms for that purpose. It is a safer way to do it without having to deal with the potential undesirable problems in person.

[Julogden]

My Craigslist ad, which said i only would do modeling and leg show.
Louise, you might want to re-think this. That's potentially dangerous.

You're close enough to Chicago to get to safe activities there, and there's the potential to meet admirers in a more safe setting if that's your main desire. I'd urge you to make the effort to head down to Chicago once a month or so rather than putting ads on Craigslist, too much potential for trouble the way you're doing this currently. Stay safe!

Carol :hugs:

[Alice Torn]

The CL ad is pulled now. I broke rule number one. Always meet in a public place first/ Good thing we did not meet.:eek:

[kimdl93]

Probably just as well. Are you considering this in the future? If so, I agree that a public meeting is the way to go.

[Shananigans]

Craigslist is always good in theory :)

It's not really your fault that CL has turned into cesspool of failure. It could be a great way (in theory) to meet people...but, now you have learned that it's mostly filled with the kind of people that you don't really want to meet.

I hate saying that because there could be that ONE person on there. (Needle in a haystack). But, hopefully that person would get better wits about himself/herself and move on to some place that is more legit and filled with less creepy people.

Essentially, that's what you are doing...you can't be the only one!!!

We live and we learn.

[JulieK1980]

Looking for someone on Craigslist is a lot like fishing in a puddle filled with mosquito larvae.

[stacycoral]

has anyone considered the safety of the man that Louise is about to meet?
What if Louise is an ax murderer just looking for her next victim?

What? It could happen
Louise, i am glad your ok, alway follow rule one, (BE CAREFUL AND SAFE WHILE DRESSING) I agree with Nicole, enjoy being a girl but take care of yourself, there is too many people in this world that just don't like us. love Stacy

[Stephenie S]

I spent some time thinking about a kind and gentle way to say this, but finally decided on being direct. You want to model and give a leg show then complain about women (and cds) as being treating as objects? Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but that seems hypocritical. By modeling and giving a show to an audience, you are objectifying women and yourself because it is all about appearance and not substance. By purposefully modeling and giving a show to an audience and not expecting it to being taken sexual is unrealistic. There is a difference between being out in public and inviting an audience to watch you model and give a show. You want the attention, affirmation and admiration that comes with modeling and giving a show, but unwilling to accept the consequences of doing it in a sexual manner. It would be great if women were not sexually objectified, but the real world is not that way.

Louise, this REALLY needed to be said. Think a bit about what your ideas about being female really are. Don't become part of the problem.

Stephie

[Proteus]

Yes, count me in with the prudes, if it needs to be called that.

[Stephenie S]

Proteus,

Where ever did you find MRS Captain Haddock?

Stephie