My GF/SO seems to be cooling off...

[Jennifer529]

Recently my GF/SO has seemed to be cooling off to my dressing.
I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else?
whats up with that?...at the beginning of our relationship she seemed really keen on it!

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Jennifer,

I think your situation is quite common. There's a sticky thread in the Loved One's section called "Now I like it, Now I don't, : Understanding the Acceptance Pendulum". It's written by a GG and it talks from a GGs perspective on why things are not always as straight forward as they seem. I strongly recommend you read this. Here's a link.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t

[Jennifer529]

Hi Jennifer,

I think your situation is quite common. There's a sticky thread in the Loved One's section called "Now I like it, Now I don't, : Understanding the Acceptance Pendulum". It's written by a GG and it talks from a GGs perspective on why things are not always as straight forward as they seem. I strongly recommend you read this. Here's a link.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t
thanks so much for your help Rachel.
Things seemed so good,now not so much.

[Kathy4ever]

Maybe the novelty has worn off for her or maybe you pushed the envelope too far. Hey if I knew why gg's change there minds then I would sell my secrets and become a millionare. Just be hopeful she changes her mind back. Good luck

[Shari]

No offense intended, but over the years I've come to the conclusion that most female brains are a mass of conflicting impulses.
My wife has run hot and cold for the three years since I came out to her. The best way to describe her acceptance swings is that of a sine wave. Peak positive to peak negative and the cycle keeps repeating. I never know when it will be okay or not okay.
At this writing, Shari and Mrs. Shari are avoiding each other and the sine wave is peak negative.

[jillleanne]

There could be literally dozens of reasons but the easiest way to find out is simply ask her. I cannot for the life of me understand why people will not communicate with each other. Jennifer, open up to her about your feelings; she'll appreciate it. Not only will she appreciate it and think you are a great person for considering her feelings/opinion, but you may just save your relationship with her from any negative effects that may be starting to brew. Talk to her, talk to her, talk to her.

[Katelyn B]

My last relationship exactly the same thing happened to me. At the outset she seemed pretty keen, when we went out she would let me wear her underwear, or dress me up prior to having "special cuddles" for example, but after a while that just sort of died out. At the time I wasn't out to the extent I am now, wasn't shaving my legs or arms, and as the relationship progressed past that first exciting stage and settled down, her interest in me being a girl went away. I think she saw it as something "fun" to do in the bedroom, something a little naughty, but couldn't deal with it as a "real" part of my life. At the time, I just let it go, I know the first time I shaved my legs it freaked her out (didn't do that again for a long time).

I basically took my queues from her attitude, went along with not dressing around her, and never really talked it out with her, which looking back I now regret, so my only advice would be to talk to her about it.

[Cynthia Anne]

''Buy me a rose'' is a beautiful song by Kenny Rogers! I suggest you listen to it and take it to heart! What is first in your life? You or her? So often a person will push the 'envelope' too far even without realizing it, forgetting and ignoring what is most important in there life! Could this be your case! I could ramble on but perhaps if you can do some soul searching the problem can be worked out quite easy! [just my way of thinking] Hugs!

[Maria 60]

I have noticed in the past when i do get more time dressed that she doe's get sick of it, and wants my male side more. I usually try not to get in her face to much about it and some times when i dress i will even watch tv somewhere else so iam not to much in her face. There are times when the kids are going out and she may ask if Maria is coming by.

[suchacutie]

Change is the only constant in the Universe! We all have various emotional changes and often we have no idea what triggers them. Communication is the most important point here! If a couple doesn't evolve together, then they will ineveitably evolve separately!

tina

[sweetvictoria]

the best thing to do in any relationship? Talk to her.

[DeSkirt]

This is a post that I thought was helpful as well.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?144671-my-dating-experiences&p=2411784&viewfull=1#post2411784

[rebekkadg]

I followed a few of your threads lately Jennifer and know that your are getting much more involved with your crossdressing as of late. So maybe the increased amount of stuff you are doing might be adding a little extra stress to your SO who was already supressing a lot of it. Maybe it is just time to sit down and have a talk and re-establish some boundries while she gets used to how much you are doing now. Make it clear to her you are very concerned about her feelings and know that things aren't as easy for her to deal with as she lets on and if she needs some space from it with what you do around her and what you do away from her and that you will make sure you are making time to be her man too and that is just as important to you as well.

[Presh GG]

Hi Jennifer,
Sometimes a wife MIGHT like to be half of a "normal" couple. I have watched you grow pretty fast.
Please ask her if she would like to talk. Please just ask her what would make her happy... Simple

Presh GG

[Joann Smith]

I do not know ....been married for a good while and i have found that the wife run hot and hoit and cold to me period ....boy or girl mode one daay we all snuggle bunnies the next day she pissed off because i did not die in my sleep ...

Joann

[Jennifer529]

I do not know ....been married for a good while and i have found that the wife run hot and hoit and cold to me period ....boy or girl mode one daay we all snuggle bunnies the next day she pissed off because i did not die in my sleep ...

Joann

LOL,yep that sounds familiar.

[Kaz]

Like loads of us here, when I think back I was dressing at a very young age... but then I became a husband and dad and did the stuff you do... I know it isn't so simple, thinking of me, but I guess we had a period of 'normal hetero life' and I do know that now my wife knows about my CDing things have changed considerably... different rule book!

But when she had no idea and I wasn't even going close (many years)... I still had many (if not all) of the male-female issues that are well written about!

So there are two parallel strands going on...you need to figure out which the issues are about and if they are linked... decouple them.

[marlacd]

Mine did the same. What used to aggravate me was when she said I could, and would change her mind in 15 minutes. And to throw in another irritant was the fact that mine wouldn't even try to look fem. But yet, I was to be hot after her no matter what she wore. We discussed this subject until I was blue in the face.

There's no good answer for this one. My now ex came up with the final solution. I didn't want it, but now after the fact, I'm good with it. There is one thing that I can tell you, if you lay out some rules as to where and when you can dress, be prepaired for a change of rules at her convenence.

[Stephanie47]

This is why my cross dressing has remains a private affair. A relationship is an ongoing negotiation between two parties. My wife chooses to be in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship which is fine. Why would I want to push my cross dressing in her face? She realizes I am not able to quit. And, I do not want to beat my head against the wall pretending I was able to give up cross dressing. I believe the vast majority of cross dressers wish they were not. Frankly, in any new relationship I think most people try to please the other person too much. And, everybody is on their best behavior. Like any issue in a relationship there should be ground rules. There should be respect for each others boundaries.

You need to get down to the basics with her and ask what the issues are. Don't be surprised she has come to the realization cross dressing is not for her.

[kimdl93]

Best advice I've seen is to consider if you've significantly expanded your CDing and how that may be perceived by your SO. It could be a simple matter of reassuring her. And ask her how she's feeling about it - just let her express her feelings...don't try to resolve or negotiate. Just listen.

[CallieH]

Like some others have already noted, communication between you two is the key. She might be feeling threatened by your increased activity, and that means the two of you have to renegotiate the boundaries.

Good luck to the both of you!