I think I am "passing"

[Sophora]

I went to a bar tonight(a regular bar) to hang out with my sister(it was her birthday). I walked around and got into a little crowd and one of the girls there told me "you go ahead girl." I didn't get hit as I mainly stayed away. Oh and the bouncer had to look at my id for what seemed forever. looking at the birthdate and gender then looking at me. :heehee:


Oh and last tuesday, after my therapist visit, I went to a sex shop and the lady there that was helping me there was pointing out the lubrication for women and what the most popular toys were for women. :heehee:


It seems like I am getting treated like a women by the women and no so much yet with the guys yet tho.

So I am wondering Is this normal? I am not even on the hormones. so is it normal to be treated a women this early in my transition(and no I am not complaining)?

[Persephone]

Hi Sophora!

I usually don't comment in this section but it does indeed sound like you are passing and, normal or not, it is certainly possible! It means that the world is your oyster! So sit back, relax, and enjoy it!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Sophora,

Isn't it great when people use the correct gender? I may be very wrong, but I think people are going by the visual clues and treating you as the woman that you have always been. That's certainly how I explained it to myself when the same thing happened to me.

I'm not entirely sure why women seem to have less difficulty accepting us than some men, but like you I won't complain.

[CharleneT]

women are almost always more accepting than men of gender variance. Men are threatened by it, women just take you for what you show them.

[Beth-Lock]

I think I am passing better because I am more confident, after two and a half years of RLE and because I really believe I really am a woman now, even though I am pre-op.

It is no longer a novelty to be treated like a GG either.

I guess the earlier you reach this point, the more fortunate you are.

[steph963]

women are almost always more accepting than men of gender variance. Men are threatened by it, women just take you for what you show them.

I'd have to agree with you on this, I think it's all the crap guys get trained to think.

Great to hear you're fitting in Sophora :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It's hard to tell especially if we don't know what you look like, but in the end one thing that will help you is to focus on how people are actually treating you and not on what you imagine they are thinking...i think that made sense...

It's a great sign if your appearance is already good enough that you are welcomed as a woman when you go out...

[Sophora]

It's hard to tell especially if we don't know what you look like, but in the end one thing that will help you is to focus on how people are actually treating you and not on what you imagine they are thinking...i think that made sense...

It's a great sign if your appearance is already good enough that you are welcomed as a woman when you go out...

Thanks I think it is a great sign as well however I am kind of surprised at the reactions. I was just wondering if it is normal to get those reaction before even starting the hormones. Here is my latest picture:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v118/kimano/Picture0043.jpg


I guess I am mostly shock at the responses this early in the transition.

[Zenith]

Nice to meet you. :hugs:

[abigailf]

I guess I am mostly shock at the responses this early in the transition.

You definitely look passable in that picture.

Happiness is being mam'ed (or sir'd for FtM) even when not trying to present as such.

[Nicole Erin]

A lot of factors are involved with being TS and "passing" so to speak, things like -

How much effort do you put into presenting as a woman? The more pulled together you are, the more serious people take you ,even if they do "read" you. This means dressing decent instead of running around in a mini skirt and high heels. And if they do detect you are TS, they are not going to know for sure unless you say something. Well, except for the worst looking TS. But for real, decent people are not going to sit there and argue with you about your gender.

How much do people scrutinize us? When we get a bit older this is less an issue cause men don't study us much at all. The better someone looks, the more others will try to pick them apart.

How much do YOU think about your gender? When you get to the point where you seldom think about it, then you quit "trying too hard".

How well do the people know you? If it is strangers, they never knew "him"... It is that whole "first impression" thing.

Now with everything involved, it may or may not help in "passing" in the rawest sense of the word but you are less likely to get harassed if you at least make a solid effort to look your best and blend in.

Of course someone might come along in the thread and say something about how we don't pass just because... and it may be true, but here is what i finally learned -
Pass or not, what are we gonna do? Not live life? Quit trying? My Gyod if we had to be perfect at everything we did just to justify doing it, we would never do anything. You just have to do the best you can with what you have and enjoy it. That happens when you can keep your expectations realistic. Think about this - some high school kids play sports, some actually think they are gonna move up to the pro ranks and are greatly disappointed when it doesn't happen. Some know damn well they are not going to but that doesn't stop them from playing or enjoying the sport.

Now for you, in that pic you look more woman than man. I don't think you would have too many problems.

[kimdl93]

I don't know about passing or not - that's sort of in the eye of the beholder. the experience with the bouncer suggest that you're blending in pretty well, or passing to some degree...which is great. Its also possible that the women you're encountering are indeed quite accepting. As for the reaction from women, my guess is that they read you, but that they were cool with it.

Although I've heard some contrary remarks, it has been my experience that women, both acquaintances and strangers, are much more accepting of CDing than males are. This has been true in virtually every encounter from the grocery store to GLBT friendly bars.

[Nicole Erin]

Although I've heard some contrary remarks, it has been my experience that women, both acquaintances and strangers, are much more accepting of CDing than males are. This has been true in virtually every encounter from the grocery store to GLBT friendly bars.

I kind of figure maybe this is cause women might see CD or TS and figure, "Well, if someone wants to join OUR team, let's open our arms"
That and guys in general have it hammered into their heads for their whole chuildhood about what a "real" man is... maybe women don't get that type of "hardcore gender alliance" training. I am just guessing here.

[kimdl93]

I think you're right on both counts. I do think women can be very welcoming to new team members. I suspect that guys find us threatening both because of erroneous assumptions they make between CDing and sexual preference, and perhaps latent fear of admitting that they might find us attractive.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Excellent Sophora!!!

I'm very very excited for you! :O)


Julia

[Starling]

...fear of admitting that they might find us attractive.

Well probably not me, at least not for the age group that get their scrotums in a twist over it; but I agree that by the very fact of being attracted, certain men react as if they were deliberately being led on.

:) Lallie

[Melody Moore]

I don't think anyone should be trying to guess what other women are thinking, because even though women might be
more accepting, it still does not mean they read you & just accept that you are joining their side. Sometimes they just
accept you for what they see. I recently had a natal female who works for our local LGBTIQ organisation say to me...
"You know Melody, out of all the trans women I have ever met, I have a very hard time ever seeing you as a male. I
have only ever known you as a female so it's hard for me to grasp any sort of a concept that you were once a male".

I can see that could happen as well with Sophora, so really we are in no position to judge or make any assumptions. :)
Looking great there Sophora :hugs:

[arbon]

Looking at your picture I'd say you pass rather well and I am not surprised that people are seeing you as a woman :)

When I was young with long hair I would get referred to by female pronouns now and again, but older pre-hormone nope.

[Sophora]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I just wear pants and a top most days. I had a conversation with a coworker about this yesterday(yes my coworkers know and are supportive) and she said most of staff thought I was a natal female when I first showed up. there was some confusion as my driver's license still have the dreaded "M" where the gender is and my immediate supervisors was calling me "he"(they did ask what I prefer). There are still some stuff I need to work on(my voice is one).

I am starting to think confidence is key to the whole "passing" thing. Am I right to assume that?

[Melody Moore]

I am starting to think confidence is key to the whole "passing" thing. Am I right to assume that?
Most definitely! :D

Any person who is nervous & unsettled sticks out like a sore thumb, but if you are confident & relaxed then people
just accept you for what you are. I just had an experience a bit over an hour ago when I was going to see my therapist...

There was these construction workers unloading materials in front of the building I had to go into and I had to stop
and wait. So patiently I was standing there when a couple of guys dropped a bunch of stuff because it was too heavy,
but as they were about to pick it up again, their supervisor said "Leave it, let this lady get past first". So then I walked
on by as these guys were all smiling at me. I don't think for one second those guys had any clue about who I was and
just accepted me as a woman. :D

[Nicole Erin]

There are still some stuff I need to work on(my voice is one).

I am starting to think confidence is key to the whole "passing" thing. Am I right to assume that?

Voice does help a lot. You can do it. I trained mine and yeah people tend to think of you as a woman if your voice is such.
and confidence with passing? Whether or not it helps is debatable i guess but it definately helps.


Like i said before, just use everything you can to your advantage.

[Aprilrain]

I don't think confidence helps with passing but people are more comfortable with people who are self assured. If your walking around averting your gaze and clearly uncomfortable people will pick up on that and react accordingly.
Your pic looks good and I'm sure with time and hormones you will have no problems. I think acquiring a sense of normalcy helps and that just come from time lived in your new role.
Good luck

[steph963]

I don't think confidence helps with passing but people are more comfortable with people who are self assured. If your walking around averting your gaze and clearly uncomfortable people will pick up on that and react accordingly.

confidence certainly doesn't hinder it either :p

I think confidence does help to fit in to a certain extent as people are less likely to look too intently at someone with confidence (unless they are too confident) where as someone uncomfortable will draw attention to themselves.

Of course there are always exceptions.

[April_Ligeia]

I am not transitioning but I am a home infusion nurse and crossdresser, confidence goes a long way both in walking into someone's house for work and for other unrelated-to-work issues! I hope all goes well for you.

[Starling]

Concentrate on what's around you. Forget yourself and notice what other people are doing. That's what normal people do, who aren't so preoccupied with themselves. Life is strange and wonderful. Just be.

:) Lallie

[DanaR]

I kind of figure maybe this is cause women might see CD or TS and figure, "Well, if someone wants to join OUR team, let's open our arms"
That and guys in general have it hammered into their heads for their whole chuildhood about what a "real" man is... maybe women don't get that type of "hardcore gender alliance" training. I am just guessing here.
I have to agree with Nicole. I remember hearing some guys talking about, "why would they want to be a girl". Guys just don't seem to understand.