Double Drag

[avery.j]

So fantastic is the feeling from dressing up to the nines that it makes me think of the life I live as a guy to be a drag!

I often wonder if I have to act more to be a man than to be the woman I say I 'dress up' like ;)

p.s. This seems to be the only place in the world where someone would understand its meaning.

[CarlaWestin]

Yea! My daily man life is definitively participating in acceptable drag behavior. But it pays handsomely!

[Karren H]

Idk.... How I act really doesn't chance with my clothes.... Just how I look.

[Rachel Morley]

I get what you're saying. It's harder to live life to the societal expectations of being "a man" ... yet when you are dressed and presenting as female everything seems to just "fit into place" and life feels so much better.

[avery.j]

I get what you're saying. It's harder to live life to the societal expectations of being "a man" ... yet when you are dressed and presenting as female everything seems to just "fit into place" and life feels so much better.

That was precisely the sentiment :) Thanks

[kimdl93]

I probably don't act a lot different based on what I'm wearing, but I certainly feel differently. Wearing male clothes feels like an imposition...or an interuption of my life.

[lucaluca]

It's harder to live life to the societal expectations of being "a man"

i just don't live my life to the societal expectations of being a man.
why should i? people want me to be tough. well i am not.
people want me to be unemotional, but i am emotional.
they want me to dress a certain way. well f*** it.
to say that a man is born a specific way and has to behave like that is just dumb. we are the best examples :)

[DebbieL]

I never really liked being a boy, or a man. It was something I was forced to do. Some of the things I hated.

The violence - pushing, shoving, fighting. Playing football in gym class. It was supposed to be touch, but I almost always came in bruised and sometimes a bit bloody, since all I had was a sweatshirt and gym shorts.

Being told I HAD to fight to be a man. I grew up in Colorado, and it seemed like the measure of the quality of a man was how much he could fight (and win), drink (regardless of consequences), and have sex with women (whether they enjoyed it or not, whether they wanted it or not).

The assumption that courage, honor, commitment, integrity, honesty, and responsibility "took balls". Many of those who showed these traits in my life were women.

Both men and women, especially in modern times, can be cowardly, dishonest, deceitful, scheming, and manipulative. To associate good qualities with a specific race or gender is offensive. Ironically, some of the people who have shown the worst lack of these good qualities, were upper class white males who felt obligated to engage in unethical, illegal, and unscrupulous practices - to "make the numbers" for a quarter or a year.

The anger - it seems like the only feeling "real men" are allowed to have is anger, and even this needs to be moderated, with the understanding that anger is a "good thing" and motivates you. Often, anger is fed and retaliation is encouraged, as is escalation. You insult me, I insult your momma, you slap me, I hit you, you pull out your knife, I pull out my gun, and if you kill me, my gang kills every member of your family before they kill you...

I rejected that lifestyle 5 decades ago when I started wearing dresses, when I started playing with dolls and helping my mother change my little brother's diapers. I even wanted him to "eat me" like he ate mom. At 3 years old, I didn't know any better.

When I played with the boys, I ended up bloody, bruised, and crying, followed by severe asthma attacks. Usually within less than an hour.

When I played with the girls, I had fun, we colored, played with paper dolls, baby dolls, barbie dolls. We would put on shows, puppet shows, dance concerts, even a circus. But nobody got hurt, because nobody wanted anybody to get hurt. It was about accomplishing a common goal in which we all won. There were no losers, we were all winners.

When I played with the boys, we had to play team sports. I didn't want to play, and they didn't want me on their team. And when the came was over, I was blamed for the loss. I got to the point where I could hit the baseball, kick the soccer ball, or catch the football. It wasn't because I liked those games, I hated them, but I didn't want to get beat up because I was the one who caused the team to lose. All I had to do is play just enough better than someone else that I wasn't the target for the after-class or after-school beating.

[Johnnifer]

I know that same frustration with male society DebbieL.

When I was a teen everything went crashing down on me. I was always an emotional kid, definately feminine acting at times, a bit nerdy (ok more than a bit), and uninterested in sports and girls.

I was picked on constantly. Harrassed verbally, sexually, and physically in that order. The sexual harrassment was among the worst as men are not supposed to go through that and if they do it makes them less than a man. Making me less than a man was what the harrassment was about. I got called gay, girly, pinched on the ass in ways that hurt, told the kids with problems had crushes on me, etc.

They were more vicious than usual at gym class. I was unathletic, sucked at sports and hated them. I still do hate them. I didn't get as bruised as I tended to sit on the sidelines but I do remember the physical tackling in so called touch football and the so called teammates hurting me rather than helping me.

My parents were no use either. My mom tended to panic in such a way that made her keep prying beyond comfort levels. My dad was the kind of macho jerk who could feel no emotions other than anger and who always suggested violence as an answer. I hated it.

This high school experience is what made me question myself.

We have differences though. I didn't have much in common with girls despite not being manly. (I still have trouble clicking with genetic girls), And when I graduated and went on to college I hung with nerdy guys like me and they didn't force macho nearly as much and are much more accepting.

Still between my classmates in high school and my father I was exposed to a culture of hostile masculinity and I hated it. From those days I just wanted to escape from it. However for me I identify as male, even when I feel feminine. At times I just wish I can be a male girl, other times I wish their were more than two viable genders. (yes, I know TG is a big spectrum, but when you put it down to how people want to express themselves it still collapses down to two).