How To Go About Moving Forward

[WillowWriter]

After a long while, I began talking with my therapist about being transgendered, again. What triggered this is that I'm just in so much pain looking at myself, and feeling wronged in this body. The sad thing is, I get embarrassed talking about it, so that really limits what I say to my therapist. I dunno what's got me so shaken up to talk about it very little, even though it's practically killing me inside. Everyday I feel worse, I don't feel I can tell my mom or dad, or even talk to my closest friends, so I feel like I'm lying to them, and myself when they ask "What's wrong?". I just dunno what to do, and how to go about it. It really doesn't help being Bipolar, something I've been dealing with just a bit longer than the transgendered bit. Part of me just really needs someone to talk to, because I don't feel my friends are right for something like this just yet. I hope someone could give me an idea. Thanks..

[*Vanessa*]

Hi Willow
well for starters, for you to help yourself you need to read and write like crazy. There is a ton of relatively good information on this site, but you have to weed through it to find the gems. When you said "I just dunno what to do, and how to go about it. ", what is the "IT" you are referring to?

Realize it's ok to be a little screwed up right now. The fact that you recognize this indicates you have control.
Take care

[WillowWriter]

When I said "I just dunno what to do, and how to to go about it." I'm referring to how to work on understanding that I'm transgendered and that I need to stop being a wimp and start talking, amd how to get passed being embarrassed by it.

[Diane Elizabeth]

Willow, I spent most of my 58 years not talking to anyone about what I felt and when I started seeing a therapist for other issues I finally realized what I am and after some more time came out to my shrink. He wouldn't listen to me so I stopped seeing him. I did a few more years of research and decided to find smoeone else to talk to. I found a local organization and met other girls who helped me meet other vets and they helped me find a therapist that Iis works with CD and TG people. I am now able to talk about it more. I still have a hard time talking to friends and family about my issues though. But I am getting better at it.

[*Vanessa*]

I see - well, just saying that is a great start Willow.

There are a few toughies here but I think for the most part we are all kinda wimpie IMHO

One of the most amazing things I read recently is this article on Transsexuality. Take a few minutes and give it a read Willow, it will help you focus a little. Notes on Gender Role Transition (http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm)

[WillowWriter]

That helped. I got a better understanding from that article.

[kimdl93]

I have a suggestion for you. Try writing down your thoughts - the things you'd like to say - before each session. Share it with your therapist before you start the session and she can help you go through the items. this was how I finally was able to loosen up when I was in therapy. And, my therapist appreciated it because I was able to provide a lot more information to her than we could cover in a 1 hour session.

Give it a try.

[WillowWriter]

That's a good idea. I'll give it a try for my next session on Wednesday.

[Jorja]

One of the first steps in moving forward is self acceptance. The term self-acceptance seems not to be well explained or well understood. Accepting yourself as you are is only the first step. It helps you realize your good and not so good qualities, and can alleviate lack of self esteem, lack of satisfaction and the sense of unhappiness. Becoming aware and acknowledging your behavior, habits and your personality, and not being afraid to look at yourself as you are, is the first step to self-acceptance.

When you accept yourself as you are, you put yourself in a better position to begin improving yourself. It is not an excuse for saying, "This is what I am. I accept myself as I am. I accept my character, my failings and my fate, and this how it is. I can do nothing about it." Knowing yourself affords you the possibility to see what you can do to improve yourself and your life.

Improvement requires that you understand and acknowledge your character and habits, stop comparing yourself and your achievements to others, and acknowledging your skills or the lack of them. This will bring some sort of inner peace, lightness and happiness, like getting rid of a burden.

Acknowledging your good and bad habits and traits of character can alleviate feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, resentment or unhappiness, but it is not an excuse for staying as you are, it is only the first step.

Once you accept and understand these things about yourself, you can begin to change the things you don’t like.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Print your original post and hand it to your therapist and tell him/her you need to talk this out but am embarrassed to do so. Your therapist will know how to move forward with you.

[DJulie]

It takes a lot to be trans. You have to be brave and overcome a great deal of fears. I know for me I was stricken with anxiety and depression daily and rarely even left my house. Once I talked to my therapist and got it out there I actually felt a huge weight unload from my shoulders.

I wish you the best!!

Julie~

[WillowWriter]

Thank you everyone for all the different ideas and support. Tomorrow I see my therapist, and I hope all goes well. Thank you everyone.

[kimdl93]

Good luck, Willow. I hope your sessions go well.

[WillowWriter]

Well, my session was last night, and Sadly, I wussed out. I kept trying to say what was on my mind, but, I just couldn't. I don't understand why I am so unable to discuss this issue.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Well, my session was last night, and Sadly, I wussed out. I kept trying to say what was on my mind, but, I just couldn't. I don't understand why I am so unable to discuss this issue.

I told you to print out your original post and hand it to her (lol - after the fact quarterbacking is worth less than a glass of water out of your faucet..right)!

[*Vanessa*]

Traci is right Willow

Traci gave you what you needed to take the next step, your next step.

A person being Bi-polar has nothing to do with them possible having a Gender Identity Disorder (or such like). Come on, it's time to stand up for yourself, I know you can be a tough girl. You have the right to live your life as you see fit.

You have at your disposal a therapist! Many don't and could very well use one so make use of that opportunity.

your friend
Vanessa

[Stephenie S]

Everyone is right Willow. Put on your big girl panties and speak up. You HAVE a therapist, for goodness sake. Use him/her.

We are not trying to attack you here. We are just trying to save you from a lifetime of regret. Some guys spend their WHOLE lives wishing, hoping, waiting, praying, planning, thinking, researching, and never actually DOING anything at all. What a shame.

NOTHING will happen at all until you DO something. Many, many, discover this all too late.

S

[Jorja]

I have to agree with the others, Willow. Only you can make things happen. Do not be embarrassed to talk to your therapist about your need/desire to be female. Most therapist have heard it all at one time or another. If not, they will before they retire. The worst that could happen is she would tell you she cannot help you. If that happens ask her to refer you to a therapist that can help you.

[Asako]

It's actually quite simple Willow. Use those feelings about your body as motivation to tell your therapist what you need to tell her. If you don't communicate your feelings and needs to her, then she can't help you because she doesn't "know what's wrong", so to speak. If you don't help her to help you, then your feelings of being wronged and in pain over your physical self will persist, fester, and ultimately consume you. I've been down that path and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

If she says she can't help you in some way, then do what Jorja advised. Ask her to refer you to someone who can help you.

Further more, Stephenie S is correct. You HAVE a therapist that you can talk to. That's more than a lot of people with similar issues have. If you let this chance pass you by, you may regret it for the rest of your life. A chance only comes once. Again, you have a Godsend that many of us wish we had. A therapist to talk to.