First post and need help :-)

[JaneAshland]

Been wearing womens under garments since I was 12, now 50. Mostly for sexual satisfaction. Moved to dresses, shoes, fingernails, now in the last couple of months a wig. The clothing is still a real turn on, but now I notice when dressed I am so much more relaxed, and love the feel of feeling like I am a woman. Just in the last month, I have been going out at night, walking downtown in historic sections of town, or going to an outlet mall right after closing, just to walk around. What an incredible feeling. I just went to a McD's drive thru, and the attendant looked like she was pissed, I don't know if it was me, or the fact that she was just tired. It's like I am slowly branching out, inching into the water with my toe to see if it is cold, meaning, do I pass??? So how can I safely tell if I pass???

[kristinacd55]

Welcome to the forum....sounds like your on the road to branching out. Get to 10 posts and you'll be like a full member and don't worry about passing. The more you dress, the better you'll get like anything else!

[Maria Ann]

Hello Jane, one thing that I did was found a few Genetic women to help me learn the finer points of applying makeup and how to act and appear to be more feminine, and I have also gone to dressing as much as possible( have pretty much stopped wearing male underwear and only wear panties). Another thing that I did was got brave and posted a pic of myself dressed on this site and sought what the other ladies here had to say about it. I hope that this helps.

[kimdl93]

Jane, I don't think passing is the right place to start. Just blending in is a good goal. Do some on line research and practice on make up . Pick clothes that compliment your best features and distract from the more masculine. there are good on-line resources to guide you on clothing choices. Then practice and practice some more.

I've found that my hair stylist and the stylist at MAC and Clinique have been really helpful in polishing up my look. And personally, I'd suggest venturing out during busier hours. First off, its safer. I enjoy the mall, grocery, starbucks, even the PetSmart. Interacting with people will help build your confidence and make the experience of going out that much more enjoyable. Yes, you'll be read, but in my experience people are generally very welcoming and often quite supportive.

[Roberta Marie]

Jane,

I gave up trying to pass a long time ago. I just look too much like a guy in a skirt to pass, and no amount of makeup, padding, or shaving is going to change that. That said, I do wear makeup to cove my beard shadow, and I do shave my legs and upper chest. I wear a hair piece, and I do make an effort to look feminine. But, I'm not going to delude myself into thinking that I pass. And, in my opinion, very few CDs can pass, even most of those that think they do, don't.

Most people are just too busy with their own lives to even notice that the lady browsing through the dresses on the next rack over is 6'2 and has the shoulders of a linebacker, and most people that do notice don't care.

So, put on a big smile, keep your head up, your boobs out, walk tall, and act like you belong where you are. Because you have just as much right to be there as the next person.

[reflections-of]

You can post a picture in the pic threads and ask your peers. In terms of your dressing, it can be it is just evolving; most people who cross dress start off with a certain article of clothing. As for the McD's attendant, it was probably just working drive-thru, it's not fun, I've been there. It may just have been your nerves, hence the reason you internalized it that she was "pissed" at you. If she was, **** her, you have the right to dress anyway you want. After all it isn't men and women’s clothing, it is just clothing.

Any who...welcome to the boards.

[Kate Simmons]

You can't but if you really want to be yourself, you will get to the point where it doesn't much matter. I used to work with a guy who always said: "Hey, let's do something, even if it's wrong." That rule applies to CDing or anything else in my opinion. Just do it and enjoy it my friend. Leave passing worries to school kids.:)

[Robin Lee]

Jane, Welcome to the site.
For some of us it has taken years to find a look that we feel pass. What you find is you will never think you pass. As others have said, you need to learn how to blend in with the other women at where your at. Like a GG wouldn't show up to shop at Wally Mart in a cocktail dress. Look around and watch what women wear and how they act in the places that you would like to go out too. Go to malls and national stores, you will learn the most. Stores like Macy's cosmetic department will love to have you spend your money there and in return there is usually a SA that will help you. Even in boy mode.

Best Wishes
Robin Lee

[Marleena]

Jane, I'm new too. I'm not ready to go out dressed yet. The key thing is be careful! There a lot of haters out there, best to bring a friend along.

I'm glad you are embracing who you are, it sure makes life easier.:)

[sanderlay]

Jane... Welcome.

I dress to be myself in mixed gendered clothing. But I also try to blend and be modest with my clothing choices choosing skirts that are at of below the knee. But I wear no makeup at present. It's a balancing act to mix the clothing, picking colors that complement and create some classic styles, feminine and masculine.

When I go out it's usually in more public places to be safe. I'm not confrontational no mater what reactions I might get. They range from smirks, stares and smiles. Most just ignore me as I go about my business. A few have asked if I was Scottish. I tell them... "No... I'm half Danish."

I don't pass as a woman nor do I try to. Presenting both the masculine and the feminine is my goal. And... personally... I don't think passing is something you should be concerned with. But that's up to you... how you wish to present yourself.

When you get a chance... post in New Member Introductions (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?15-New-Member-Introductions) forum your story. Also after you have made more than 10 posts new sections will open up.

[Eryn]

What is "passing?" For each of us it is something different. For some it is irrelevant, for others, of critical importance. Some worry about making it through a drive-through, others want to pass muster with hairdressers and manicurists.

Take a look at the real-world GGs around you. Note that they come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them have a few (or more than a few) masculine features. Do they worry about "passing?" Of course not. They go about with confidence.

I was in a JC Penney's last weekend. There was a line for the cashier and I heard the clerk say "You're next Sir...uhhh...Maam." The person she was talking to was over six feet tall, slim, wearing jeans and a plain top, and had very short-cropped gray hair. The only obvious cue to her femininity was her bust and, after she spoke, her voice. Did she worry about "passing?" Of course not, and she brushed off being called "sir" without comment. She was confident in her gender presentation and was therefore accepted in it even though she showed obvious masculine characteristics.

Observations like that make me more confident in being out dressed. I'm too tall, not curvy, and my voice isn't terribly femme, but people will accept me as female because that is what I assert myself to be. Even if they have doubts, they will never know for sure and politeness demands that they not make a scene. The only people that I really worry about are those two groups who lack self-control, teenagers and drunks.

So, proceed at the pace that you want. The only thing I would advise against is doing things that GGs wouldn't do. Wearing clothing inappropriate to the situation, walking alone late at night, and skulking about like you're doing something wrong will only draw unwanted attention to yourself. Hold your head up, lead with the "girls," and enjoy being a woman!

[jillleanne]

Jane, it's not the proverbial 'passing' that you need worry about, it's the confidence level you lack overall. When out, forget about what others are thinking. Forget the fact that people may look at you. People simply look at other people pure and simple. If your objective is to project the female image to others, do your best preparing before leaving home and leave it at that. Then go out in the world and be that woman you saw in the mirror minutes ago. The key to remember is you are probably never going to trick anyone for long into thinking you are a genetic female, so all you want to do is be able to blend into the crowd and be accepted. The easiest way to do that is present yourself in a way that would be acceptable to the masses( don't dress like a hooker or people will look at you as a hooker), project confidence, and most of all, smile, smile, smile. Everyone loves a smile. Everyday in your life, study people, their movements, their postures, their habits, their styles, their expressions, etc.

[Chari]

Welcome here Jane to this wonderful form! Also, great advice from previous posts. IMO there is much more to being a woman than just "passing" no matter where we are on the gender scale. It is your own attitude, confidence, and being comfortable in whatever you are wearing and doing that will help you understand and enjoy your feminine side. Consider observing GG's in action - especially ones that are similar to your size, shape, and age to see how they dress, move, and react. Continue to practice, practice, and then more practice to improve your feminine actions and appearance, but always enjoy who you are!

[CallieH]

Jane

Welcome to the forum! There is lots of good advice here in this thread, and elsewhere in the boards too. I'd say focus on finding what you enjoy and are comfortable with, and the confidence will follow. Just be true to yourself.

Feel free to reach out here for advice, help and even plain ol' conversation.. and enjoy yourself!

[JaneAshland]

Thanks so much for all the help and advice. I think I understand the general "theory" on passing, and this makes me feel much better. As stated below, I need to work on my confidence, overall projection, dressing appropriately, and just overall me as a woman fitting in. Next week I am driving up to Richmond VA from SC for some meetings, and was going to dress for the drive back. I'd like to stop at some stores for the following, while dressed on the return trip, and would like your thoughts:

1) Makeup help and advice: Where should I go, and how much does this usually cost?
2) After the makeup, I want to go shopping, and just walk around some stores, suggestions?
3) Just curious on this one, where and how much do you ladies spend on your wigs?

[kimdl93]

1) Try MAC or Sephora for a make over...but expect to spend some money...(I blew $300 the first time, but you may get out of there for less than $100)
2) I'd go shopping - you'll be in a department store anyway! Don't know what's in your area, but I like Macy's, Dillards, Avenue (plus sizes), Coldwater Creek, and Dress Barn. I've found some great deals at Steinmart!
3) My wig cost $200...typical for a synthetic.

[kristinacd55]

1) Target and walmart have some pretty good makeup, although you wont' get any advice there.
2) I like Kohl's around us, don't know if there any around you. And Dress Barn/Macy's/among many many others!
3) Got my last one on sale on ebay for $44

[jillleanne]

1. Can't help here. I've been doing my own for so many years.
2. You cannot beat the big box stores or malls for browsing. The advantage of the box store( wallyworld) is they have carts you can put your purse in. I'm hooked on Ross Stores and Bealls, Dots, and Rainbow stores in the south.
3. I buy all mine from : ww.internationalwig.com
You can call them and they are well trained assisting gender enhanced people, they carry everything you can imagine, and I have never had a bad experience with them. They are simply wonderful. Average cost of my wigs would be about $ 120.00 each on sale.

[Karren H]

Take a walk through a crowded mall and that will tell you if you "pass" or not... Depending on where you live... Its pretty safe... Just don't do it on Friday or Saturday nights... Or when gangs of teenagers are presence.... Lol.

[VickysBFF]

JaneCDX: 1.) MAC I cannot recommend them more highly. They are very friendly to the CD community.
2.) Any mall or even an outlet mall is a good place to go.
3.) I HIGHLY recommend going to a wig store. I know that this can be difficult if you are not comfortable going out but when you are able to try on wigs and see how they look it makes a huge difference. I have several wigs, all purchases from a local wig store that was very friendly and accommodating. I wound up with one wig that is now my go-to wig and it is one that I never would have selected had I seen it online but once I saw it on me it worked like a charm.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I'm with Karren, any mall is a good place to stretch your feet in them heels. I used to buy stuff on-line but now I only buy in person. I want the ability to try things on before I buy it, goes for shoes, wigs, bra's and clothes. The only things you can't try on are lingerie, but I know my size by now plus my wife picks out all that for me as gifts. Go to a Victoria Secret and get fitted for a good bra, go to a Dress Barn for some nice in-expensive clothes and by all means go try on some heels, a girl can never have too many shoes.