DebbieL
11-09-2011, 06:20 PM
If you really think about it, women and girls do most of their beauty choices - "because they like to". Nobody freaks out when a woman does NOT get a manicure or pedicure, or wears pants, or doesn't wear make-up.
For women who understand this, it's easier for them to see that some men might want to make their own choices. The sad thing is that most men think they are not allowed to make ANY of those choices.
It's like there is an unwritten social contract. If the boy follows the norms of his group, dresses and acts exactly like the other boys act, and does exactly what the other boys do, then they won't beat him up. This may eventually include acts that are irresponsible, such as proving bravery by doing things that are dangerous, or by hurting others. It may also include sexual irresponsibility such as sexually assaulting girls their age.
Later, the social contract changes. If the man adheres to certain "white collar" norms, wearing a dress shirt, baggy slacks, and a coat and tie, then he is accepted by other white-collar workers who will work with hifm and interact with him as a man. He gets some perks, like an office, an expense account, a nice income, and maybe some bonuses. So long as he honors the unwritten contract, opportunities will be open to him. If that man violates these social contracts, and starts wearing satin shirts, a velvet blazer, or form fitting slacks, he violates the contract, and opportunities will no longer be available to him. He may find himself being passed over, being assigned low profile projects, and being "hidden away".
There are similar social contracts for other groups, such as blue collar, police, firemen, or teachers.
Ironically, even the social contracts of adult men often involve unethical decisions. If you accept the "Uniform" you might be more willing to ignore the software piracy, the fudged numbers to meet the quarterly quota, or the search conducted without a warrant or probable cause.
On the other hand, if you break the social contract, you might be the one who blows the whistle on the sexual harassment, or try to get approval for the normally pirated software, or insist on honestly reporting your numbers, or insist on waiting for the court order before entering the building.
Ironically, women have similar social contracts. Technical women tend to dress more like the guys. Project managers dress more feminine, but still keep it masculine. Sales reps and business analysts tend to be more inclined to wear the blouse, heels, and matching skirt and jacket. Until about 5 years ago, professional women wouldn't wear bare legs. Nowdays, with spray-on tans and chemical tans, bare legs and skirts are more common.
The bigger question, and one of the issues that raises the issue of discrimination on the basis of gender, is the differences in the choices available to women vs the choices available to men. This is why more and more corporations have diversity programs. IBM once fired a transgendered woman because she wanted to transition MtF. That women left the company and went on to develop over 500 patents, many of which IBM had to license from her new employer. Today, IBM, AT&T, and many other large corporations understand that diversity often means keeping the biggest contributors rather than having them leave and work for the competition.
If Fedex had known that I would play a significant role in generating $trillions worth of new overnight shipping business via on-line commerce, would they have been in such a hurry to get rid of me?
I always found it interesting that "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was usually violated only when someone was about to end their career in the armed services. After 19 years of service, distinguished honors, medals, purple hearts, and distinguished service, the military would decide to investigate rumors of homosexuality leading to a dishonorable discharge - resulting in loss of pension, VA Benefits, GI Bill, education assistance, and veteran status for employment consideration.
I think we see similar things going on with CDs and TGs. They become overachievers to compensate for their gender issues, then produce outstanding contributions, in the hopes that someday, they will be free to make choices, the same choices that women are allowed to make.
Will we ever be free?
For women who understand this, it's easier for them to see that some men might want to make their own choices. The sad thing is that most men think they are not allowed to make ANY of those choices.
It's like there is an unwritten social contract. If the boy follows the norms of his group, dresses and acts exactly like the other boys act, and does exactly what the other boys do, then they won't beat him up. This may eventually include acts that are irresponsible, such as proving bravery by doing things that are dangerous, or by hurting others. It may also include sexual irresponsibility such as sexually assaulting girls their age.
Later, the social contract changes. If the man adheres to certain "white collar" norms, wearing a dress shirt, baggy slacks, and a coat and tie, then he is accepted by other white-collar workers who will work with hifm and interact with him as a man. He gets some perks, like an office, an expense account, a nice income, and maybe some bonuses. So long as he honors the unwritten contract, opportunities will be open to him. If that man violates these social contracts, and starts wearing satin shirts, a velvet blazer, or form fitting slacks, he violates the contract, and opportunities will no longer be available to him. He may find himself being passed over, being assigned low profile projects, and being "hidden away".
There are similar social contracts for other groups, such as blue collar, police, firemen, or teachers.
Ironically, even the social contracts of adult men often involve unethical decisions. If you accept the "Uniform" you might be more willing to ignore the software piracy, the fudged numbers to meet the quarterly quota, or the search conducted without a warrant or probable cause.
On the other hand, if you break the social contract, you might be the one who blows the whistle on the sexual harassment, or try to get approval for the normally pirated software, or insist on honestly reporting your numbers, or insist on waiting for the court order before entering the building.
Ironically, women have similar social contracts. Technical women tend to dress more like the guys. Project managers dress more feminine, but still keep it masculine. Sales reps and business analysts tend to be more inclined to wear the blouse, heels, and matching skirt and jacket. Until about 5 years ago, professional women wouldn't wear bare legs. Nowdays, with spray-on tans and chemical tans, bare legs and skirts are more common.
The bigger question, and one of the issues that raises the issue of discrimination on the basis of gender, is the differences in the choices available to women vs the choices available to men. This is why more and more corporations have diversity programs. IBM once fired a transgendered woman because she wanted to transition MtF. That women left the company and went on to develop over 500 patents, many of which IBM had to license from her new employer. Today, IBM, AT&T, and many other large corporations understand that diversity often means keeping the biggest contributors rather than having them leave and work for the competition.
If Fedex had known that I would play a significant role in generating $trillions worth of new overnight shipping business via on-line commerce, would they have been in such a hurry to get rid of me?
I always found it interesting that "Don't Ask Don't Tell" was usually violated only when someone was about to end their career in the armed services. After 19 years of service, distinguished honors, medals, purple hearts, and distinguished service, the military would decide to investigate rumors of homosexuality leading to a dishonorable discharge - resulting in loss of pension, VA Benefits, GI Bill, education assistance, and veteran status for employment consideration.
I think we see similar things going on with CDs and TGs. They become overachievers to compensate for their gender issues, then produce outstanding contributions, in the hopes that someday, they will be free to make choices, the same choices that women are allowed to make.
Will we ever be free?