Crossdressers, do u think u have experienced, "gender confusion"?

[docrobbysherry]

Someone mentioned this term in another thread. And, I don't recall a thread discussing this specific topic.

I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period.
However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes!
Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?:straightface:

Have u ever been, or r u, "gender confused"?:brolleyes:

[Cari]

I think its normal for a CD to feel some gender confusion at times.
The extent of that confusion and how its dealt with is a very personal journey.

I wont call if anyone is confused or not.
In my case I think it would be allot of fun to experience being an attractive woman for a period of time
However oddly enough its not really the point of my dressing.
It's realy more about finding me hard to explain

[Marleena]

Very good question Cari! In my case, not confused at all, I'm a genetic male. I consider myself blessed to be able to need, and present myself as a female. When I'm here I'm one of the girls, and I love it.:)

I have no desire for a sex change, although I would like to be able to dress like a female more often.

I've often wondered why there are so many of us. It all started with trying on girls clothes at some point. I'm thinking it might be an escape, or similar to a split personality. Anyways I like who I am.:)

[Sophie86]

Absolutely. As a teenager and in my twenties, it took me some time to sort out what it all meant.

[suchacutie]

I think I was confused BEFORE Tina arrived in our lives. For 55 years I thought I was one gender, but there were things that just didn't fit. Now that Tina has been "identified" it's easier to understand which parts stem from which gender. Much less confusing!!!

[Barbara Dugan]

Yes since early age even before I started crossdressing

[christina s]

I think this where the internet hurts and helps . When i first trying to accept my cding i stumbled upon this youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/Jesslyngirl8 (http://www.youtube.com/user/Jesslyngirl87)7 . And with how similar our background stories were , i started to think maybe i am trans which kind of through me threw a loop for a while . Then i realized i just need to turn down the testosterone slightly and enjoy this other side of me .

[AnitaH]

Talk about gender confused, that's where I am now. After decades of suppression I have only recently accepted some truths about myself. Too early to know how it will all work out.

AnitaH

[AllieSF]

As a late starter, from zero to where I am today in just under 5 years, I have avoided that dreaded (to me) confusion as to who and what I am. Yes, I have wondered occasionally, but have decided to ignore it and just live my life day to day, week to week. As a CD only (in my mind) I do have to wonder why I epilate, wear clear polished nails all the time, recently started electrolysis and all that involves, including high costs, pain and the permanency of the hair removal, have more female clothes than male, and all the rest. Why am I doing all this, just to be able to dress? As Scarlet O'Hara always said, "I will think and worry about that tomorrow.".

[prene]

Someone mentioned this term in another thread. And, I don't recall a thread discussing this specific topic.

I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period.
However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes!
Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?:straightface:

Have u ever been, or r u, "gender confused"?:brolleyes:

Me too.
Some parts no, feeling bloated and having bad moods.

You know it the hetro world sex is controlled 100% by women.
It would be nice to have that power. LOL

But yes I am "Gender Confused"

[Anna Lorree]

Gender confusion is the chief reason I want to see a therapist. I have accepted that I am TG, but I need to start figuring out what that really means to/for me and find a way to incorporate this into my life in a constructive manner. I know I have had my head in a pink fog, I need to find peace and purpose.

Anna

[Johnnifer]

I'd have called my feelings back when I was a teen confused. Back then I was not sure if I wanted to be a man or a woman and at times was convinced I didn't want to be a man at all.

Now I am not so much confused, my question is not "what gender" now as it is "To what degree do I cross gender" and "To what degree am I bisexual". (I know sexuality and gender are different, but my repressed gender questioning lead into my sexuality questioning so I see them as linked in myself).

The facts I know is I am bi, male identified, and at times feel feminine and wish I can excape from male society.

the uncertainties I face now are. "How often would it feel normal for me to dress", I know I am not full time, buthow often a month or a week if I was free to dress.

"should I try drag shows"

"To what degree should I pass" Passing as a woman has little interest to me on its own, but if I do drag shows or if I like using make up when I finally try it this may change. On the other hand I like the idea of playing with gender and crossing the lines, but peoples reactions may make me uncomfortable with this.

"How strongly is my gender issues tired to depression" I feel more feminine when depressed

"How tied are my gender identity and fantasies" Their is overlap but how much is fantasy.

"To what degree am I attracted to men, women, and TG people and how do I reconcile the gaps between what attracts me in each."

It's not gender that confuses me now, just the details.

[Sandy Michaels]

i used to feel it alot, until recently i figured something about myself, i do not hate being a man. do i fantasize about being a full female, born or after SRS. of course i do. but they're just a fantasy. if i ever start feeling any hatred or uncomfortablity while in my male day to day life. thats when i will seek professional help. via a therapist or upport group. the key to gender confussion is knowing the diference between, being confused or having a fantasy.

[Shelly Preston]

I think Gender Confusion is normal

Yes some will dress because they enjoy the feeling of the clothes etc
Most of us are driven to dress, which you can usually tell by those who have tried to give up and falied miserably
The why this happens means there must be some gender confusion

I think this is why most clinics insist those going for srs have to have a period of real life experience. This is to make sure its the right decision
for the individual ( only one part of the whole process )

I sometime think like I have an intersexed brain which means I m not sure where I am
If my body was intersexed the doctors would probably have decided my fate

Society currently thinks we only have two choices M or F

So yes there are times when I am definately confused

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Doc, that's a really good question.

You know, although we all share a common theme here, I think I am one of the minority in that I have never felt anything remotely close to gender confusion. I guess that made (actually, it still makes) things all the more confusing as to why I have always had the aching desire to CD, but in reality I only CD because I adore the look and feel of femme clothing on me. I had never used make up or tried on a wig until I joined here and only acquired these items to see if I could make it in the public arena. Of course now I am hooked on the whole femme appearance and doing the mall thing, but there is absolutely no gender confusion.

Tash :)

[kimdl93]

I absolutely experienced gender confusion from the time I was 3 or 4 years old. Even at that young age I was in a conflict between my gender and my interests. As I mentioned in another thread, I got good at hiding this (far from perfect) but it was there throughout my childhood and much of my adult life. It wasn't until I went through counseling that I began to realize that 1) I wasn't in some way damaged goods, 2) that it wasn't a crime to like feminine things, and 3) I could love myself just the way I am, and others could too. The process of self acceptance wasn't over then, but it was off to a good start.

I'm glad for those of you who haven't experienced such confusion.

[Veronica27]

I have never felt confused over gender. I think that where some of the confusion often lies is the distinction between confusion and curiosity. It is normal for either sex to be curious about various aspects of being the other sex, because we simply have no real way of knowing. It is like wondering what it must be like to be a bird and be able to fly. We might envy that one aspect of being a bird, but we are not confused about whether or not we are one, and most of us would probably have no wish or desire to be one.

Curiosity about gender can lead to crossdressing, which is often an attempt to discover the sensory and emotional impacts of some of the visible differences between the sexes, whereas confusion about gender has more to do with uncertainty over which elements of the gender role and expression are applicable to you, and which ones you want to incorporate as more of a part of your life.

Whether crossdressing begins out of curiosity or confusion the distinction usually remains even though both often result in increased complexity of, frequency of and time spent at crossdressing but in a few instances may ultimately become indistiguishable. The curious might discover aspects that are pleasing, beneficial or that possibly might arouse the desire to explore their gender identity further. The confused may or may not find an ultimate answer, but either way the activity provides satisfaction and helps to alleviate any emotional repercussions that might stem from the confusion. No single pattern fits all crossdressers, and the above analysis may have no connection with your own particular case.

Veronica

[Sarah Doepner]

I don't know that I've ever been "gender confused" but I have been "Gender Frustrated". It's always been part of my personality and I've wanted to be a lot more open in how I share it with others. I think I'm more "society confused".

[LeaP]

Have I been confused? No, not really. Had anyone posed the question to me (to answer in private) at any point in my life as to where I was in the gender spectrum, I could have answered it with precision. I could do it across a variety of topics, pointing to a spot on a male-female scale, and indicating intensity besides. I haven't always thought in those terms, but I have no doubt or ambiguity about how I've felt throughout my life.

I really dislike the term "gender confusion," though. As I said elsewhere recently, this has become the replacement phrase or concept (for legitimate medical terms and concepts, that is) for a coterie of anti-gay activists rooted in evangelicalism. "Confusion" can be straightened out. Real identity, of course, cannot. It's too bad the word has been co-opted - genuine points of minor confusion come up all the time with children. Equating that common experience with identity issues is dangerous and evil, in my opinion.

Have a look at some of these for a taste of political battles to come. Anyone familiar with religion-based politics will see very familiar patterns of attack.

http://www.pureintimacy.org/piArticles/A000000453.cfm
http://gaehall.hubpages.com/hub/God-is-not-the-author-of-gender-confusion
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/articles/gender_confusion_in_children.aspx
http://thechurchofchristgadfly.blogspot.com/2010/09/gender-confusion-is-confusing-by-scott.html
http://americansfortruth.com/issues/the-agenda-glbtq-activist-groups/glbtq-terms/04-transgender/
http://www.gcmwatch.com/category/gender-issues
http://www.henrymakow.com/post_7.html
http://unitedfamiliesinternational.wordpress.com/2011/06/16/mainstreaming-gender-confusion/
http://www.christianpost.com/news/helping-gender-confused-girls-50841/

This one's a bit more subtle, but the same themes:

http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/gender-confused_kids_need_parents_who_think_straight

[elizabethamy]

It's good to see others who started "late" as CD's. Why? Where did it come from? When I think about that, I am very confused. When I am dressing, I may look ridiculous, but I don't feel confused. I am in my 50s and just started to dress 2 years ago. I am trying to put the pieces together as to how I got here, and why it took so long...confusion reigns. Congratulations to those who have never been confused! If only our society were a little more clear on how flexible gender really is...

[LilSissyStevie]

When I used to see that "Pat" character on SNL, I was always a little confused. I'm still trying to figure it out.

[LeaP]

Congratulations to those who have never been confused!

There's a huge difference between not knowing something (like the source of the CDing drive) and being confused about it.

Lea

[Frédérique]

Crossdressers, do u think u have experienced, "gender confusion"? I'm not confused. I'm a man who likes to appear as a female. Period. However, would I LIKE to have experienced what being an actual attractive, young woman was like in my life? Yes! Is THAT "confused"? I don't think so. But, what do u think?

I’m not “gender confused.” Sure, I’d like to experience actually being female, but since that’s not going to happen I can use my imagination and dress the part. I’m quite comfortable with my crossdressing, and there is ZERO gender confusion that comes with it. I’m still me, a male, no matter what clothes I wear…
:straightface:

[Maria 60]

I would not say gender confused i know that i am a man but on the same note it is also great to act and feel like a women. My wife calls me a light switch on and off. One week your dressed every chance, the next two weeks you don't dress, then you sleep with pantyhose for a few day, than you complain that you want more and want to take it further, and then you don't dress for two months. I don't know if iam that gender confused.LOL

[Piora]

I’m not “gender confused.” Sure, I’d like to experience actually being female, but since that’s not going to happen I can use my imagination and dress the part. I’m quite comfortable with my crossdressing, and there is ZERO gender confusion that comes with it. I’m still me, a male, no matter what clothes I wear…
:straightface:

Thanks, Freddy - this says it all for me too. I've never fallen into 'gender confusion' although, I do recall telling an aunt, when I was 12 years old, that "I wish I had been born a girl". I have no recollection of what led up to that, but I do recall my aunt replying in her own soft spoken manner, "oh? Why do you wish that, <my name>"? I had no good answer for her, but there were times around puberty where I experienced swollen nipples, and thought that I might be actually turning into a girl! However, that all passed, I developed beard and body hair, and was quite happy with being male.

As a crossdresser, I don't long to become a woman, and I'm quite happy with how I feel, dressed as female, and enjoy this side of me that needs to be celebrated.

[Ressie]

Still confused sometimes after all of these years. "I've gotta start building up muscle to be like other guys!" - "I wish my arms weren't so muscular." I know I'm a guy, but like to imagine what it would be like to have more feminine features.

[StevieTV]

No sadly I have not. Although I feel like a woman, there's those dangly thingys that are a constant reminder to me that I'm (gasp) male.

[Being Paige]

I would say yes and there are times that I still believe that I am confused.

[Jennifer H]

I have been cross dressing from the age of about 8 (I am now 66) and have never felt I would like to be a woman. I just like the feel and look of feminine clothes and undies. I dont know why I am like this but as far as I can tell it has never harmed anyone and is never likely to. I like to think that I am 100% male and love to look at all the ladies young and not so young but I would never want to join them.

xxx Jenny

[Jilmac]

Back in my early years of dressing and very deep in the closet, I experienced much gender confusion and anxiety. I felt like I couldn't talk to any body about it because no body would understand my feelings and urges. Things are much different now, I can walk proud knowing I have the best of both worlds and genders.

[rebekkadg]

Confusion is a difficult word to apply to it or perhaps it does fit right. I am always dissatisfied with almost everything male about me. I would say hate is too strong a word but I am definitely not happy with the stuff that makes me biologically male. Everything male about me is mediocre and I have no real desire to improve it. I am not muscular and I have no real desire to be muscular. Sports I might follow box scores in baseball a bit so I can root for my hometown team but I really can't "get into the game" when it comes to any sport. I am attracted to females and only females, but my sex drive is really low and always has been. I am uninterested in my appearance as a male, I can't imagine anything male looking good. And I find it very stressful having to "be a man" for people and meet their expectations.
Counter this with how I feel dressed up. I feel much more interested in my appearance, even proud of my appearance. My sex drive jumps up when dressed up--still attracted to females---I am guessing this is because of an increase of personal confidence. I feel less trapped in a roll and more open about my emotions.

I have never seen a therapist, and there isn't even a reputable one for TG/TS issues within a 100 miles of me, so I can't be 100% sure on where i sit on the spectrum. But I think I am a bit more than just a CD. But with all this I am still happy about one single thing about my being male and that is my wife. No matter where I sit on the spectrum I couldn't transition because I couldn't leave her and she couldn't be with me if I did so.

[Vickie_CDTV]

There is a big difference between curiosity and confusion; sometimes people (especially if they are first coming to terms with their feelings) confuse curiosity with confusion.

[DebbieL]

Absolutely. I was born in the 1950s, Kinsey's report on female sexuality just been released. But my parents hadn't read it. I was born somewhat inter-sexed. But back in those days, doctors didn't want to do correction on infants.

By the time I was 2 years old, I knew that I liked playing with girls and didn't like playing with most boys. I had one or to boy friends who could play nice, but even then we often didn't play together.

By the time I was 5 years old, I knew I wanted to be a girl. But I thought the only difference between girls and boys was the length of their hair, and of course the clothes. Because I was different, my parents didn't want me to see what other boys looked like and especially what other girls looked like. I hated getting haircuts.

When a mother who didn't understand saw me in one of her daughter's dresses, she told me to go home and never come back. She called the other mothers in the PTA and they all told their daughters not to play with me because I was "Bad". Suddenly I had no friends. THIS was when I got confused.

Mom tried to ease the pain of loneliness and losing all my friends by taking me to the library and letting me read as much as I could about everything I could. I didn't like fiction stories about boys, and I got beat up for reading a book about a girl, so I stuck mostly to non-fiction. I was so frustrated that I couldn't find anything about why I couldn't be a girl. I even tried to find books on magic to see if there was a spell to make the change - there wasn't.

By the time I got to Junior High, I knew I WANTED to be a Girl, but I also knew the differences now. I also knew that I was attracted to girls. I also started to have a lot more girl friends. My grades improved. I still spent most of my time in my books, and I also got a Ham radio license.

In Junior high, there was a lot of homophobia, and taking showers was especially threatening. The other boys couldn't help notice how small everything was down there, and they assumed it was because I was gay. Even though I had no interest in boys, and was generally afraid of them, I was frequently accused of being "queer" or a "fairy", and whipped with wet towels rolled into rat-tails. Often I still had welts that continued to show when I got home from school. I'd also get pushed into the lockers and kicked between the legs, so I had cuts from the locker tabs digging into my back.

Even at the end of the 1960s, after the sexual revolution, I STILL could not find books on anyone who had actually changed from a boy to a girl. I knew there was a movie about Christine Jorgensen, but I was too young to see it. I asked my parents to take me, but they couldn't understand why I would want to see a movie like that. I had also heard that there was a movie called Myra Breckenridge, about a boy who looked like Rex Reed getting turned into a girl (Raquel Welch). Again, I was too young to see it and my parents refused to let me see it. Once they left the theaters, there were no VHS tapes in those days.

Because I was so femme, many young men my age came on to me. I didn't understand why. I had never been attracted to men, and didn't see why they would find me attractive. On a few occaisions, I was invited to a sleep-over and they ended up trying to grab my private parts. I wasn't interested and told them so. They obviously didn't invite me again, but I didn't tell their secrets.

When I got to high school, I was turning into a "freak". I had the long hair, but I had turned to booze and drugs to numb the pain. I'd go to parties and fix the boys up with the girls, because I had psychic abilities, an I knew many of the girls personally. There would always be one girl in a short skirt, and she would avoid the match-up. Later, when I went into a black-out, she would ask me to help her find her coat, and once we were in the room with the coats, she would push my head between her legs. It would be a different girl at each party, but each time, the same thing would happen. I later found out that I was the "sure fire orgasm" because I was eager to please and didn't ask anything in return. Ironically, the memories only came back when I was dressed as a girl.

By high school, I had gone through the worst parts of puberty, my voice had dropped to a low Bass, and I had hair on my face, arms, and legs. I hated all of it. I started getting suicidal. I would walk down the road in a black coat, black pants, black shirt, and long dark hair, but I'd walk down the double yellow lines. Often I would have dosed myself with booze, pot, and the valium I was taking for the epilepsy that was actually withdrawal symptoms from drugs taken 2 days before the EEG. I couldn't drive, which limited my ability to date. I couldn't be a girl, because my voice was too low.

By then I had read about Hindus, who believed in reincarnation. I started to think that if I could die in an accident, that I could be reincarnated as a girl. This seemed to be even more possible since I had, from a very early age, had dreams about being with a boy in a car, while wearing a beautiful 1950's style dress, and doing some heavy petting. Then I remember being strangled after my boyfriend had been knocked unconscious. Maybe I wanted to be a girl so badly, because I had enjoyed it so much the previous time. So for me, dying wasn't the end, it was the possibility of getting a chance to be what I had always wanted to be, a pretty girl.

I got involved with the theater because I had that low bass voice, and it got me out of myself. More importantly, I met a lot of women friends, and a lot of gay men. I wasn't gay, but I felt more comfortable around them, because I knew we both had "secrets" that we had kept for years, that we struggled with them, and I was inspired by how they had resolved their issues.

By the time I graduated, I had finally met a nice girl who enjoyed having sex with me, but as soon as she realized that I might want to dress up, she ended it immediately, with a note on the windshield of my car. I ended up in therapy, but when I tried to discuss my gender identity issues, I was told that this could not be discussed. The "root cause" of my issues, and I couldn't talk about it.

For the next 30 years, I would continue to struggle with my desire to be a woman, a body that wouldn't cooperate, and consequences that seemed to happen regardless of which way I went. A platonic marriage to a woman who acted supportive until the day before the wedding, and then cut off all sex, especially with dressing except for when she wanted a baby, a brand new car, or relocation.

When I finally did get therapy, it was obvious to me any everyone who knew me, that I was MUCH happier as a girl, and most supported it, except my dad and my ex-wife. I seriously considered HRT and even asked to have my testicles removed instead of just a vasectomy. I was told that the doctor couldn't do this because it would be considered malpractice.

Even today, the confusion is not which I would rather be, but rather having to deal with the low possibility of a satisfactory result, and the consequences of making the transition. If I could be guaranteed a successful transition and that I would really look and act and sound like a girl, I'd go for it. But short of a magic spell or something, I don't think I'd get the result I'd want.