A Question For Everyone TS/IS/CD Or Otherwise.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Many people here have children.

My question is what was your motivation to breed?

I have to assume they are a burden to you due to either what you do or who you are.

Was it your spouse's pressure on you to do so?

Was it perhaps your parent's whining that coerced you.

What was your motivation?

I'm asking in a kind and considerate manner.

Thanks for your time.


Julia

[PretzelGirl]

Because I wanted children, I love them and they love me. I believe your assumption isn't entirely correct. Can our kids be burdens? Well yes if you use a loose definition of burden. They start off immature and need our teaching in order to grow. It is the kind of "burden" you want when you decide to have children. My spouse and I discussed it together, so it was a mutual decision. It has nothing to do with our parents. If they wanted more kids, they should have had them. It was love, pure and simple.

[suchacutie]

Our child is an expression and extension of our love for one another.

tina

p.s. I don't find the word 'breed' appropriate when it comes to a loving couple having a child.

[AllieSF]

"Motivation to breed"! Now that is an interesting way of describing it. I do not consider it breeding, procreating, yes. Reasons, primarily because I love everyone, including kids, I wanted children and I never thought about the why. From your stated questions as to reasons, it sounds like maybe they were your reasons. Why didn't you also ask if we actually wanted kids, loved kids? I really think these questions of yours are more the exception than the rule. I have two wonderful kids and I love them dearly and would never change anything. I have never ever heard anyone tell me they had kids for the reasons you questioned. Do you have kids, were you "forced or coerced" to have them. Why did you have them?

[Rachel Flowers]

I have wanted to be a father as long as I can remember. it's a part of thsi whole mixed bag of values that makes up Me, as is wanting to wear women's clothes, as is wanting to have a moustache and beard as is wanting to make music. When we first got married my wife did a one point try to talk about NOT having children and I (rather insensitively, at the time as I recall) make id clear that children were and absolutely compulsory condition of being married to me.

Yes, this mixed bag can be contradictory, meaning I can't have it all - I;d like to be rich and famous but I'd also like to have an easy carefree life - but we've got two fantastic children and I get to dress frequently and to enjoy role-playing either a girl or a man in lingerie in bed with Mrs Flowers. If I felt any urge to transition or if I didn;t have her support, enthusiasm, encouragement and involvement I imagine I'd find things a lot tougher.

I'm wondering what made you think of the question Julie? Children are a burden to everyone: the stats show that people with children are poorer and less happy than childless couples anyway, and that's general population, not TG'd people. But if I'd not had them, I'd be sat here now feeling part of me was missing, just as if I wasn't able to dress.

[Ashley Lynn Swift]

I Care to much, I have 4 adopted daughters, and my fiance just had twins, so i now have 6 daughter ranging from 13 to newborns, none of which are biologically mine. I wish I could say that the twins where mine but when I started my transition i didn't have the foresight to think maybe i might want children of my own someday. so i didn't do anything to help that happen, and now it's too late. and yes it we had talked about it, and even decided on a good friend to be the donor.

[Debb]

Woah.

Julia, your use of the word "breed" gives your own position away, and in a not-so-nice way, despite your being kind and considerate.

My wife and I had our kids because ... that's what married couples do, by and large. You'll be relieved to know that we only had two, which should keep our shadow from engulfing the earth.

Our kids, now grown, are not and have never been a burden.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Please everyone,

I mean nothing more by the term breeding then what it implies.
Humans are animals and because they are such they seemingly have an inert need for breeding.
There has to be a logical reason behind having children as well as it being a "biological need".
I'm in need of understanding the cost vs return outlay.
I have never felt anything for children nor could I have any due to my intersexuality making me sterile.
My interest revolves around the fact that society as a whole is degenerating at a alarming rate with each subsequent generation being poorer than the last.

This again raises the question as to your reasoning behind procreation IE breeding.

Thank you again for your time.


Julia

[suzy1]

My motivation to breed was, I enjoyed sex with my wife and I love children and wanted my own family.

Seems an obvious answer to a very simple question Julia?

You assume my children are a burden!
I have to say this is a sad and troublesome thread Julia. [Are you asking this as a kind of joke?]

[Kaitlyn Michele]

motivation to breed???

I can't describe in words how sorry i feel for you.

[DonnaT]

There has to be a logical reason behind having children
There is, it's called having sex, making love. A gift from above when that results in a child.

So, unless you plan to use condoms (not a 100% protection) or your SO plans on using birth control (not a 100% protection) forever, There's a good possibility of having a child. Of course, a vasectomy would be closer to 100%.

My children were never a burden to my dressing. A hindrance at times, sure, but not frustratingly so, but I love my kids. Therefore, not a burden.

[Rachel Flowers]

If it helps, Julia, I got that you meant "breed" n the technically correct sense but I kinda knew that people would read it as a derogatory term.

There's always a cost to many human activities. Hobbies, children, sports, crossdressing, transition, owning a telly, alcohol.... the reason we do them is we are internally compelled to do so. Breeding is an obvious one really, we have evolved that most of us want to have children because as a species we'd be royally f***ed if all of us decided the costs and stress and lack of sleep and missed opportunities for sex or anything else wasn't worth the small chance they'd be there to spoon feed us and change our nappies when we're 85.

[Rachel Flowers]

Kait, she may be using insensitive language but Im convinced she's just being technical, and not deliberately trying to wind us up.

[Mikaela]

I don't want kids, never had.
I don't think "Family Name" is a valid reason. In fact, a lot of reasons I've read before indicate more selfish reasons than the selfless reasons parents profess.
I don't think population growth is necessary. *sigh*

I have no problem with the term breed. It indicates propagation. I'm not going to read into it. Julia has been clear that she's sticking with the denotation of the word.

I don't think most people see it as a net sum decision though Julia. They don't think "well it will cost X to raise, and Y for school, and z because they won't move out of the basement." You will see people justify it as love (a neurochemical connection), or faith, or love of sex (which I like too, but I don't want kids), or selfish genes, because 'they wanted it' or whatever. Because of that, I doubt you'll see a result to give you insight as to why they chose bearing kids over being able to CD or transition without a burden.

I know TSs who have transitioned (pre and post op) and have kids of all age ranges. The kids are more adjusted to it than most people in their lives. And my gf (gg, makeup artist) recently told her 11yr old about her clients after he mentioned a TS girl in his class, he thought it was "cool that she had a girlfriend who could help change a tire."

I see the correlation you are making with society, but I don't think it amounts to causation. In richer countries, the total number of offspring has gone down.

[kristinacd55]

Because I wanted children, as well as my wife did. And I don't regret it one bit, I love them more than anything.....even dressing!! :)

[Shari]

Go forth and multiply.
That is why we are here. It was always in my upbringing that it was one of my primary functions in life.
My wife and I had three beautiful kids who gave us 8 wonderful grandchildren.

None of them were conceived by "breeding" as you so tactfully put it.

[Presh GG]

If indeed you are asking in " a considerate manner " , Why throw in the " Spouse's pressure or the parents whining ... being coersed ?"

I'm a GG, we decided early on not to have children. What a mistake !
We lean heavily on my niece for support due to my poor health.

All the extra $, all the trips , you name it, never could take the place of children .

It's all in how you raise them to be kind, accepting members of society.

I do feel sorry for you that you'll never know that kind of love.
Presh GG

[Mikaela]

None of them were conceived by "breeding" as you so tactfully put it.
.

breeding is exactly what it is:
breed
verb (used with object)
1.to produce (offspring); procreate; engender.
2.to produce by mating; propagate sexually; reproduce: Ten mice were bred in the laboratory.
3.Horticulture.a.to cause to reproduce by controlled pollination.b.to improve by controlled pollination and selection.
4. to raise (cattle, sheep, etc.): He breeds longhorns on the ranch.
5.to cause or be the source of; engender; give rise to: Dirt breeds disease. Stagnant water breeds mosquitoes.

Pretty sure the first two fit the definition just fine. There's no reason to assume the OP meant you had kids as part of an experiment or to cultivate like steer or Labradoodle.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Thank you all so far.

I'm very interested in your answers.

No Suzy this isn't a joke but a poll of sorts if you will.

Perhaps some background about me might lead to an answer for some of you as to why I'm asking this.

I was adopted by a woman with her PhD in secondary education when I was fifteen months old.

My adopted mother never married nor had any other children.

I was raised alone with every educational advantage available.

My mother taught me that one must approach life logically in order to work one's way through it.

My mother was much older than a biological donor would be. She was in her mid fifties when she adopted me.

Because of this she passed away at age 84 in 2002.

You can see my pathology.

There is nothing more that I want than to understand motivational factors surrounding your choice to have children.

You see this concept is quite foreign to me as is life within a gender binary causing birth to occur.

This thread is an attempt by me to dissect your reasoning so I may understand all of you.

I have zero knowledge of how people with children think in regards to life in general so any comments are very welcome.


Julia



My motivation to breed was, I enjoyed sex with my wife and I love children and wanted my own family.

Seems an obvious answer to a very simple question Julia?

You assume my children are a burden!
I have to say this is a sad and troublesome thread Julia. [Are you asking this as a kind of joke?]

[Momarie]

If indeed you are asking in " a considerate manner " , Why throw in the " Spouse's pressure or the parents whining ... being coersed ?"

I do feel sorry for you that you'll never know that kind of love.
Presh GG

Ditto!

It is really comforting to read so many other responses who understand as well.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi Patty,

I'm not a cross dresser, I'm intersexed. So you could say I'm half a GG.

As for this "soul" thing, I'm not a fan of religious inference.

It was made clear to me that God is unto itself fallible.



Julia

[JulieK1980]

It's not something approached in a "logical" manner for me. No coercion, no logical weighing of pros and cons, no biological need. Just sort of happened. (Couldn't be happier about it either.)

[Nikki A.]

I had children because my wife and I decided that we wanted to. I love them dearly, and yes they crimp my choices at times but it is a worthwhile trade off.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Shari,

Ahhh biblical quote. Fallible reading in my opinion but none the less I thank you for your input.


Julia

[Dawn cd]

Julie, I believe your question was asked sincerely, and I'm sorry that some responses have been unkind. However, you have to understand that the question was put a little crudely. "Breed" is what animals do. We breed collies or quarter-horses, we don't breed people. You said (hopefully) that there must be a logical reason for it. No, there's not much logic. People fall in love and want their love to flower into a family. I have two terrific sons. My wife and I didn't reason our way to them. Life itself is the motivation: we wanted life to enlarge, and it did. Pretty simple stuff. But it was all in the heart, not in the mind.

[Raychel Torn]

I love children and would not have given up a second of the time I have spent raising all seven of them, (no I am not Catholic or Mormon, LOL). A cost benefit analysis can't give you a reasoned answer. Its a love thing and it is worth it.

[AllieSF]

Julia, Thanks for your clarification. Reading your posts and then you short history reminds me of the lead character in current TV program called, I think I am remembering it correctly, "The Big Bang Theory". He is a highly intelligent person with very little successful real life experience interfacing with others not so intelligent. His mind functions only one way, logically and he remembers everything. I have met people just like that and it always makes for interesting conversations. He reminds me of Mork in the old "Mork and Mindy" TV series. In that program he was an intelligent alien sent to earth to live and learn. So everything he said was logical (and funny) as he learned how humans use their language to communicate.

So reading your explanation helps me understand partially where you are coming from. You have been a member long enough here and I think are more than intelligent enough to understand that we don't always put the correct words down in our posts for all concerned to clearly understand, try as best as we can. Therefore, I can only recommend that you try to give a little back ground when asking a question like you asked. Breed does mean to procreate, but in common language usage it is used with regards to animals for food or entertainment (race horses), zoos for maintaining endangered species, but hardly ever when referring to humans. When used by humans and referencing humans, most people would take that as a negative or a humorous comment toward having children. Add to that you used two negative example reasons that would easily lead others, myself included, to think that you have a very negative view of having children. Maybe if you were raised in a more typical family situation with siblings, a mother and a father and all that entails you would better understand.

Personally, wanting or not wanting children is up to the individual and later the couple if that ever happens. In fact, just as a CD/TG/TS should eventually reveal their gender/sexual orientation to their partner and maybe future wife or husband prior to making a long term commitment, the same should be made with regard to wanting and having through conception or adoption children of their own. And, yes, to some having children with all the pains and sorrows, burdens and joys is right at the top of their priority list for living their lives.

[StevieTV]

My brother has kids as well as my sister. I never felt like breeding, but I do appreciate others that have as I'll need their tax dollars when I retire :)

[Alice Torn]

Julia, I must say, that I can indeed relate to your position. Breed was not the best word to use, though. I am the unwanteds baby of the dysfunctional in the extreme family. I was tortured mentally and emotionally both at home, and at schools. I wanted to die, much of my life, and have NEVER wanted to procreate, or multiply, or breed. My sister is the oldest, and 64. She has never, ever wanted to marry and have offspring! My older twin brothers are in prison now, and they slept around with women. One married a foreign woman, and had one son. That's all. That boy, fathered a boy out of wedlock. I had aunts, and uncles who never married, nor had kids. Family to me, was synonymous, with hell on earth! In the church i have been with, almost everyone was married, with kids. But, i strongly disagree, with those, who say that "Be fruitful and multiply" was meant for all times!!! In the Bible, "be fruitful and multiply", was told to Adam and Eve, and Noah's family, and Abraham. That was thousands of years ago, when the planet had few people! Even Christ, said that in the end times, "woe to those who are with little children, and those who give suck, in those days", for there will be great distress in the land." Matthew 24. I realize that us, who have never wanted to procreate, are in the tiniest minority. Most of us in this minority have lived tramatic childhoods, and hellish families, and we are permanently scarred. I guess "live and let live", is the best policy, and acceptance should be shown, to us without childresn and, acceptance shown to those who wanted children.

[DebbieL]

Even as a kid I liked to play house and be the mommy. I had a baby doll before my little brother was born, and when he was born, I was only 3 years old, but I enjoyed holding him, feeding him, and even helping mommy change his diapers. Back in those days, we had cloth diapers with safety pins, so I didn't get to actually change the diapers.

Even though I knew sex changes were possible back in 1978, I also knew that once I had made the change, I wouldn't be able to have children. As it was, I was born with Cryptorchidism, so there was a good chance that I wouldn't be able to have children anyway.

I had somehow hoped that if I got married and was having sex on a regular basis, that I would not want to be a girl anymore. I still wanted to dress, and couldn't have an orgasm if I didn't dress up at least a little. My wife ended up having two children, but I would not make any significant bets that a blood test would show I was the father. My wife was B-, I was A+, and by son was O+. I know for a fact that my wife had gotten drunk to the point of black-out at a place where there were available men, about a week before each child was conceived. I also know that she got very "Frisky" when she would get that intoxicated.

I loved having the children, and loved taking care of them. I especially looked forward to buying dresses for my daughter, and playing Barbies with her, and just having her be a girl.

Unfortunately, my wife couldn't deal with my dressing, decided she didn't want to have sex (from the time my son was conceived to the time I found out about her affair, we had sex about 3 times a year, on average). I could even deal with being a cuckhold and letting her have her affair, but when her lover decided he wanted to marry her, she tried to get as much child support as she could, working part-time so that I would have to pay day-care as part of the divorce decree, but once the divorce was final, she did everything she could to cut me out of the children's lives. I took a huge cut in pay to work in the same town where the kids lived, but when Leslie told me that I had to stop seeing the kids or she would have a social worker from the school write a letter saying that I should not be allowed to see the kids because it was bad for the kids. My ex-wife met the social worker at her Nazarene church (her new husband's church). I took an engagement in New York for six months, hoping that things would be smoothed over, and then I could come back and see the kids again.

When it got to the point where I couldn't even have a private phone call with the kids, I finally decided to just call once every two weeks for 30 minutes. Even that wasn't reliable, because if I called the same time twice in a row, they would be away from the house the third time. The kids almost became like strangers, or more like grandchildren. I tried to fly home for visits several times, but each time I showed up, my ex would tell me that the kids didn't have any free time.

I still like to see my kids, and I have been to Colorado to see my first grandchild, but each trip is frustrating, because the kids are all grown up and have busy schedules. I have not yet seen my new granddaughter, born about 3 weeks ago.

Had I known what I know now, I would have gone ahead with the sex change when I was 20 or 25, and would not have married that first wife. I would not have wanted to have children, especially children that were only for making payments for, but not for me to see. Instead I was expected to pay more than half my after-tax income for another 15 years. Although, after that, I continued to help my daughter with monthly payments directly to her with the stipulation that she was not allowed to pay rent to her mother.

Maybe, if I had gone through the transition, I might have met a nice partner (male?), and would have been able to adopt children or be a foster parent. In today's world that would be possible, but 30 years ago, it was not an option.

[LeaP]

Many people here have children.

My question is what was your motivation to breed?

I have to assume they are a burden to you due to either what you do or who you are.

Was it your spouse's pressure on you to do so?

Was it perhaps your parent's whining that coerced you.

What was your motivation?

I'm asking in a kind and considerate manner.

Thanks for your time.


Julia

Love, love of children, love of family.

A load at times, not a burden.

100% mutually decided for each.

The notion of my parents whining is laughable.

See answer #1.

Julia, you need to read as you will be read. Kindness and consideration run on social graces. Intent, even stated intent, isn't a substitute.

Lea

[Julia_in_Pa]

Everyone,

I again thank you for your insight. My first statement in hindsight seems somewhat rude.
If I have offended you I certainly apologize.

I'm very successful at mimicking social interaction with people not unlike teaching a parrot to mimic sounds.

I'm saddened to say there is a large ethereal gulf between what I feel and what I have to say in social interaction.

I'm a very good actor and no one knows that I am blank behind the words used to integrate myself with others.

I've treated all of you as subject matter instead of human beings and for that I have learned to apologize so please accept my apology.

I still have a difficult time differentiating between humans being statistical graphs and being living breathing creatures.

Thank you again


Julia

[Cynthia Anne]

I guess I'm one of those that found humor in this thing called breeding! OH! WHAT FUN IT IS! I do understand your reasoning on this and commend you for your straight forwardness! I take no offense on your choice of words! As soon as I become better then you I will redicue and judge you! Until that happens I will continue supporting and loving all of my sisters! Until then, hugs!

[Jonianne]

Julia, if you get the chance, sit down and watch "The Family Man" with Nicolas Cage and Tea Leoni.

There are no words to fully describe why most people want familys. Just to want to have the life connection to others and help little ones grow up the best way you can.

Let your heart be touched by others and see how wonderful you feel when you touch their hearts. Let the emotions sink in. Emotions are what make us human. I spent nearly 8 years in weekly therapy before I was able to "feel" to any degree.

[Debglam]

I'm saddened to say there is a large ethereal gulf between what I feel and what I have to say in social interaction.

Julia,

I think I get the question now and I will take a stab at it. I think what you are asking is almost inarticulatable. By analogy, it is like trying to explain transsexualism to someone completely cisgendered. You know what it feels like but how do you explain that in words?

A one word answer would be "love" but what does that mean? For me, it is a feeling so great and overpowering as between my wife and I that I think the natural expansion of that feeling is a desire to have children. Our love for them is as great if not greater than our love for each other. Simple as that. Clearly feeling that way means that while they may be pains in the rear end at times, they are NEVER burdens!

It may be possible to boil that down to biology, just like there is probably some base cause for transgenderism, but aren’t the internal feelings what is Really important to the individual?

Debby

[Gaby2]

I guess I'm one of those that found humor in this thing called breeding! OH! WHAT FUN IT IS! I do understand your reasoning on this and commend you for your straight forwardness! ...
I feel much the same way as, Cynthia Anne.

At about the age of 23, I can remember a desire to have kids that accompanied my desire to be with and marry the girl I had fallen in love with.
By the time we were 30 everything seemed just right and we were blessed with our first daughter.
Difficult (and mostly wonderful) times followed, our wish for a second child just didn't "materialise" (oops... "breeding" related) and we eventually decided to build a house.
We took a rather dramatic decision to move back to the town where she grew up.

Shortly afterwards, our younger daughter "happened" (":)").
I cannot describe my and our happiness. It was out of this world.

For various reasons, I had a vasectomy a year later.
One of the main reasons though, was that I had a feeling that if I had another toddler to take care of... well, then that would be the end of my life outside of home.

I was a stay-at-home Dad who somehow kept his music career going... but it was a hard, thankless and a mostly futile effort.

The desire to have children waned as time passed by.
Indeed, I was developing a dreaded fear of it...
I had noticed that the bonding between my wife and I had somehow and unintentionally stopped.

We unfortunately didn't realise that we would have needed help to avoid drifting apart.
Since separating, I try my best to support my Ex fully with raising the kids... but she always has the final say... I trust her judgement as much as I trusted her from the word go.

I've always believed that she decided when our children were conceived - in a subconcious way. I was simply... well, there at the time... and her chosen "breeder":straightface:

Being sterile is something we have in common, Julia.
Thanks for your thoughts.
:love:Gaby

[marlaNYC]

I have to assume they are a burden to you due to either what you do or who you are.
why would you assume such a thing?

[cassandra54]

i don't have any children of my own, that i am aware of. we all know how wild things were back in the 70's. however even at my age if an opportunity for a relationship presented itself where a woman would accept me being TG and she would want children, i would provided it was a solid relationship. mind you if a woman did accept my TG it would probably be a solid relationship.

i tend to think having at least one child is a way to continue your heritage, your name and a part of what one has worked so hard to accomplish in life. there are more than a few people on here who have children and children that know and approve of them being CDs or TGs.

[Inna]

It sort of happened, my whole life sort of happened and until recent it sort of was happening until I realized that what I considered happening was mere shadow of a journey it could have been.

[AllieSF]

Yes, Inna, that actually happens to a lot of us. We just live and never question the why's. So, now you are coming to that realization of who you are and how you lived your life letting it happen and are determined to control at least part of that happening from now on. I, and I would guess many here, understand that. We are also very happy for you even if we are not TS and can never walk in your shoes. But, we have walked in our own shoes and still have a lot to offer, including love, understanding when we see that we are not talking to a cast in concrete wall, support and a lot of other little things that can specifically help you through your path. I have heard and experienced this so many times, a friendly smile, a word of encouragement can really keep one going through the tough times. Give us a chance, we are actually very good, decent and wonderful human beings, whether CD, TG, Straight, Bi, gay or whatever.

[Dixie]

I had children because I love them. I've always wanted children and I'm proud of my children all of them. It was easy to be offended at the question but I decided that was not the intent. I love my kids with all my heart and they mean more to me than anything including dressing or even my own happiness. My happiness is their happiness.

[andrea69j]

My wife and I both wanted kids and I felt we needed to do what we could to counteract the slow slide in our collective intelligence.

[Sophie86]

My question is what was your motivation to breed?

First of all, I agree with the others that that's not a polite way to put it.

I have wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember. I already had names picked out for my first child--whether boy or girl--when I was a teenager. Back then, I wanted about four or five. I later decided that two would be plenty. I can't explain why I wanted to be a dad any better than I can explain why I crossdress. I can say that I enjoy it as much as I thought I would, if not more.


I have to assume they are a burden to you due to either what you do or who you are.

Not in the least. They have filled my life with joy. If I ever had to choose between parenthood and being a CD, I would choose parenthood without a second thought. Fortunately, that choice isn't necessary. Both children know what I do and have seen me dressed. Getting it completely sorted out is still a work in progress, but there haven't been any significant problems so far.


My interest revolves around the fact that society as a whole is degenerating at a alarming rate with each subsequent generation being poorer than the last.

When my dad was a kid, he lived in a log cabin with a fireplace for heat, no AC, no electricity, and no phone. He has all those things now, plus a whole lot more. So do I. I expect my kids to have even more. I think you lack historical perspective.

[Michelia]

Julia,

Upon starting to read this thread, you reminded me of Dr. Spock. He would have asked these questions in the same way you did.

I just had to read the whole thread because it did not seem real to me. After reading it all, I now realize you are gifted in some ways...yet have been so shortchanged in others. It must be so perplexing to view people having children and trying to understand it logically and/or philosophically.

I have no problem with the terms you are using. We humans tend to distance ourselves from the rest of the animal kingdom, without realizing that animals also experience feelings. They also teach and protect their young and prepare them for life. I know this as I had a farm once with many different kinds of animals. And I am not even talking primates. In some ways, animals are so much better than we are. They do not hurt others just for the sake of it.

I was ready to have kids late in life. And I have no regrets. Rather than it having been a burden for me, it has given me great motivation and kept me going through many difficult times. I might not be here if it was not for my child. Knowing that he depends on me has kept me from throwing in the towel more than once. The times we have been together have been some of the happiest times of my life. The love we experience and the bond that develops with your child is like nothing else.

You see it as a burden. That is maybe because you have only had to worry about yourself. When you have a child you give of yourself in a selfless way. It brings out the best in you. It adds more love to your life than you ever thought possible. Children bring laughter and fun in your life. They complete the relationship you have with your spouse by becoming a family. You learn how to negotiate and compromise.

My child has taught me many things. Sometimes they see things in a fresh way that you are too jaded to appreciate. My child has helped me in many ways. To become a better person, for example. It was my child that first got me to go out dressed! Now that he is older, some of the best times I have had enfemme have been with him.

To watch your child grow and see him/her become his own person is a fascinating process. More interesting than any book or movie. Trust me.

And then there is the magical everyday moments. When you get home and your child comes running to you and screams "Daddy!" When you get up and he has made breakfast for you trying to surprise you. When he epilates my back. When he tells me I am the best daddy in the world. When he tells me how beautiful I look and how proud he is of going out with me. When we cook together and he is trying to learn all the cooking basics. When he teaches me French. When play mental games with each other. When we go canoeing together and encounter difficulties. When he gets something he was having trouble understanding. I could go on and on....

Finally...when you really put all the above aside and you clear your head from all the BS we go through in life and all the things we once thought important....there comes a time when you realize that nothing else in life matters more than your loved ones...specially your spouse and kids.

[RachelOKC]

I think the negative manner of the questions asked by the OP has been well addressed (and atoned for!) so I won't really get into that, but I will try to answer what's at the heart of each.

Although we knew we wanted children at some point, we didn't specifically plan it. It just happened when it did and we were plenty fine with it. Our motivation? I suppose if you can call it such, it was to bring someone into this world we could love, nurture, care for, and teach. To share new life experiences with and celebrate the joys of milestones and accomplishments. Probably not so much the fears, the sadness, and the anger but we're all smart enough to know that's just life.

I'm sure another part of it was to pass on a bit of ourselves toward some uncertain but hopefully better future. Although times are tough right now, and I personally will likely never be as prosperous as my parents, I think most people are inherently optimistic enough to think that things will be better for their kids. Not always of course, but I'd say it's generally a good bet.

As for pressure, coercion, etc...Nobody made us do it. No doubt there's spousal or parental or societal pressures to have kids. But there's pressure to conform for practically everything in life. As if transpeople need a lecture in that.

Not having feelings for children due to being intersexed? I'd say those are probably exclusive of one another. My sister was born with a Disorder of Sex Development, and could rightly be called intersexed herself. I won't get into the details, but will simply say she can't have children. Even so, we never doubted that she of all of us kids would be most sure to have a family. As a very proud parent of an adopted beautiful eight year old girl, she has not disappointed us. She is a wonderful mother.

My child is not a burden for me to be who I am. I have never hidden my TG nature from my family and I would never hide it from my child because I really don't like living lies or untold truths. I consider myself lucky to be in a place and time where I am reasonably free to be myself and my son can interact with other non-traditional families like his. That's not to say it won't be hard since the road I am on is probably going to be a rocky one. There's plenty of little difficulties being an out trans-parent with a young kid. But at least I don't have to come out to a spouse and children after years and years of hiding. I'll take that up front advantage any day.

I'd guess the most burdensome part about having a child is the same that most families faces...getting a babysitter, dealing with tantrums, changing diapers... :)

[Momarie]

"I'm saddened to say there is a large ethereal gulf between what I feel and what I have to say in social interaction".

And this is suppose to excuse you for your deliberate poor choice of words and poor manners?

This ethereal uterus thinks not.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

So now we are test subjects.

Sorry but the op should be test subject

[Sophie86]

Everyone,

I again thank you for your insight. My first statement in hindsight seems somewhat rude.
If I have offended you I certainly apologize.

I'm very successful at mimicking social interaction with people not unlike teaching a parrot to mimic sounds.

I'm saddened to say there is a large ethereal gulf between what I feel and what I have to say in social interaction.

I'm a very good actor and no one knows that I am blank behind the words used to integrate myself with others.

I've treated all of you as subject matter instead of human beings and for that I have learned to apologize so please accept my apology.

I still have a difficult time differentiating between humans being statistical graphs and being living breathing creatures.

Thank you again


Julia

It's okay. Thanks for explaining. :)

:hugs:

[JulieK1980]

"I'm saddened to say there is a large ethereal gulf between what I feel and what I have to say in social interaction".

And this is suppose to excuse you for your deliberate poor choice of words and poor manners?

This ethereal uterus thinks not.

It doesn't excuse them, but I suspect there is underlying sociopathic tendencies here. This person needs medical help.

[marlacd]

When we were married, my wife and decided against it, mainly because we were afraid that we would fly off the handle and abuse ours. I wasn't when I was young, but my wife was. Since both of my parents were dead & buried before I got married, My uncle was on me to reproduce so that the family name could be carried on. To me, that was a pretty crummy reason to have kids. As little as 3 years ago, he was on me to have kids "before its too late!". Ah, excuse me, I'm 54, What makes you think its so easy to send a kid thru college on social security?
Since my family has always thought that carrying on the family name was of the utmost importance, that's probably why my gay cousin killed himself. He was more involved with family matters, than I was. And he couldn't tell the family to take a hike, like I could. On the otherhand, I've no one to possibly help me, that's family, when I'm old, and can't take care of myself. But, how many times have you heard of parents taking care of their grown kids, because they are too lazy to take care of themselves. I personally know of too many in that position. Or kids that are too willing to push their parents into a nursing home, and split up their possessions? And as a added problem, if I had kids, would they accept me as a CD?

Obviously, there's no pat answer to this one. Really, the only thing I object to about this one is calling having kids, as breeding. Breeding in the would of animal husbantry mean comming up with a better species.

[josee]

We had children because it is a very essential part of being human and it gives us someone who is very much part of us to care for and who cares for us. Children are also a lot of fun. Nothing funnier than watching a toddler play or eat. Nothing more rewarding than helping that child learn and grow to become a contributing member of society.
Children can be difficult, tiring, a huge financial strain. Bit they are almost always worth every bit of it and then some. They can also give us joy, love, a sense of pride and accomplishment. Life would seem kind of empty by comparison.
Hope this helps.

[Badtranny]

That's not to say it won't be hard since the road I am on is probably going to be a rocky one.

Oh really? PM me and tell me more. Are you taking the plunge?

[Julia_in_Pa]

Thank you everyone for your input.

At my place of employment we design systems for nuclear energy generation.

There I have no one that is not like me to stimulate thought outside the confines of nuclear physics and engineering.

I work alot from home on the computer which allows me the time to visit with all of you.

Thank you again for your emotional energies, positive, negative or neutral within your responses to my question.

Julia

[Aprilrain]

I have read a lot of heart felt responses and in a way i wish i could relate but the truth is we were horny and failed to use protection. I knew when I was a kid that I NEVER wanted children it just didn't make any sense to me why someone would want to be responsible for another human life. Thankfully raising kids really isn't that hard especially for the fathers, lets face it mothers carry the burden of responsibility when it comes to kids in most cases especially babies. That being said I love my kids its hard not to once they are here. I'm totally done though and am quite happy that there is no way for me to get pregnant! If I had THIS life to do over I would have made some different choices.

[Kaz]

I just wish I could help with your understanding Julia, but I have found this just about the most confusing thread ever. I have read it and re-read it and keep coming to the conclusion that you have missed out on a hell of lot. In my little old life, I have found love, respect, true affection, joy, loyalty, success at work, and more... and also on the dark side, enemies (usually because of a conflict of interests), misunderstanding, pain, loss, depression, lack of income, loss of respect, loss of employment, and the list goes on...

I have three amazing daughters. They are amazing because they are nothing special... they are not going to change the world... they are going to just get on with their lives doing what we all do. One of daughters has my wife's and my first (and possible the only) grand-daughter. She is 5 in a few weeks and seeing theam all develop and grow into adults has been the most the rewarding experience of my life.

Why did I 'breed'... for most of the animal kingdom it is in their nature. It is about the survival of species. It is not about religion. There is a basic intinct for species survival that Darwin has articulated well but so have many classical and recent philosophers. their is a scientific literature on this, as well as a social, psychological and philosophical literature.

I think this is why it is so difficult to explain and respond to the OP. I was 'motivated to breed'... because it is in my nature. I choose to CD because it is also (as I am learning) in my nature.

[Tina B.]

Not being a Vulcan, I don't see the need to have a reason for every thing I do, having children was sure not a need, but a want, I don't know about your spiraling down the generations is based on, but I did better than my father, and both of my kids have done a lot better than I did, so I guess it's alright that I bred. Being raised by such a practical women, I'm not sure you can understand doing something like that just for the fun of it.
Tina B.

[Sophie86]

Thankfully raising kids really isn't that hard especially for the parents, who don't stay home with their children.

I fixed that for you. :/

[*Vanessa*]

Hi Julia - I guess I'm an otherwise (known as TG)

second edit

motivation (first wife) - to have (unprotected) sex with a real hottie. we where 19 and 20yrs at the time.
motivation (2nd wife) - to start a family
motivation (3rd wife) - we just had a dog... too many kids already

[Aprilrain]

I fixed that for you. :/

hhhmmm? I wouldn't know. I've done both over the last 7 years, personally I'd rather have then during the day since when I would get home from work I was tired and the last thing I wanted were other people around especially a wife and kids! ESPECIALLY A WIFE!!

[Frédérique]

Many people here have children. My question is what was your motivation to breed?

I don’t have children, but I assume that your question in the OP was not mutually exclusive…:straightface:

I like children, now that I’m not a child anymore, but I never came close to “having” any of my own. I’ve never been married, and I never had to deal with the unintentional consequences of a sexual act. My children are all imaginary, and they are extremely undemanding…

As such, I never felt a “motivation” to breed, which may or may not be a good thing, depending on how you look at it. I’m very much the outsider in all things (except crossdressing, where I am very much an insider), marginalized on all fronts, not a team player, and thus not capable of attracting a female who would wish me to be the father of her children…

I wrote a thread about procreation not too long ago, and how it is connected with this inevitable censure of MtF crossdressing by society and, by necessity, females who wish to procreate. Being a crossdresser carries certain connotations with it, all of which undermine “normal” relationships and life in general, i.e. I’m not like other men, I’m somewhat self-absorbed, and I am, by my inherent nature, incapable of taking life very seriously. My motivation to be ME outweighs any other motivation I may have (or acquire), so “breeding” is not even a remote idea…

[J'lyn GG]

I am a parent WHO STAYS HOME WITH HER KIDS. I have never had a really easy time getting pregnant, therefore, each of our 5 pregnancies were planned. I can't speak for my husband, but I KNOW I did not coerce him into having children. (that was just offensive) Why did I have children? Honestly, in the beginning, it was probably b/c I thought that was what I was supposed to do. If noone has children, we will become extinct. True? But, after that, well, every time my 12 yo says, thanks mom, you're the greatest, or my 2 yo runs to me yelling mommy, mommy, each and every hug and kiss he showers me with every day. Every smile I receive from my youngest or when he reaches for me. Watching my child ride his bike for the first time or take his first steps. Go on his first date or get behind the wheel of a car. The macaroni necklaces. The masterpieces for daddy's office. The huge mess my 2yo makes b/c he MUST help make brownies. LOL Or how about when my 16 yo realizes that we have rules b/c we love him. Those, those are the reasons we have children. There are a million reasons to have children and I can't imagine going through life without experiencing those reasons.

[sanderlay]

Julia...

Thank you for the questions. I appreciate learning more about you and how you perceive life. Thank you for your participation in this forum.

I've been single all my life and never been married or fathered a child. My own journey into understanding myself and gender presentation has been more urgent and a road block to a relationship with a SO, significant other. But if I was younger and had a partner, being at peace with myself and who I present to the world, I would have liked to have had a child or two.

In myself I think there is a primal need to nurture and pass on my life experiences. Currently I fulfill my need to nurture having pets in my life, which just happened again to me in the last month. A family who moved, my neighbor, did not take all their pets and left some behind. I stepped in to the rescue the animals, three cats and a caged rat, from being abandoned. (I'm not going to talk about my feeling of being a responsible pet owner, which my neighbor broke, and I'm having to pick up the pieces.)

Yes... there is a commitment to the welfare and nurture of a child, or any pet, under your care. This does affect my freedom and my resources. But at the same time they give back to you in ways that are priceless. Even the wildlife, deer, wild turkeys, birds, squirrels, rabbits, bears, etc..., around me as some parade their offspring by my home almost daily as they look for food are such a gift and blessing. I feel proud that I can help protect and nurture them here in this forest, some directly as they sleep in my home or outside as they find protection from hunters.

[Sophie86]

hhhmmm? I wouldn't know. I've done both over the last 7 years, personally I'd rather have then during the day since when I would get home from work I was tired and the last thing I wanted were other people around especially a wife and kids! ESPECIALLY A WIFE!!

Wow. Okay.

I've been a stay-at-home parent for 12 yrs now, since my oldest was 3. It hasn't always been easy, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it. I feel I've been blessed to have the opportunity to do this. I'm very grateful to my wife, since she's the one who had to shoulder the responsibility for paying the bills while I have been taking care of the kids and the house.

[Jeninus]

Gays rather notoriously refer to straight, married folks as "Breeders," which might be why some were offended by the use of the term, although it is a technically correct one. In my case my wife and I are childless because, with a fairly late marriage, the expense of law school and the need for my wife's income during that time and during the early years of building a practice, we just couldn't afford it. By the time we could, we agreed it was too late. We had also seen that the stress of early parenting had been at least one factor leading to my sister-in-law's divorce. We then had two Airdales, who became our "children" for 15 years. I think we both share a sense of loss that we didn't have children. I fully understand the primal need of people to have children.

[Angela2me]

hmmm, logical reason for having children. Same as logical reason for falling in love with my SO.

There really is no logical reason for it. There are often many logical reasons why not. Why not to have children or why not to full in love.
Money, time, heartache, the world (looking forward), over population, lack of food, water, health, peace.

But there are not often logical reasons why we do.
It is all about L O V E. (and some selfishness)

Angela

[PretzelGirl]

I have read a lot of heart felt responses and in a way i wish i could relate but the truth is we were horny and failed to use protection.

Way too broad sweeping. I adopted two out of three of my kids. Obviously that has nothing to do with being horny. ;)

[kimdl93]

As stated before, I genuinely wanted children. I have two sons. Being part of their growth into fine young adults has been the most rewarding aspect of my life....simple as that.

[RenneB]

I produced a pair of what I call biological replacements. One female, one male. Something deep down inside me said that it was the right thing to do at the time. When I looked into their eyes for the very first time, I saw the creator my God. Wow what a feeling.

Now leap forward 15 years and they're teenagers. They walk, talk (apparently talking back is second nature to them) and act on their own. OMG what did I do? They turned out just like me.... LOL ROTF CGU..... (that LOL Rolling On The Floor - Can't Get Up)

Renne.....

[sometimes_miss]

Our initial motivation is to have sex. Breeding is a 'side effect'. Social pressures in the past few thousand years (an microscopic amount of time that the human species has existed) have encouraged 'breeding' in order to continue each 'tribe' or social group.
Me, I have no urge to 'breed'. While some people like to think their genes are superior to others and think that makes it more important that they have kids, I have no such delusion. Basically, all our genes 'suck'. We live, spend astronimical amounts of energy in the pursuit of reproduction, we die, and in general, contribute very, very little to the advancement of the species.

[Kate Simmons]

None of my three were really planned but the joy of having children and being with them as they grow cannot really be explained, only experienced.:)

[Julogden]

My motivation to breed was, I enjoyed sex with my wife and I love children and wanted my own family.

Seems an obvious answer to a very simple question Julia?

You assume my children are a burden!
I have to say this is a sad and troublesome thread Julia. [Are you asking this as a kind of joke?]
Suzy, you took the words right out of my mouth. :)

Carol

[larry07]

I feel compelled to add another angle to the discussion of having children, not related to crossdressing, but related to being a human being. The population of the earth is now around seven billion - 2.5 times what it was when I was born, 58 years ago. The US population has more than doubled. The survival of our species does not seem to be at risk, though our prolific growth has been responsible for the loss of many other species.

There is no longer doubt that human activity is changing the climate. Today's children will have to deal with a very different planet than the one we have been accustomed to. The assumption that our children will have a better life than we have can no longer be made. Water, food, and many other resources are already becoming scarce and expensive in many areas and coming changes will make the situation much worse.

I'll get off my soapbox now, but I would hope that more of those who feel compelled to have children would consider adoption. Many ideas and concepts that we have taken for granted need to be modified.

Larry

[Julia_in_Pa]

Your very welcome Debbie

[Sophie86]

Our initial motivation is to have sex. Breeding is a 'side effect'.

My wife and I managed to have sex for 9 years without conceiving a child, and could have continued that indefinitely. Having children wasn't a side effect of some other motivation. It was a conscious decision based on the fact that we both wanted a child, and felt we had reached a point in our lives where we could raise one well. When we decided to have a second child five years later that was also a decision based on what we wanted in our lives.


The assumption that our children will have a better life than we have can no longer be made.

That's very true, and will remain true so long as the political landscape is dominated by statists.

[jillleanne]

If we need to get to the scientific basis for life, here goes; my genetic DNA structure is designed for one purpose and that is to produce offspring to maintain the continued genetic structure of my DNA. It is not a matter of desire but rather a need to protect my DNA within the animal kingdom for survival by design. The medium used to carry the DNA forward is the act of producing offspring. Simple.
The benefit received from that DNA design is I am blessed with emotions, intelligence, senses, reason, etc., and these benefits give me the ability to reciprocate the benefits to other DNA carriers. That includes love, reasoning, and survival.
Producing offspring, or more humanly, bearing children is a natural event necessitated by the need for survival. Outside influences are only superficial and have nothing to do with one's decision or ability to have children, other things equal. The icing on the cake if you will, is the ability to share a short time of existence with others, to be able to emotionally protect, love, teach, learn, and all the other things that make having children so wonderful. Being gender enhanced to any degree has absolutely nothing to do with bearing children nor create any negative effects in the decision making process of such nor in the act of raising children.
If a child perceives any such ideas, it is simply a false perception of the child and they should openly discuss it with the parents or a professional that can help them come to terms with the true reality.

[sometimes_miss]

My wife and I managed to have sex for 9 years without conceiving a child, and could have continued that indefinitely. Having children wasn't a side effect of some other motivation. It was a conscious decision based on the fact that we both wanted a child, and felt we had reached a point in our lives where we could raise one well. When we decided to have a second child five years later that was also a decision based on what we wanted in our lives.
Having offspring for gratifying feelings is socially induced, and this is also somewhat of a new phenomenon in the history of our species. It's only existed for much less than 0.1% of our time on the planet. Besides, if you didn't have a sex drive, you wouldn't be having children, either. The whole romantic connection is hormonally induced to keep the parents together long enough for the child to be able to function more independently so as to have a better chance to survive.

[GBJoker]

My motivation to breed some time in the future is multi-faceted.

1: Simply to experience it at least once before I die.

2: I'm the last male with my family name. Seriously. If you some how were able to create a more comprehensive family tree than my father and I've been able to dig up over the past few years, you'd see it. You can look all the way down to... 20th cousins, or whatever, and I'm the last male with the family name.

3: Because most GG's seem to want a family eventually. Just like most G...Gs? Genetic girls ------> Genetic... Guys? You know what I mean. So yes, there is easily the potential for pressure. Especially if I end up with my dream girl, who'd be Japanese. Definite desire to have kids there.

4: To experience it at least once before I die.

[Contessa]

I won't question your use of the word breed, reason being if that is the outcome of having sex then we(my wife and I) were breeding. That is what sex is for, having children. Some may think that it because it feels good. But if it didn't feel good you wouldn't do it. I never thought or made a decision to have kids, we just became pregnant.

Sure kids are costly now a days. This is only for people like me without a whole lot of money. But there is no doubt that I can find it easy to spend some on them and some on me and the Mrs. I help them and from time to time they return the favor. I love them all I told them of my need to dress in women's clothes and they understood. I didn't say they liked it but they understood. Your children would love you if you could have any or at least one as you would love them. I know a person my sister wishes she had had a kid, she still does and she is in her sixties. I feel sorry that she was not able to keep the ones that were terminated due to her age at the time.

Some good people have kids and some bad people have them too. Some kids grow up to be good and some don't. I turned out pretty good and I am a CD'er. This maybe the only time I can't say I am a girl that looks like a boy (smile). I don't know if I answered your question but I sure enjoyed typing it.

[Sophie86]

Having offspring for gratifying feelings is socially induced, and this is also somewhat of a new phenomenon in the history of our species. It's only existed for much less than 0.1% of our time on the planet. Besides, if you didn't have a sex drive, you wouldn't be having children, either. The whole romantic connection is hormonally induced to keep the parents together long enough for the child to be able to function more independently so as to have a better chance to survive.

Studies show that the belief in social and/or biological determinism is a consequence of having either an under- or over-privileged upbringing, which causes a chemical imbalance in the brain, which in turn leads one to think that nothing is ever the result of conscious, rational choice. :rolleyes:

[Julie Hall]

Julia, I have never been and never will be a biological father but when I married, my wife had a daughter from a previous marriage. Through the years I considered her to be my daughter as well and received such joy from watching her grow into a young woman. I still have the "Worlds Greatest Dad" home made certificate on my wall twenty years later.

I started there because I have always believed, as some have pointed out, it was selfish to bring a child into this world due to it's sorry state. I will add however, at one point in my marriage my wife said there was a chance she was pregnant. It turned out to be some sort of cyst, but for a little while my heart actually soared at the prospect of being a biological father. Perhaps this was that biological imperative in action, I'm not quite sure.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Thank you for your continued responses.


Julia

[CassieV]

I didn't feel any kind of base impulse to have children, they just sort of happened as these things sometimes do. My wife had a child from a previous marriage, and we planned on having at least one ourselves. Hilariously our first was conceived while my wife was on birth control, so while it was surprising, it wasn't unwelcome. Our second was not exactly planned, but not exactly prevented, either. I love them all and wouldn't trade them for anything.

As for hindering my lifestyle choices, I will admit I keep things under wraps around my stepchild, but with my own, not at all. They've grown up since birth seeing Daddy wearing a skirt, it's normal to them. We're raising all of them to be accepting and open minded, so that they can make their own choices, and when the eldest is at a point where we think he can deal with it in a mature manner, I'm sure we'll let him in on things, too. I'm glad that they are living in a more tolerant society than what it was like even twenty years ago.

[t-girlxsophie]

Because my Wife and I sincerely wanted a child,and I love my boy unconditionaly and if I ever consider my Son a burden to me,then take me outside and shoot me in the head,for that is the day I become a soulless b*****d.My boy means the world to me.

Sophie

[gabimartini]

Julia, I understand your question and unlike many, am not offended by it or your wording.

I've never had a strong desire to have children and most of it has to do with my CDing. As far as my family is concerned, I'm totally in the closet and don't see any possibility of coming out, at least, not anytime soon. In any case, I don't think it would be responsible of me to breed, to only later in life find out that I want to transition, and then put those children through the psychological trauma to have daddy turn into a TS woman. Heck, even if I don't transition, but say they find my femme stuff one day... how pathetic, traumatizing, and unnecessary would that be? At the same time I'd run to post here "oops outed by my kids" (like I've seen a few times), what would those kids post in their own little forums... "oops, found out daddy is a tranny"?

No thanks, not for me. So, exactly because I'm not entirely sure about my own gender issues, I feel children would indeed be an additional burden. It is already hard as is to both entertain and hide my dressing, I can't imagine having to do it with children of my own to take care of.

One last comment, and I know that I'm going a bit off-topic, so bear with me. I'm amazed at how fast some people passed judgement that they feel "sorry for you" because of your question and your wording. One would expect a little more open-mindedness from peers posting in a site like this. Guess not. That very intolerance is, IMO, something to be truly sorry about.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Thank you both of you. :O)


Julia

[msginaadoll]

Well I for one aplaud you for yor posting. I personaly am Ok with the word "Breed" but I know some find it offensive or too scientific. I dont have children and that will always be a regret. However I have worked with children throughtout my life so I think I do have a clue. Children can be a burden. So can spouses, parents, friends etc. Anyone who says differently may be fibbing. Children like any relationship is tuff, there are demands and struggles. The definition of burden is a "Load, duty, responsibility" according to Websters.
I dont think any parent in there right mind thinks that children arent a responsibility, and that it takes time and it takes work to be a parent. Maybe the reason there are so many messed up kids is that people are unwilling to accept the burden that being a parent is. They want all the joy without putting in the time and work. Just my two cents.

[Pythos]

I have seen a few responses that state in essense that procreation (not sure how that is any better a term than breed, but ok), is a biblical, or moral responsibility, or even a biological one. So how are people that through nature are unable to procreate? How are they to fill that expectation?

Sometimes I too think that people who have kids have them for entirely selfish, and self centered reasons, others definitely are brought into this world out of the expression of true love.

I for one will not bring a new mouth into the world to feed. My economic status would not be able to support said child. The cost of raising one child has gone up exponentially over the last 3 decades, and I know that I even with financial support from my spouse could not do it. It would be unfair to the child, unfair to me, and unfair to my spouse, resulting in a very miserable marriage.

[Jenniferathome]

There was ever a question of "should we" just "when"

Trader was no feeling of have to or being guilted into it. We both wanted it we knew we would be great parents. Kids are a burden and a fantastic reward.