Anger Management

[Kaz]

I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters...

OK... sometimes... just sometimes...?

I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters... I must not abuse fellow posters...

Yeah... good point!

Lines work!

Anything else work for you? How do you cope with feeling angry about posts and dealing with the 'do I respond or not' emotion and the equally important... 'hit the 'new posts' thread, in the hope that there is something more cheery on offer?'?

[Karren H]

I don't get angry... I get even! Lol.

[Kaz]

:Punch::Punch::spank::stirthepot::yippee:?????

[Marleena]

Kaz, if something (a thread) bothers me I avoid it like the plague. It is difficult at times, I know exactly what you're saying.:)

[AllieSF]

I try to ignore it long enough until I can't stand it anymore and then I look for a good opening for me to enter and try not to sound like I am on a bandwagon from hell and out to attack the idiots who are taking a good thread into the combat zone for no other reason than to argue their non-applicable point of view. Sometimes I even type up a reply and then re-read it and delete it thinking that it is not worth the effort, nor do I want to lower myself to some else's low level. And even after all that restraint, sometimes I catch myself jumping into the fray and then be totally wrong in my mistaken point of view. A thick skin really does help.

[LilSissyStevie]

Just remember that when you turn off the computer we all just disappear into the aether. My rule is don't take yourself too seriously and don't take anyone else as seriously as you take yourself. I don't always follow my rule but I don't take that too seriously either.

[Jilmac]

Seems passive agressive to me.
I don't get angry... I get even! Lol.

[Kaz]

Sounds like a CD freedom fighter?

[Jennifer H]

Hey Kaz a bit of abuse never hurt anyone (except me!!) Let it all out girl you will feel better for it.

xxx Jenny

[Kathi Lake]

I guess it depends on how receptive I think the OP is. If I'm just whining and moaning about their attitudes, and they're a simple troll, I know they're enjoying it and I just move along. If, however, I think I can help by adding my two cents, then I do - but hopefully in the spirit of "Let's look at it this way" rather than "You $^(*^$# moron!!"

:)

Kathi

[Niya W]

Normally I ignore it. if it gets bad I have a cup of kava. But once or twice I've had mod tell what I did was uncalled for . I can be a cold ruthless bitch if you go after a friend or piss me off.

[Elizabeth Ann]

Just remember that when you turn off the computer we all just disappear into the aether. My rule is don't take yourself too seriously and don't take anyone else as seriously as you take yourself. I don't always follow my rule but I don't take that too seriously either.

I like Stevie's answer. As for myself, three points:

1. I believe that most individuals are sincere and want to do the right thing. If I feel that they are unjustified or irrational, I remind myself that they probably feel the same thing. A little reaching out ("I'm trying to understand . . ." or "That's an interesting point, but from my perspective . . . ") can sometimes have big results and calm the waters.

2. Very soon, the offending post will be on page 2, and then on page 3, and then forgotten. In the grand scheme of things, or even in the small goings on of this forum, none of this matters very much.

3. This is a bit embarrassing, and I know doesn't reflect well on me. I have a very high opinion of my own intellectual abilities and my positions on many matters. I do enjoy contributing to reasonable and informed debate that gives me new information or understanding, but to be honest, it is a selfish objective of what I can get out of the discussion. If there are those I cannot convince, especially if they are rude and hostile, I simply don't care enough about their opinion to get worked up about it.

Liz

[Dixie]

My grandmother always said that "If you can't say anything nice about someone then don't say anything at all." I really try to follow her advice though I'm not always successful. This forum is for support not rearing each other down and I try to remember that weather I agree with something or not.

[larry]

I just tell myself "These people are strange" unlike me---hehehe
I find it interesting how many people have all the right answers for others..
I just go the the pic thread and get really mad at all those that are so darn pretty..

[April_Ligeia]

Remember the old saying, 'The longer a wise person argues with a fool, the harder it is to tell which is which.' I don't always follow my own advise either, but I try.

[MsJanessa]

I learned years ago not to take anything people say here or anywhere else on line seriously---as delightful as some of the people are here, I'm unlikely to meet many of them (although there have been a few) and every body is entitled to their own opinion--

when I first started here I got involved in a "flame war" with another poster who has long since left this site---I spent a lot of energy going back and fourth over nothing---finally he got so mad he threatened to come kick my a$$--I wrote him a private message asking him if he was threatening me and never saw him on the site again---up to that time he was a regular---

my point is that it's not worth the energy getting angry at what people say here because this is the only place you will have to deal with their crap and if you don't like them or what they are saying you can simply not go to their posts. Problem solved

[donnalee]

I will write a post burning with logical venom, edit it until it perfectly represents my thoughts, and then delete it, as the stupid idjet doesn't deserve the benefit of my wisdom.

[kellycan27]

I love a good fight lol

[sometimes_miss]

I try to ignore it long enough until I can't stand it anymore and then I look for a good opening for me to enter and try not to sound like I am on a bandwagon from hell and out to attack the idiots who are taking a good thread into the combat zone for no other reason than to argue their non-applicable point of view. Sometimes I even type up a reply and then re-read it and delete it thinking that it is not worth the effort, nor do I want to lower myself to some else's low level. And even after all that restraint, sometimes I catch myself jumping into the fray and then be totally wrong in my mistaken point of view. A thick skin really does help.
Wow. Perfectly said. And my additional problem is, I often come off as more irritating than I want to be (wait, that would imply that I sometimes want to be irritating, and I never want that!). It's sometimes hard to be, well, tactful.

[eluuzion]

Hiya Kaz,

“Whenever things look bad, I just remember I have a really big d**k, and things always seem much better.”:D

On any issue I initial check myself to assure I am interpreting things in the proper perspective.

This is the Internet. “Where women are men and 12 year old kids are FBI agents” lol. The Internet is a Disneyland arena where people can “be” whoever they dream of being and “be” whatever their fantasies can imagine. It is a place where everyone can “test” out a new personality or fantasy lifestyle in a “virtual real world” environment without suffering any of the consequences present in the face-to-face real world. So the “source” of any comment or point is questionable from the start, unless “verified” to the point of being assumed credible. (Which seems to be a rare case, particularly on non-technical forums).

“Social/support” forums seem to favor logical fallacy over logic, opinion over documented fact, fantasy over reality, embellishment over actuality, ego competition over relevance, self-promotion over active listening, discounting over understanding, finger pointing over offering a hand, digression over topic exploration. A popular debate “strategy” is to discredit a poster with pedantic triviality attacks, while ridiculing the posting of support documentation (links, etc.) as being unnecessary anal retentive behavior. :heehee:

This reduces many attempts at having a constructive discussion down to this:
“Arguing on the Internet is like playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller”. :)

While this is certainly not true in every case, it is enough to view my primary expectation for internet forums being human behavioral entertainment value, with an occasional opportunity to expand my knowledge when some interesting and thought provoking topics are presented and/or discussed with some interesting/intelligent people with their cognitive processes grounded by reality.

I rarely if ever, feel the need to “defend myself” or “attack others“. In my opinion, most of those opportunities are nonsensical to the point of being impossible for me to take “seriously”. Oh, and I never interrupt any “adversary” when they are in the process of hanging themselves. (This is often the case in such circumstances, lol).

Just my perspective… :hugs:

:love:

[suzy1]

Kaz! You have aimed this at me, right?

I can’t stop myself going into attack mode. A very bad trait that I have to work on.

But something good comes out of most things. I have made it a point of going back to some of the members I attacked and apologised.
Without exception the members have not only accepted my apology but have been really nice about it.
The more time I spend on this site the more convinced I am that our lifestyle makes us nicer people.

One day it will make me a bit nicer too.

SUZY

[gabimartini]

Some "negative" energy is good, Kaz. Anger, fear, frustration. They make us feel alive, they show that we care, they make us take a step back and think... about how to better seek revenge! lol

Take it easy, sis. Have a cuppa.

[noeleena]

Hi,

So would i see this in the forums like in real life.

or just venting out loud here in the forums . i may walk around the combat zone because i can see if some one is down ,

so with the red cross on my arm i go in to get the fallen out part of who i am. so i keep out of the battle & its very hard not to think about what may be said & being impartial allows me access to others with out a fighting attitude . so i can help in the background,

Its hard being a peace keeper tho its worth it , at least my new friends can stay alive,

& the other side , a lot of hot air, & may be a good laugh,

...noeleena...

[Cynthia Anne]

Very well said! I thhink this is a great place to practice anger management! I've had enough 'hurt' from my family to last two life times! This family I shall not abuse! Hugs!:hugs::love::)

[cassandra54]

i agree. a lot of it is the same stuff. the only thing different is that people are relating their experiences with the same thing in a new way. maybe they've never had that experience before, but then again they could respond to a similar thread. a lot of posters on here, don't know how to spell or construct a sentence and that's really painful for some of us who take great pride in having a command of the english language.

so to get this straight.
1. yes i believe that i am androgynous and TG
2. my SO knows and approves.
3. i dress whenever i can.
4. i've been out in public-four times now. i haven't had any experiences and really enjoyed it.
5. i don't have problems buying clothes while en drab.
6. i know what sizes fit me.
7. i wear size 10 women's shoes and don't have to worry about finding size 15 red stiletto heel.
8. i still have problems with makeup, but it's a learning curve.
9. i would love to come out to friends if i had any and won't to my family simply because i am not close to them and don't trust them.
10. i am not interested or ever considered SRS or hormones. although if they did have SRS that would biologically make me a woman, i might
consider it.
11. i don't get turned on by men or other CD's while dressed. i am bi and in an open relationship and very selective about who i might date.
in fact i've given up on finding guys to date because most of them interested in TGs or CDs are pigs or freaks, and women, well who knows where i
might find a woman interested in me. the real me. in the meantime i have a nice live.
12, i don't have problems with body hair. i simply shave and keep up with it.
13. i try to dress like any other woman would. finding a style and taste in clothes is acquired.
14. i think this forum is awesome, i've learned a lot and shared information and experiences.
15. and lastly, like i said i have a nice life. i am well adjusted, not embarrassed, in touch with my talents and abilities, have a good job, live in a nice home and have most of the things we strive for in life.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? GOOD, SO LET'S MOVE ON.

let's see, the last two weeks at work have been really hard. i've worked a lot of hours, it's been extremely stressful. it's been a great experience overall, because i've dealt with the stress and frustration very well and really honed my technical and troubleshooting skills. a personal best for me. i cannot wait to come home and have the time to be cassandra and being her is just one of the many self realization/actualization type tings that have really allowed me to excel over the last five years. the weather is changing out here in Arizona, so makeup is easier and it's just more comfortable to be cassandra.

that's all for now ladies.

[Stephenie S]

I'll post as soon as I can. I'm still trying to recover from Karen whacking me with her hockey stick.

S

[suzy1]

Not all of the members are as educated as you Casandra but they are all welcome here.
I don’t care if they can’t spell, there comments are just as important to me.

SUZY

[Kittyagain]

LOL I found it really helps to limit my angry replies to no more than two words like bite me or . . . well, you get the idea. :)

Kitty

[Jillian Faith]

I don't get angry... I get even! Lol.

I don't get angry... I get ahead!

[Eryn]

I will write a post burning with logical venom, edit it until it perfectly represents my thoughts, and then delete it, as the stupid idjet doesn't deserve the benefit of my wisdom.

I'm glad that someone else does that! The writing itself gives some catharsis and then I come to realize that sometimes the fire doesn't really need any more gasoline from me.


OK enough of this crap! We are up to post 29 and it is still on topic plus no-one has been purposely irrational and rude and started trying to define the exact meaning of transgender. What is wrong with you people!

And WTF are you looking at!!

I'm looking at you, you orderly assemblage of electrons striking phosphorous! Transgender is a kind of goose that flies between continents. And so's your Dad! I think bicycling is the best exercise.

Happy now?

Eryn, always aiming to please.

[midnightMelissa]

You know, I often feel that way not just here but out there in the real world too. I look at it this way. Living life takes "advanced citizenship". It's rough. Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. If you can do that and the best you can do is to write lines, I think you win!

M

[Eryn]

Niels Bohr, the physicist, often had heated discussions with his colleagues. When he disagreed with their idiotic ideas he would express it in the strongest possible terms:

"We agree much more than you think."

[Kaz]

Thanks for all the responses...I've really enjoyed reading them and it looks we all may have! Well a bit at least!

To Suzy... no not aimed at you at all! It was aimed at me... every now and then something just sends me crazy and I just can't stop myself! The next morning and wonder if I have dreamt it... sound familiar?

Scarlet Rose is right on the button as it a response I made on one of her threads that triggered my thoughts... and yes the number of times I spent ages on a post only to delete it after giving up, finally wondering why I am writing it!

Anyway... today I am not angry... I am calm and collected and was planning to go to bed and have an early night... then I just thought... ought to check in to the site to check responses... well suprised! But now I may be here longer than I intended!

[Angie G]

If I feel I must abuse a poster. I just click off the post and move on.I think it has only been once or so that I lost it.:hugs:
Angie

[Missy]

I set back and think about the post that bring up the anger levels then relax and smile and LMAO at the stupid things some people are talking about the narrow minded
or just ignorant things that get posted inline.

[suit]

I know people that use "their really good looking " as a put down .

[Tracii G]

Ummmm Ahhhhhh IDK what were we talking about?

[lisa_cd]

Right now, I don't think I can post an angry reply...I am too new here..and just try to smile...

[*Vanessa*]

.
well - quite frankly I'm a little intimidated to reply to this post Kaz :)

I need to pick up your mantra as I normally dive in mouth first and then regret my actions.

[Sarah Doepner]

When I find that someone has written a post that offends me I look in the mirror and decide that I really don't have anything to be so very proud of and need to defend in the imaginary world of the internet.

[*Vanessa*]

.
Actually in true fashion I have nothing to say. I just want to see if I get a prize for 500 posts in about 60 days..

Love ya all

[DebbieL]

Anything else work for you? How do you cope with feeling angry about posts and dealing with the 'do I respond or not' emotion and the equally important... 'hit the 'new posts' thread, in the hope that there is something more cheery on offer?'?

Anger is a masculine emotion. Women get bursts of anger, but they are associated with shame and guilt for getting angry. :-D

When I post, or I see an upset reaction, I realize that we are all discussing a subject that is very near and dear to our hearts, and we are each at different phases of acceptance and changes. I also understand that there are a wide range of destinations as well, and for each member of this group, there are moments when we want changes so desparately, and yet fear that same change. We want the freedom to step out, and yet we are also legitimately concerned about consequences.

We have all been through our own versions of pain, isolation, loneliness, feeling like we are the only ones who have ever been through it.

There are also those who have made the remarkable sacrifices and deserve the respect for their courage in making the choices and taking the actions required to complete their transitions.

My answers are rarely short, because I realize that without a context, a comment could seem callous our trite. It helps those who have not been as far down the path as I have, or as others I have known, to understand the thinking behind my comments. I also read the other comments in a thread before posting my own, so I can address multiple issues that have come up in the thread.

[Frédérique]

Anything else work for you? How do you cope with feeling angry about posts and dealing with the 'do I respond or not' emotion and the equally important... 'hit the 'new posts' thread, in the hope that there is something more cheery on offer?

I don’t post more often than I DO, but I actually eschew the cheery stuff and look for serious topics worthy of a response. You know, I never hit the “new posts” button, preferring to browse manually – I find a lot of interesting fodder for response this way…

As for “do I respond or not(?),” I often read something that hits me the wrong way (evidence of a successful troller), and I will then log off and think about what to say in response. More often than not I will walk around, take a series of deep breaths, and extinguish the desire to vent my anger at a supposed slight, either real or imagined. This usually works, but now and then I will write down my feelings and push the “submit” button. Sometimes it’s worth it to say something others are not saying, if only to hear it, or, in this case, READ it…

I’d rather come across a certain way and not come across another way, so I try to control myself. That being said, my rare outbursts, based as they are on observations of chronic misbehavior, have cost me the support of a few individuals on this site. This technique of self-suppression works for me, but I must say that leaving the site, and then staying away for a week or so, also works wonders for anger management…
:doh:

[PretzelGirl]

I copy their picture and draw a mustache and beard on it (well for femme presenting ones anyway)! :heehee:

It depends on the person. We all have not worded things well on the internet. Words don't always portray the true meaning of what the person is wanting to say.

So if it is someone that is normally not antagonistic, I will try and give a good reply without venom. The discussion can be a good thing and for someone that doesn't normally post that way, you usually have a good topic.

But if the person is consistently posting vile messages (and there are a few that I can think of), I just move on. Historically those people tend to dig their own graves and the mods will smite them down when appropriate. The arguing with them gets nowhere.

[*Vanessa*]

... but I must say that leaving the site, and then staying away for a week or so, also works wonders for anger management…


wow - that's some kind of anger !

Normally I don't read your stuff Freddy, but recently I have taken the stand to try better understand you through your writing. To do this it is copy/paste into word, then change the font and size then read read read.

So you can see I don't read a lot of you. You're a great writer, it just take you a long time to get to the train for my thinking. Not trying to pick on anyone here nor am I venting any anger. I just had an Andy Rooney image running around my head and wanted to share it with this thought.

Yours Truly
Venessa

[Presh GG]

Sounds like a wonderful world to me Kaz.

Presh GG