Finally told my SO

[*ROXY*]

My heart was pounding in my chest, my mouth went dry, i started blathering like Hugh grant trying to say I love you to the point she was thinking I was telling her I had a terminal illness but eventually I did it "I'm a crossdresser". We've been together 7 years and married for 3 years. I love her with all my heart but was terrified she would run a mile if I told her... Don't know why I waited so long. There were tears, hugs, and some alcohol but I filled her in on everything. How far I'd gone, that I'm definately heterosexual and don't want to become a woman, its just part of me that's been there for 20 years (I'm 35 now). It went amazingly well and so far I couldn't have gone any better. It's a huge thing for any woman to hear and I think she's probably still a bit shell shocked. I'm able to talk openly about it but have said that if at any point it gets too much to say and I'll give her time. She said some of the tears were for me imagining what I must have been going through keeping it secret for so long. What an absolutely fantastic and beautiful person she is. Now we'll take it very slowly, always talk about it when ok and share everything like I always should have done. I know there will be good and bad days but we've been through lots since we met and this is just another chapter. I'm so glad I did it, massive, massive weight off my shoulders and a big smile on my face.

[babs816 GG]

I'm so happy that you got over that hurdle and things seem to be going well. I admire your courage and your wife seems like an amazing person. I completely understand how she felt about the terminal illness thing. When my SO told me I was terrified by the time he actually SPIT IT OUT that he was going to tell me something REALLY BAD!

I hope for nothing but the best for you both. It sounds like you have a great relationship and truly love each other. Warms my heart to read your story. :)

Barb

[heel_addict]

This is great! You've got a wonderful wife, that's for sure. I'm sure many many other women would run to the hills if you told them. She seems to be willing to come to terms and live with it. That's definitely a good sign. As you said, take it one step at a time from now on and I hope everything turns out well. :)

[Rachel Flowers]

Well done, Vanessa! Many of us know how tough that conversation can be, and many more imagine it to be even worse than it is. I'm starting to get the impression our British women are cooler about these things than many US counterparts. Maybe it's all those C4 documentaries...

[Raychel]

That is a huge step Vanessa. It is fantastic that your wife took it so well. It doesn't always go that great. I am sure that you have read on the forum to take it slow and let her set the pace. But it sounds like you have a pretty awesome woman there.

[*ROXY*]

Love her to bits, just gotta stop myself buying armfuls of heels ... I love shoes

[*ROXY*]

That is a huge step Vanessa. It is fantastic that your wife took it so well. It doesn't always go that great. I am sure that you have read on the forum to take it slow and let her set the pace. But it sounds like you have a pretty awesome woman there.
I thought it was time some positive outcomes were posted, I think the longer you take come out the harder it gets. It doesn't always have to end in divorce.

[BRANDYJ]

It's always good to read stories like this Vanessa. Now just don't go and get lost im the dreaded pink fog. Go slow,let your wonderful; wife lead in what she is comfortable with. Push it and you could push her away. I've seen that all to often. I know how you feel with the weight of the world off your shoulders. Now is the time to show your wife how much you really appreciate her. I wish you both lots of luck and love between you.

[*ROXY*]

I will take it slow, bloody hard, but I know it's important to let her dictate a pace she's comfortable with. Shoes shoes shoes .... Stop it!

[Cynthia Anne]

Thank you for a wonderful story! Be sure to let her move at her own pace! For she is a diamond! Hugs!

[anonymousinmaryland]

Like you posted, you WILL go slow, and take as much time as you BOTH need.
Go out and buy her flowers (preferably roses) today. Always helps.

[Jonianne]

Congratulations Vanessa, now be sure to spend time talking about her comfort level and find out what her boundries are. Work out the groundrules so that both of you can have a safe place to play/operate in. As I'm sure you have read on this forum that a SO will certainly have her ups and downs about it after your sharing, so be sure to let her have her feelings untill things settle in time when both of you feel more secure.

[Renee W]

Congrats on coming out to your wife. Now that she knows that you CD, introduce her slowly to the world of crossdressing. Show her that you are not that only one who enjoys this lifestyle and that it is more common than people think. There are numerous resources on the web that go into the psychology of CD. I would like to suggest one web site that my wife has read through completely and that is http://cdsecretgarden.femmegetaway.com/index.html. The site designed for the wives and SOs of CDers.

[Jenniferathome]

Congratulations! Your relationship will only get better. Talk often.

[Gillian Gigs]

Amazing what a little open communication can do. Now remember to tell her of your love for her "every" day and put action into those words. It never stops amazing me how speaking and acting in love can help all people to over look anothers flaws and/or shortcomings. Not that CDing is a shortcoming, but that it can be difficult for some to accept.

[marlaNYC]

that's so great. i love to hear these kinds of successful tales. congratulations on finding your nerve.

though you must be wondering how much more fun you could have had if you'd have just fessed up earlier :)

[meri]

Vanessa,
Slow, slow, slow... I mean develop this over years, not months... Expect that she may blow up and completely reverse direction... It takes time, but you have taken the first step. If it doesn't overwhelm her, then this can work.

[Marleena]

Congrats Vanessa! Life will be better now in your Shoes shoes shoes ....:drink:

[kristinacd55]

Good for you Vanessa! Seems that she took it well, like others said just don't go too overboard into the Pink Fog.....:)

[MandyLee]

Just remmber the weigh might be off you'r sholders but you put it on her's now as you'll be the only one she cantalk to about it so stay open and all ways talk to her if she needs it no matter what it is possitive or not

[prettieboy]

why r u people telling this she will leave you sorry my feeling

[DanaR]

Congratulations Vanessa, even though it is a difficult thing to do, good and honest communication is very important.

[Eryn]

Congratulations Vanessa! As others have said the Pink Fog awaits and it will be a problem. Luckily it is survivable if you just keep talking to each other. Let her know what you are thinking and ask her what she is thinking. Even if there is no immediate answer she will know the door is open and you are willing to talk about anything she wants to discuss.

Have you considered introducing your wife to this forum? There is a place for her here as well, and many GGs find it very helpful to have a venue where they can discuss their relationship with a CDer freely. There is even a private FAB forum just for the genetic females. My wife has found it to be very helpful and we'd love to see your wife join us.

Hugs, Eryn

[Longing2be-Trisha]

Way to go Vanessa Huge step! I am so happy for you!

Hugs

[Dixie]

I'm very happy for you. It sounds like you have are very loving and understanding wife, that makes a very lucky girl indeed. Thanks for sharing your story with us and be sure to thank your wife for being her.

[jillleanne]

Good for you Vanessa. It just gets better.

[Piora]

Reading This Sort of Thing Really Makes My DAY!

Absolutely fantastic, Vanessa! My God, but I love to read stories like yours....they never cease to warm my heart. Bet you never dreamed it was going to be like that, when you told her, did you? Just goes to show you....never underestimate those who truly love you. Your wife sounds wonderful!

Congratulations! :hugs:

[*ROXY*]

Whole weekend of talking later and boundary feeling and she's agreed to my wearing underwear and washing it. She's not ready to see it yet but as I only had 2 pairs I suggested I buy some more and she agreed i needed some more. What have I done to deserve such a fantastic partner. She finds it easier to sometimes make light of it but we've both said it doesn't make sense to keep quiet, either of us. I don't wear to bed or any other outer clothes or shoes but I'm also ok to wear makeup in private. I'm really happy with that and will hang back to give her some headspace. If anything changes well both discuss it and see where we go. Browsed the bravissimo catalogue but it's too bloody expensive. Good old M & S autograph range.

[*ROXY*]

And thanks everyone (bar one) for your kind words. I cannot say how it will go in the future but I'm really loving the present

[*ROXY*]

And currently removed avatar as not ready to see me wearing makeup and she's reading sites about the topic. Would hate to upset her unnecessary.

[Eryn]

And currently removed avatar as not ready to see me wearing makeup and she's reading sites about the topic. Would hate to upset her unnecessary.

Good idea. You might caution her that there are some topics such as transitioning that are discussed here much more than they are actually done. A casual reader might get the impression that every CDer is headed in that direction and the fact is that the vast majority of CDers are not going to transition and do not have the desire to do so.

Another caution of which you are probably already aware is that some sites that purport to addressing CDing are really thinly-veiled porn sites. There are also a couple of hate sites that are run by a small number of very negative spouses. Anyone showing support for their CDer is immediately kicked out of these.