Dumpster Diving

[Staci G]

OH my girls, I went into a cycle yesterday. I had that urge to purge again and I have no idea where it came from. My wife has really been on me to grow my hair back on my legs and chest and I'm really feeling beatup about it. I see pictures on here of you girls and I feel like I can never look as good and feel like I am getting old, maybe too old. So I said I am done (yeah right) with crossdressing and gonna get manly and all the rest of the lies we tell ourselves. I got the biggest trash bag I could find and gathered it all up. Away to the dumpster I went feeling all proud. I threw it in and walked away. I went to a movie and while I was there i started thinking, hmmmm I really like that skirt and it was a perfect fit, and Oh that new pair of pantyhose I really like that brand. Well after the movie I went dumpster diving and got all my stuff back. That was a close one!!! I knew I would regret it but not quite that soon. I am so glad I didn't leave it there because I am now in my favorite skirt and the new pantyhose. Oh and I will be shaving my legs this morning.

[Raychel]

Yikes, That was a close one. I am glad you got your stuff back. Your wife may not be so happy. But you have to be happy too.

[Maria 60]

By the look of that pic of your legs i don't think you should purge again and surprised you even thought of that. I myself will never pass and i don't look into it to much and just try to have fun with it. Your wife knows about it, so that's a big plus.

[Staci G]

Maria, Yeah she knows and to put it mildly, SHE HATES IT!!! thats an understatement. But like I have been told I have to be happy too.

[gaylegirlify]

Isn't it crazy how we have these urges to purge out of guilt, if only society accepted everyone as they are instead of one group saying this is how it is and everyone should follow or be condemned for not being normal, ( ha what is normal ) we are less harmfull than a drunk beating his wife never home and never understanding of his wifes feelings if only they realised that having an understanding husband in tune with there thoughts was a blessing, oh well we just keep trying to get acceptance i suppose. Till the next purge we go on.

[Keely]

Staci I'm glad you came to your senses quick enough to get everything back.
I've purged a couple of times and have always regretted it.

[donnalee]

Stacy, I think you look just fine. I don't know why there's this urge to put ourselves down like this; being realistic is one thing, but harping on it isn't a good for anyone's self-esteem. I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulties at home; whatever you can do to reassure her of your love without caving in is probably a good thing.

[Piora]

I see pictures on here of you girls and I feel like I can never look as good and feel like I am getting old, maybe too old.

I'm going to throw out that old, tired chestnut now...."You're only as old as you FEEL!" But, it's true. And I will tell you that if your avatar is any indication, you've got a lot going for you! Yeah, yeah....I know....you're going to tell me that is you after you've spent ages getting ready for that picture. But, do you think that a GG wouldn't spend a similar amount of time?


So I said I am done (yeah right) with crossdressing and gonna get manly and all the rest of the lies we tell ourselves. I got the biggest trash bag I could find and gathered it all up. Away to the dumpster I went feeling all proud. I threw it in and walked away. I went to a movie and while I was there i started thinking, hmmmm I really like that skirt and it was a perfect fit, and Oh that new pair of pantyhose I really like that brand. Well after the movie I went dumpster diving and got all my stuff back. That was a close one!!! I knew I would regret it but not quite that soon. I am so glad I didn't leave it there because I am now in my favorite skirt and the new pantyhose. Oh and I will be shaving my legs this morning.

Congratulations on stepping back from the abyss!! I've given this advice on other threads before, but NEVER purge! If you get feeling that way again.....STASH - don't TRASH! All you're going to do is substitute the guilt you're feeling about CDing with the guilt you're going to feel throwing out all those wonderful clothes.

This is something that's in your blood. Part of your DNA. And it's who you are. Sadly, this can cause problems with our SOs. And they can possibly perceive it as being selfish. Sometimes it is. But I think it would be even more selfish for the SO to expect her boyfriend/husband to simply give that up. I've found (from my own experience....yes, I've purged too) that you can push it onto the back burner for what can be a very long time. But, for most, it never goes away.

[Marleena]

So glad you changed your mind Staci! Don't fight it, enjoy it even if you have to hide it from your SO. Obviously she doesn't get it, some people never will. I don't pass , I still have facial hair. Most likely I won't pass, but who cares! Purging is the worst thing ever, been there done that, I'm not doing it again, ever.

[danielletorresani]

I've probably dumpster dived at least 10 times or so.

[stacycoral]

Girl, i have been there, i glad you got your clothes back, i did it one time and wish i still had that outfit now, i have not got rid of anything unless it just don't fit, or worn out. my so said something about my legs, but she know i love the feeling of them the way they are, i hope your so, will learn to love the girl in you, i can tell you it really helps to have them with you in the world

[jazmine]

What a great ending to a scary story!

[Tina B.]

Glad to here you came to your senses in time to recover your stuff, I still miss a pair of heels I lost to a guilt trip, that lead to a purge, and that was 40 years ago. I guess I should let it go, they would have been worn out by now anyway.
Tina B.

[Jolene]

I have always felt for all of you who have wives and how hard all of this must be at times.

[April_Ligeia]

I had to purge constantly during my marriage. It has been impossible to replace everything.

[KellyJameson]

I try not to allow the desire to be beautiful and the natural expression of my femininity that is an expression of my soul to be dependant on each other.

Evanescence

WHAT'S the brightness of a brow?
What's a mouth of pearls and corals?
Beauty vanishes like a vapor,
Preach the men of musty morals!

Should the crowd then, ages since,
Have shut their ears to singing Homer,
Because the music fled as soon
As fleets the violets' aroma?

Ah, for me, I thrill to see
The bloom a velvet cheek discloses,
Made of dust--I well believe it!
So are lilies, so are roses!

Do not measure your beauty against others for it is unique to you and no one's opinion of what is beautiful or not should come between you and the desire to be beautiful. The desire to be beautiful is beautiful when it is an expression of a beautiful soul but otherwise it is a dead thing.

Acting masculine is just that an act. Leave it for those who find that form of expression natural and normal even though to me it appears very painful to be that way because they often are cut off from their own feelings and act more like indestructible robots than living beings.

Sometimes I think S.O's worry more about what the neighbors will think than the emotional welfare of their partners and that homophobia is as deeply buried in many women as men and the lack of body hair makes them question their own sexuallity. Controlling people is such a silly waste of time, life is far more interesting when everyone has the freedom to evolve and express themselves in their own unique way.

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.
Cecil Beaton