Crossdressing is a gift, not a curse!

[Marleena]

Being a crossdresser is difficult we all know that. I've been CDing for over forty years and only embraced it this year. In the old days psychiatrists told us we had a mental illness. So okay, I had to label myself as mental at that point. It seemed everyone hated crossdressers. I've felt the same as many of you, depressed, shamed, afraid, lonely, etc. I felt like a freak of nature and tried stopping the urges many times, but it never went away. I tried purging to cure myself of it, that didn't work either, I felt worse afterwards. It was a curse for many years but I had to keep dressing. All the years of self loathing took a toll on me emotionally.

Only in the last decade have they taken people like us off the "mental" list. I'm happy that they realised it is harmless, and won't go away in the majority of cases. It's who we are.

So where is this going?

I'm going to tell each and every one of you to stop finding it a curse, or nuisance. If you have to crossdress, embrace it! It will help you in all aspects of your life. Some people look for happiness all their lives, I found what makes me happy. This forum is amazing, it lets us share our hopes, and fears, we support each other because we all are alike. Yes, there are lots of us. This forum is the tip of the iceburg. My only regret is that it took me over 40 years to realize that crossdressing is my gift. It's yours too.

There will always be haters, and we'll have to keep hiding, but's it's worth it. Thanks for reading.

~Marleena~

[Jilmac]

AMEN to that, sister. I consider it a blessing because now I know who and what I truly am and can be happy in my own frame of mind.

[Piora]

There will always be haters, and we'll have to keep hiding, but it's worth it. Thanks for reading.~Marleena~

Well said, Marleena! I could not have said it better, nor put it better than you did. And of course, you're right....it IS worth it.

[rachaelsloane]

Marleena,
You've expressed being a CD'er vey well. Although I have never thought of myself having a mental illness, well, maybe a little.
I accept my CD'ing and have always tried to not over think the why, but just enjoy.
Rachael

[Debutante]

Thanks you Marleena! Yes, I have held it as a curse for many years........ and finally am embracing it as a deep gift that brings joy and understanding and life.
The deepest fears that one has, transform into its opposite.... it is up to you to do the work of transformation...

[Persephone]

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y53/sandylewiscares/Smiley_trophy.gif

:cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer:

Hugs,
Persephone.

[BonnieSue]

:brolleyes:
Thanks you Marleena! Yes, I have held it as a curse for many years........ and finally am embracing it as a deep gift that brings joy and understanding and life.
The deepest fears that one has, transform into its opposite.... it is up to you to do the work of transformation...

Thank you all who started this site and are on it. You are helping many who have lived trying to hide this start dealing with the woman inside them.

[BonnieSue]

Amen girl. Keep telling it as it is. It helps many more that you know.

[stacycoral]

Statment by JilMac
AMEN to that, sister. I consider it a blessing because now I know who and what I truly am and can be happy in my own frame of mind.
I THINK YOU SAID GIRL,
Statement by Rachael
You've expressed being a CD'er vey well. Although I have never thought of myself having a mental illness, well, maybe a little.
I accept my CD'ing and have always tried to not over think the why, but just enjoy.

BOTH THESE LADIES,SAID RIGHT

[Kate Simmons]

Once we realize it's not a "curse" and merely a part of who we are, we are on the right path towards true humanity.:)

[gabimartini]

Neither curse nor gift, I've learned to accept my CDing without guilt or shame. But I don't glorify it either. It is what it is, something I can do absolutely nothing about but to give in; much like breathing. So, I breathe.

[AllieSF]

Yes, I too have come to think of it as a gift. However, I do believe even though one may see it as a gift personally, those who live in very tough situations have every right to also consider it a double edged gift/sword. We can be happy we found this side of ourselves and embraced it or are trying to embrace it, but for living our lives in family, friends, work and social situations it can very easily be called a curse too because of the negative and potentially negative consequences of embracing that gift. So, one accepts and embraces this gift, but the SO, society, whatever, does not embrace it causing issues for everyone.

[ArleneRaquel]

Marleena,
Thank you for starting this fantastic thread. It is a gift that should be treasured. My life is so much better now that I dress full time and have grown to love my gift. :2c::love::cheer:

[Michelia]

Could not agree more with you, Marleena. Well said.

Of course, some of us are luckier than others. It's tough when your family does not understand or your environment is dead set against you. This and many other obstacles are difficult for many of us to navigate.

We also need to be understanding and mindful of how hard it is for some of our sisters.

[Karren H]

I agree it s not a curse. Unless you make it one. But I really wish this "gift" was exchangeable!! Maybe for a pony... Lol.

[sissystephanie]

Let's see, I first started CD'ing at age 6 and I am now 79! Of course I did stop completely for a 5 year period mnay years ago, but I still have been crossdressing for a very long time. I have been told that it is purely mental by psychyatrists and don't believe that! I also do not feel that it is a curse at all!! It may be a gift, of that I am not sure! I dress enfemme because I LIKE TO!! There is no other reason, nor does there need to be!! I am ME, and what I do is my business and only my business, unless I am breaking a law!

Families are very important in anyones life, and I was very lucky in that regard. My dear late wife was totally acceptive of my CD'ing, and my children were never told until they were grown. They also accept me "as is!" As far as the rest of the environment is concerned, as I have said numerous times, how I dress is my business!! I go out in public wearing a skirt and femme top all the time and nobody says a word! If they don't like the way I dress, that is their problem not mine! If more CD's felt the way I do they would be better off!!

[Debutante]

Very nice, BonnieSue.......... you will see that community brings self acceptance and life changes

[Rochelle]

In the old days psychiatrists told us we had a mental illness. So okay, I had to label myself as mental at that point.

I am a little confused because I thought that crossdressing fell under the catagory of Gender Identity Disorder and that GID is considered a mental disorder by professionals? Perhaps I am confusing CD with TG and I am sure someone on here will set me straight, but this is a cause of fear and anxity for me about going to talk with either a counselor or psychologist. I really don't want to be diagnosed with a mental disorder! On the other hand if thats what being a crossdresser is considered then I guess I better accept it or stay away from the couch because I am a crossdresser.

[Marleena]

Rochelle, that was the old days. Therapists are now telling us it's okay to dress because it's harmless. At least that's what I've been hearing.

[Julogden]

I think that currently, CD'ing is only a disorder if it causes distress in the person who is doing the crossdressing. If it doesn't case distress or problems for the CD, then it isn't a disorder.

That's my understanding anyway. ;)

Carol

[Marleena]

I think that currently, CD'ing is only a disorder if it causes distress in the person who is doing the crossdressing. If it doesn't case distress or problems for the CD, then it isn't a disorder.

That's my understanding anyway. ;)

Carol


Thanks Carol. Makes sense,:)

[KellyJameson]

The concept of mental illness is a double edged sword because it offers some hope of escape from internal suffering and external consequences through various therapies but also gives a few much power over the many to determine what is and is not considered "sick".

The only harm I can see from crossdressing is the social discomfort experienced by others caused by stepping out of established norms of behavior that were created by those in authority to better serve the common good at the expense of the individual and this should not be the problem of those who crossdress but those who are threatened by it.

Or individuals whose own sense of self is so poor they are threatened by the differences they encounter in others and must than control their environment (others) to make their world less threatening.

An example would be the rage a heterosexual male feels when attracted to a woman who is actually a male and the sexual conflict he feels as he questions whether he may be homosexual combined with his own sexual frustration and desire for release that now must find a new target

The label of mental illness should only be used when it is a direct threat to life not when it threatens social norms and customs.

Crossdressing is a natural reaction and solution to being born into a sick world not a sick reaction to being born into a healthy world. Collectively Humanity is still very primitive and violent and in my opinion those who crossdress are actually enlightened because they seek escape from the insanity that has been poured into their brains.

The only question is for the individual to discover who they are and what their needs are by their personal dance with it because that is the expression of the dance between feminine and masculine that exists and is different in and for everyone.

How far you desire or need to move toward the feminine and away from the masculine and in so doing changing but never eliminating the masculine but it's mixture of feminine and masculine is a very personal choice that is born of biology and life experiences. It is pure feeling, two emotional cords, opposites that are blended together in everyone and given expression. Two forms of power whose strengths and weaknesses are opposites

[abigailf]

A funny thing about curses and blessings, they tend to change with perspective. I'm with you Marleena, I choose to perceive my gift as a blessing. However, I do agree with Karren as well, it would be nice if I could exchange it, or just flat out return it.

[BonnieSue]

Rachael,You look great. If it was not for this site I would never know. I wish people would let people be who they are and not judge one another. I hope we can be friends.
Your Sister,
BonnieSue

[Pythos]

I look at the shape the maker gave me. My legs, my face, and such, and my inate ability at walking in heels, as well as doing a decent job with makeup on my own and realize, my Normal mode is the canvas on which my soul...the artist in me, can express my true self. Something most find detestable, but some, wonderful people find beauty and art within, and appreciate, and encourage.

I have never thought it a curse, and never understood why others view it as such.

[BonnieSue]

Abigailf, You are blessed. NO one on this earth has a right to judge any of us and you look beautiful, always be true to yourself.
Your Sister,
Bonnie Sue

[BonnieSue]

Marleena, I thank God for people like you. Because of people like you and the internet I have the willingness to finally be who I have always been and to be honest with myself. I would be proud to know you because YOU are real and not fake.
Your Sister, Bonnie Sue

[BonnieSue]

I agree with you. It is a gift not a curse. Some women dress up like men every day and no one looks twice but let a man dress like who they really are and all
hell breaks loose.
Bonnie Sue

[BonnieSue]

Thank You Debutante, If you cannot be true to yourself who can you be true to.
Bonnie Sue

[Michelia]

I am a little confused because I thought that crossdressing fell under the catagory of Gender Identity Disorder and that GID is considered a mental disorder by professionals? Perhaps I am confusing CD with TG and I am sure someone on here will set me straight, but this is a cause of fear and anxity for me about going to talk with either a counselor or psychologist. I really don't want to be diagnosed with a mental disorder! On the other hand if thats what being a crossdresser is considered then I guess I better accept it or stay away from the couch because I am a crossdresser.

Rochelle:

This is a topic of much discussion and disagreement, as so many things tg related are. GID was one of the terms along a long string of terms used to describe our "condition". It has been largely disavowed, but it still depends who you talk to and who you are. In France, for example the idea that there is no such thing as GID is actually written into the law.

Here, there are many CD's and many TS's that proclaim there is no such thing. Basically the idea is we are normal and just happen to fall somewhere along the continuum of gender between the two main categories. If you think of gender as a camel with the two humps representing male and female there are still a lot of people that fall in between and some that fall on the extremes of male and female. So the problem largely lies with the way they have categorized us historically.

On the other hand, many TS's have fought hard to get a diagnosis of GID. This enables them to qualify for certain medical benefits and/or surgeries and hormones under certain medical group plans.

So it cuts both ways.

There really are not that many psychologists that are expert on gender issues. You would have to really look hard for one. Otherwise, your diagnosis could be anything. Anyway if you are looking to get help from your insurance to cover the costs of your doctor visits, then you would have to accept some kind of diagnosis. Some plans cover a few visits for free and you could discuss your concerns with your doctor before you commit to any further appointments. For example you could explain to him/her that you feel depressed or whatever else is happening but you still want to address your CDing. In this case, your doctor may be willing to give you a diagnosis of depression for the time being.

Michelia

[Marleena]

Marleena, I thank God for people like you. Because of people like you and the internet I have the willingness to finally be who I have always been and to be honest with myself. I would be proud to know you because YOU are real and not fake.
Your Sister, Bonnie Sue

Thanks BonnieSue.:) I just think people need to stop feeling bad about crossdressing. It took me a long time to feel good about it, and myself.

[MissyW]

Well said!. I totally agree!

[BonnieSue]

Jilmac, You look great and I am new to this site and to being who I am and am looking for friends, and those who have been themselves. Those who look like you do seem to be one with who they are inside. I hope we can be sisters. Bonnie Sue

[Leslie Langford]

Being a crossdresser is difficult we all know that. I've been CDing for over forty years and only embraced it this year. In the old days psychiatrists told us we had a mental illness. So okay, I had to label myself as mental at that point. It seemed everyone hated crossdressers. I've felt the same as many of you, depressed, shamed, afraid, lonely, etc. I felt like a freak of nature and tried stopping the urges many times, but it never went away. I tried purging to cure myself of it, that didn't work either, I felt worse afterwards. It was a curse for many years but I had to keep dressing. All the years of self loathing took a toll on me emotionally.

Only in the last decade have they taken people like us off the "mental" list. I'm happy that they realised it is harmless, and won't go away in the majority of cases. It's who we are...

Couldn't agree with you more, Marleena, and I would add to the trajectory that you have already described the fact that many of us - especially the older ones who didn't have the luxury of all the Internet-based information now available to us - got married and kept this side of ourselves hidden from our prospective mates in the expectation that marriage would "cure" us - NOT!

I'm 63 now, and my epiphany occurred about 3 1/2 years ago when I took my first tentative steps towards going out in public en femme because being closeted just didn't cut it for me anymore. Sure, the first time was nerve-wracking beyond all description despite my meticulous preparations, as I expected all manner of evil to befall me, but - Surprise! Surprise! - it never happened. I now go out routinely as "Leslie", interact freely with SA's and restaurant servers etc., have shopped in practically all of the department and women's clothing store chains here in Canada, try on dresses, skirts, tops, and lingerie in women's fitting rooms without giving it a second thought now, and use the ladies' washrooms to fix my make up or answer the call of nature with nary a second glance from the GG's.

In fact, just to challenge myself, I attended the National Women's Show that was held here in Toronto this weekend, and was surrounded by hundreds of GG's in the process as I mingled among them while touring the various exhibits (fashion, health, beauty, wellness, cosmetics, spa treatments, crafts, and gourmet foods etc.) I spoke with many of the exhibitors in my best "Leslie" voice (still a work in progress), collected many samples and freebies, and if anyone "read" me, they certainly didn't show it.

But the highlight for me was when one of the fashion shows ended, and many of the female spectators made a beeline for the nearest washroom, myself included. The bad news here was that I experienced for the first time the type of rush and line-ups that women often complain about when having to use the facilities at a public venue. The good news was that when I finally made it inside only to face the two opposing banks of occupied stalls, the GG just ahead of me was kind enough to motion me forward and point out an unoccupied stall just beside the one that she was about to enter, and which I hadn't spotted yet. If that isn't acceptance, I don't know what is -and it left a great big smile on my (and not just because I was finally able to do my "business" - LOL!). But I digress...

So, to your point, Marleena - I have also come to not only accept my transgenderism, but to actually embrace and cherish it as well. But the most amazing and overwhelming revelation of all for me was that once I began to reach out to others as "Leslie", the amount of acceptance and support that I have received has been nothing short of incredible. I have a GG make up artist whom I've gone to for over 2 years now, and I consider her a friend at this point and not just a service provider anymore. Similarly, I have become friends with a local TG-friendly consignment store owner after visiting her store several times- -so much so that she is now looking to me for advice and assistance to host an after-hours shopping event there for members of our community. As I write this, I have a pending invitation to join her for dinner at a LGBT-friendly restaurant in town, as well as a coffee date later this month with a female newspaper and magazine feature writer on TG issues who sees me as something of a resource and with whom I've also struck up a friendship. And I'm not even including in this all the SA's who practically drag me into a fitting room when out shopping and continue to ply me with more and more stuff to try on, or the ladies staffing the cosmetics counters in department stores or stand-alone establishments (MAC, Sephora) who seem equally delighted at the chance to interact with me.

To say that this type of reaction is totally opposite to what I expected when I first began going out in public en femme would be an understatement, and sometimes I feel as though I am being treated like a rock star. The only explanation that I can find for this phenomenon is that many of these GG's not only find us intriguing, they also admire us for having the courage to be true to ourselves. Apparently, this is a bigger deal for women than it is for men. I also make a point to dress as fashionably and as age-appropriately as possible, and this also seems to resonate with them as it demonstrates clearly my appreciation for femininity and my desire to emulate them in a positive manner as opposed to coming across as some sort of caricature of them.

Given all of that positive reinforcement as well as society's better overall understanding and acceptance of transgenderism these days, how could we crossdressers not embrace and cherish our feminine sides after so many years of doubt, anxiety, and in some cases - self loathing?

As the old song by Timbuk3 used to put it "The Future Looks So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades"... :eek: :heehee: :D :thumbsup:

[AnitaH]

Marleena, much like you I have only this year learned to embrace who I am and start to feel good about it. After nearly as many years as you I can begin to see it as a blessing, albeit a mixed one. But we can at last be who we are.

AnitaH

[Jynx]

I understand that having such mental illness makes me feel unique to others, but my life is always isolated, lonely, jealous of genetic girls that they have a good base to start with while I have facial hair, body odor, coarse hair, deep voice to start with. But I'm happy that my body never have any muscle, it's skinny and my overall appearance is not masculine at all.

But what is the reason that you said Crossdressing is a gift, not a curse? For me, it is just a form of hobby or entertainment that you do it to make yourself happy, people around you either don't know it or they are not affected by it. And I don't think you can make money through cross dressing, I'm pretty sure typical male don't like to watch drag show and I'm tired of the people around me make fun of gay people, because crossdressing is in a similar category.

[Marleena]

I'm tired of the people around me make fun of gay people, because crossdressing is in a similar category. That's part of the reason I wrote it. There's nothing wrong with us. It's them.

[April_Ligeia]

I agree, because it strikes me as weird that women can dress up and wear makeup if they want to and it is fine, but if men do the same thing, it has been considered a disorder. Some women like to dress up, and I like to dress up the way they do. I don't know if that is a gift, but it is certainly a preference, and if it is a disorder than I have a disorder. I agonized over this for much of my life, so now I refuse to analyze it any further than that.

[Marleena]

Gift is what I call it for me. It's my happy place. OtherCD'ers might see it differently, or call it something else, and that's fine. The whole point I'm getting at with this is there is nothing wrong with crossdressing if we enjoy it. We should not have to feel bad about it. The medical profession, ie. psychiatrists now realize it's a nothing, and harmless unless it stresses the cd'er into seeking help. That stress usually comes from others that don't, or won't understand or accept it.

[Marleena]

Cross dressing is not an indication of a mental illness. Further, though transvestite fetishism does exist, the vast majority of cross dressing is not done for sexual arousal or pleasure. Though some people who engage in cross dressing are gay or lesbian, the desire or tendency to cross dress indicates nothing about sexual orientation, and heterosexual men and women cross dress regularly. Also, while some people who cross dress eventually come out as transgender, a tendency to cross dress is not necessarily an indication of gender identity issues.

Taken from a medical website.

[April_Ligeia]

Very true, you are absolutely right, Marleena!

[Marleena]

Very true, you are absolutely right, Marleena!

April I just needed to clarify a couple of points there that might have caused some confusion. My original (first) post was based on my own experiences, and thoughts.:)

Thank you everybody that replied!

[Jocelyn Quivers]

A very uplifting thread Marleena, and the title is very true crossdressing is a gift which I have been lucky enough to have been blessed with and not a curse.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

I look at the shape the maker gave me. My legs, my face, and such, and my inate ability at walking in heels, as well as doing a decent job with makeup on my own and realize, my Normal mode is the canvas on which my soul...the artist in me, can express my true self. Something most find detestable, but some, wonderful people find beauty and art within, and appreciate, and encourage.

I have never thought it a curse, and never understood why others view it as such.

It isn't a curse. It is a thing of beauty and I agree, it is a canvas that can be painted anyway and the outcome is how we interpret the painting which can never be wrong. My one art instructor said that any mistakes made on the canvas increases the value of the art. Boy, I must be worth billions and billions.

[suzy1]

I think this is a super thread Marleena.
For me this is one of the most important points of all when it comes to our lifestyle.

I have never felt bad about C.D.ing so I consider myself very lucky in this respect. But I feel so sorry for the ones that do.


SUZY

[Cynthia Anne]

I curse those who think it's a curse!:D:hugs:

[Marleena]

I curse those who think it's a curse!:D:hugs:

Now you're talking! Thanks so much ladies, none of us should feel bad about CDing ever.:)

[Claire Cook]

Now you're talking! Thanks so much ladies, none of us should feel bad about CDing ever.:)

YESSS! :cheer: :cheer:

Like others have said, it took me years to get over the guilt and shame. Reading Lacey Leigh's Out and About -- as well as the shared experiences here -- helped a lot. Now I can be me without worrying about it -- and I'm proud to wear the clothes I really want to and -- maybe -- even look OK, if not good, in them.

Thanks so much for starting this one!

[il.dso]

Great post and discussion.
Unfortunately, I still struggle with the blessing/curse dilemma but I'm
making small steps towards acceptance every day, especially
with the help and support of all of you out there!

[sometimes_miss]

Ah, yes. A gift. It's truly wonderful to be considered a pervert by so much of society, I think I'll add CD to the other letters after my name, I'll be so enthusiastic to tell everyone what it means; not to mention my family! They'll be so proud! And due to the incredible turn on crossdressing is to women, I have so many women who want to date me, that I'm just turning them away left and right. Why, there's millions of women on this forum alone looking for a nice crossdresser to date.
Right. A gift.

[suzy1]

Ah, yes. A gift. It's truly wonderful to be considered a pervert by so much of society, I think I'll add CD to the other letters after my name, I'll be so enthusiastic to tell everyone what it means; not to mention my family! They'll be so proud! And due to the incredible turn on crossdressing is to women, I have so many women who want to date me, that I'm just turning them away left and right. Why, there's millions of women on this forum alone looking for a nice crossdresser to date.
Right. A gift.

There is a down side to most things Lexi and you are highlighting that part of it.
You make a valid point.

But I would not change my fem side for anything. And I am not the only one here.