Do you ever step back and see it from there point of view?

[suzy1]

I admit I can’t easily explain this. But sometimes I sort of step back and see clearly how we are viewed by the world in general.
It’s not nice.
I know in the world we live in we are normal if just a bit unusual. We are in a minority that’s all.
I even think we are better for having this female side to us. I think many here would agree.

Buy when I do see us as they see us I can only think of the saying “It’s a cruel world”
Am I alone in having this thought sometimes?

SUZY

[elizabethamy]

They just don't understand...I mean, I don't really understand it either -- why we do it. I get it that I look like a man in a dress. Yet I can't wait to put on the dress! If they see a man in a dress and don't understand the desire we feel, no wonder they are scared of us, and they react with meanness, even violence...but Suzy you are right, we are so much enhanced by welcoming our inner girl to express herself.

elizabethamy

[kimdl93]

I spent most of my life seeing this part of myself the way I imagined the majority saw us...at worst as some sort of deviant and at best as an oddball. I still see myself as a bit different, but in a good way ;)

[suchacutie]

Suzy, I love asparagus! For the people that think asparagus is dreadful, how can they possibly understand why I drool as I wait for spring every year to see the asparagus push out of the ground!

If we take that simple example and now move it into the realm of one of the most intimate parts of our beings (i.e our genders), it becomes a bit less surprising that even with education there will still be those people who can never understand why we "like asparagus".

tina

[ReineD]

It is getting better, Suzy. Just compare how it is now to the way it was in the 50s. Talk to kids under the age of 20 and you'll see they are aware of gender and sexual variance, much more so than their parents.

They've even stopped referring to homosexuality as a mental disorder in the DSM! :)

[AllieSF]

I understand where you are coming from. Most people out there in the real world have never seen a real TG/crosdresser. Therefore, many people react to some thing, some idea, concept and presentation that is new in a defensive manner based on their own inner confusion. For some that defensive manner may include staring, comments among themselves, and maybe even giving a loud not so nice comment to whomever is in the immediate area. But from my personal experience I have only had the somewhat negative comments once or twice. I get stares and see them talking about me to their friends. When I see that and I have the time, I will approach them and say hello and see if I can engage them in a conversation about whatever. Doing that I have only had one person who was obviously not interested in talking with me. So what am I saying with all this? I think that maybe you and many other TG's/CD's are mistaken when you believe that the world views us in an overly negative way. My experience tells me that is not the case. Some can be jerks, but definitely not the majority. They just are unfamiliar with us and do not understand us and our reasons for doing it. I also do not believe that they are scared of us. Curious, yes. I am not saying that everything is perfect out there, but it definitely is not as bad as some think. We just need more of us out there interfacing with the rest of the world. The more they see us, the more they come to realize that we are almost just like them, just presenting ourselves in a non-traditional way.

[suzy1]

It is getting better, Suzy. Just compare how it is now to the way it was in the 50s. Talk to kids under the age of 20 and you'll see they are aware of gender and sexual variance, much more so than their parents.

They've even stopped referring to homosexuality as a mental disorder in the DSM! :)

That’s a nice positive thought Reine. Typical of you.

[abigailf]

It is getting better, Suzy. Just compare how it is now to the way it was in the 50s. Talk to kids under the age of 20 and you'll see they are aware of gender and sexual variance, much more so than their parents.

They've even stopped referring to homosexuality as a mental disorder in the DSM! :)


Not to mention that there is now a "Transgender Awareness Month". Wow! Yea us!

I like asparagus too, I just don't like the way it makes my pee smell - yuch.

[Kate Simmons]

When we stop viewing it from the social conditioning aspect and instead view it as who someone is as a person, we get a whole new viewpoint. Unlearn what you have learned as Yoda told Luke.:)

[Piora]

I hear so many homophobic remarks daily....particularly anti-gay remarks. Then there's the old worn-out one, "Ohhh that's so gay" (in reference to something that person dislikes) I also got very angry at work one time when I overheard a remark about a local sports figure who had died in a car accident. After some discussion about the accident, someone said, "Oh well, he was gay anyway".
I spat back, "Oh, and that's a good reason for him to be dead???!!" (silence, embarrassed looks)

The reason I bring up the gay card is that almost everyone out there associates crossdressers as also being gay. Of course some are... I know that, and you know that. There's a lot of hatred and loathing for gay men, and therefore, since the world thinks all crossdressers are gay, it's only a short jump higher up the Hate Scale to say, "Oh, look! We hate queers - and here's one in a dress!" So, I think the gay man and the crossdresser somehow present themselves as something that they should avoid - lest it rub off on them, and threaten their masculinity. There's a lot of neanderthals out there who are just waiting to jump on anyone who presents themselves as being different. This is why bullying doesn't only exist in the schools and exclusive to kids 6-18..... it exists everywhere, and at all ages.


suzy said:
I know in the world we live in we are normal if just a bit unusual. We are in a minority that’s all.
I even think we are better for having this female side to us. I think many here would agree.

Sure, I doubt that any of us wouldn't agree with that. However, for some reason in a world filled with machismo, exhibiting any signs of femininity, is considered a weakness, and that you have homosexual leanings.

I am certainly better for having a stronger-than-normal feminine side. I celebrate it.

[ArleneRaquel]

I hear so many homophobic remarks daily....particularly anti-gay remarks. Then there's the old worn-out one, "Ohhh that's so gay" (in reference to something that person dislikes) I also got very angry at work one time when I overheard a remark about a local sports figure who had died in a car accident. After some discussion about the accident, someone said, "Oh well, he was gay anyway".
I spat back, "Oh, and that's a good reason for him to be dead???!!" (silence, embarrassed looks)

The reason I bring up the gay card is that almost everyone out there associates crossdressers as also being gay. Of course some are... I know that, and you know that. There's a lot of hatred and loathing for gay men, and therefore, since the world thinks all crossdressers are gay, it's only a short jump higher up the Hate Scale to say, "Oh, look! We hate queers - and here's one in a dress!" So, I think the gay man and the crossdresser somehow present themselves as something that they should avoid - lest it rub off on them, and threaten their masculinity. There's a lot of neanderthals out there who are just waiting to jump on anyone who presents themselves as being different. This is why bullying doesn't only exist in the schools and exclusive to kids 6-18..... it exists everywhere, and at all ages.



Sure, I doubt that any of us wouldn't agree with that. However, for some reason in a world filled with machismo, exhibiting any signs of femininity, is considered a weakness, and that you have homosexual leanings.

I am certainly better for having a stronger-than-normal female side. I celebrate it.

Piora,
Great post, thank you. My next door neighbor is very homophobic and hates it that I dress as a female. Crossdressing is indeed a gift that is to be celebrated.

[MichelleP]

The more of us they see, the more of us they see... as ReineD said, things are getting better...:)

[marlaNYC]

i wish i could do that, Suzy. it'd be...interesting. i mean, i can see how i see me and i can second guess how some might see me, but i can't get to the viewpoint you describe. could you elaborate?

[BRANDYJ]

I often think of how we are viewed by the world at large. I understand it since when you think about it, why would a man want to dress and act like a anyone or anything but what he is.. a man. Exception made for those that are transsexual. In trying to think about how I'd be viewed, I think about the way I see some people dress and act in public. I'm talking about those that have things like tons of tattoos all over their body...including their face or neck, wear baggy pants with the waist down around their hips with their underwear showing. Clothes that looks like it was thrown out by Goodwill due to rips, tears and fading beyond being wearable. Top it off with ugly caps worn sideways or backwards. Then those with multiple piercings in odd places such as their noses, eyebrows, lips and tongues pierced ,or 10 + in each ear. Sure, I try not to judge and think they have a right to dress and decorate their body any way they want to. But I have to admit that to me, they look ridiculous and I do laugh at them to myself. It's hard to say where freedom of expression and a total lack of good taste crosses the line. So I think 99% of the world is laughing at us to themselves, just like the way I laugh at those that have horrible taste and judgement about how they look to the world. I know some of us, just don't care what anyone thinks about what we wear or look like in public either. Especially those that do not even try to look like a GG; Those with beards or mustaches as an example. I'm sure I view them just like the rest of the world... WAIT! So I guess I am judging after all. I bet many of us feel the same way, but we won't admit it. Mnay here will judge me since I openly admit here that I am submissive to the Lady I love, my SO. But I damn sure don't go out in public with hand cuffs of shackles on my ankles! Not in good taste and again, do not wish to be humiliated for what the world does not understand. So it's looking at it as the world in general views it, just like the OP, Suzy has said.
Sorry, but I do care what others think of me and how I look in public. Even if they say nothing or do nothing, I can't stand the idea of them laughing at me behind by back either. I like to think it has something to do with my own view of myself and my own self respect. if not just disgusted in seeing a man dressed in feminine clothes.
I admit, I've seen some men dressed out in public and felt sorry for them since they looked so bad; not a fat chance in you know where that they were even remotely passing. But I'm sure they just did not care near as much as I did about their looks. Oh well, to each his own.
If I thought I could pass at least 98% of the time out in the world, I "might" present in limited places as a woman. I know I'd enjoy it. But for me to be thought of as weird, deviant, or crazy, is not my cup of tea. And that is the way the world in general sees us.
Now after this long rant, I will also say that I honestly feel like a better person for having this feminine side. it helps me to relate to what GG's feel and think. In many ways, I think like them...I think.

[Marleena]

Great post Suzy! It's mostly gender upbringing in the home of what male/female roles are. Society is preconditioned.

I have seen CD'ers out on the street that clearly weren't passable, best example: a homeless looking guy that was holding a doll and wearing a dress and tights with long scraggly hair. Even as a crossdresser I found this odd. It hurts our cause.

I often think how difficult it must be to be gay and a crossdresser too. Those people have 2 strikes against them. I find me being a crossdresser is bad enough based on societies belief system.

Often I think of what my wife is really thinking when I talk makeup, or dress up. How okay is she really with it? Looks good on the surface. She married a man, women expect a man 100% of the time.

[SallyS]

I think here in the UK, when someone is 'outed', for whatever reason, the general reaction seems to be 'oh another one?'...and for most people that's as far as it goes.

However I'm sure you do get the occasional 'bigot' who will call you all the names under the sun. But we all know that deep down all he wants to do is have the courage to wear the dress your wearing:)

As for being in a 'minority', even being conservative with the numbers, it's a pretty BIG minority:cheer:

[suzy1]

i wish i could do that, Suzy. it'd be...interesting. i mean, i can see how i see me and i can second guess how some might see me, but i can't get to the viewpoint you describe. could you elaborate?

I can elaborate, I think.
I spent a part of my life not crossdressing or even aware of that part of me. [Despite crossdressing when I was 3 years old]
So like all my friends and family then, I looked at men that put a womens dress on in the same way as they did.
Now, all these years latter I can still remember how I felt about it then. The horrible word that comes to mind is pervert. Something I am so ashamed of now.
Does that make sense?

[Piora]

I can elaborate, I think.
I spent a part of my life not crossdressing or even aware of that part of me. [Despite crossdressing when I was 3 years old]
So like all my friends and family then, I looked at men that put a womens dress on in the same way as they did.
Now, all these years latter I can still remember how I felt about it then. The horrible word that comes to mind is pervert. Something I am so ashamed of now.
Does that make sense?

It does, Suzy. The old saying, "Do not judge....until you have walked a mile in his/her moccasins" comes to mind. People are so quick to judge. There's evidence of it even on this site. And I know that there are times in everyday life when I have been guilty of it myself. That makes me ashamed, and each time it happens, I resolve to use, as an example, how people might respond to me, if they knew I CD. That in itself is a wonderful teaching aid!

I think, being crossdressers make us more receptive, more compassionate, more understanding..... of others who are 'different' for whatever reason. We can see it through their eyes a bit better, because we have inside us, something that yearns to be accepted, too. We are all better for it.

[marlaNYC]

thanks Suzy, that makes sense, but doesn't really help me distance myself enough to get that view.

it's weird, though. growing up in England (yep, me too), it was so common to see men dressed as women on TV and i never really ever thought anything bad about it - just remember it feeling awkward. christmas party time, there was always someone's dad in drag-of-a-kind. i didn't find it weird at all. and certainly the only time it felt perverted was when the sunday scandal rags made something of someone being busted. but for me, that was a fun, kinky kind of pervy even though i'd never have let my parents now (they never bought *that* kind of paper anyway, so i'd sneak looks at friends' houses). seems that it was their reaction and distancing from sleazy stuff that made it all the more appealing.

i remember hearing a wonderful phrase - "oh the english - they'll put on a dress at the drop of a hat."

[Karren H]

I've tried to step back but I keep getting my heels caught on the event horizon.. I'm either too far back or too close to an alternate reality to be able to see what they see? Definitely too distant to care what they think...

[LeaP]

I admit I can’t easily explain this. But sometimes I sort of step back and see clearly how we are viewed by the world in general.
It’s not nice.
SUZY

Two things aren't nice about it. It's not pleasant to feel the judgement and condemnation. I also fall into the trap of doubting myself if at a vulnerable time. It even happens occasionally on the forum.

Lea

[Marcella]

[QUOTE=suzy1;2656531]The horrible word that comes to mind is pervert.

This is a word often used, especially here in the UK, it seems the great unwashed use this as a generic term for anything they don't understand.

Just a note to ponder on. These thugs who hate our femininity so much are often the ones decorated with the most tatoos. Isn't that just a form of permanent "dressing"?

Marcella

[Kaz]

Suzy, fabulous thread!

I hate seeing me as a guy in a dress. It sort of offends me in some wierd way that I cannot explain... no offence to any of us here... I am talking about "me"! But when I do the make-up and the hair and 'transform'... it all makes sense and I just love it. In fact I get heady and don't want to change back.

So... I hate looking like a guy in a dress. I am happy wearing the dress and feeling all that goes with what we do... but seeing it?

But when I try hard to blend... it feels better for me and I enjoy more... but then I am terrified about being sussed and outed in public.

I am not as brave and couragous as many of you here and I am in awe with some of the posts I read...

I am not sure, though, about how far I should take things in view of how I may be perceived. I worry about this a lot. Probably too much!

[Marleena]

But when I do the make-up and the hair and 'transform'... it all makes sense and I just love it. In fact I get heady and don't want to change back.

So... I hate looking like a guy in a dress. I am happy wearing the dress and feeling all that goes with what we do... but seeing it?


I agree with this too Kaz. I'm still not happy with dressing up fully because I have facial hair. It'll be coming off soon.

[Kaz]

I agree with this too Kaz. I'm still not happy with dressing up fully because I have facial hair. It'll be coming off soon.

In guy mode.. I have facial hair.. it looks better. This is what is real wierd for me... I shave off my 'designer' beard and I look crap. I then become Kaz... I am a happy bunny! So for me there is always pleasure and pain. When Kaz becomes the wierd guy again... I hate him. Then after couple of days I have decent growth again, and I am happy in drab. Well as happy as we can be in drab!

So at work I am this guy who you never know quite what he is going to look like! My story is simple... I get bored with how I look... it seems to work. A guy I have worked with on and off for many many years has never ever in his life shaved! He trims his beard but he has never ever shaved it off. He is in his 60s... if I were to do one thing before I die? The shock might kill him though!

I love having a beard and not having a beard... keeps everyone on their toes!

[LeaP]

I hate seeing me as a guy in a dress. It sort of offends me in some wierd way that I cannot explain... no offence to any of us here... I am talking about "me"!

Oh, I get it. Completely. I'm casual at the moment. Jag jeans, shell top and a sweater. Looks fine (looking down at myself, that is), feels fine ... until I look in the mirror. No wig, make-up, etc. I hate seeing it. But it's comfortable anyway. If I toned the sweater down I could wear it out. But with the current look, male and female just sort of clash in a weird way.

Lea

[sometimes_miss]

Buy when I do see us as they see us I can only think of the saying “It’s a cruel world”
Am I alone in having this thought sometimes? SUZY
And you're just noticing this now? Oh well, better late than never.
Just be safe, Suzy. In general, most people will be polite to our faces, even if they talk disparagingly behind our backs. It's the loonies that want to kill us that we have to be concerned about.

[Deanna B]

hi suzy . i brought some lingerie from M&S and i did a review and they put it in for people to read it WOW what a breath of fresh air. so i just buy so more as a birthday treat. take care love deanna b xx