Advice wanted

[jhess05]

My name is Jennifer, I know I already introduced myself on here, but since I do not have access yet to the GG forum I will post these concerns here.. I am dating crissy28 on this site, he is amazing, I love him and he is everything I could ever want.. He told me about his crossdressing just about a month ago and i took it relatively hard, I have learned to accept it because I care for him, but I go through stages of accepting it and being okay and then the next day it really bothers me to the point where I cant think about it.. is this normal? Does it mean I am eventually not going to be able to stand it? He talks about how he wants to stop and stuff, but I feel he wont ever be able to..I can live with his CD as long as it doesnt rule his life, but I just wondered if anyone has any advice to rather my feelings are normal?

Thanks,
Jenn

[Rainbow6562005]

Hi, Jen :)

There is at least one site that supports very well SOs of CDers. Check out
http://www.webdotgal.com/main/html/soforum20.html Hopefully you'll get some answers there.

Rainbow

[Holly]

Jenn welcome to the forum. My wife and I will be married 37 years in just 2 months. She knows all about me and is a member here as well.

I know next to nothing about you, Jenn, or your SO. But I would say this... judging from your post, I think you're going to be fine. Your love of Crissy28 seems dep and genuine. That alone will make things so much easier. If you haven't read Marla's thread, "Now I Like It, Now I Don't" you should. You'll find it here. (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890) It might help explain some of the things you're feeling. I wish you both two lifetimes of happiness. :<3:

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Well Jenn. The "acceptance pendulum" is entirely normal and I'd second Holly's suggestion to check out Marla's excellent thoughts on the issue.

For what it's worth, I've found it's normal that one can accept something new intellectually rather quickly, but it takes longer for your heart to accept it, and even longer until it there's no longer a twinge in your guts. But just by being here and trying to learn more, you're showing considerable acceptance.

I won't say that your SO can't stop, but few of us do. It's unfortunate that he's not accepting of himself, since that would make things easier for the both of you. If he's not a member, I'd encourage him to join so that he can see that there are many others like him and that while he may be different, he's not abnormal. Your love will help, but ultimately this is something he's got to figure for himself.

BTW, I agree CDing shouldn't rule one's life. It's an important aspect of mine, but it's just that -- one aspect. Due to his current guilt and shame, it may be looming larger in his thoughts than desirable, but it's actually easier to be balanced once he's accepted that it's an opportunity to express a part of himself that he may otherwise have difficulty doing.

Good luck to the both of you!

[GypsyKaren]

I know nothing about you guys, so I can only tell you how I am. Even though I'm tg and I dress as often as I can, I'm still a real nice person with a big heart who cares about people. I think you'll find that most of us here are the same way. Dressing is a frame of mind, it's just something we have to do. Who's to say if it's normal, whatever that is, it's just different. It's what's inside a person that counts.

GypsyKaren

[CharleneCD]

Jenn,

What your going through sounds very normal. My wife can be very helpfull to me dressing one day and then not want anything to do with it the next. Overall though she loves and supports both sides of me. My advise to you is to let Crissy know that you will need her in guy mode a certain amount of time. Any CD with the chance to get and keep a supporting S/O should easily give you that time when you need it.

If you start to think you truely cant stand it but still love him think of this. How would you feel if you gained some weight and just couldnt manage to lose it. How would you feel if he wanted to leave you for that reason. You already seem to know that being a CD is a part of him. So you know he cant just get rid of it.

Just know this. The fact that you love him and are trying to work this out makes you a wonderfull person in my eyes, and I am sure that many others will agree. I wish only the best and happyness for you both.

[Honey GG]

Hi Jen,
Yes your feelings are quite normal. I have been married for 31 years. Have sort of known about the CD for about 12 (unaccepted) and REALLY known about the CD for the last 2 (accepted) . It takes time to wrap your brain around it all. Having support groups is the best way to help yourself it made a huge difference to me just to know there were other accepting wives/girlfriends out there.
AS far as one day it is fine and the next it is not, that's normal too, even now after all this time there are days when I just would like to pretend it is not there.
And I agree as long as the CD does not take over then it's all good...
Lots of talking and a bit of compromise on both your parts will take you far.

Hope to see you on the GG forumm soon!

Honey

[Odette30UK GG]

Hi Jennifer,

I read your thread and I know exactly what your going through and I bet most SO's on here do.
The acceptance of chrissy28 comes with time, it took me a while to relize that my husband was calmer and more fun to be around as Sammy than of his male side, but this understanding comes with patience.

Your not going to understand and accept all of what chrissy if about straight away and your gonna hit some rather interesting thoughts all or most of us SO's have thought.
The most frightening part for me (in the begining) was actually admitting that I was involved with this person, 'why me was also floating around in my head, why can't I have someone normal'. To me now normal is boring, why have a man that you can just buy socks for, for xmas/birthdays when you can have a CD who you can buy anything for.... Make-up Bra's wigs, stockings, suspenders....... You name it you can buy it.

And talking about shopping... Have you bought her anything yet?
My first shopping trip to buy something for SammyJo was exciting and that felt like the turning point for me....
Like this big gate had opened up... You could say after the first 1/2 hr I went nuts, I bought... make-up lingery (forgive the spelling), shoes, skirts, and stockings..
Our bank balance was not looking to good for a while but hey it got me thinking.

I even went through a stage of thinking that maybe he fanciers her more than me... or there's another woman in this relationship......
I also got the ashamed dirty feeling, like we were doing something wrong.
But thats societys way of not approaching or accepting the subject and thats where the doubts and hatred feelings come in.

I didn't want to be like society, I wanted to be different and stand up for my husbands rights to wear what the hell he liked when ever.....
My husband hasn't reached that stage yet but she's getting there.

SO many countries out there let the government dictate what men and women should wear, even some relgions. And yet some countries let their men wear dresses, why is that?? To be honest I haven't got a clue.
It wasn't until the 2nd World war that women here in Britain decided that mens trousers were more comfyier to wear.

All I know is that if my husband is more comfy wearing womens clothes then let him have that comfortable feeling at least then he/she feels more at home.

All this can be very frightening and from what you wrote I believe that your already on the right track.... Some SO's don't even bother asking anyone whether their feelings are normal.

Even after 9 years it can still be a little hard to accept and you go through all those emotions all over again.....

I have come to accept that If I don't let him be who he wants to be then he's gonna go find someone else who will or hide it all from me, which tends to cause divide and anguish.

Be yourself and go at your pace not his, well ask him to take it at your pace.
As for her not wanting to do it anymore, thats called bingeing.... all or most CD's will go through it at some point in their life.
I think the most time SammyJo spent away is about 2 months, but he is so irratble away from it, it makes me wanna go out and buy her some lipstick.

If you need to talk of here then pls do feel free to add me to MSN or even email me. Details are in my profile.... If chrissy wants to talk to sammy than I can pass her email on.

Hugs to you hun and to chrissy

It does get easier with time.

Odette
XXXXX
WOW what a waffle....

[ChrissyCrossedLegs]

Quote:
"Odette
XXXXX
WOW what a waffle...."

... and you say I go on and on.... huh go figure

Jenn.. you're here.. which is more than many women manage, I'd say that means you want to fight for your man... and lets get this straight, that's what he is.. your man.
I am like many who have replied, I know nothing about either of you, so all I can say is talk, don't ever stop talking to each other. Do it when you want to, do it when its easy, do it when its not. DO it when you want to rip up every last bit of his fem wardrobe (which you may at some stage get to), but don't give him the silent treatment... it wont solve a thing, and I some how think you want solutions and not brick walls. It may sound like something you have known for many years, but the silent treatment has broken up more relationships that many people imagine.

Best wishes to you and Crissy
SammyJo

[DonnaT]

Jenn, my wife has known for 30 years and goes through the same thing still. Just be honest with Crissy when things get hard to take. Keep the lines of communication open.

[jhess05]

Thank you for replying to my thread, the link is very informative... I appreciate it. Hope all is well with you.

Jennifer


Hi, Jen :)

There is at least one site that supports very well SOs of CDers. Check out
http://www.webdotgal.com/main/html/soforum20.html Hopefully you'll get some answers there.

Rainbow

[gina13]

hi jennifer,
just thought id add a thought that came to mind while i was browsing your thread.
i think that its interesting that so many males pursue the joy of experiencing the feminine. i dont believe that there is an equal number of females that wish to be males and experience masculinity... maybe im wrong though.
anyway the sympathetic open minded females who i confided in and shared this part of myself with were very happy to have a t sis in thier lives. also ive heard that a lot of women fantasize about doing a man like a girl:wink:
like others have said honesty is the trump card here. to each other and yourselves. it will take a while to distill each others need but youve both taken a big step communicate and look inside. please dont judge, resent or
blame one another if your needs are different. we all need to love respect and support one another. together we stand divided we fall-pink floyd quote:) wishing love, happiness and understanding for you both and everyone else hugs sisters....and brothers