the detecting seems to come in waves

[Nicole Erin]

I live day to day as Erin.
Usually I get called "ma'am" but on some days at work or wherever, it is like I get called "sir" a few times by different people.

It kind of reminds me of before I went full time when i would get rude comments every so often but usually not harassed on any other day.

So on days like today when I hear "sir" several times I always think, hmm, must just be one of those days".

Also today this was weird but i pulled into the lot at work and some moocher was asking me for cash... at first he said "bro" and I looked at him and he apologized real fast like, "oh my god I am so sorry" but then asked politely if I was a male... I just said, "No, I get mistaken for one sometimes" but then he started saying how pretty i was and if he could call me. So he wasn't sure if i was a guy or girl but wanted to hook up anyways? Yeah it was creepy.

So like are some days just "bad passing" days kind of like having a bad hair day?

[Hope]

Sounds like typical crazy!

I had a similar interaction once with a homeless person when I was about 2 months into RLE, except this was a woman. She walked up to the door of my car, I was fussing with my phone trying to get google maps to work so I could figure out where I was going, when she tapped on my window. I looked up at her, and she made the "Oh my god, it's a creepy tranny" face, complete with visible shiver. So I rolled down the window and asked as sweetly as I could "Yes?" and she replied "SIR... can I have a dol..." I don't know what else she wanted 'cause I just rolled the window back up and went back to looking at the map.

First rule of human interaction: Don't be disrespectful of people you want something from.

The last time I got called "sir" was about 2 weeks ago, and it was by a jerk customer. It had been so long since it had happened it caught me off guard and I was all like "Wha?" I think those days where we get "Sir" more often than not have to do with how we feel about our selves; what sort of energy and confidence we are adding to the situation. Less and less frequently now, but still every once in a while, my wife will ask me "Are you OK" in this particular tone she has developed for asking this question. The answer, almost invariably, is "I'm just feeling really masculine today..." (I think this is the last vestige of the looking in the mirror and thinking "Who the hell do you think you are fooling?" feeling) It is never anything I can point to... I can't say "Bad hair day" or "My makeup is a mess" or "This outfit makes me feel awkward" but my wife always knows when I am having that feeling... I have to believe that others can sense it too...

[Laura B.]

I like your phrase 'bad passing days'. Early in my transition I had those too. As my transition and confidence increased, they seemed to decrease. I believe confidence is the key. Still it hurts to get sired once in a while but I know it's my voice that is giving me away. I have to use the phone often at work and for me it's a given I am going to be sired. When curious about the name and voice mismatch, I just say it's a long story. I am starting voice therapy in January and hope it helps. Best wishes..

[Badtranny]

Nicole, that's funny. I love how the guy just ASSUMES you would want to hear from him. But like I always say, dudes love trannies!

Since I don't make an effort to "crossdress" all that convincingly, (I think Allie or Melissa Rose can attest) I get sir'd or ma'am'd usually depending on who I'm talking to. I never know what I'm gonna get anymore and it doesn't phase me either way EXCEPT for a few days ago. I went with my friend Danni to a huge party thrown by one of her friends at a little restaurant they apparently rented. Because I was scheduled to have electrolysis on that following Wednesday, and I still hadn't grown much hair yet I decided not to shave again that weekend and just butch it up a little for the party. I wore men's jeans but they were Sevens so they were still really cute and mildly snug. A tight peach colored T, under a black button up and a dark grey blazer. Oh and my hair was in a pony with the cutest little black dangly earrings. Some people were calling me Misty, (been my nickname for quite awhile) and some people were calling me Bill. I just told Danni to introduce me as Bill cuz I thought it would just be easier. I was trying to be BUTCH!

Anyhoo, the night was a blast and I ended up staying back at Danni's place in San Mateo. The next morning, we went out to breakfast in Burlingame, and ended up walking through the Farmers Market. With no makeup and a few straggly hairs on my face and men's jeans, and a fleece, I got ma'am'd by almost everyone!

Do you ladies want to sample this honey? How are you ladies doing today? Free samples for pretty ladies.

It was a little weird because I felt like I was totally incognito. What really sucked is Danni (GG) looked at me and said, "I don't want to hear anything more about your 'man face'"

So, yeah, what Hope said, there's no tellin' sometimes.

[boardpuppy]

When I was dressing 24/7 and first going out I got mam'ed a lot and sired a little. jnow it seems I get less and less mam's and sir's and more of the non discript greetings. However, it is better than always havings to give people a trans ediquite lesson. To where I always go, I guess they are getting used to seeing me dressed and as I live in the country I wear jeans mostly...well except when I get a touch of the jog and am going toward the city. However, the really depressing thing is, like you, the voice is a big drawback. I guess I said all this to say, I understand aand hope your voice lessons go well and give you, your confidence back.
Alice

[Michelle James]

I never really thought about it before but it does seem like they come in bunches. Like you I can go for days without incident and then it seems like many (i'm sure it's only a few) in one day. What's that about? Seems like someone sent a memo. LOL. I just chalk it up to a "low confidence day". I must be telegraphing my insecurities.

[Rianna Humble]

I like your phrase 'bad passing days'. Early in my transition I had those too. As my transition and confidence increased, they seemed to decrease. I believe confidence is the key. Still it hurts to get sired once in a while but I know it's my voice that is giving me away. I have to use the phone often at work and for me it's a given I am going to be sired. When curious about the name and voice mismatch, I just say it's a long story. I am starting voice therapy in January and hope it helps. Best wishes..

I too use the phone a lot at work and often have to suck up the "sir" or "mate" references, but a couple of times someone has challenged me about my name and I have replied "Yes, I know my voice does tend to confuse people..." - each time I have received an apology from the person who challenged me.

[Traci Elizabeth]

In my early days when my voice was not as feminine sounding as it is now, I would have those days. I just chalked them off as "hey dumb nuts, look at me first." Those days have long since gone and yours will too.

[Aprilrain]

Even when I was wearing a wig and looked totally tranny I never got sired. I think people were just polite. It was obvious that I was dressed as a woman so why would they call me sir? Most just avoided pronouns and titles all together which is not hard to do. I bought something one day and the lady was professional enough but never called me ma'am or miss the next person in line was a woman and she called her ma'am no less than 3 times in the course of their interaction so I KNOW she was just avoiding using titles and pronouns with me because she could tell I was a TRANNY!
I really think some people are afraid to call a "man" ma'am or miss or use female pronouns even when "he" is clearly presenting as a woman because in our society miss gendering people is SUCH an insult! it is especially and insult for a man to be called a woman though I know most woman would be just as offended if they were mistaken for men so......

[Traci Elizabeth]

Even when I was wearing a wig and looked totally tranny I never got sired. I think people were just polite. It was obvious that I was dressed as a woman so why would they call me sir? Most just avoided pronouns and titles all together which is not hard to do. I bought something one day and the lady was professional enough but never called me ma'am or miss the next person in line was a woman and she called her ma'am no less than 3 times in the course of their interaction so I KNOW she was just avoiding using titles and pronouns with me because she could tell I was a TRANNY!
I really think some people are afraid to call a "man" ma'am or miss or use female pronouns even when "he" is clearly presenting as a woman because in our society miss gendering people is SUCH an insult! it is especially and insult for a man to be called a woman though I know most woman would be just as offended if they were mistaken for men so......

April, that is absolutely true Sir.

[Chickhe]

You are on to something...sometimes I feel feminine and other times I feel masculine. If I dress up when I feel feminine then the result is much better... I feel like I look better and others treat me as a female...if I feel masculine and I try it, I don't look convincing and others read me... I don't know what it is....perhaps it is natural fluctuations in hormones...maybe day to day you either get the right mix or not and it subtlly alters how you look...smell, move, act, smile....etc.

...its a funny thought...to be either a masculine female or feminine male....what's the difference?