Crossdressers Support groups

[josee]

Do you attend one? Why don't you? What would you go to one for?
I recently started going to a group Rho Tau. It used to be a Tri Ess chapter. It is great getting out of the house and meeting and actually speaking with other crossdressers.
I have been hearing about groups disbanding and others starting up. So it got me wondering.
What do the groups that struggle with attendance lack, what do the ones that are thriving do or have that keep you coming back? What would cause you to want to go to one?

[Sharon B.]

I have wanted to go to one but haven't because I have been working six to seven day a week. Now that I am laid off I hope to make it to one and hope to be able to talk to some people that understand why I enjoy dressing as a woman.

[Cheryl T]

I have been a Tri-Ess member for about 8 years and love it. I've made some very good friendships through the organization.
In the beginning I was very shy about going out anywhere. The people I've met at the group have taken that and created a monster...lol. Now I go out anywhere, anytime and am so very comfortable with myself thanks to the support I've gotten.
I know for some the meetings are their only escape. For others it's just another night out. We each have our own needs in this area and for some the group setting just isn't needed. I think that thanks to the Internet the younger girls have so many more options. There are so many more clubs that accept us, so many more places to go that the young set doesn't feel the need for the organization and structure that a support group has. I see some in our own group that have become disenchanted because all the meeting provides for them is a discussion night. They seek activities while others are still closeted and the meeting is their only escape.
It's difficult to get people to join these days as it seems that it's mostly the older gals who enjoy the format and the security.
I go because of the friends I've made and it's a chance to see them regularly. If not for that I would not bother as I'm comfortable in the world and have a supportive spouse who goes everywhere with me. The other thing I enjoy are the annual events we host. We have a summer picnic which is open to everyone in the community and also a Christmas party which is also open. It's a chance to get out and do something with a large group of girls that otherwise would never happen.

[SuzanneBender]

Josee great thread, great questions and actually quite timely for me. I have never attended a support group...yet. I just returned from a year long excursion to the other side of the world and I met last week with the chair of a local TG support group that was recommended to me by a new therapist.

I must admit I am excited and a bit nervous about stepping into the realm of the support group. I am no stranger to being out and about en femme, but the idea of being with others that will come to know my male and female identities is a little daunting. Thus far very few people the know Suzanne have met me in my male role.

I can't say what the successful groups have and the unsuccessful lack, but I can let you know what I am looking for. I hope this group will provide me with a safe and discrete environment to share our feelings and maybe a new friendship or two with people that understand what we have been through and are going through. I have many wonderful friends as Suzanne, but it would be nice to make some acquaintances locally. I think those groups that provide a sense of safety and acceptance thrive those that don't or become cliquish go away.

[Princess Chantal]

I'm in my tenth year with the Masquerade social group that has been around since 1997. We've had a paid membership climaxed of nearly 70 members 5 yeards ago, with about 15 to 20 people coming out per meeting. The paid membership declined severely in the past couple years possibly due to (in my own opinion, of course) lack of group events, member enthusiasm, lack of website updating, and/or of the means that the group just can't control like the gradual evolving of today's transgender/crossdressers.
I often look at the River City Gems website and think "Geez I so miss the days when Masquerade was that socially active"

[Phoebe]

Have attended Tau Epsilon Mu Tri-Ess chapter meetings in the twin city area of Minnesota. I don't attend any more, my vehicle had major engine failure and at 73 years old on SS don't want to take out a loan for a different vehicle. Can not seem to find a current member to pick me up to go to chapter meetings or girls night out events.

[Karren H]

No I don't even though there is a tg group in my area... Why not? Because I really don't need any support... I'm fine with who I am... I don't care why I crossdress... I don't feel the need to socialize.... I don't have any deep seated unresolved issues.... And truthfully find that just liking to wear the same clothing is not enough of a good reason to get me to join a group. Now if there were a crossdressing hockey paying group that liked to collect nail pullers I might reconsider.

[JenniferR771]

Three groups. Got thrown out of one for wearing a short skirt and discussing leather. More difficult if the wife is not cooperative and does not join. You need a place to meet. And enough money to cover essentials. But sometimes groups just fall apart if there is an abrupt leadership change. You need a strong leader to balance the disparate personalities and types of transgenderism: FTM, MTF, CD, TG, TS, pre-op, post-op, perhaps admirers, wives, gay, les, straight...
Our local Grand Rapids Transresource Group is the best group I have joined.

[Kittyagain]

The independence in me want let me attend any group with the name support added to it but that is just me. In my mind, I see needing a support group as a weakness but obviously it is not and the fact that I am here on this forum makes me a bit hypocritical. If you need help then the help from others would be a good way to keep moving forward.

This forum offers support or good advice if you want to look at it that way.

Kitty

[Vanessa Storrs]

I belong to a transgender support group in Reno, we have just started forming the group and are having trouble getting organized. Hopefully we will be able to schedule some activities and attract more members.

[leannejames2011]

Do I attend a group: No
Why don't I: I haven't found one in my area even though I've done several google searches for one

Leanne

[StaceyJane]

I went to tri-Ess for help when I first came out. One of their members was very nice in helping me on my first shopping trip at Dress Barn. I only went to two meetings, the hour long drive on nights that I had to work was a factor but the main thing was I went past where most of the members were pretty fast.

[kristinacd55]

I first went to one in February, then attended again in March but that group fell apart due to fighting amongst some members. I joined another meetup group, and haven't been to support group meetings but have gone to clubs once every 8 weeks (we had one saturday night) and went shopping with a group of girls a week ago sunday which was so much fun! So, your point about getting out is great because it's opened up a whole world for me and changed my whole tg experience.

[Angelofsomekind]

My wife and I went to one once. I think what would have got us to go back is if there were anyone within 10 years of our age. We were told they have a night for people with their SO's to go as well. Then we later heard about those meetings, we aren't allowed to be dressed up for them, and then the guys and girls seperate and it's just the women bitching about our dressing. That's not really what we were looking for, so we kinda gave up on that.
Be All has been fantastic though! We always look forward to that.

[Sarah Doepner]

Do you attend one? Why don't you? What would you go to one for?
I recently started going to a group Rho Tau. It used to be a Tri Ess chapter. It is great getting out of the house and meeting and actually speaking with other crossdressers.
I have been hearing about groups disbanding and others starting up. So it got me wondering.
What do the groups that struggle with attendance lack, what do the ones that are thriving do or have that keep you coming back? What would cause you to want to go to one?

I go to a recently chartered chapter of Tri-Ess in Salt Lake City. It's taken a couple of years to gain enough members to fill a board and do the kind of organizational work needed to have a formal group. In order to go I've made contact with other CDs here and thru other web tools, collected money to pay room rent, scheduled meetings. talked a lot more than I wanted and encouraged others to participate. Why? I really like the chance to visit with other CDs, talk about our lives and see what we can do to help one another. While I've been comfortable going out in other cities, I haven't had the same comfort level here and this group is giving me the chance to see it's not nearly as bad as I've thought locally. Since it's Tri-Ess there are also several family members who have been attending and getting their view of CDing is good as well.
Since the focus of Tri-Ess is support for the male heterosexual crossdresser and their families, and we will have to be a bit more interested in collecting dues etc. I expect we may see a drop off in attendance. However that same set of issues may end up attracting folks who have been hanging in the wings waiting to see what happens next. I think if we are to continue to attract members we have to be something more than just a place to go once a month, dress and talk. That eventually will get stale for just about everyone. I'd want to go to meetings where I would find people I am comfortable with, can be trusted to be honest, who enjoy life and don't spend all their time complaining, who are active and are willing to help others. So far that's what I've found. I'll do what I can to keep it happening.

[AnitaH]

I have just started going to a support group in a nearby city. It has been around for a couple decades and used to meet at a supportive restaurant and had great participation, but the business closed. They have had to reduce the number of meetings they have due to lack of participation but have just started a monthly social night. I hope they can stay together awhile as I'd like to be able to make some new friends.

AnitaH

[Missy Tanya]

I went and glad I did. Was in the closet, every once and long while would get out just for a quicky. But I want to get out and found a local TG Support group and went to a meeting. The first one in drab, but should have dressed. I felt very out of place. But now I have 30 or so friends that like Tanya and don't care how she's dressed. I even have volunteer for events and had a blast. Now they don't like doing much in the public eye. So a few of us make our own plans for a evening out and enjoy that to no end.

We have a few post-op that run the show for the most part. And thankfully they do. Or we would have no meetings. I've found that most C/D don't want to lead, just follow. I think it has to be with being outed, or nervous that someone might notice them out in public. I've found just the opposite, the more I'm out and joining in on the going ons the more fun and more adventitious I get.

And thanks to all the girls here. Your post and story's are the best and make me want to get out just that much more. What a confidence builder we are for each other.

Thanks, Tanya

[PretzelGirl]

I am in the same group as Sarah and it has helped my progression a lot. But a few here say they don't need support. Well it can sometimes be a misnomer to call them a support group. Yes, they are that if that is what you need. If you just need some time with friends, socializing and doing things together, then it is that too.

I went in with the expectation that it would be a like a counseling session. Instead it has been an opportunity for me to grow and to make many friends who are now my best friends. And like many things, you get out of it what you put into it. It takes a little bit from everyone to keep something going.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Far too shy to try. Self employed, work 6 days/week with very little time to spare. I find it very difficult to attend any functions. Besides there are not many groups in Brisbane Australia. I tried to join one a few years ago, but was rejected. I have no idea why, maybe personality clash, maybe I was too fat, maybe I asked too many questions, maybe because of my predicament I was considered a risk. I guess a problem with being self employed and working unsociable hours. I think if people ask for help and get rejected then what is the aim of the group? It only sours the desire to join and adds to their problems.

From my point of view. If one is having emotional problems coming to terms with their crossdressing or accepting they maybe MtF with a GID problem then tread carefully if a group is approached. Any critique, negative chat, or attitudes that signal a new member to negativity will result in that person never attending again. I think if the group's main liaising person has a good understanding, time, patience and care then the group will grow. Some people can see through a veil of deception and will be on the offensive as a form of self protection.
Its the members of the group that dictate the groups functionality. Its the attitude in acceptance that allows the group to be contented. Its the acceptance of ALL people who need help and not just because one is like a member or has something to gain materialistically, then that group becomes "clicky" and is very narrow and evil.
It is probably why I love this forum because it is a group who accept many despite their personal problems and the members help because they know when to help someone in need of help.

[DanaR]

I belonged to the Emerald City group in Seattle for about ten years. There was a core group that stayed the same, with the rest of the group changing. I suppose, a lot of the members after joining didn't need the group or moved on to different things.

[eluuzion]

I get all of the support that I need from my pantyhose, thank you.:D

CDing does not cause any "issues" in my life that get my pantyhose in a bunch.

I know who I am, I am not "lost", confused or mystified about anything in my life related to my CD behavior. I do not seem to experiences any of the "issues" that many members here seem to wrestle with in their lives. I think I understand those who are struggling with finding resolutions to their CD challenges. I just do not happen to be one of those individuals.

I believe I understand the etiology behind my CD behavior. I accept it for what it is and do not lose any sleep over CDing. If I did I would probably just replace CDing with something equally or more controversial. I have never been one to follow many of the structured and bench marked paths defined by society norms. I don't plan on starting anytime in the future.

Most of the "issues" that I have observed through reading the accounts of others seems to have a logical explanation, as well as having several options for being resolved by those experiencing difficulties coping with or adapting their CDing interests to a manageable level which would enable them to live a happy and fulfilling life. They simply insist on trying to go through obstacles instead of finding a way to work around them.

So I do not feel any need or desire to participate in "support" groups or similar gatherings.

I am just fine with being a solitary lunatic running at large within the community I reside...:D

:love:

[Angela2me]

I think there is a real difference between a 'support group' and a 'social group'.
My interest is with the social group and I have been to one here and enjoyed the casual outings for dinner and light chat with like minded people. It is nice to talk to people who, like this forum, just accept you with your differences. People chat about how each person has found their own place in dressing. Some attend with their SO, most dressed, but some in drab. I have only been out for dinner, but they also to bowling and other social outings. No big plans or organisation, only name a place and time and those who are interested turn up.

Angela

[Jessicajane]

Hi Angela, I have made contact with the group you recommended and I am awaiting the interview...gulp...more scared than when I last went for a job!!!...LOL....looking forward to going to a meeting...hopefully some time in the new year.

[Angela2me]

Jessica,

Let me know if you go. I was going to there fortnightly friday night coffee and chat (and counter meal) in the city.

Angela

[noeleena]

Hi,

No groups with in 100 miles , the one i had been to was very polictical not wellcoming of I S. a very big no no,

The social side became very inward looking & one or two wonted to control things to much , & the one who ran the group has left so things have changed a lot, if the group did more to help others in the social side of things & got out more would help some i knew,
tho i did arange fora make up time & had people in place for the group 7 came along , at the end the comment i got from the one who ran the group said well that was a waist of time,

It cost the group nothing & the people concerned were well known & knew what they were doing , i thought , never again .

Any way , im just a woman who thought i could help with other women helping this group, .........

So of cause im involved with other womens groups & many other groups as well . so my time now is spent with them .

Would i , if i could join with a trans group. with what iv seen go on & things said to myself , i dought it very much now,

I belive the comment has been made what does a woman have in common with a group of people who think very differently , & concerning womens issues, none i have seen , its really about clothes make up & of cause shoes, & for me would they be interested in haveing a woman in thier group. not from what iv seen, so thats first hand, pity tho because i thought it could work.

...noeleena...

[jillleanne]

Like everything, groups for anything have their ups and downs. They are simply cyclical like everything else. Memberships will grow only to decline in time and then the process starts all over again. The major issue with anything like this is active membership, the key word being active. I have being involved iin many volunteer groups for various things and one quickly comes to realize there are only a select few that are actually active and participate in the group. What happens is 'burnout' to those few that do all the work; no different than the job you perforn daily really, some are good workers and some are just workers.
While I was with Tri-Ess in Florida, we( my s/o and I) enjoyed the social outings we had regularly, whether it be to shows, clubbng, restaurants, etc., it was enjoyable being out with 'like' friends. This group was excellent in that it recognized the needs of all whether it was support or social and has programs in place to assist in both. There were many spouses and s/o's active in the group which was very nice to see. I have never really needed any support as such I guess because I have always just gone with the flow and questioned little about myself. The key to any group is not the size of the group but the quality of the group. I would much rather be involved in a very small support/social group that is 'active', than a very large group that has primarily 'knife and forkers' who love the social and not the work aspects necessary to make the group, great.

[SusanLCD]

I joined a nearby Tri-ESS group about 1 1/2 years ago. I was nervous, timid, and looking for support. And, I got it. Until that time, Susan had been tightly closeted for decades. With the help/encouragement of the Tri-ESS members, that has changed dramatically.

Example: 2 days ago, Susan went to a local resale store and tried on many (purchased 2) outfits, purchased bathroom rugs at JCPenney's, searched through racks of items at Burlington CF (bought nothing), talked with Macy's SA about the "1 day sale" they were having on purses, stopped for fuel and restroom at QT, shopped & purchased a week's groceries at Kroger, and returned home late in the evening to step out of her 3" heels. Total time out of the closet that day: about 8 hours. Number of people with whom she interfaced: many. I'm convinced this would not have occurred without the social interaction and support received from the friends at the Tri-ESS group. And, now I have a network of friends with whom I share a special trait and sometimes socialize outside of the Tri-ESS meetings.

Our Tri-ESS group has a great Outreach officer who promotes awareness of TGs in the DFW metropolitan area. She has spoken on CDing to college classes at various nearby universities and is always well received. She usually has other members along to assist and I'm even considering whether I might assist at some time.

This forum is a group and being a member here has been an enormous influence, as well. We are all remarkable in our own ways. Our GG moderator provides thoughtful insight that provides a tone of reason. One member doesn't like jeans, but, exhibits such wonderful humor that we love her despite that "flaw." :D That said, I still needed to meet face-to-face with other TGs to grow past the closet door.

What I've seen is that our needs change as we continue our journeys of self-awareness. We may not remain in the organization if it no longer serves our needs. But, if there are many aspects to the group, it's more likely to keep our attention over time. And, if we participate, we can affect those aspects and keep it relevant.

[Loni]

sadly for me it is my working hrs, as i must work on the weekends...but if i can pull a sic day or set up vacation i am there.
as the group i like (river city gems) is a good drive 80 miles away, no problem. just need time off work to enjoy the time there.
it is a great social group, we do things. go places. but i muse decline most as i have this need to have a solid roof over my head, and warm food in my belly.
but the new year is going to be here soon and i get more sick days to burn up, :-)

.

[Veronica27]

I joined the Tri-ess national organization back in the early 90's in the hopes that I might be able to connect with like-minded members in my own area, but that never materialized. There were no local chapters in my area (I live in Ontario and the only Canadian chapter at the time was in Calgary Alberta, about 3000 miles away.) The quarterly magazine provided some interesting reading, that I had never been able to find up until that time, but with the advent of the internet, there was so much more information available, that I allowed my membership to lapse.

There are no groups that I have found within a reasonable drive of my area, but my wife and I have attended a few events that are open to all that were held by members of some of the groups in my province, and across the border in the U.S.A. At times I have felt like I should join a group, but I usually don't follow through, because of the distance involved and some uncertainty as to the focus of any of the groups that I know. We have met many members whose company we have enjoyed immensely, but we have also encountered those who seemed obsessed by their TG activism, some who were very committed to living the TG lifestyle on as full time a basis as possible, and some whose primary interests seemed to be discussion of the deeper psychological aspects of crossdressing. While I enjoy reading about their viewpoints and debating their opinions over the internet, I am not looking to make such discussions the focal point of a social evening with my wife. She adores the light-hearted banter and discussions of both crossdressing and non-crossdressing related topics with men, who like myself are not afraid to be themselves and can allow their feminine nature to be displayed, but she is somewhat uncomfortable around those who primary agenda is the problems and difficulties of crossdressing and the transgender lifestyle. To her a social function such as a group dinner/dance is just not the right time and place.

I am not sure what I really want out of an organization. I am usually a loner in most of my interests in life, and only join a group when it is the only means of participation, such as when I joined a softball league in order to play the game I loved. I am comfortable crossdressed in public when I am with others, or even by myself in a setting where it is known that crossdressers are around and encountering one is to be expected, but I have little desire to be out where the likelihood of seeing a crossdresser is slight, such as our local mall, because I am so obvious. I don't want to be involved in the running of any organization, as that is not my thing, but I would like to make friends with other like-minded crossdressers who are not too far distant. So far, no luck in that regard.

Veronica

[Jenna J]

I haven't gone to any because I haven't found any near me. I would like to find one to give me a chance to get out in public dressed how I want to. I think my wife would go with me if we found something.

[Tara D. Rose]

I feel the same way as others. I have never been to a support group for I feel I don’t need any support. I am comfortable with who I am. I would however like to be part of a group of likeminded people like me, just for the comfort of being out and about in small numbers to be out of the house, and to meet and get to know others. I would just feel so much safer being among a small group. I wish I could find about 7 or 8 crossdressers like me and we could all go out to eat or just walk the park or movies. Or I’d especially love for a group of us to go to the mall for shopping and eating. I just need to get out of the house as Tara.
And as it’s already been mentioned here, I feel if these groups would drop the word “support”, then maybe more would want to be part of such a group.
L&R……………….Tara

[josee]

Thanks for all of your replies. It sounds like the ideal group is one that focuses on socializing and getting out and having fun. Those who need more support would likely get that from the one on one interaction with other crossdressers.