What Should I Do

[lisa_j]

Hello,

My name is Lisa and I have been lurking here for a while but now I have some personal questions you can answer to give me insight into what I should do.

For the last two year I have been cross-living full time. I have had an interest in girls and women’s clothes going back to adolescence. During that time I did not think of myself as a female trapped in a male body but there were times I wished I had been born a girl because I envied what they could wear and how they interacted. On occasion I was able to try on my sisters clothes but due to cultural norms I suppressed my desires. Then about 12 years ago I took the plunge and tried cross-dressing and I was soon going out in public dressed. Over time I became comfortable doing it. Comfort eventually gave way to a preference to presenting as female at least part time. Then about a year and half before going full time, I became friends with a transvestite that was self-administering female hormones. She was achieving a more feminine appearance even though she had no intention of transitioning. At this point I also was not considering transitioning but she talked me into self-medicating for the feminizing effects. About a year after I started the hormones I had medical problem and when my doctor checked my respiration she noticed my breast development. After some discussion I admitted to self-medication. After much discussion and a lecture she agreed to monitor and prescribe a female hormone regimen.

Now that I have been cross-living for 2 years I know that I have no desire to present as anything other than a woman. Although the female hormones have made me impotent, I still have to wear a control brief or control top panty hose when I wear shorts, slacks or a tight skirt. I almost never wear pants with a fly as just feel too self-conscious, even though nothing really shows. This brings me to the point of considering the options for my male genitals. Instead of full SRS, I am considering a partial SRS. In a partial SRS the castration is performed, the penis is removed, but a vagina is not created. Labia and a clitoris are created and the urethral opening is moved. I am not attracted to men so I do not need a vagina for sexual intercourse.

My question is whether having a neo-vagina is worth the pain of recovery? The following questions may be too personal or explicit to answer in this forum, if so an eMail exchange is acceptable. Are you aware of anyone deriving physical pleasure from dilation or dildo play, after full healing following SRS? Did idea or feeling of penetration play bring you some form of pleasure that stimulating the clitoris didn’t or couldn’t?

Answers to these questions would help me decide on the surgical direction I should take.

Thank you.

Lisa

[Melody Moore]

Wow... don't take offence to this, but personally I think you are really naive
& really have no clue what you are really talking about or contemplating here.
But the good news is you are in the right place to get some very sound advice.

The first clue that tells me you have a lot to learn is your statement about the transvestite who is self
administering hormones. This person is NOT a transvestite, they are usually referred to as transsexual.

You also took a lot of risk to self administer hormones, but it is
good to hear that your regime is being properly monitored now.

Even though I am still pre-op, I really think your idea of partial GRS/SRS is so out of touch with reality
to be honest. If you are going to go through the pain of surgery, then why would you want only half
the surgery? It really makes no sense at all and I really don't think its going to cost you any less money.

I also know lots of post op women who achieve orgasm after GRS/SRS both though stimulation of the
clitoris and penetration, however like a lot of natal females, some don't orgasm though penetration alone.

So there is only one thing I can really suggest - See a psychologist who specialises in gender issues.

[miaTX86]

The first clue that tells me you have a lot to learn is your statement about the transvestite who is self
administering hormones. This person is NOT a transvestite, they are usually referred to as transsexual.


Actually I think that she was correct, as she said that the TV had no intent to actually transition, making her a TV with a desire for body modification not a transexual.

[Melody Moore]

FFS, Mia, you have no clue either, so do I have to spell it out for you to ?

Read the statement made by Lisa more carefully...


Then about a year and half before going full time, I became friends with a transvestite that was self-administering female hormones.
She was achieving a more feminine appearance even though she had no intention of transitioning. At this point I also was not considering transitioning but she talked me into self-medicating for the feminizing effects.

So this person who obviously identifies as a female is not just a male dressing as a female yeah?

Now read the definitions or what a transvestite and a transsexual and YOU choose which is more appropriate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestism


Transvestism (also called transvestitism) is the practice of cross-dressing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-dressing),
which is wearing clothing traditionally associated with the opposite sex.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transsexualism


Transsexualism is an individual's identification (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity) with a gender (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender) inconsistent or not culturally associated with their biological sex (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biological_sex). A medical diagnosis can be made if a person experiences discomfort as a result of a desire to be a member of the opposite sex, or if a person experiences impaired functioning or distress as a result of that gender identificationThis transsexual woman referred to as 'She' by Lisa identifies as a female obviously regardless
of the fact she choose to be pre-op & is changing her body by taking hormones, thus making
her a transsexual, NOT a transvestite male who simply dresses up in female clothing.

I also see that you have only been a member of this forum since last month & believe that you also have a lot to learn.

[miaTX86]

I also see that you have only been a member of this forum since last month & believe that you also have a lot to learn.

Clearly i am mistaken, but I am surprised at the snarkiness from you. I personally identify as a girl when dressed too, but am definitely not anything more than a CD/TV. I must be incorrect in my understanding of the definition between TV and TS. I assumed that implicit in TS is the necessity to transition to the female gender (well actually, you are already there).

[Kelly DeWinter]

Nice way to slap down someone who has posted an intelligent series of questions looking for real answers.

Lias,

there are a lot of good answers to your questions on this forum, use the search function or post more questions, some of the gals here have gone through what you are looking to do, and can give you better advice. pm them.

[Melody Moore]

Mia, I am just stating a fact.

Lisa has posted her questions in the transsexual forum, so I can only assume she is
looking for feedback here from the transsexual community and not the crossdressers
or transvestites because we might have a better understanding of her needs perhaps?

Noone is slapping anyone down here, the fact is there are lots of issues here Lisa needs to
address apart from the fact she seems to be a bit naive and the biggest issue I can see she
has to working out who she really is and what course of treatment is most appropriate for her.

I don't see how a CD/TV could even have an opinion on such a subject. So please.

[Sophora]

This brings me to the point of considering the options for my male genitals. Instead of full SRS, I am considering a partial SRS. In a partial SRS the castration is performed, the penis is removed, but a vagina is not created. Labia and a clitoris are created and the urethral opening is moved. I am not attracted to men so I do not need a vagina for sexual intercourse.


Lisa

I am rather confused by this. That sounds like srs to me. partial would be removal of the testes right? and although Melody was a snarky(a first for her here), I believe she is right. I am also confused on why you won't wear pants with fly but will wear a tight skirt out.

[Melody Moore]

Maybe I am being a bit snarky because I believe that someone is so out of touch with reality.
And maybe I have been hanging around here for too long & have been influenced by a few others?

I can't help Lisa, and I don't believe anyone else can, so that is why I think she needs to see a therapist.

[Sophora]

I can't help Lisa, and I don't believe anyone else can, so that is why I think she needs to see a therapist.

I agree with you. I think so as well.

[Aprilrain]

The surgery you describ is entirely possible and there are in fact legitimate reasons why a person might not want "the hole". I was at a Trans conference this summer where a fairly well know doc described performing SRS without the internal parts. This would be much lower maintenance especially at first when lots of dilation is required. It ain't going to save you much money though, I think the doc said he took about $2000 off the total proceedure.

I would also suggest that your next step should be finding a qualified gender therapist. Regardless of how you might want SRS preformed you will need letters from a therapist and an MD.

Personally if I'm going to spend that much money and have a vagina I want it to be as functional as possible but I like men. Regardless of wether I was able to achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration or not I would still want to be able to have sex that way.

[Frances]

My question is whether having a neo-vagina is worth the pain of recovery? The following questions may be too personal or explicit to answer in this forum, if so an eMail exchange is acceptable. Are you aware of anyone deriving physical pleasure from dilation or dildo play, after full healing following SRS? Did idea or feeling of penetration play bring you some form of pleasure that stimulating the clitoris didn’t or couldn’t?

Recovery was the most painful thing I ever experienced and it did not hurt at all. This may seem paradoxical, but post-ops understand what I mean. It is like a mother giving birth. Her thoughts will not linger on the pain for very long. I get pleasure from penetration (only the dilators right now) as well as my clitoris. I have become orgasmic (finally) and have a hard time doing only the dilations. All of it is sensitive and enjoyable in different ways. The answer is yes to all questions.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Lisa,

MTF ts people get a vagina to cope with the disconnect between your mind/identity and your body... if you are coming from a different place, then you should explore whatever you would like, but its very different from what transsexuals are doing.

If you do have this disconnect, you run the risk of doing "not enough" and that risk is pretty high..imagine going through all that and realizing it didn't solve your problem...

generally speaking ts women know there is a risk of reduced sexual feeling, but proceed with srs because of an overwhelming desire to experience having a female body..

so most MTF people would not relate to your situation, most cannot imagine why any woman would not want all her body parts (as much as medical science can provide anyway)and most would know little or nothing about surgeries outside of srs..

saying you don't want a man is irrelevant to whether you would benefit from srs or not...its not about sex at all... if it IS about sex for you, then by all means pursue whatever you need for your sexual satisfaction

if its just about getting rid of testosterone, people do orchiectomies and there are lots of success stories with those...

if its just about getting rid of the bulge, then a couple of really good gaffes are alot cheaper!!!


if it turns out that in the end, you want to get a surgery w/o the full srs, then that's a valid and reasonable choice, but i hope you talk to lots of people of that did it, and find out what they think and how their lives are going...

[Katesback]

You can use the money you save on your penis butcher job to get a labatomy. Thinking that the latter would be most helpful though.

[Melody Moore]

Lisa, I also think if you did have the type of procedure that you described then later on decided you wanted
a vagina then its going to be even more difficult because of all the wasted materials that would get thrown
away with such a procedure. There is no turning back or changing your mind after the surgery is performed.

So you want to be sure about what you really want before you go anywhere near a surgeon and this is why
I still maintain you need to see a therapist first. And besides, you most likely won't get a surgeon to perform
this procedure without proper psychiatric evaluation done first.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Lisa,

Like Melody, I am pre-op so cannot comment on the results of surgery yet. Unlike her, I will not criticise your use of "she" and "her" when referring to a transvestite who was presenting en femme.

I'm glad to see that your doctor is now monitoring your hormone regime as this will vastly reduce the risk to your health.

As others have already done, I would like to recommend you to find a Gender Therapist with a good track record who can help you to see for yourself who you are and what your priorities might be.
I'm not sure that you can make an informed decision until you have worked out the answers to those questions.

If you are indeed a woman, I would have thought that you would want the surgery to make your body conform as closely as possible to your gender. To my way of thinking, that doesn't mean only going half way, but I am not you and I don't know what your prioirties in life might be.

[Melody Moore]

Hi Lisa,

Like Melody, I am pre-op so cannot comment on the results of surgery yet. Unlike her, I will not criticise your use of "she" and "her" when referring to a transvestite who was presenting en femme.

I never made any such comment about Lisa's use of "she" of "her", I made a comment about a trans woman who is
on hormone therapy according to Lisa who she said was a "transvestite". The more appropriate term is transsexual
or even transgender for this type of a person because they don't sound like a man who simply dresses up in female
clothing. So I would really appreciate it if don't ever misread or misquote any of my comments again Rianna.

[Stephenie S]

Well let's not get TOO hung up on words here.

There were some clear questions posed by a newbie. Let's try to answer them.

Regardless of what you call it, surgery to correct your birth defect is important. I would think you would get little satisfaction out of being only partially female. A woman without a vagina? Why? Whatever for? It's a soul saving medical procedure. Why go only halfway?

Remember, sex and clothes have VERY little to do with true gender identity. You can avoid ANY surgery at all and still wear all the women's clothes you want. You can avoid ANY surgery at all and still enjoy all the sex you want.

Being a woman has NOTHING to do with wearing women's clothes. NOTHING! Got that? This is an important concept. If your issue is wanting to wear women's clothes, FORGET surgery. It will do you no good at all.

We have on this forum a women who has done just what you are asking about. I have met her several times and she seems quite satisfied. Perhaps she will speak up.

So it is possible. And has been done. Personally, I can think of no reason why I would want to go that route, but that's just me.

S

[Julia_in_Pa]

Lisa,

Congrat's on 2 years of full time living. :O)

Whether or not a vagina is worth it is a very personal thing.

I'm intersexed and after 5 years of living full time I still dont have solid plans for surgery.

It's your body so it's your business.


Julia

[DebbieL]

First, I'd like to thank the post-ops who have responded, and who continue to provide support in this site. As you know, it's such a wonderful gift to have the experience of those who have completed the transition and can share good, and bad of what it is.

There are several excellent books available on the topic as well from Amazon for Kindle, however, there is nothing quite like having the actual experience of people who have actually been through the process, and can share both the hardships and the joys of completing the transition. I wish I had had access to information like this when I was in my twenties.

Unfortunately, that was in the 1970s, and even Harry Benjamin's papers were not widely read. Nor were they easily available.