shame and guilt

[jacques]

hello,
I have been crossdressing for years, and am slowly coming to accept it as part of me, with your help.
But where does all the shame and guilt come from?
luv, Jacques Hughes

[Marleena]

Hi, it comes mostly from what society deems as normal male behavior. We are raised in a certain role and this is against what we are taught. CDing is harmless, and no reason to feel guilty about it. We all go through it at some point. Good luck.:)

[Gillian Gigs]

Our culture places alot of expectation on individuals, and we are always attempting to live up to them. If we Do not "fit" into their idea of what "normal" is then conflict happens. Self acceptance in spite of others expectations is a very good start to the removal of the shame and guilt. We are always looking for acceptance and reassurance, so the change is a slow process. Keep telling yourself that you love and accept yourself in spite of what you think your community might think of you. You have to love and accept yourself, before you can love and accept others. You have nothing to prove to others, just improve yourself and make yourself a better person.

[Nicola]

I think the guilt comes from the fact that we can't be fully open about it.
You can express a liking for a certain football team or style of music but anything which touches on gender or sexual issues is still a bit taboo, even today and crossdressing is seen by many as deviant (ie wrong) behaviour.
Because we feel guilty about it we sometimes wish we didn't do it, and that leads to feelings of shame because we do do it.
I know I shouldn't feel a bit ashamed, but still I do. Knowing there are similar people on this forum has at least made me feel I am not the only one who likes to wear women's clothes at times. It's part of who I am.
Nicola

[Elle1946]

Just to add my 2 cents in. It comes from other people that don't understand.

[Cynthia Anne]

The best part of shame and guilt is they leave when you FULLY accept yourself! I'M SHAMELESS:)! Hugs!

[Cheryl T]

It comes from fear that others won't understand and accept us and that they will ridicule us for being different. It's bullying of a different sort, happens mostly in our minds. We create the fear and that creates the guilt.
Being able to move past that and accept ourselves despite what others may say allows us to shed that guilt and be the person we are meant to be.

[JenniferR771]

It is hard to accept those who deviate from the average. They are pressured to become normal. Its like being a nudist. Everyone insists that they wear clothes to school and work. Me too.
However, they are just a minority--ordinary people with a quirk. Harmless, but I just don't understand.

[Kaz]

Shame and guilt come from your concern for how others judge you. I feel shame and guilt for many thinsg I di in life because I have a high need to be liked by people and am deeply upset when people judge me negatively. If I was SDM, this would be heaven... sadly I am not and it isn't! But I have learned why it happens. My wife keeps telling me not to apologise when we disagree?

Be happy in your skin!

[Launa]

It comes from society. People can't accept men trying to look like women. For me it started at a young age, my parents knew I had this tendancy but kept it hush,hush as much as possible. My dad would always go on saying that bad things you do in life can discrace your family name so be normal and good. I have now fully accepted to CD and ready to not give a shit at all but I still need to protect my wife and kids so that it does not affect them or become their problem in some way shape or form if you know what I mean..

[April_Ligeia]

The shame and guilt come from boring "mainstream" people. They are dull and their opinions are worthless. Be yourself.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

From my own experience, the shame and guilt comes from my upbringing. Yes I was brought up as a male, the protector of the family, the man who does everything around the house. Yet all the time I liked and yearned to dress, act, to be feminine. I lived a lie to myself and to my family and society. The guilt I suffered was the lie. The shame was I knew how others reacted to people like me and to fit in, I had to act the same.
Yep, I lived only for others and now I still get some guilt and shame but that is only because I want to be true to myself. I do want to transition but having been hurt before, I do not want some therapist accusing me of things inside me I know are true.
This is where the shame and guilt for me comes from...I think for me. Although I feel shame and guilt now because I want to transition but feel like I am letting myself down because I have not been able to take that first step in finding a therapist.

[KellyJameson]

Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake

How is crossdressing wrong ? Who does it hurt ? and if it does hurt them. How? Is it the crossdressing that hurts them or their own fears about it ?

How is crossdressing a mistake ? According to who ? and Why ?

How are you a mistake because you crossdress ? Are you less of a man than another who does not? According to who ? and Why ?

We have been conditioned since birth on how to think, how to act, how to feel. Why can a man not have the same feelings and desires that are allowed to be experienced by females without than feeling the shame of not being manly ? Who made these rules and why?

If you find your own image as a female erotic who does this hurt? and as a male how could you escape this ? That would be a paradox.

Shame and guilt come from believing the rules that others have made that were imposed on you from birth to serve interests that often are not in your interests to believe in and should be questioned and challenged for the sake of your own personal growth. We all must daily learn how to break out of the prisons of our own minds. Prisons that were built by others.