Roller coaster fatigue

[Gennifer]

Working with my therapist, reading posts on this forum, I had the sense that I am ready to take the next step forward but for some reason, I am suddenly feeling tired, and as though I will never get to where I want to go. Some of this is my own doubt about how I can ever transition. I hear negative tapes playing (your shoulders are too broad, your head is too big, you are too old, etc) and also feel overwhelmed by the arduousness of transitioning and all that it involves: physical changes, emotional changes, relationship changes. But, at the same time, I can't imagine turning back. Perhaps that's where the fatigue comes in.

So it goes. Up and down. Thanks for listening.

Gennifer

[Aprilrain]

welcome to the amusement park! try the bull ride next its a real hoot!

[*Vanessa*]

.
those bulls scare me :eek:

[Melody Moore]

I have become very familiar & friendly with fatigue ever since I started on hormones, and simply accept
it as a normal part of hormone therapy. Previously our bodies had high levels of the world's most powerful
steroid, Testosterone coursing through them, which gave us all our physical strength & stamina as males.

Because I no longer have the strength & stamina I was so use to previously, I have to
make allowances for that and get more rest. It is not uncommon for me to have to take
an afternoon 'nanny nap', or go to bed really early because that is how tired I get now.

Rest is so important, I can see how easy it is to have lots of other issues if I don't give my body
the rest it needs. And besides that you need to shut down and stop over-thinking all these other
issues. If you don't get enough rest then I really think it could get very dangerous. As males we
are so use to having the physical strength and stamina we had previously to get through our day.

Also as males we are use to repressing our emotions and challenging anything that starts to affect
our emotions. IE: Relationships, our appearance etc. But we really need to stop questioning & over
analysing these issues, because they just waste valuable energy. So my approach to surviving this
"Roller Coaster Ride" is to just to sit back and enjoy the ride so to speak, and to just accept these
changes that are now happening to me. Ensure I get enough rest and surround myself with the most
positive and supporting of people.

Yesterday was one of my most emotional days I have ever had since I started my transition in August 2010.
I ended up crying because I was so disappointed with the support my local LGBT community had shown for
the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Not one single gay or lesbian person showed up for our event. This
was a real insult to me because of how much I have effort I have put into supporting their community. Now
I understand fully well why the transgender community wants to separate itself from the LGB community.

I spent over an hour on the phone talking to the main coordinator of our local organisation about this issue,
because now I just feel we have to separate our group from the LGB community because they have totally
ignored us in every aspect of funding and support. I have all the financial reports for the last 3 years in front
of me and I am disgusted in the lack of support given to the trans community. If our group separates, the local
LGB community will feel a lot of pain because I have a number of media representatives including a radio announcer,
TV news producer and news paper journalists who are now interested in our group and will report on this matter if
we choose to distance ourselves from the rest of the LGB community. What my local LGB community did was organised
another LGB event that conflicted with the Transgender Day of Remembrance & totally ignored us. This is inexcusable.

The LGB community has now divided the community, while I have been busting my arse to bring us all together.

Anyway, this whole situation was that draining on me, I don't remember falling asleep last night, but I fell asleep
very early and forgot to take my hormones and slept for about 11 hours. So this is just a good example of how
different life is for me now and how I can be affected by something that is an emotional issue to me.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Genn, welcome to transition land...many people pause for extended time periods...planning is helpful...$$ is more helpful...

Don't feel down if overwhelmed...everyone SHOULD be overwhelmed...its just the way it is...

the best advice my friends all gave me was DONT DO IT...and i kept saying I HAVE TOO....it took me years of realizations, years of waffling, years of whining , years of loss, and years of suffering
.....but looking back I have a peace of mind i never thought possible..
This must be your goal..PEACE OF MIND..not your shoulders, not your passing, not your voice...don't get me wrong..these things will matter..but its peace of mind that you get in the end...

there are no rules, only information and experiences to share... it is your life...

regardless of what you do, the idea that you are planning to live a life that will feel authentic and real to you must be OVERWHELMINGLY valuable to you, because more often than not the costs are overwhelming too..

I am sorry to put it in stark terms...but it helps to focus on what's really important

[Gennifer]

Thanks, everyone, for the support. I have not started on hormones, but think that will come along with other steps. The big shift for me now is that transitioning feels like something I am headed for as opposed to something that is out there but not "real." It's the reality that is pretty intense. I guess, Melody, that what you are saying is that if I think I am tired now, just wait! I also hear in all your notes that it is okay to feel overwhelmed, or at least that is something I should expect. That, too, is very helpful. I can now say, I am overwhelmed. Of course I am. I would be an idiot if I wasn't.

thanks.

[Jorja]

Planning and money are a huge part of transition there is no doubt about that. Feeling overwhelmed is a part of the transition process. It is a major life changing event. You should be overwhelmed. Having big shoulders, a big head, being too old, big hands, no butt, etc.... are excuses not reality. Over thinking is also a challenge to deal with. If you have done your homework, you know the the pluses and minuses, and you have still made the decision to transition, then (like Nike says) Just Do It! The PEACE OF MIND you will get is worth it all in the end.

[sandra-leigh]

I've been overwhelmed a fair bit recently, some of which has to do with how I would handle my gender with new employment. It is all so much... where do you start moving the mountain?

In a recent session, my therapist advised me not to think so far in the future, to concentrate on what is immediately before me. For example, instead of just thinking about how hard it will be to get a job that I like, to start looking through the listings and do research on what kinds of jobs are available and what employers are doing work that interests me. Research isn't a decision, she pointed out: it doesn't commit to anything. But doing the research would at least get me further ahead than I am now. Find a part of it that you can do now and work on that.

That's the theory. It is going to take me some time to put it in to action.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

In a recent session, my therapist advised me not to think so far in the future, to concentrate what is immediately before me. For example, instead of just thinking about how hard it will be to get a job that I like, to start looking through the listings and do research on what kinds of jobs are available and what employers are doing work that interests me.

This is excellent advice...