This paranoia kills me.

[Kittie]

Ok, I should start by saying I live 24/7, whether it's sleeping, walking around town, grocery shopping; I live as who I am. I spend 2-3 hours getting ready if I have to go out, sometimes I have to get up earlier than 6 A.M. if I have to be somewhere particularly early.

When I'm out and about, I usually feel quite self conscious because in my head I know what lies beneath, if someone looks at me I always question why they're looking at me. If it's a male, he may be looking at me because he thinks I look attractive, but in my own mind I feel like he'd be looking at me because I look peculiar or not quite right somehow.

A few weeks ago I was walking through town and passed a building that was surrounded by scaffolding, being renovated. There were men working and through my earphones I could hear a couple of them trying to get my attention, I pretended I didn't hear them and carried on walking. In honesty, if I had any of the confidence I've yet to obtain, I'd have at least acknowledged their interest and perhaps given a wave. This is just one occurrence.

Something similar happened soon after, once again walking through town and while I was on my merry way, a boy rode past me on a bicycle and after he'd passed behind me I heard him say to me that I was "gorgeous" (he'd seen my face, I make a point of going about my business with my head held high, regardless of how I feel). This happened again about a week later, whether it was the same person or not, I'm not sure.

These things that happen, they should make me feel good, but currently they don't, and I hate it. If anyone makes such comments directly to me I always feel like they're just humoring me. It drives me insane. Going over such little things in my head after the fact and wondering what kind of friendships or relationships I'm missing out on just because my confidence is non existent. I want to be able to enjoy such fleeting moments but currently I'm still male underneath it all and it holds me back from so much... it fills me with so much negativity it's untrue. :weep:

[Steph.TS]

I've never gone out, I'm too scared to do that, so applaud yourself for having that courage, you mentioned you spend 2 - 3 hours getting ready, you probably have more than enough practice with make and the like to hide any masculinity, if your avatar is any indication, I think you are beautiful, and can easily pass.

My only advice is to listen to the tone of voice and if you are looking at them watch their body language if you are really hung up on what they are thinking, I don't know how much use my advice is as I don't have any experience going out or doing any real make up. good luck in your future outings.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Being confident in your self is some thing you can have accepting who you are is really the start. the other part is knowing who you are,
First as a person then depending on wether your male , female or as i keep saying a mix of both.

Years ago as a percived boy / male i had no social skills lacked confindence in my self little self worth hated being around people more so groups & more so found it hard being around men . working under them was worse.

well 50 years is about it , i was good at my trade & learned to work under some good men took a few years ,

What changed for this kid there came a time to express my self tho i had to grow to do that, being I S helped in many ways after being shut down for so long .
i know it was ment to be so i could become a very strong woman, with out my past i would not have made it ,

So dont discount your past it will help you , tho you may not see that ,

As a woman im very confident selfassured & can go pretty much any where,

you take some time to get ready before you go out , i take about 10 min's no make up , lippy & eyebrow liner if you call that make up. i stand in front of many 100's of people have talked to large groups of women & men , a member of a lot of groups & accepted some are world wide,

Now i dont pass too masculine looking face wise, i wear my scarves as head wear, because i have no hair , yet nothing stops me from being around people,

My point is accept who you are dont be ashamed of who you are, join some womens groups be involved with people .

I still have issues to work through details & things that stop me from doing some things , I just dont let those things stop this strong woman from life & liveing ,
Work on the details that hinder you, & find out why they do then go on to any other things if there is a stop button then close it down put it to one side then carry on with what you really need to do , put blocks in front you stop. so move them . go round them . you get the idear that is what i have done,

Hence why im where i am now because i was not going to let any thing stop me. thats what its about, dont say you cant , iv proved you can & i have had to go through a hell of a lot of issues, to do it,

...noeleena...

[Frances]

I went through a similar phase. It will get better, I swear. You will find the self confidence and stop caring about others or realize that they are not actually looking at you or caring about you.


Ok, I should start by saying I live 24/7, whether it's sleeping, walking around town, grocery shopping; I live as who I am. I spend 2-3 hours getting ready if I have to go out, sometimes I have to get up earlier than 6 A.M. if I have to be somewhere particularly early.

But seriously, what takes 2 to 3 hours to do? Do you work? What kind of preperation takes that much time?

[Nicole Brown]

Hi Lacey, As Frances said, this is a phase we all go through. I can remember thinking the same exact things when I first began going out all those years ago. Today, after many years of being out and about as Nicole, I just go where I want when I want and enjoy enjoy my life. All that you need is a little bit more confidence in yourself and you will begin to love being out and fully enjoying the experience.

You must know how beautiful you look, I can tell just from the 2 pictures I have seen of you on your homepage, so believe in yourself and continue to walk with your head held high.

[Jorja]

To me, it sounds as though you have not truly accepted who and what you are as yet. When you do, you will relax and start to enjoy your situation much more. I also think you underestimate your own confidence. You are living 24/7 as a woman. That takes a huge amount of confidence right there. I urge you to go look in a mirror. From your avatar you are gorgeous. I know girls that would kill to look so good.

As for having a guy look at you, well, get used to it. Guys will look at a 1 year old or 94 year old woman the same way. Hey, it’s what they do. You can always answer him in a really deep bass voice if you feel he is coming on too much ;) . Of course be careful but relax and learn to have some fun with it.

[Chickhe]

No 24x7 here... but one thing when I went out was to decide that I'm not going to fool anyone and I'm obviously a guy in a dress...I tried my best to fit the female role, however. To my surprise, there were times when people would beleive I was female and treat me that way...which was like a bonus. So the point is, since you have accepted who you are, just be yourself and smile and wave... one thing you could do...assuming its safe...is walk up to the construction workers and talk to them... if they read you, so what...that's expected.. ask them what it was that gave you away so you can get better at your image. Probably though, you will discover your negative thoughts are incorrect.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

From my pot smoking days.....

Paranoia will destroy ya.....

And I promise it will go away....the feeling of being looked at is not going to change....women are looked at more than men....but as you start to function in your new gender role, you won't care...I promise

[Michelle James]

I am 24/7 as well, but while you appear to be gorgeous I on the other hand am fat and homely. That being said from shower to out the door ready it only takes me an hour or less and that includes shaving.
where I'm going with this is if I can have confidence with my looks then girl you have nothing to worry about. Just go out there and live.

[Chari]

Lacey, Great advice from previous posts! IMO, no matter where we are on the gender scale, in whatever attire we choose, we all have fearful bridges to cross to get to where we are comfortable and confident. Sometimes we are our own worst critic and feel everyone knows our secret. Actually most people do not care about who you are or what you are wearing and you probably will never see them again. Consider smiling (did you know GG's do that more than guys) when you feel uncomfortable with others, but please relax and enjoy all sides of your life.

[ashlylynn]

[FONT="Trebuchet MS"][COLOR="darkslategray"]
I could hear a couple of them trying to get my attention, I pretended I didn't hear them and carried on walking. In honesty, if I had any of the confidence I've yet to obtain, I'd have at least acknowledged their interest and perhaps given a wave.

As a GG , I can say that your reaction was akin to that of a GG - but you were not socialized as a GG. If you were walking with ME, you would have continued to ignore them because THAT is the right thing to do when the peacocks are spreading thier feathers. We ignore, lest one of those loudmouths thnks he has a chance with us. Girl, we are far too good for them ... or at least too busy for the ones who won't come over and greet us properly. My brother sayd something happened to him when he put on a construction hat the first time - he found himself whistling at any female who appeared 18 - 45. It's just a PEER GAME to break up the monotony of their work day.


[FONT="Trebuchet MS"][COLOR="darkslategray"]
Something similar happened soon after, once again walking through town and while I was on my merry way, a boy rode past me on a bicycle and after he'd passed behind me I heard him say to me that I was "gorgeous" (he'd seen my face, I make a point of going about my business with my head held high, regardless of how I feel). This happened again about a week later, whether it was the same person or not, I'm not sure.

Truly, I think it was sincere, his comment. But - boys will say that to any female 7/10 or above. So you're at least that good-looking. lol


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If anyone makes such comments directly to me I always feel like they're just humoring me. It drives me insane.

Generally, this is how I and any other girl I know feels ,,, and when we BELIEVE they are sincered, we feel UNCOMFORTABLE .. like we might be raped or something ...because we have to be afraid of "something" ... if not fearful of incinserity, then we must be afraid of a threat. There is no grey area.


I have a female friend ( Aries ) who has very low self-esttem - she is beautiful but reading your post , it's like you're saying everything she goes through exactly.

[SusanLCD]

I must extend a "Thank you" to Ashlylyn for posting the GGs perspective on this. I find it very interesting to hear that TGs and GGs experience similar feelings about this.

I've been whistled at (probably some nearsighted guy) and felt the same emotional mix. Nice to be noticed and appreciated. Concerned about how to react without encouraging more agressive behaviour. Ultimately, walked on as though nothing had occurred.

It's a wonder that men and women ever get together at all.

[GirlieAmanda]

You are pretty but it just goes to show that no matter how pretty or blendable one is, confidence can still be a hinderance. Possibly more so the more attractive you are. You will get more looks from guys and more evaluations from girls. Your very blonde hair attracts attention too. It is sexy and that attracts. It sucks but we have to overcome the looks by people and to not be driven nuts. I go through the same confidence issues but I am really improving. It's getting so real now with the things I am doing. It can be scary. It has to be mind over matter. It may be the toughest thing we have to overcome.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I am at the point, I could care less what others think of me. I know I am attractive and a woman and that is all that matters to me. You too will get to that point. You are still seeking acceptance but the only person you need to please is yourself.