To Be Judged revised

[BreenaDion]

Breena White
To all my friends, my poem hope it helps you in any small way.

To Be Judged.
Judge me only after you have worn my shoes.
Don't ever judge me because of the shoes I wear
I stand alone or with all of you
Because of you I stand tall and firm
I walk alone among you
When I stumble I trip and fall
I have a heart that bleeds for you
Then I noticed I am not like any one
Like what I have said before
Be it in a different forum
I walk a different path or I will cut my own
Just because I cry and sob
Doesn't mean I will stay alone
When I cry I walk on through
I'll carry you like you did me
Like what we used to do
Judge me correctly but be fair
For I will sit and stare
At some that will judge you
by Breena.

[BreenaDion]

Breena White
It is my chosen name and as soon as my bankruptcy is finalized that will and is my name. I am a Male to Female Transsexual I was abused by my heinous mother and suffer repressed memories because of the trauma I received. My brain switch hemisphere and lived as you call that other person for 48 yrs. After that monster died I got off of medication and had an Awakening. 04/09 Instead of horrible flash backs , my brain switched hemispheres again and started a steady download of information from my subconscious to my mind. Not repressed memories just Identity that my mother STOLE from me by beating a child over an over again to conform to her twisted ideology of what a child should act like. Some months after the awakening I started having extreme case of Transsexualism and Gender Identity Dysphoria. Just this past September my PTSD symptoms cause me to have behavioral problems. I see a Psychotherapist who is the best in Massachusetts for last 27 months and she is a Gender Specialist for the Transgendered. It is Dysphoric to be called anything other than my name which is Breena White because that other person doesn't exist. I have a team of Doctors helping me in my transitioning to achieve what we call a feeling of being Correct. That I have achieved last May. I am female to all my Doctors and in time I will have my Birth certificate change to reflect who I really am, Breena White, is and always was/is a female and is scientifically and psychologically proven that ,this is my Identity.

[BreenaDion]

The End of the Beginning
I walk through the valley of evil
how the gauntlet of life passes me
hang my head low in despair
mindlessly not caring if any one notices
when I think of loneliness
my heart aches and bleeds
tears run only to blur my sight.
I keep loneliness is my vision
despair is the company I muster
my throat chokes on tears an swallow.
I walk into the abyss of death
fear no evil surcome to demons
thoughts of suicide reminds me of pain
which is only a trigger away.
My mind fogs with compression of self
here I ponder what path to heal
drowning it with endless music
searching for a window to escape.
Dark days are around the corner
wondering how to escape the pain of life.
Songs rambling , trying to cluster
what aches of mind and spirit.
Heart filled with tight squeeze
even thou the projectiles are tossed.
Thought remains safe haven
will never be one sash away.
Self pity always wallows of a life never been.

[BreenaDion]

These are a culmination of events from after my awakening04/09 til 09/2010 .
The dark days did happen again 10/04/10 with a failed suicide attempt, since then I did turn 4 psychological corners and became balanced, that was 10/2011.
June of 2011 I did turn my 3rd corner and got a report from my therapist that I was doing "Good, Very Good".
Now I work on coping and tooling my brain against the triggers of PTSD.

The reason for these posts is I found a writer on the web who has PTSD and repressed memories and I got deeply attached to. She is retired now and writing a book.
Breena.

[BreenaDion]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horribly high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

I asked these question which was a great concern to me at that time 9/14/09. Thou thanks for the help sadly the people who tried only answered one question correctly. It took over a year to self discover and research the answers.
Breena.

[Melody Moore]

Some months after the awakening I started having extreme case of Transsexualism and Gender Identity Dysphoria.

I thought you said you never had Gender Dysphoria, I am confused?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?151043-Why-didnt-I-ever-get-GID


To all you TS who like to bash me well here is another chance at it. As some of you know I had an awakening caused from numerous beatens in my past. So all well an good but in the 50 yrs why didnt I ever had Gender Idenity Dysphoria ? I awoke 04/09 an whent in to high gear Transsexualism which drove me crazy . So all you geniuses here why didnt I get GID , why am I missing some thing.
Breena.