How many of full time CD live with a SO?

[tamara]

My wife does not accept that I like to Crosdress, but I love her too much. I prefer to keep my moments as Tamara scarce (when I travel on Business), than losing my family.
How many of you out there, that have the opportunity to be crossdressed full time or most of the time, have a SO living with you? Is my problem so common?

[aly01]

Taara I am in the same situation you are. My wife knows but does not accept, so I dress when I get the chance. I also don't want to lose my family, so it is hard.

[gaylegirlify]

Tamara
My wife knows but i only wear lingerie and she also brings me gifts of lingerie, this is as far as it goes with her so far and i am forever greatfull for even this much. She said she could not walk down the street with me dressed and i respect that so i only underdress at present and dress up fully when she is not home, hopefully we will grow ( and i'm sure we will with patients and trust) to be able to dress fully in front of her and have her help me with make up and feminine things.
Gayle x

[jillleanne]

Tamara, you will soon learn here most gender enhanced people are in the closet and probably will remain there for some time, maybe always. There are some( me for one) that are living with a completely accepting woman but this is not the norm. I just got lucky when I came out to her and it has been wonderful for both of us. She is a special lady indeed and I remind myself of that daily. It's also important to know I was ready to move on alone in life if when I told her about me, she didn't accept it so it was not a matter of just telling her but rather I had to tell her to stay sane and live withthe consequences.

[Dana921]

I met my SO online and we talked via phone and e-mail for about 4 months before we met in person! She then knew Dana for 2 more months before she met the guy side. It was kind of funny to have to worry if she would like / accept the guys side. We have lived together for a couple of years now and I am Dana about 60 - 70 % of the time. She and her family prefer Dana over the male side. So I believe there are woman that embrace this more than others! Still all of us (men and women) have our individual paths and decisions to make for what is right for ourselves.

[lynnhaven]

I find it so sad that woman can not except a man that crossdresses, I feel sad for everybody involved... I guess it dosent bother me because Ive been exposed to it for over 22 years. My Brothers SO has always crossdressed, as do many of their friends. Just never bothered me... Shoot some of them look better then me! LOL I get tips from them and borrow their clothes. I just wish it was that easy for everyone to accept.

[cassandra54]

i don't know what you consider full-time. but i usually dress when i am at home. i do some things such as work and some after hours activities as my male part. my SO and i have had some issues, but i am staying with her, because i made the choice to love her and be there for her when she needs me. she is somewhat accepting as i continue my journey to being a better more passable Cassandra. personally i think it's sad for whatever reason people have that they have to hide their femme side from SOs, friends and family.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I'm not a cross dresser but I am an intersexed female that transitioned to full time from a male presentation to my true gender 5 years ago.
I lost everyone including my spouse.

It has taken me five years of growth to get to where I was able to have a solid relationship.

Over that course of time I had a couple of relationships with men but quickly learned that the overwhelming majority of men who would date and or have a relationship with a TS/IS woman are filth.

I am now in a committed relationship with a lesbian GG and am extremely happy about it.

I've never heard of a full time cross dresser.



Julia

[Jenniferathome]

I'm a half-full glass kind of person and I feel I need to remind you that you are actually more fortunate than many. Your wife KNOWS, so you don't have to hide like so many. You don't have to fear being discovered. At least you have a foundation from which you can work with your wife. While my wife freely accepts that I need to be Jennifer from time to to time, it didn't happen instantly. You have to talk about this and you need to understand what her fears are but it may remain that you dress alone. It could be a lot worse as I am sure you have read on this forum.

[thechic]

Im a transitioning transsexual living full time as me . I am still living at my home still married with a accepting wife and kids,but its not all roses.

[Sandra]

My SO is TS and living as her self and has done for the past 7 years with me by her side...been married 24 years.

[ReineD]

Tamara, you will soon learn here most gender enhanced people are in the closet and probably will remain there for some time, maybe always. There are some( me for one) that are living with a completely accepting woman but this is not the norm.

I agree with this, and also even if a CD is in a relationship with a supportive GG and his closet has expanded to allow him to dress in the mainstream (albeit not in his immediate back yard), he generally will not desire to dress full time.

If someone wants to dress full time, then IMO he needs to reexamine what gender he (she?) primarily identifies with.

[sometimes_miss]

If someone wants to dress full time, then IMO he needs to reexamine what gender he (she?) primarily identifies with.

Reine, unfortunately some of us identify with BOTH genders to some degree (yes, I know how hard that is to understand!). It's not an 'either/or' primary thing. In some ways I self identify as male, in others, female. When it's so close to 50/50, there's really no way to go in either direction and be fully comfortable with that. We forever live 'on the fence', one foot in one yard, one foot in another. I learned the cause, and where the constant feeling of wanting to dress and behave as a girl comes from; but that doesn't stop those feelings from being there. We simply don't live in a black and white world.

[Joann Smith]

I am not sure what a full time CD is either .....But I have been Married to a GG for a long time and I am pretty much Joann all my non working hours....still got to work is some what of a guy mode....The wife runs hot and cold...but I think she is slowly comming round becaus it has been a while since i have gotten cussed out or called a bitch...in fact last weekend She even kissed Joann on the lips....that was a surprised considering the fact she started out so dead against kissing me while i had on makeup.... So my advive to any CD is to tough it out and see what happens because GG are notorious for changing thier minds about things.

Joann

[Barbara Ella]

The only full time I have is panties 24/7. gonna start working on that. Have lived with a wonderful SO for 41 years, but only for a very short time as a crossdresser. She does not know. Doubt I would ever be able to fully dress (to pass) full time, certainly not in public. Looking forward to attempting it for the first time.

Babes

[Katesback]

I have never met a full time CD. Sounds more like a dream.

Full time defined means you live your entire life presenting a female.

[Joanne f]

In theory i can dress whenever i like but in reality it just does not happen , dressing is just a part of it for me and not the whole thing , i would imagine that even with a genetic female only the idle rich can just dress all the time, it would stop me from doing so many other things that i enjoy in life and i do not intend to let it do that .:heehee:

[tamara]

First of all, I would like to thank to all your kind comments and answers. It has helped me to understand that I am not the only one facing so many difficulties to enjoy my feminine side.
Secondly, I realized that I was not very accurate on my question, and I hope I did not offended anybody in any way.
I should not have used the term Full time CD. I was thinking about having the opportunity to wear as Tamara whenever you feel like it. I know that our jobs and so many other activities can keep us apart from dressing our feminine clothes. And sometimes, we just do not want to do it. But I imagine that it must be very nice to be able to do it whenever you feel the urge111
I would love to have a SO that accepts it when I want to do it!!!. I can't imagine how wonderful must be to receive a panty or other lingerie from your wife as a present!!!

[ReineD]

Thanks for clarifying, tamara. :)



Reine, unfortunately some of us identify with BOTH genders to some degree (yes, I know how hard that is to understand!). It's not an 'either/or' primary thing.

I know! :)

This is why I believe that someone who wants to dress full time identifies primarily female. If there was identification with both genders, then wouldn't there also be a need to present as male?

I've asked several times, here and there in the past what is the difference between a transsexual who has not had SRS, and a full time CD. No one has ever really given me an answer. :p

[MissMarcie]

I have never met a full time CD. Sounds more like a dream.

Full time defined means you live your entire life presenting a female.

Wouldn't the correct term for this be non-op TS?

[josee]

I have never met a full time CD. Sounds more like a dream.

Full time defined means you live your entire life presenting a female.

Isn't that basicaly what Virginia Prince called "transgender" when she coined the term?

[ReineD]

Isn't that basicaly what Virginia Prince called "transgender" when she coined the term?

Oh boy. :) We've had MANY long threads about this, discussing the origin of the term, what it means, should it mean what it means, does it include CDs or not, is the term synonymous with TS or not, ad infinitum.

Suffice it to say, the term has changed meaning over time to now being an umbrella term for anyone who crosses gender boundaries, so it doesn't really matter what it started out as a generation ago:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?162497-Some-Common-Trans-Related-Definitions

If anyone wants to respond to Josee's port #21 and start discussing it in here, I will move Josee's post and the responses (including this one), to a brand new thread so as not to take this thread off track.

[CassieV]

I'm extremely fortunate to have a wife that is understanding and supportive, and even tries to nudge me outside of my comfort zone, because I'm a big chicken. While she's not ready to go out with me in something outrageously feminine, she has no issues with going out when I'm wearing jeans and a low-key shirt. And tonight she sent me out for food in a skirt and blouse. :) And around the house I could wear my ball gown all day for all she cares. This is an adjustment we're making together, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Joanne f]

Thanks for clarifying, tamara. :)




I know! :)

This is why I believe that someone who wants to dress full time identifies primarily female. If there was identification with both genders, then wouldn't there also be a need to present as male?

I've asked several times, here and there in the past what is the difference between a transsexual who has not had SRS, and a full time CD. No one has ever really given me an answer. :p

I wonder if a CD has to dress full time as female to validate the female side of them whereas a transsexual is already a female so they may not have this constant need to dress feminine all the time so there may be a difference between a full time CD and a transsexual and is it possible that if the full time CD had SRS they could loose that desire to dress full time .
I also wonder how many TS dress feminine full time .
( I think i know what i am trying to say ) :doh:

[Alice B]

My wife knows and accepts. Not a full time dresser and never will be, but at times I can dress in front of her, as long as I ask in advance. As I write this I'm going out tonight. Have already had a shower, shaved my entire body with her present. She is used to it. I have done my face and all make up except my lipstick and have painted my nails. Will have dinner with her and then get fully dressed and be home for a couple of hours before I go out. That's about as good as it gets for me and I'm happy with it.

[ReineD]

I wonder if a CD has to dress full time as female to validate the female side of them whereas a transsexual is already a female so they may not have this constant need to dress feminine all the time so there may be a difference between a full time CD and a transsexual and is it possible that if the full time CD had SRS they could loose that desire to dress full time .
I also wonder how many TS dress feminine full time .
( I think i know what i am trying to say ) :doh:

Um ..... two things. :)

1. If a CD needs to dress full time, then surely it is because he feels female full time? And if he feels female full time, then he does not feel a mixture, or a blended gender as you explained earlier?

2. If a full time CD has SRS ... then surely he is not a CD but rather, she is TS?

[Launa]

I can wear a dress around the house as much as I want, wife doesn't care but with an older teenage daughter I have to be careful as they always change their daily plans and come busting through the door with their friends at all hours, so its not comfortable for me to do this. I have a desire to go into the real world dressed as a woman little more often anyway. Thats my hurdle to get over.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Joanne,

I've lived full time for the past five years.

The first couple of years I wore makeup and dressed extremely well wherever I went.

With each passing year I have lost alot of the desire to wear makeup and dress to the nines all the time.

Now days I would say I wear makeup 20 percent of the time and I mostly dress in jeans with a nice top and running shoes when not at work.

I'm busy living, I don't have the time to get all girly.

I'm already a girl I don't need makeup or clothing to tell me I am.


Julia



I wonder if a CD has to dress full time as female to validate the female side of them whereas a transsexual is already a female so they may not have this constant need to dress feminine all the time so there may be a difference between a full time CD and a transsexual and is it possible that if the full time CD had SRS they could loose that desire to dress full time .
I also wonder how many TS dress feminine full time .
( I think i know what i am trying to say ) :doh:

[KrystalA]

I live with my SO, and she is unbelievably accepting and encouraging about my cding. I don't dress full-time, but I do wear panties 24/7, and bras with my forms most of the time, but she constantly urges me to fully dress more often. The only reason I don't dress full-time is because we get drop-in-unannounced visitors fairly often, none of whom would be accepting of the situation.

[Joanne f]

Joanne,

I've lived full time for the past five years.

The first couple of years I wore makeup and dressed extremely well wherever I went.

With each passing year I have lost alot of the desire to wear makeup and dress to the nines all the time.

Now days I would say I wear makeup 20 percent of the time and I mostly dress in jeans with a nice top and running shoes when not at work.

I'm busy living, I don't have the time to get all girly.

I'm already a girl I don't need makeup or clothing to tell me I am.


Julia

Julia,
i think somewhere along the line that is part of the answer of what ReineD is trying to figure out with the difference between a full time CD and being TS , it is complicated to say the least so i have not quite worked it out yet , doubt if i ever will which may also answer the quest can you become TS by desire or design or do you really have to be born one . ( more questions than answers )

[marlaNYC]

Full time defined means you live your entire life presenting a female.
hmmm. i'd have to go with a different perspective on this. i do not present as female every day (and to the public, i rarely present as female), but i am (cross) dressed every day, in some form or another - and not just underdressed. i am not - nor have i ever been or will be - ts/tg/is, or a candidate for SRS. but i will always be CD. and so maybe i am that (confused but) elusive full time CD you've never come across.

@ReineD

If someone wants to dress full time, then IMO he needs to reexamine what gender he (she?) primarily identifies with.
perhaps what i said above clarifies something? i identify as neither and both, but, due to my mental needs to be calmer and more assured, would definitely side female if pushed for an answer one way or the other.

i guess it really depends on how your personal crossdressing is defined - either mental or physical (or the combination of both) - and whether it's necessary to be obviously feminine in order to be a CD?

[Holly]

I am incredibly blessed to have had a woman in my life for the last 43 years accepts and embraces me for the full person I am. I can't begin to tell you how thrilling it is to stand beside her in front of the mirror as we put on our makeup in the morning. It still makes me melt inside when she looks at me and says, "Honey, you look really pretty today." Then again, she does too when I tell her the same thing. There's a lesson here if you're willing to look for it.

[ReineD]

hmmm. i'd have to go with a different perspective on this. i do not present as female every day (and to the public, i rarely present as female), but i am (cross) dressed every day, in some form or another - and not just underdressed. i am not - nor have i ever been or will be - ts/tg/is, or a candidate for SRS. but i will always be CD. and so maybe i am that (confused but) elusive full time CD you've never come across.

@ReineD

perhaps what i said above clarifies something? i identify as neither and both, but, due to my mental needs to be calmer and more assured, would definitely side female if pushed for an answer one way or the other.

i guess it really depends on how your personal crossdressing is defined - either mental or physical (or the combination of both) - and whether it's necessary to be obviously feminine in order to be a CD?

Thank you, this makes sense too. I sometimes lose sight of the fact there is such a wide range of motives. :p

So, maybe this is an accurate statement:

Say there are two genetic males who feel most comfortable dressing full time. Neither have any problems with their male anatomy, but for different reasons. The first is able to function sexually as a male, and the second just doesn't use it much, if at all, and for various reasons does not feel she can have SRS. The first might well identify as a CD since he feels neither fully male nor female, and the second might identify as a non-op TS since she feels she is female.

So they both present the same way and to the outside world there is no difference. Yet, they each define their genders differently, based on how comfortable they feel with their male anatomy?

[kimdl93]

Thank you, this makes sense too. I sometimes lose sight of the fact there is such a wide range of motives. :p

So, maybe this is an accurate statement:

Say there are two genetic males who feel most comfortable dressing full time. Neither have any problems with their male anatomy, but for different reasons. The first is able to function sexually as a male, and the second just doesn't use it much, if at all, and for various reasons does not feel she can have SRS. The first might well identify as a CD since he feels neither fully male nor female, and the second might identify as a non-op TS since she feels she is female.

So they both present the same way and to the outside world there is no difference. Yet, they each define their genders differently, based on how comfortable they feel with their male anatomy?

I see each of us as being at some point on the gender spectrum. I am dressed nearly full time, and frankly prefer female to male attire. I still consider myself as CD, but leaning towards TS. I function primarily as a male in the relationship with my wife, but with a twist ;)

[bobbie sue]

Hi I live 24/7 female and my wifw would not and I mean not have it any other way we have been married for 40 years and she has support us very well i am a stay at home wife? do all the cleaning cooking washing and shoping she knew about me from the start for my mother raised me as a gril with my sisters I would not know how to act or dress male and never wish to my wife and I love our life the way it is

[*ROXY*]

I recently told my wife of 3 years and over the last few weeks I now wear panties from when I get home from work until the following morning, toes painted 24/7, stockings and suspenders under jeans at weekends and recently been promised boots of my dreams if I get back to my wedding weight (bloody good incentive). If I didn't worry about my work finding out I'd wear 24/7. Another reason is being 6 ft with size 12 feet means even if I could get my makeup as good as my avatar I'd still have very broad shoulders and could never pass. Important to take it day at a time but haven't looked back since our talk and feel terrible for those who it has t worked out for. Love my wife to bits

[Jessica86]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't believe in a full time CD. If you do it that much, you have some sort of compulsion inside that makes you do it. Seems to be more toward a TS side. Maybe not in form, but in mind set. I'm a CD, and I have lived with my wife for five years, been married for half of that. She accepts it. I would say I dress once a week or two. I had a promotion with my job which makes me work longer hours, so it has calmed down simply because I do not have the time.

[April_Ligeia]

I live with a SO and dress full time at home. I don't know if this means I have TS leanings or not, I don't really get hung up on the categories. This is how I look today, which is a typical day.

[Shananigans]

My SO is over most nights out of the week and will she moving in once her lease is finished in May. I don't have any rules about what my SO can and cannot wear, and she has no rules about what I can and cannot wear. I have told my SO that if transitioning ended up being best for her than I would support her. She has stated that transitioning might not be the thing for her to do and that finding a balance would be best, and I have always supported this balance.

I just encourage my SO to do what is right for her.

I think everyone is an individual, so CDing full-time might be an option for some people. I do think though that someone who lives and presents as female FT arguably must feel female FT. It just makes sense? But, I know someone might get thrown into the label of "CD" if she couldn't afford hormones or surgery. Or, maybe this person wants to live FT for a while before making such drastic steps? Just my thoughts.

[karren G]

My wife does not accept that I like to Crosdress, but I love her too much. I prefer to keep my moments as Tamara scarce (when I travel on Business), than losing my family.
How many of you out there, that have the opportunity to be crossdressed full time or most of the time, have a SO living with you? Is my problem so common?
:)My wife lets me dress fully around her as i wish now days ,but no wig or make up or ear rings yet?.
i think i should ask for some as i am female in front of her most days - as i wish for some but i may get offended if she said no .As that may be a step to far for now but would let her chose my wig and ear ring and go on a girly shop for them as it's me that get's imbarised in shopping for my female side with her ,but she dose not bat a eye lid.:o May be i'll just order some of ebay and say i've bought my self somthing and wait for her to ask to see.

[drag n fly]

I think they are one and the same, Reine. I'm starting to feel more and more that I may be a suppressed TS...I know I have had a long standing desire to be more feminine...It's all so...confusing.Heheh.. But for the time-being, I'm just happy to be able to express my feminine side in daily dress...Not overtly , but, definitely in a feminine manner.....smooches Jackie



I know! :)

This is why I believe that someone who wants to dress full time identifies primarily female. If there was identification with both genders, then wouldn't there also be a need to present as male?

I've asked several times, here and there in the past what is the difference between a transsexual who has not had SRS, and a full time CD. No one has ever really given me an answer. :p

[suchacutie]

Reine, there may be no answer to your question that will satisfy everyone. An analogy just struck me that all red wine is certainly red, and to someone who has no knowledge of wine their choice is red or white (leaving out the "blush" issues for the moment :) ). However, as one learns more, red wine suddenly becomes melot or bougelais or burgundy or cabernet, or etc. Then one subdivides those by vinyard!

All of this idea of who we are depends upon how we subdivide our details and what our perspectives are. Some might say that a full-time CD is one who presents as a woman 24/7 but others would argue that this is some form of transition with or without SRS. Some might say that a full-time CD is someone who is in a situation where it is possible to move between the gender presentations on a moment's thought, expressing one's self as the situation arises. Others might say that they are full time because being in two genders is a permanent part of their life, regardless of the frequency of presenting in one gender or the other.

In my mind, one is transgendered or one is not. That's where I see the separation occurring. Once one accepts that one is transgendered, it is then a life-long process of learning what the means within one's life, and that meaning will, undoubtedly, change with circumstances. Thus, by leaving the frequency of gender presentation switching out of the equation I think the issue becomes much clearer.

In that sense almost all of the M2F persons here are full time as transgendered persons. We can no more shut that down that we can stop breathing. If that full-time transgendered status morphs into a full-time feminine presentation, then another transition has occurred and some other label is likely better than transgendered, be it transsexual or simply transitioned, or she.

I know that I may be creating a firestorm here, and I'm not trying to. I'm not wild about labels exactly because of what I discussed in the beginning of this post. I'm simply trying to understand what "full-time" might mean in a variety of contexts.

As for me, I'm sure a full-time transgendered person. There are two parts of me and they exist independently of the gender I'm presenting.

One great thing about the state of transgenderism at this point in time: it does keep us all talking :)

[Julia_in_Pa]

Reine, everyone,

What does that make me then?

I have lived full time for five years, have my male genitalia still intact along with my fallopian tubes and ovaries.

I'm sure as hell not a CD.

I have many full time non op transsexual friends who because of various reasons will never have surgery but they are 100 % female.

Cross dressing implies you are opposite of the clothing your wearing at the time.

If anyone of my friends that are full time and non-op heard someone calling them a cross dresser that person would have a very difficult time leaving alive.


Julia



Thanks for clarifying, tamara. :)




I know! :)

This is why I believe that someone who wants to dress full time identifies primarily female. If there was identification with both genders, then wouldn't there also be a need to present as male?

I've asked several times, here and there in the past what is the difference between a transsexual who has not had SRS, and a full time CD. No one has ever really given me an answer. :p

[suchacutie]

Julia, from my perspective I don't find your situation confusing at all. I think the appropriate word is "she". And that's full-time :)

It's the rest of us that will always have trouble with any kind of definition :)

tina

[Julia_in_Pa]

Well Ma' dam,

Thank you for such kind words. :O)


Julia



Julia, from my perspective I don't find your situation confusing at all. I think the appropriate word is "she". And that's full-time :)

It's the rest of us that will always have trouble with any kind of definition :)

tina

[suchacutie]

Julia, the phrase comes to mind:

"Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts" :)

(does that date me, or what???)

tina

[Julia_in_Pa]

OK Sargent!!! No it doesn't date you because you could be indoctrinated to Dragnet in rerun mode LOL!



Julia, the phrase comes to mind:

"Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts" :)

(does that date me, or what???)

tina

[Sheren Kelly]

In the great variety within the T community, I do know of at least one who could fall into the full time CD model. She is retired with her wife of 30+ years and has now adopted femme clothes full time (I don't think she ever wears womens slacks). She is not on HRT or has had any surgeries (I am not even aware of her doing electrolysis), but has legally changed her first name to just initials. Last time I visited, she did refer to hersellf as a TS woman, but from what I have observed, she lives more like a full time CD, and the wife definately does not identify as a lesbian. The wife is generally supportive, but their situation has led to the loss of some friends.

[ReineD]

She is retired with her wife of 30+ years and has now adopted femme clothes full time (I don't think she ever wears womens slacks). She is not on HRT or has had any surgeries (I am not even aware of her doing electrolysis), but has legally changed her first name to just initials. Last time I visited, she did refer to hersellf as a TS woman, but from what I have observed, she lives more like a full time CD, and the wife definately does not identify as a lesbian. The wife is generally supportive, but their situation has led to the loss of some friends.

It just goes to show the definition for "TS" can't just be having HRT & SRS, since everyone brings their own personality and background into the mix. By this, I mean that if your friend had been born 20 years ago and had been brought up in a liberal environment instead of 60 years ago where she was likely raised with traditional values, she might well have joined a GLBT club in college or something and it might not have been so difficult for her to come to terms with who she is. She might even have transitioned in her 20s! Of course we'll never know this, I'm just speculating.